Idiot Theatre: Act Two [OPEN!]

[Vincent Verax]

Vincent Verax and Samuel Rixon were masters of the snowball effect. Things always started out small, with a dare or a joke or something they’d seen online. Unfortunately, they never stayed small. It wasn’t long before they were plotting deviously (usually with the addition of alcohol or other substances, in Sammy’s case) and after that, things would spiral out of control.

This time around it had started with a video they found on youtube from a holiday party held by some school called Claris Academy. It wasn’t so much the party that they had found intriguing, but their idea of entertainment: Jell-O Wrestling. Silence fell as the video ended and Vin and Sam exchanged knowing looks.

Their trip into town to get the needed supplies was as eventful as any when these two boys were together. Fighting, laughing, and infinitely more cursing than necessary later, they were dragging three kiddie pools and countless boxes of Jell-O mix back to the school. As far as Vincent was concerned, this was the greatest thing they would ever pull off, and everyone should know about it, but first it had to be perfect.

They mixed the Jell-O in the pools and piled the snow around them to encourage the mixture to set while Vin ignored Sam’s complaints that he was cold. Once that was finished, Vin straightened and looked over at his best friend with a wild grin. “W’gotta make FLYERS! An’ then w’can hand them out t’everyone and aahh man, s’gunna be fuckin’ awesome!” Snatching Sammy by the arm, Vin dragged him back up to the school. “W’gotta get paper an’ markers, s’c’mon shitface an’ HURRY!”

To say that he was excited was a bit of an understatement.

[Samuel Rixon]

Sammy had thought that his YouTube surfing was a brilliant idea at the time. Aimless surfing, watching people perform Jackass-esque stunts in their backyards, it had been a perfect way to kill a few hours. Even better than he’d had Vincent over his shoulder, claiming that he could do the stunts so much better. “An’ I wouldn’t cry after, neither!”

After happening upon what looked like an awesome idea (based on the teeny tiny picture preview), they’d clicked it. Which had led to... this.

Sam hadn’t actually thought about the fact that it was cold outside when he’d agreed to pull this off. But now it was started, there was no going back. At least his training with Jackeroe was giving him a little more control. During the walk to town, he’d made several small fireballs in his hands, to keep them from freezing off. Granted, he’d also threatened to shove one down Vin’s pants, simply because it seemed appropriate revenge for the snow down his jeans the other week.

“Viiiiiiiiin. ‘s fuckin’ freeeeeezing.” Sam was whining as he stomped his feet in the snow, rubbing his arms. Watching Jell-O set was about as exciting as watching paint dry, or grass grow. Except you could poke it and watch it wiggle. Which is exactly what he did. He giggled as the mixture rippled. It entertained him in one of those simple minded ways.

At least until Vincent grabbed his arm. “Whoa whoa whoa WHOA!” He nearly came crashing down in the snow. Thankfully, Vincent is a perfect stabilizer. “FUCK YEAH. FLYERS! WE GOTTA HAND THEM OUT TO EVERYONE!” He took off running behind Vin. And you know it’s exciting if Sam is actually running. “ART ROOM HAS ART SHIT!” ... No, Sam, really? He pointed forwards (though he honestly didn’t know where the art room was) and yelled. “ART ROOM AHOY!”

... Idiot.

[Vincent Verax]

As anyone who has been at Hammel for any length of time can tell you, Sam and Vin are more dangerous when they’re agreeing than they are when they’re fighting. That may or may not have been the reason why the students they passed in the hall gave them a wide girth and odd looks. Or it might just be because Vin decided to lock arms with Sammy and skip like the merry idiot he is down the hallway.

Only by virtue of his short-lived relationship with Moe did he know where the art room was located, as his artistic talents are limited to doodling dino!sex to violate the eyes of his favorite librarian. He forcefully dragged his best friend into the room and began rummaging through the drawers. “Dude! Err’one’s gunna think we GENIUSES f’thinkin’ this up.” While looking entirely too proud of himself, he shoved a stack of paper into Sam’s arms and snagged two boxes of markers for himself.

Suddenly, he paused and looked thoughtful. “Hey, d’ya think Eli would come ‘f I begged him?” He grinned, likely imagining what it would be like to grope on him under the guise of wrestling in Jello. Sorry, Vinvin, never gunna happen.

Vincent carried the markers over to an empty table and dumped them all over it, snatching a piece of paper to begin his masterpiece. It didn’t take very long before he stopped and fixed Sam with a very important question. “Hey dicktits, how d’ya spell ‘wrestling’?” Yes, he is that stupid.

[Samuel Rixon]

A united front between these two is terrifying. At least when they’re fighting, they’re predictable. When agreeing, there is no telling what their combined IQ is going to come up with. They’re excitable, and dumb as a bag of hammers. Whatever they’re about to do, it’s going to be dangerous, messy, or downright stupid. … Or some combination of the three.

And yes, Sammy skipped right beside Vin. Singing ‘We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of art!’ … I’m sorry.

Sam knew where the art room was because, well, simple. Is there an easier class to get a good mark in than art? … Okay, so he didn’t take the class seriously at all, but at least it was one he wasn’t failing. … As bad as the other classes, anyway. He let Vincent drag him into the familiar room, taking the papers shoved at him. “I fuckin’ KNOW, bitch!” Nevermind that it wasn’t really their idea originally, but in the spirit of teenage delinquency, who really cares?

Vincent’s pause was either going to bring stupidity, or a rare moment of genius. Sadly, it was the former. Sam rolled his eyes and shifted the paper so he could flick his best friend in the face. “Moron. He fuckin’ hates your guts. No way he’s comin’.” At least one of them uses their brain.

Sammy followed him over to the table, dropping the paper and taking an obnoxiously bright pink marker. His ‘art’ was no more than crude stick figures standing in a round thing that may or may not have been a kiddie pool. But he was grinning, so he was having fun. At least until Vincent asked him the question of the century. He scowled. “Gimme that.” He pulled the paper away from Vin and scrawled in his barely legible hand, wrote Resling!

… Yes. Resling.

“Spell it like it sounds, asswipe.” And with that, he gave the poster back and went back to his own design. “Gonna fuckin’ rock, dude.”

[Vincent Verax]

Vincent loved Sammy just as much as he hated him, which was probably a bad thing, but at least now Sam was in his rightful position as “best friend.” This meant, however, that something terrible was going to happen, something gloriously bad, as amazing as it is awful. Just like their relationship.

“Nuh uh!” Vin protested, slamming his hands down on the table. “He fuckin’ loves me!” Lies, lies, and more lies. I highly doubt Eli celebrates the fact that Vincent has weaseled his way into his life, but I also doubt that anyone is happy to have Vincent in their lives. Sammy doesn’t count.

Thankfully, the pyro failed rocked at spelling, at least in Vincent’s eyes, and now that he know how to spell, he was all ready to work. “Thanks twatbreath, y’kinda smart sometimes.” And if there was ever any question to why these two failed 90% of their classes, it has been answered. But now was the time for crude jokes, obnoxious laughter, and Vincent drawing boobs on Sammy’s stick figures. Needless to say, these boys are dead last on the maturity scale.

--magical time skip lines--

Once the stack of paper had been turned into a stack of horribly drawn flyers, Vincent threw the spent markers into the air delightedly. “SHIT YEAH! C’mon shithead now w’gotta pass ‘em out!” He divided up the pile and then rushed out of the room with his arms full almost as fast as he had rushed into it.

This was the scary part: Hammel’s most misbehaved students accosting people in the hallways, classrooms, and everywhere else (yes, even the bathrooms) to “invite” them to their worst idea yet. Jell-O “Resling” Mania! And lucky Eli, who Vincent insisted on seeing, got a special flyer with Vin’s phone number on it and a pair of crudely drawn stick figures doing naughty things. I’m still surprised he hasn’t been expelled yet.

[Samuel Rixon]

Sam spent a good 70% of his relationship with Vincent locked in some kind of hatred for him. The remaining 30% was usually dedicated to drinking, video games, and love and adoration for his best friend. Too bad they can’t seem to make the peace last. One smart ass remark, or one wrong win in Mario Kart, and it’s back to World War III. Good thing they love each other right now. Too bad it won’t last.

“He does fuckin’ not! He hates you, ‘cause you’re a moron.” He flung a marker at his best friend. “If y’ love him so much, go marry him.” Oh Sam, do not give that boy ideas.

Spelling, like all things academic, were not Sammy’s forte. But he felt he did a good enough job at faking his way through it. He flashed Vincent a grin at the compliment. “Thanks Manson.” Aww, look at that. You know they’re getting along when he uses the more loving nickname. At least until Vin defaced his amazing poster. How did he exact revenge? By launching himself at Vincent and grabbing his arm. Moments later, his friend had himself a crudely drawn penis up his arm. “I win.”

Face, have you met palm yet?

And WHO PUT A TIME SKIP IN THE MIDDLE OF MY THREAD?

… Anyway.

Sam bolted up behind Vincent, snatching up the remaining posters. The plan was simple. Divide and conquer. He had no qualms about diving into places like the girls bathrooms, dorms that weren’t his, or… anywhere, really. The only places he avoided were the library, and Dr. Neville’s office. But every student he passed was given a poster, whether they wanted it or not, and then the pyro went merrily skipping down the hall, this time singing the Narwhal song.

By the time he was done, it had to be time for the Jell-O to be set. After reclaiming his abandoned coat from the art room, he dove back outside to check on the progress. It looked like Jell-O. It felt like Jell-O. … Oh, they were ready.

Now they just needed an audience.

[Vincent Verax]

“Maybe I will!” Too late, Maddie. Vincent’s head is now full of ideas. I plan to blame Sammy entirely, because it is really all his fault. If he’d just kept his big mouth shut, then horrible things would not be playing in Vinnie’s mind.

Squirming and laughing while Sam attacked him with the marker was certainly not helpful, but the poorly drawn penis was enough to make him snort. Mad? Hardly. “Hee! Dude! I got a dick on m’arm!” As if he needed to further prove his immaturity, he straightened his arm our and pressed it against Sammy’s cheek. “An’ now ya got a dick on yer face!” Dissolving into giggles, it took Vin a few moments before he could compose himself enough to finish working.

I PUT THE TIME SKIP IN YOUR THREAD, DEAL WITH IT!

NYAH!

Near the end of his mission to distribute the flyers, Vincent was struck with a brilliant idea, one so devious and evil that he started cackling in the middle of the cafeteria. What is this cruel plan, you ask? Well, you’ll just have to wait and see. He simply tossed the remaining flyers - there were only about 20 or so left - around the cafeteria before hauling ass back outside.

Tearing into the courtyard, Vincent took a running leap at his best friend’s back while shouting “HEY CHARMANDER!” He flung his arms around Sam’s shoulders, locked his legs around his waist, and licked his neck just to be extra annoying. But of course Vincent isn’t the type to think his actions through. I just hope Sammy is capable of supporting the extra weight, because we wouldn’t want him falling into the Jell-O already, now would we?

[Samuel Rixon]

“Maybe you SHOULD.” ... Sam, dear? Do not encourage. It’s bad enough that it was suggested in the first place, because now I know what Vincent is thinking, the last thing poor Eli needs is him pulling that.

Sadly, with the maturity lacking between these two, it’s not surprising Vincent liked Sam’s drawing. “Yeah, y’do!” All thoughts of anger and revenge were gone now, because damn, that was an awesome drawing. As an afterthought, Sam dabbed two dots on the head before snapping the marker’s lid back on. “Y’ got YOUR dick on y’ arm now!” ... Let it be known that Sam only knows about that particular piercing because Vincent had made a point of showing it off. Many, many times.

He giggled as Vin pressed his arm to his cheek. “Gross, dude!” Not that he sounded particularly upset about the whole thing. He just went back to his artwork.

WHO SAID I WANTED A TIME SKIP IN MY THREAD?

Sam would like to avoid any horrible, brilliant ideas Vincent comes up with. In this case, he’s out of luck, but he’d like to avoid them at all costs. Thankfully, he was nowhere near his best enemy when the idea hit. He was blissfully unaware as he poked at the Jell-O pools.

The yelled warning came just a split second too late. One moment, Sam was just standing up, and the next, he had a human leech attached to his back. He struggled with Vin’s (fat) ass on him, and squealed when he felt the tongue on his neck. “MANSON! CUT IT OUT!” Instead of falling into the Jell-O, he tottered backwards and, just to be an ass, let himself fall backwards. Was he above using Vincent as a landing pad? Why no, no he was not. As soon as they were down, he rolled out of Vin’s grip and got back up, pointing at the pools. “It’s JELL-O, BITCH! We’re READY!” All they need is their audience. ... And please, please, someone with authority.

[Vincent Verax]

It’s actually rather pathetic that these two can amuse themselves for so long with just a crudely drawn penis, especially when they’re not currently intoxicated. I suppose they’ve found worse ways to make themselves giggle like the five year old boys that they really are, but arm penis is probably near the top of the list.

Fortunately, their hard work remained pristine, as Sammy decided that Vincent was much better landing gear. The regenerator did not so much agree, as he yelped and then swore before the wind was knocked out of him by the weight of Sam’s body. Grumbling and coughing, he finally rolled to his side, curling into the fetal position. “Ya… such a fuckin’ dickface.” He groaned, punching Sammy in the arm as he recovered nearly as quickly as he collapsed.

But of course, he couldn’t stay down for long. The Jell-O was ready and that meant that their genius plan could kick off. He was already pushing himself up off the ground, then began hopping in place. “Dude, y’stay here an’ wait f’everyone, I gotta go get somethin’!” He elbowed Sammy lightly in the ribs and gave him a very over exaggerated wink. “Y’know that hot blonde chick? I’ma make her come!”

Yes, Vincent just used Spencer to set up his oh-so-brilliant plan of ultimate destruction.

With little warning, Vincent turned and hauled ass back up towards the school, probably cackling like a madman as he did so. All my apologies go to Sam for what that damned idiot is planning.

[Olivia Murphy]

Olivia was having what one would call a decent day. So far Brooklyn had stayed out of trouble, she'd finished off all her assignments, and was completely ready for tomorrows test. Washing hers hands at the sink then drying them she scowled as a boy rushed in and shoved a flier at her.

Jell-O “Resling” Mania

Now while the responsible part of Olivia's mind told her this was a bad idea... a very bad idea. She honestly could not help the temptation to go watch this 'resling' mania if only to laugh and potentially meet some new people. It should be well known that if Olivia had known the history of these two particular boys she may have re thought that notion entirely, but alas she did not. She could guarantee, however, that all bets were off if these boys thought that girls would be wrestling. No way in a frozen hell would she do it.

Olivia was still rational though, as she hurried off to her dorm room to relieve herself of her book bag and retrieve some additional covering for standing out in the snow. She hardly rushed back down not really wanting to be the first on scene for such an event. It was always better to arrive after there were more people. Deciding she'd left enough room for others to run out she headed down to where the wrestling was suppose to occur.

[Evan Brackett]

Evan's afternoon had been less thrilling that of the Idiots' so far. He had not spent time surfing youtube, or coming up with devious plots, or making fliers to spread news of such plots. He had been in the library working on a research paper. It wasn't due for another month, but, ever the diligent student, he was well on his way to completing it already. He had just finished up the rough draft when he heard the frighteningly familiar voice of Vincent Verax drift across the library. Using the fact that he was busy harassing the librarian to his advantage, Evan popped his paper onto his flashdrive, gathered up his books, and got up to go back to the dorm. He was not going to stick around if Vincent was there.

The escape failed, however. As he left the library, the goth had practically pounced on him, intrusively shoving a piece of paper in his pants and shouting some nonsense that the phaser would never be able to understand. Evan caught mention of getting stuck in walls as he pried the other boy off himself, and scowled when Vincent scampered away. He pulled the paper out of his boxers, and, without sparing a glance at it’s contents, crumpled up the sheet and threw it into the nearest recycling basket (swish, two points).

It wasn't until later that he picked an abandoned flier up off the hallway floor for something called "Jello Resling Mania". Regretfully, he hadn't made the connection to the piece of paper Vincent had shoved in his pants earlier and this one. He stared at it with a quirked brow, wondering if he had ever heard of this "re-sling" game before and what it consisted of--all that he could gather from the crudely drawn picture was that it involved nudity and hula-hoops, neither of which he was particularly too interested in. It couldn't hurt to investigate, though. Since it was out in the courtyard, he figured he didn't have to worry about the nudity part because no one was stupid enough to actually be outside naked in the middle of the school, let alone in the middle of February. Even if they were that stupid, he could just leave.

So he hitched his backpack over his shoulder and shuffled out into the snow to see what this event was all about. It wasn't too difficult to find, he just had to locate the kiddy pools of jello. Evan sidled on over to the boy already standing there, and dropped his bag on the ground. "Hi," he greeted with a small wave, recognizing the pyro as one of Levi's friends. "Sam, right? I'm, Van."

[Samuel Rixon]

Somehow, the two boys were more easily amused when they were sober as opposed to drunk. Granted, while sober they retained the motor skills needed to perform such antics as drawing horrible things on each other. Maturity obviously stalled out a few years ago.

Vin’s yelp made a little victory smirk flash over the pyro’s face as he rolled off. “I WIN, MOTHAFUCKA.” Still, he offered his hand out to his friend in a small way of keeping the peace. He didn’t even mind the punch to the arm, because technically, he deserved it. “But I saved the Jello!” Yes, because that was important.

He had no idea what Vincent was planning, but like a good little boy, he stayed where he was standing. He could guard the Jello until they were ready to start. His head cocked slightly, but when he realized what Vincent was doing he lit up in a grin. There were lots of hot blonde chicks around the school, but if Vin was talking about the smart one from his math class he talked about more than he should, this was going to be awesome. He gave a salute to Vincent. “I’ll guard it with my soul!”

Of course, the moment people started showing up, guard duty wasn’t so important anymore. He eyed up the girl that showed up, nothing but a wicked grin on his face. Oh, she’d see where this was going. Fast.

And then Evan showed up. Sam knew him through Levi, only because Levi talked about him a bit. Well, and he’d stories from Vincent and Emma about a certain incident in the bathroom... but he was going to be NICE and not mention that right now. Instead he just sauntered over and grinned. “Hey Van! You’re Levi’s friend, right?” He nodded towards the Jello. “Y’ gunna wrestle? It’s gunna be FUN.” Only for deranged students with nothing better to do.