Power Swap: Comfort, real and imagined

[Dr. James Campbell]

The months since June had been tense in their cabin, set back into the woods, away from the street. James had been trying to recover from the attack. He'd been quiet and nervous, and the nervousness wasn't the same as how it had been before. Niko was still just settling into his new home, and Chase was just trying to keep them all going.

It was rare that James wasn't the first one up in the morning. He'd always been an early riser, particularly when he was going through one of his periods of insomnia. But the past two weeks had been better. Much better. He wasn't shying away from Chase as much. And that morning, if he had woken up fully, he would have noticed that they were curled up together, actually cuddling in bed for the first time since....well, since the night after the attack.

In his sleepy haze, James didn't fully register that Chase had gotten out of bed. There was no jolted reaction of "THIS IS IMPORTANT" like he usually had when something changed. (No wonder he had ended up so neurotic.) And, of course, he also didn't notice because as soon as Chase was out of his arms, he stole his shadow and manifested it into a spectral body with the same warmth his husband had left between the sheets. And with such an instant and perfect replica, who could blame him for slipping back into an undisturbed sleep?

[Chase Campbell]

Since June, Chase had been stressed. It was a wonder he’d kept his sanity with everything that had happened recently. It was hard to learn the ropes of parenting when the person he’d been relying on to teach him was so quiet and withdrawn. He’d been trying, trying to keep things normal for Niko, trying not to trigger an anxiety attack in James. But it was hard.

Chase rarely woke up first. In fact, if he had the choice, he’d often sleep in past ten or eleven on weekends. (As long as he was out of bed before noon, he hadn’t wasted half the day. Really.) But today, it was different. He’d woken up with a urge to go check on Niko, and once he’d done that, he was too awake to crash back into bed. So, he did the next best thing. He went into the kitchen and started the coffee, running his fingers through his bed mussed hair. He wasn’t as good as James in the kitchen. He wasn’t going to pretend otherwise. But some things, he could manage. Like toast. As long as he didn’t change the settings.

He was fairly certain Niko would be asleep for a little while longer, so he finished with the toast, and the coffee, and put it all onto one of those big plates James used at the holidays. Then he headed back upstairs, with a last look at his sleeping foster son. Nikki was still fast asleep, the plush dog crushed under his arm. The trainer smiled as he reached the top. Despite everything that had happened, he was still lucky. He had Nikki, and he had James. Things would be okay again. He just had to keep thinking it.

“Jamie? Are you awake?” Chase headed back into the bedroom. He stepped carefully around Milo, who was attempting to wind his way around his ankles. “James?” He set the plate down on the dresser and gently touched James’ side. And then he realized something. His husband was cuddling with something. Chase jumped. He was cuddling with a... shadow? “Jamie! Wake up!” He didn’t know what was going on, but he wasn’t sure he liked it.

[Dr. James Campbell]

With his normal powers, even if James had slept through Chase getting out of bed, the sounds of his husband returning and the smell of coffee would have roused him. Unlike the blond man--who could sleep straight through a jet plane taking off the roof of the house--he'd always been a light sleeper. However, without his heightened sensitivity, he stayed asleep, curled up in the arms of his Phantom!Chase.

That was, until Chase shouted. The reedy man sat up with a start, and the shadow being next to him instantly faded away into nothing. "What? Chase, what's wrong? Is it Niko?"

As always, James was able to snap right from being asleep into being awake, without the drowsy point in the middle. So it was strange that the room seemed darker than it usually did, and Chase, who was standing by the bed, was all blurry. "Why's it dark?" He squinted and looked at his husband, rubbed his eyes, and looked again. "Chase, why is it dark? Why can't I see you?" In a panic, he leaned over and groped around his bedside table for his glasses. He'd compulsively kept the same prescription since when he was a child, even though the glasses had no effect on his eyesight. His vision had always been perfect, and the thick lenses hadn't done anything since when he was eleven...

Until now. His eyes widened and he looked up at his husband, realizing how much he wasn't feeling. He could barely see, he could barely smell the coffee, and he couldn't hear Milo, even though he saw the cat jump up onto the cushy armchair across the room. With a lump in his throat, he felt the panic attack coming. "Chase?"

[Chase Campbell]

Chase had never known how James could sleep so lightly. He’d slept through thunderstorms that made the windows rattle, through Milo yowling for breakfast. The blond man knew he slept like the dead. So it had been a little strange that James hadn’t woken up when he’d weaseled his way out of bed. Even the sound of his feet on the stairs should have woken James. Which he would have worried about, honestly. Had he not been more concerned about the thing James was curled with.

“What? No! Nikki’s fine. It’s you. ... It. Whatever that thing was.” He didn’t even know how to word it. Particularly when “it” was gone.

How James managed to get around that drowsy feeling, Chase wanted to know. Once he was awake, it took him a good half an hour to shake the drowsiness that followed waking up. But that thought was short lived when James started speaking again. Dark? “Jamie, it’s not that dark.” This behaviour was baffling. It was no darker than it was most mornings in the cabin, so what was going on? He would have grabbed the glasses for his husband, but James got to them first. He knew James kept them just for show, that he felt naked without them. But this was different. He needed them. “Jamie, what the hell’s going on?”

First the creepy shadow thing, now this? This couldn’t be good. For a moment, Chase feared that whatever progress James had been making since the attack was not only gone, but James was suffering more from the effects. He could see the look on his husband’s face, and though everything in him told him to stop, he couldn’t. He hated seeing James like this. Sitting beside him, he wrapped his arm around his shoulders. He wanted to help him. He felt the need to help him. Just a tiny nudge. That’s all it would take. But he knew better. “Jamie, shh. It’s okay. Don’t panic. We’ll figure out what’s going on.” He wanted to tack on ‘let me help you.’ But... he just couldn’t do it. James had been making so much progress lately. He couldn’t ruin that.

[Dr. James Campbell]

You. It. Whatever that thing was. James looked around--though it didn't help any, since he still could barely see--but there wasn't anything there, that he could see.

He was distracted though, by how much he couldn't see. The glasses helped, which really freaked him out. They were supposed to just be a conceit, a little quirk of his which him look smarter to the people he met. Nervously, he gripped the bedspread, only feeling the cloth, and not the threads. What was wrong with him?

When his husband sat next to him and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, James leaned into the embrace and tried to breathe deeply. It took him a few minutes before he was able to talk properly. "Chase, I can't see anything. It's not like everything is dark, because it isn't. Everything is blurry, not just my eyes. God, Chase, you feel blurry, and filtered." There just weren't words to describe his sudden loss of senses.

Other than terrifying, of course.

What he could do, however, was curl up next to Chase, his eyes tightly closed. He was really grateful that the blond man hadn't attempted to calm him down with his powers and had instead just held onto him. James wanted to go back to the time when his anxiety was easily fixable, but the thought of having another person in his head still bothered him, even if it was Chase. "Yeah," he mumbled, though he didn't say anything else just then. Otherwise he might have argued that it was not, indeed, okay.

Finally, when he felt that the panic had subsided--his eyes were still closed so he wouldn't be able to see how strange things looked--he took another shuddering breath and asked, "What thing? I didn't see any things, but I didn't have my glasses on. I shouldn't need them." Chase knew that though. But it was obvious he didn't know what was causing this.

[Chase Campbell]

Chase had to stop freaking out. He didn’t freak out often. Okay, he freaked out in class, but that was more yelling at students to get control of themselves. This was something else. He was almost fearful of whatever James had managed to make (or maybe he hadn’t?). It was completely out of the norm, and they needed no more surprises.

But he had to get a handle on himself. He needed to be the strong one, when James couldn’t. He missed the bossy, confident nature of his husband, but he understood why he couldn’t be that way. If it meant he had to be the strong one in the house, so be it. But he was still a little freaked out by the dark, shadowy thing his husband had been holding.

With his arm around James, Chase just let him breathe, let him try to calm down. And when he finally did, the blond man was surprised by what he said. “I feel blurry? Jamie, I don’t understand.” He knew his powers sharpened all of his senses, so... no. No, metas couldn’t lose their powers. It just didn’t happen, no matter what kind of stress they were under. It did. Not. Happen.

He couldn’t use his power on James. What was once a reflex was now a carefully controlled urge. He wanted to use it, badly. But that desire was pushed to the back of his mind. He couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to James. He’d promised not to use it, and he was going to keep it. He just kept his hold tight on James, idly rubbing his arm in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

Chase was content to sit like that for a while longer, but when James questioned him, he blinked. That. “When I came upstairs... you had something in your arms. It was like a shadow, but... not. But it disappeared when you woke up.” God, he sounded crazy. He shook his head. This couldn’t be happening. He was supposed to be being strong, not freaking out over shadows.

[Dr. James Campbell]

James was well aware that his description of his missing senses was inadequate. But filtered and blurry were the best words he could find to describe this feeling. (Or lack thereof.)

It was comfortable to lean into Chase like this, with his arm wrapped securely around him. If he hadn't been about to panic, he probably would have said something about this bring progress. For months, they'd kept the physical affection to a minimum. But now all he wanted was more contact, as if that would keep whatever was messing with his senses away.

James came to realization that it could be more than just his senses missing at around the same time Chase did. He tensed, suddenly scared that his power was gone. He looked up at his husband, opening his eyes.

He couldn't read him. For the first time in four years, he couldn't tell exactly what Chase was feeling just by looking at him. His power was gone.

With that sinking realization, he barely heard what Chase was saying. (It didn't help that it didn't make very much sense, either.) "But...when I woke up, I was holding on to you. For a second." He stopped there, because that couldn't be right. The blond man had gone downstairs and made coffee and toast. With a nervous shudder, he leaned in closer. "You weren't in bed. But whatever it was, it felt like you."

James turned his head, squinting at the bright sunlight that peeked in through the curtains. It hurt his eyes, in a way that has never happened before. Usually his perception filtered out excess light like that. (And it was October, it shouldn't even be all that bright out.) "Chase. My power is gone."

[Chase Campbell]

With James leaning into him, if he wasn’t already so freaked out over the shadow thing, Chase might have actually been happy. Contact had been so limited recently, and it was almost a relief to him to have James back in his arms. He loved the other man, no matter what awful drama had been thrown at them. Whatever was messing with James, though, he didn’t like.

When his husband tensed, Chase’s grip tightened just a bit on him. He wanted to be the rock, the thing that kept James grounded. It was admittedly more difficult when he didn’t know what was going on. And he didn’t. He saw a lot, through his classes, through the school in general. But he’d never seen this. He didn’t know of any situations where this had happened before. Metas just didn’t lose their powers.

He blinked when James tried to explain. “James... you were still asleep when I got out of bed. I wasn’t there.” As if James’ lost power wasn’t concerning enough, then there was this. It didn’t make sense. None of it was making sense. Trying to comfort James, he rubbed his arm again. “I don’t know what it was, James. But it wasn’t me.”

And then James said it. He finally said it. Chase winced. It was what he was toying with as an explanation. That James had been under so much stress that something had to give. And that something was... his power. He hugged James now, pulling his husband against him. “Jamie... I don’t know how that happened. But if it did... I’ll help you. I’ll do anything for you. You know that.” If this was the case, he’d rather address that than the creepy shadow thing. James’ welfare came first. Always.

[Dr. James Campbell]

He tried to breathe deeply, but his body shuddered and he screwed his eyes closed, trying to relax away the anxiety attack. Things had been going so good for them too, lately. His weekly sessions with Sean had been helping, and he hadn't been as anxious and tense.

Until now, as he leaned into Chase, needing his anchor. His power was gone, and that meant he was useless. He hadn't been in the field, recruiting, in a long time, but he was supposed to go back eventually. How was he going to be able to convince people that their children needed special training at an elite school without his power to help him? He wasn't even very good at reading interactions without his perception. "Oh God, Chase, what am I going to do?"

And that was when he realized that it could be even worse. Panicked, James pulled away from Chase so he could look him in the eyes. "We need to know if your power works. If it doesn't, we aren't safe. Nikki isn't safe. Use it. Use it on me." His husband hadn't used his mind control abilities on him in a long time, not since the attack. Their unspoken agreement that the blond man was allowed in whenever he felt it necessary was no longer valid.

But as afraid as James was of having a psychic in his head again, it was worse knowing that Gabriel Underwood probably knew where they lived, and if Chase couldn't shield from him, he couldn't protect them. "Please Chase. Just do it."

[Chase Campbell]

This was so hard for Chase to watch. It wasn’t that long ago that this could all be avoided. A simple brush against James’ mind would have calmed him in moments. He knew that James had once been worried about being addicted to anti-anxiety medication. While using his abilities on his husband wasn’t as bad, now he couldn’t, he just felt... useless. All he could do was hold onto James and hope for the best.

He tried, hugging James gently, all the while trying to figure out what could have happened. Eli or Clarisse might have an idea of whether stress could affect a power like this. Or perhaps it was the work of power negation, but even that was a stretch. And it sure as hell didn’t explain the shadow creature. No, he was completely at a loss. It wasn’t something he could figure out on his own. All he could do was his best to comfort James. He winced a little at the question his husband posed to him. “... I don’t know, Jamie. I wish I did. But we’ll figure something out. I promise.”

He didn’t think that could be a cause for panic, but when James shifted, Chase let him go. He frowned slightly, before catching on. Of course James would want to know if his power still worked. But his request... Chase shifted nervously on the bed. He’d gotten so used to not using his power on his husband. And now he was almost begging him? He didn’t know how he felt about that. He didn’t want to see that look on his face. Slowly, he should his head. “I can’t, Jamie. Not on you. I’ll try on anyone else, but not you.” He didn’t want to be stubborn about this, but he couldn’t help it. “Please don’t make me.”

[Dr. James Campbell]

James was desperate now. As afraid as he was of psychics at the moment, he knew that his family was safest when Chase was in the right mindset, and had his power. They needed him.

He twisted his fingers into the bedspread, not really registering that the bed had been unmade for a good while now, and it usually was the first thing he fixed during the day. (If he didn't make the bed as soon as it was empty--yes, he was well-used to Chase getting up later than him--then it was going to be a bad day for him.) James shook his own head, hating himself for having to force Chase into this. He wasn't fragile enough that he was willing to risk Niko's safety in order to keep all psychics out of his head. "Chase, please. I need you to do it. What if it changed? We have to know, and the only other one here is Nikki and you're not using it on him." After all, if James' power was gone, who knew what might have happened to Chase? What if he still had his power, but not the level of control he had after twenty years of working with it.

"Please." No, James was not above begging at this point. He loved Chase so much, he hated to be the one doing this, making him so uncomfortable.

(And in a way, Chase's refusal tugged at his heart more. The first time the blond man had used his power to calm him down, they'd only been together for a month or so. It had been more intimate than he'd expected, particularly because afterward, he'd confessed that he usually used anti-anxiety meds, and that he'd skipped them because he didn't want Chase to think he was unstable. He'd only taken them when he really needed them then. Lately, it was a daily regimen, because he knew he couldn't ask his husband to help him. Until just now.)

[Chase Campbell]

Chase knew he was strong. He knew he could be the one to protect their family, keep both Nikki and James safe. Which was part of the reason he didn’t want to try this. What if he was affected too?

Seated beside his husband, Chase just wanted this to be over with. A bad dream, something. Anything. He didn’t even notice the bed, nor the fact that James wasn’t shooing him off so that he could make it. He knew his husband better than anyone, and he wasn’t used to this non-twitchy version. He sighed when James asked him again. He hadn’t even thought about using it on Niko. He’d been thinking of heading to the school. But that would probably take too much time. They really did need to know. He just didn’t want to do anything to James. He didn’t want to see the fear in his eyes. He didn’t want to be responsible for that anxiety that would follow whatever he did. “I know,” he managed. “I wouldn’t try on Nikki, if I wasn’t sure I had control. But that doesn’t mean I want to test it on you either. Jamie, you’re right. What if it changed? I can’t hurt you.” Not when they were making progress. Not when he needed James to trust him.

The little plead made him twitch. He didn’t want to. He really, really didn’t want to. Even if he had the same power, and the same level of control, what would happen to James afterwards? He could begin to trust him again. But he could also easily panic, and they’d backtrack their progress. Chase didn’t want that. He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Jamie.” It was barely above a whisper. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked at his husband. He didn’t want to do this. But for their family’s safety, he would. Using the lightest touch possible, just in case, he gently reached out to calm James. He couldn’t do anything more drastic for now. He felt like he was in control. It felt the same as it always did. So he let go and looked at James expectantly. “Well?” Had it worked?

[Dr. James Campbell]

Usually, James would say that he and Chase didn't subscribe to particular roles in their relationship. But when it came to their powers, it was inarguable that Chase was better equipped to defend them against people like Gabriel Underwood. And by the same token, if someone was getting sick, it was James who would notice first, even if the other person didn't feel differently, yet. Honestly, it shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone that they wanted to be parents; they were made to be the protector and the caregiver, respectively.

Considering the circumstances, it made sense that James didn't notice he wasn't irrationally anxious over little things that morning. He had a big, rational anxiety taking up too much room in his consciousness, and he didn't stop to think about shooing Milo off of the chair or the bed being unmade. The one benefit from not having his own power, and he didn't even realize it.

"Chase, I don't care." He did, but it was nothing compared to how worried he was about Nikki. Already, James was fearing that Gabriel had found someone with a power like Anya's to block out his ability. It was passive, reflexive, so it was sensitive to that kind of mental block or suppression.

James reached out and gently covered one of Chase's hands with his own. He didn't want to put Chase in this situation, not after everything else he'd put him through. "I know. I'm sorry. But I need you to do this for me."

When Chase opened his eyes, James closed his and waited. He didn't feel the nudge, the way he used to, when his own power was working. However, he suddenly noticed that his heart rate had slowed from rapid to normal, and that he was breathing regularly again.

It had worked. It was working.

The relief that washed over him was doubled. Part of it was because Chase had told him to calm down. But the fact that it was working made it better. (And the fact that he wasn't freaking out about allowing his husband to have even the barest trace on his mind was even better.) With a relieved, relaxed sigh, he leaned heavily against the blond man. "It worked. You're okay." And so was he.

[Chase Campbell]

Chase liked being the strong one in the relationship. The protector, in a way. He’d never been very good at the caregiver role, not even if he tried. It just didn’t seem to be something he was suited to. Even when James was sick, he had a harder time trying to take care of him. For James, it seemed to come naturally. It was something Chase admired in the older man. Something he loved him for. There were dozens of reasons he loved him, admired him, and together they made a good team.

At least, they did when neither of them were worrying about the other. Chase was getting a little burnt out from all the worrying he’d done recently. Worrying about Hammel, about the students’ safety. Worrying about Nikki’s safety. And James. He’d always worried about James, but it had been more so, lately. Since the attack.

“You should,” he fired back, but it wasn’t angry. He wasn’t angry with James. He was just frustrated because he did not want to do this. A power suppressor hadn’t crossed his mind yet, but really, he should have thought of it. Hell, he worked with someone that could do this. But that still didn’t explain the shadow thing.

He didn’t want to do this. But James was right. He was always right. Which was exactly why Chase gave in in the end. He used his power, prayed it really was still his power. And he thanked whatever higher power there was that it really was his own power. He wasn’t affected. Whether that was due to his shields, or something else entirely, he didn’t care. He could still keep his family safe. It was a massive relief to him.

When James leaned into him, Chase wrapped his arms protectively around him and rested his cheek on the top of his head. “I know. It worked.” Not that it made him want to go back to reflexively using his power on his husband. He’d just proved that his power was still functioning properly. That was all he needed. “Nikki. I wonder if he’s okay?” He was thinking aloud, but a part of him was worried about that kid. He was so young... and probably vulnerable. Dammit. He gave James another hug. “We should probably check on him. And then try to figure this fucking thing out.”

[Dr. James Campbell]

For a moment, as James leaned against his husband, he closed his eyes and just relaxed in his arms. It was almost like they were back to normal, they way they had been before the attack....Except he couldn't sense Chase's pulse now, which was disconcerting. He even had to concentrate to feel his husband's breathing. But at least they were safe, for the moment.

Really, James was surprised he wasn't happier. This was the first time since right after the attack that Chase had gone into his mind. And he was calm, which was the shocking part. They'd avoided this for so long, James had been sure that he'd be able to handle having someone in his head. (And not just in his mind, but actually forcing him to do something.) But it was Chase, and it was an emergency, and he hadn't compulsively reacted with shouting and pushing him away.

And then Chase suggested checking on Niko. Nodding, James sat up straight, adjusting his glasses and squinting again at the light peeking into the room. He didn't remember his eyes being this photosensitive before his power had manifested, but that was thirty years ago. He didn't remember much about being a normal kid, about the time before his perception. It felt so strange to not have his focus, the things that naturally seemed to highlight themselves for him. "I've hated my power before, but I've never wanted it gone." James's voice was hardly more than a murmur as he stood up. They didn't have time for being miserable. They had Nikki to take care of and then they had to figure out what the hell was going on. In that order.