Reflections {Dalton}

[Avery Sainsbury]

Avery rarely had a problem with school. In fact she loved doing homework, well most of the time. When she still lived with her parents her only escape was threw her school. Reading was her favorite.Lately however, she couldn't bring herself to read. Mr.Dalton had assigned a book that Avery couldn't read. Well she could read but every time she even tried to read it she started to cry. Finally she had enough she couldn't read this book, it brought her pain. It had been awhile since she wished she was normal, until she read the book. Now it was almost everyday again. The sadness was getting to her. She wiped her face off and got dressed.

Picking the book up from her bed, she put it in her purse. Then out the door she went. It never happened but today Avery's hair was a mess. Those who knew her knew that she took pride in her appearance. Today it was just pulled back in a mess. She didn't even brush it. She knew what she had to do. She headed to the English Department office. She was headed to see Dalton. "I have to request to change books. I'll try not to elaborate. There is nothing wrong I just can't read this." Avery mumbled to her self as she walked down the halls. Her mind made up on what she was going to do. After ten minutes she seemed to reach her destination. Slowly and consciously she opened the door. Walking in slowly like she was about to get yelled adn she spoke so softly. "Um...Mr. Dalton....? Can I...um..talk to..about....um...the book we are supposed to...ah...um...read?" Barely in the door she looked at him like a scared puppy. This was her first time in this situation.

[Jacob Dalton]

Dalton glanced up from his papers at the ever-so-soft request. Many teachers have trouble remembering the names of their quieter, more well-behaved students. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and the student for whom the coursework is no challenge passes on through with nary a moment’s notice. Dalton had always been careful to avoid this pitfall: if anything, it seemed to him that the best and the brightest deserved possibly more attention than the troublemakers. But this was difficult to keep up, as it went contrary to all natural behavior. Case in point: he certainly recognized the young lady standing in his door, but it took him a moment to connect the face with a name.

“Avery? Please, do come in?”

Her appearance was disheveled: it looked as if she had been crying. And yet, if he had heard aright, her main concern was a book report? Then he saw the book she was holding, and it all made sense.

“Please: close the door behind you?”

The glass window in the door would let passersby see that Dalton was occupied, but not allow any without enhanced senses to hear. Dalton pressed the operator’s button on his phone.

“Front desk? Please redirect any calls for me to extension 1021?”

“Yes, Mr. Dalton.”

He looked back up at Avery. “Very well, then: we should not have any interruptions on that end. Please, come on over: have a seat…”

He waved to the desk in front of his, inviting her to pull one up. He had a feeling this might take a bit of time…

[Avery Sainsbury]

Avery walked carefully in, as if she was walking on glass. Slowly closing the door behind. All she wanted to do was talk about not doing the book report. It made her feel wrong for wanting not to do school work, but she couldn't handle. Yes she had to admit to herself that she actually couldn't handle it. Was it to hard for her to read? No. It was to emotionally correct. Her whole life she had felt emotions that went ignored. Her father had never given or acknowledge that he had any feelings for her and he taught ehr brother how to basically beat her up. This book was brining back those memories. Avery just wanted them gone, gone like her mother to Main, gone like her father and brother. For she had no clue where they went. She gently went over to the desk and pulled over a chair.

Sitting down, she pulled the book out. Placing it on his desk she sighed very softly. "Sir, I'm sure...um..you noticed...that..I..a..I'm not one to have...a...trouble, with..um assignments. But..I..I..can't...um read this...um...book no more...I..can't explain...but-" Looking down at her purse like a scared bunny rabbit she tried not to think about the book, not to think about her family, of her life. Looking back at Dalton she spoke more certain of herself. "I just can't. Its not possile!" Avery blushed and was on the verge of crying. She was just so upset. She was sure however to stop and think clear thoughts. Thoughts she know wouldn't cause the weather to change. Taking a breath and trying to relax she went back to her shy self. Only a little more certain of what she was saying then when she first started talking."Can I just please...please not read this book no more?"

[Jacob Dalton]

Dalton listened calmly as Avery blurted out her difficulty. He picked up the book: “Impulse,” by Ellen Hopkins. Oh, yes…

“Firstly, Avery: yes, indeed you are a fine student. This report isn’t even due for three weeks. I am delighted that you chose to attempt it so early. I am certain that we can find a text which does not give you such difficulties.”

He thumbed through the first few pages. “But I should mention that, while there are several books you could select from for this report, they all fall into a similar category. If these one caused you difficulties, some of the others might do so as well. I should not wish to move you from one text that caused you frustration, only to assign you another that did the same. Perhaps we can take a look at what it was about the text that you found upsetting?

“The book is in a rather unusual free verse style. It was selected as an example of the fact that there can be many ways to tell a story. But because it is an unusual style, that can make it difficult to read. Would you say that was your difficulty?”

[Avery Sainsbury]

Avery blushed and swallowed air. One of those nervous swallows you can catch people doing when they get scared or caught doing something they aren't suppose too. How was she going to get out of this one? The first word in her head..LIE. Then she remembered her mother always caught her in lies. telling her lieing doesn't become her. She knew she could get away with it. Avery knew she had to try to though. She couldn't tell him. Anything but the truth. Why was it so important for her to not tell? Maybe it was because she didn't need people to know that she had emotional issues. On the outside she appeared calm and adorable, she didn't need them to see the dark on the inside. She thought and thought of away to pull off this lie. Then she thought. One way to confuse people was to use big intellect. Even though Dalton was an English teacher maybe she could still pull it off.

Taking another calm, yet shaky breath she looked at him. "Sir, I find this material unsuitable for this age group. I find it inapropriate and not tolerable. It makes teen of my age group call wolf. I think that is uncalled for. I wish to not read this book or any others that relate to or have the same material...." 'what am I talking about? Oh my I don't even know what I'm Saying maybe this means Mr. Dalton won't know either.' She couldn't help but give a smile to herself in her head. "We should be reading classics like Shakespear and The Odyssey. Things that make the mind more curious, more open to new and unusual possibilities." Avery gave a slight nod, hoping to throw him off. She couldn't stand him asking more question about that book. She couldn't even bring herself to think of the name or anything inside of it, for fear of it making her emotionally compromised. If she even showed that it brought out emotions she fear he would see through her. Avery knew if he kept asking she would blurt out her whole past to him.

[Jacob Dalton]

<< "Sir, I find this material unsuitable for this age group. I find it inappropriate and not tolerable. It makes teens of my age group call wolf. I think that is uncalled for. I wish to not read this book or any others that relate to or have the same material...."

"We should be reading classics like Shakespeare and The Odyssey. Things that make the mind more curious, more open to new and unusual possibilities." >>

The girl was pale, practically quaking in her boots. One of the papers he had thumbed through quickly as if trying to set them aside while looking at the book had listed her powers: weather control. Ah, yes. He pulled out a handkerchief, making a show of wiping his reading glasses carefully as he glanced casually towards the door. Ah, yes: there was a staff member just outside: was it Jackeroe? He couldn’t tell for certain, but that would be a good guess. One of the power suppressors: Pilot Ridge could hardly afford tornados every time a teen at Hammel had an emotional crisis.

“Hmm. I can certainly understand your preference for the classics. Heavens knows that is my favorite period as well. But the point of good literature is to convey ideas: and modern literature seeks to convey ideas about our times, as they are distinct from previous eras. Sometimes they touch on things which are uncomfortable to us: such as this novel. One focus is teenage suicide. We deem it important to consider that, because it is an event which happens regularly to teens all around us. If we are more aware of what leads up to such tragedies, perhaps we may take note of those at risk, and know how to reach them.”

He flipped through a few more pages. “Here, we have three main characters: Connor seeks to shoot himself because he cannot take the demands of his family, Tony is a juvenile offender who seeks to end his life by an overdose, and Vanessa simply takes her habit of cutting to a near lethal extreme. We hate to consider that young people may be drawn to such drastic hopelessness: but to turn a blind eye is to ensure that this cycle shall repeat, time and again.

“Texts like these are not joyous, but the awareness they bring may save lives. Given what you have already read, can you think of someone who might be a Vanessa, struggling with self-destructive behaviors? Or a Connor, burdened by too great a set of expectations, always feeling his best efforts were not seen as good enough? Or a Tony, so burdened by the shame of his past he cannot bear to face the present?”

His voice remained gentle, and his eyes fixed kindly on her as he posed these questions and waited for her answer…

[Avery Sainsbury]

Avery couldn't stand it no more. She clasped both her hands into fists and dropped them onto her lamp. Looking down at them. Contemplating everything. Looking at Dalton with tears in her eyes and some of them starting to roll down her cheek. She didn't want to talk about. Ignoring it worked so well. Even her friends that she had met here at Hammel didn't know much. Yeah she told them her father had ignored her and her mother had left. The whole truth was something much different. The fighting, the screaming, the bruises from her brother. Yea kids got bruises from their siblings sometimes but it was different for her. "Sir, Please I do not wish to discuss this book. Please just let me...fa...fa..fail-" Avery swalloed air again. Fail was not a word in her vocabulary. She had never received a failing grade. This was hard for her to digest. She just wanted this book gone. She didn't want the memories to come up again. "I will take the failing grade sir I have no problems with that."

Avery didn't know what else to say to plead her case. She didn't want anyone to know the truth. It was even to hard for to swallow. She was really scared at this point. If he asked again she knew she would end up telling him why the book was so hard to digest.

[Jacob Dalton]

Dalton remained silent as Avery’s speech slid into inarticulate sobbing. He stood quietly and came around the desk, handkerchief still in hand. He placed it gently in her hand, then scooted another chair up alongside her, and placed a gentle hand around her shoulders.

“Avery: at its core, this book is about what can happen to people when they do not know how to reach out, or those around them don’t know how to respond, when they are facing burdens beyond their ability to cope. And that is not merely a lesson about a few possible strangers out there in the world: it is a lesson about ourselves. The moral of the story is when you are in pain, reach out. Find someone who will listen: someone who will care. In the story two very different people reach out to each other, and survive. One keeps the depth of his pain locked away within himself, and does not.

“This story would not have affected you so, Avery, if you did not feel a deep connection to one of these young people. Maybe your story is similar to one of theirs, or perhaps only your pain is. But the point is, in order to survive, you will need to reach out.

“That’s what I am here for, Avery: that’s what we are all here for. It’s a rough world out there: in here there are a few people getting to know you, sharing one of the most defining aspects of who you are. Trust us, Avery: we can understand…”

[Avery Sainsbury]

Avery took a deep breath. Looking at the handkerchief. "Sir..I..I can't read the book. It..it..it hurts to much to remember sir." Avery looked up at him. She couldn't believe she was even going to mention her past. "The past hurts when I remember it. Before I came here it was..was..so different. I...I don't want to go back there. When I ignore it it doesn't hurt so much. Since I came here I just wanted to be normal. To make things go back to the way they where. Then...I....I realized...Hammel is the only real home I have known..." Avery huffed, "My father, he...well...he never cared. All he cared about was my younger brother. No matter how hard I studied, how many A's I brought home. My little brother was always hitting me and making fun of me. My father encouraged most of it. My mother tried to stick up for me. My father always put her in her place. My mother tried to make up for it by buying me material things. Then she bought me pets. Then..It happened. Sixteen years of being left alone it got to me. My brother tripped me down the stairs. Or got in my face, and pushed me over. All I know is I fell because of him. I looked to my father for help and he did nothing. My mother came down and tried to help by telling and yelling at my father. He slapped her in the face. I remember wishing and hoping for them to get blown away. Far away. Then All I remember is a headache and my mom pulling me out of a closet." Avery finally wiped her tears away.

"After I arrived here at Hammel...My mom informed me that she left my dad and brother. I got hope that she would come and take me home, or maybe move closer to me. But she said she was moving to Main. She had met a man and was having a baby. They named her Brooke. My middle name. My mom told me she signed me over to my Uncle Liam. I never knew I had an Uncle till she told me. Turns out my mom dislikes Meta's. my Uncle has the ability of Hydrokenisis."

[Jacob Dalton]

He gave her shoulder a soft hug, letting her spill it all out before he replied. The floodgates had opened, and all he could do now was try to help her overcome the tide.

“I know. Reliving the past can be a terrible burden: trust me, I have been there. But ignoring it, concealing it only allows the painful memories to fester, like a sliver buried in a wound. When a pain is so great, we need to work it out. The working out process may be quite painful in itself, but until the sliver is gone, the wound cannot heal.”

As her tale continued Dalton had to fight down his natural anger at parents who would do such a thing to their child. The twisted aggression of the father urging on the brother in his bullying was enough to sicken Dalton: one man’s anger warping two young lives and leaving behind scars for both that might never heal. And then there was the mother, too passive to accept her role as guardian over her daughter’s welfare, her final rejection serving as the last nails in the poor child’s self esteem. Dalton had his work cut out for him, and it would not be resolved in a single chat. But perhaps he could lay a foundation on which to build.

“I can barely imagine the kinds of pain you must have experienced every day. But I can sympathize most deeply. To have a parent treat you that way—”

He shook his head. “We give parents so much authority over the lives of their children. The responsibilities to clothe, feed, shelter them, and hopefully to love them. Sometimes we forget that most anyone can become a parent, yet there are so many people who simply aren’t cut out for parenthood. Parents are human: sometimes, too human.

“I have no idea what demons your father faced. But neither do I excuse his actions for them. He brought you into this world: he should have had the courtesy to pave the way for you with love. But he didn’t. And here you are.

“We cannot change the past, but we can choose to what degree we allow it to influence us. It will not be an easy task, but Avery; if you are to become your own person, free from the ghosts of your past, you shall have to cast off the messages your parents sent you. I, and the rest of the staff here, stand ready to help you in this.

“Please feel free to visit with me at any time. My door shall always be open. I shall check on what we may be able to do to best assist you with counseling, and let you know shortly.”

He continued to rest a comforting hand on her shoulder. “And, Avery? Perhaps you might prefer this for your book report?”

He reached over to his bookshelf, pulled down a volume and passed it to her: “The Diary of Anne Frank.”

[Avery Sainsbury]

Avery looked at him. She couldn't believe how Nice Dalton was being. Most of the teachers she had met here where nice but none of them would she ever share her past. At first she was scared to talk about it but now she was glade that she got it off her chest. She felt as if he truly understood where she was coming from, the pain that she felt and the feelings she had. Looking at the book he grabbed she managed a meager smile. An actual happy smile. "Mr. Dalton..why are you being so nice to me?" Not that it surprised her but she couldn't imagine that someone who barely knew her would be so nice and accommodating. "Not that it surprises me Sir." Avery blushed with a slight sigh as she continued "Its just your going to let me read another book instead? I thought you said before that the only other book that I could read was the same type of material sir?" Avery clutched onto the handkerchief that he handed to her before she started really crying.

[Jacob Dalton]

Dalton smiled slightly. “Avery: the entire point of my being here is to assist you on your path to a happy, healthy maturity. My specific assignment may be as a professor of English, but whatever else I can do (within appropriate bounds of reason) I will gladly do. You’re struggling with issues from your past: you need help you may not know where to find, nor even what to ask for. Why would I not help you, as one of my students? For that matter, why not even if you were a mere stranger on the street?

“It’s not like you’ve asked me to spend a thousand dollars to buy you a hamburger. A little investment of time I did not have otherwise engaged, and my efforts might assist in your healing from a dreadful, emotionally crippling childhood. How could that not be worthwhile to me?

“And the point of reading from the particular selections I had set forth was to make the reader aware of certain issues young people face today. Avery: is there any possible way, after your experiences, that
you could be unaware that there are those around you who have suffered the same? Why should I try to teach you that which you already know? When you entered my class, did I sit everyone down to work on their letters in cursive?

“In your case, Anne Frank is close enough. Her young life was emotionally shattered by the social conditions of her time: you already have the perspective to see the modern conditions which are in some ways the modern equivalent, if not politically, at least in terms of emotional impact on the adolescent…”

He was seeking to reassure her, but had to merely cross his fingers and hope he had succeeded when she devolved into a fresh spate of tears.

[Avery Sainsbury]

Avery looked up at him, her eyes all puffy again. Believe it or not they where happy tears. She never knew someone like Mr.Dalton before. It made her believe for once that she was missing out on what having a real family could mean. A father who loved her and a mother who shared her hopes and dreams. Avery for a mere minute wished that she knew Dalton better. She wished that maybe he could have been her father. Even though she didn't know Mr. Dalton all too well, she knew that it would have been better. "I'm sorry for crying again sir. Its just..you are showing me something I really don't know. I never had a father really and I'm starting to realize this." It was hard for her to finally realize the truth about her life.

"Honestly sir it hurts me to think that I have missed out and to realize this for the first time. You see sir I really haven't..well. I never got to do anything to be honest sir. I don't even know why I feel compelled to tell you but honestly your the first person I have felt like I have been able to talk too. I never joined any extra curriculars in my old school because I was too preoccupied with trying to make my father happy. I thought if I did well enought it school that he would love me. Now I'm realizing that this was never possible. I just recently joined the dance club and choir. I never was apart of anything before and this is still so new to me." Avery sighed trying to calm herself down and to stop crying. Even though she felt as if she would never stop crying. The pain of her realization was taking over and she felt overwhelmed with different emotions of happiness and sadness, along with anger.

[Jacob Dalton]

Dalton listened quietly as the girl opened up, one revelation apparently leading her to another, then another, then another. Walls were shattering, hopefully soon to be replaced by windows and doors.

“Whether you quite realized it or no, Avery, you have already taken some healthy steps to move on. Dance and choir? Very fine choices towards self-expression, and away from academic restraint.

“It is a dreadful thing when those who should be closest to us are emotionally incapable of forging a healthy bond. But there are times when that is so, as would appear to be in your case. Understand that you cannot change them, cannot change to please them, and therefore focus rather on taking care of yourself.”

He paused and considered. “For years, you have been caught in a position where no one would listen, no one cared what you wanted, what you needed, or where your passions lay. Even if not for your powers, escaping that for Hammel may well have been the best thing that could have ever happened for you.

“Given that situation, I rather doubt you gave much thought to what you wanted yourself. Now you have a chance to do so. And I suspect that once you find your passion, you shall throw yourself into it with a consuming zeal.

“Allow me to suggest a few possibilities: find one or more that delight you, then pursue them. Take an art course that includes drawing, painting and sculpture: or if you are more technically oriented, graphic design on the computer. Consider learning a musical instrument: perhaps one you can play while singing, such as piano or guitar. Try your hand at composing poetry or short fiction. Look into performing in drama or debate. If dance appeals to you, there are a number of styles to explore.

“I would also say do not neglect self-expression through athletics: basketball, soccer, tennis, gymnastics, track and field or others. Not only are they physically healthy, but they also can provide emotional release. When you feel your control is in jeopardy, channel your anger or distress into making that perfect shot or running the extra lap.

“I do not say exhaust yourself exploring all these in depth. But either take a one semester course, or participate for a single season, one at a time, at least in those that you do not already aggressively dislike. Open yourself up to new possibilities: sometimes we discover our interests in areas we never would have imagined until we try…”

[Avery Sainsbury]

Avery nodded "Actually the only thing I know that I like for sure is too read Sir. I love books. It was just the one that you told use to read well was hard to swollow. I mean So far I like the dance club and choir. Even though the choir has yet to meet. But I'm sure I will like signing. It will be fun and I will get to meet more people. I like meeting people It is fun." Avery looked down for a few minutes. Sighing she looked back up.

"Back on to the topic sir I do apologize for bursting in looking like a mess. I really wasn't trying to be rude, I'm usually not a mess like this. I didn't even brush my hair today." Avery tugged at her messy hair and sighed in disgust. She hated looking like she did at this moment. She felt so ugly and hideous.