Breaking (Darryl)

[Elaine Tonaya]

Elaine left her house with a fresh plate of cookies carefully wrapped in tin foil to keep them warm. The roads were lightly dusted with snow since they had last been plowed, but it wasn't enough for her to worry about the conditions. The drive to the mall was relaxing, in a way...an early-morning drive to clear her head and get ready for the day ahead.

She was still reeling inwardly from the holiday party and all that she had discovered there. And she wanted to be able to talk to everyone to find out what was going on and what she should be doing. But for right now, she just wanted the chance to go back to her shop. There she had a purpose and a plan; there she was Mama, and it gave her comfort every time she stepped in among those blooms and fixed up the store.

The parking lot was still clean of footprints and most tire tracks. She headed up to the small employee entrance to her shop, which led right into her back room at the store. She fumbled a bit with the keys and with the plate of cookies, but she got it all settled and managed to open the door without dropping anything.

Once she got inside the store, though, it took all her willpower not to drop the cookies and sink to her knees.

Someone had broken into the store. The plants were scattered on the floor, the register had been cleaned out, the window was broken and glass was mixed with the dirt. Most of the mess looked completely impossible to salvage--she'd have to start from scratch.

There was a chair in the back room which she pulled out and set in the middle of the store wreckage. She sat there for a while, unsure of what to do with herself. Eventually she stood, wiped her face with the back of her hand, and pulled out the broom and dustpan. She unlocked the door (not that it was really necessary with the hole in the window) and began to tidy up. If someone came around, she'd still do her best to help them, even if she wasn't able to give out any flowers today. She still had cookies, which meant she could still do something.

It was hard for her not to just sit and cry over the mess, but she had been through worse, and there was no reason for her to freak out now. The only question she had was why this had happened to her, and why now. It wasn't as if her store made much money or had much in valuable items. It was just a little flower shop. Why would someone attack here?

She was so busy thinking about all this and trying to clean up her store that she barely even noticed when someone came into the store.

[Darryl Bond]

He knew he had messed up. He knew he messed up so bad. Probably the only silver lining of the night was that he hadn't taken anyone home with him, kept his pants on at the Bash, and didn't throw up on anyone. However, he'd made a complete dickwad out of himself in front of Clarisse and someone that was closer in her league than he was. He still hurt though. He was still very much infatuated with Clarisse despite the baby situation, and seeing her with someone else and enjoying herself had hurt.

Morgan called him shortly after he had been wallowing in his warm covers of guilt to see if he hadn't drowned in his own vomit. He was still alive and Morgan wished him the best of luck. Thinking of the Tonaya family, he remembered his promise to Elaine to go see her--he also felt guilty because it had taken him this long to do so--so he went through his morning routine, thinking up the best way to initiate the meeting (and where to let the conversation carry) because he certainly didn't want their sober reunion filled with her reprimanding him for being a dad with a person he wasn't in love with.

He wrapped himself up quite thoroughly with a sweater over his t-shirt, and then donned his pea coat. He landed a fedora on his head, color coordinated with his outfit, as always (a black one with a light blue stripe) and wrapped his head in a scarf. He had hot coffee in a thermos to keep his hands warm. He made the quick but freezing walk to the Mall and walked in. At about this time no shops were really open, but starting to, but Darryl wasn't looking left and right at the dark stores or the metal link fences blocking the doorways, he was looking straight ahead as he walked because of the odd pairs of security guards running down the way and then back towards him.

Something bad buzzed in the air and Darryl could easily pick up on it. He had no idea what was coming as he walked, but he turned the corner to see a bunch of glass shattered on the floor, a few security guards were milling around, looking concerned, some talking on the radio, others trying to look busy. Darryl was prepared to go around them (he was sure Elaine's shop was in a different stretch of the mall) but when he passed by the broken window, his curiosity made him glance inside, and he saw Elaine.

He nearly dropped his coffee, but managed to keep it with him as he jumped through the broken window. He set the coffee down on the nearest flat surface and moved to crouch in front of her. "Momma." He could see she was just trying to focus on cleaning and just from the look of things, Darryl had a feeling she knew just as much about this as he did so he held back on the torrent of expected questions and instead gave her a comforting hug, because he was sure that was what she needed right now. "I've got some coffee with me if you want some. It's got vanilla and a marshmallow in it."

[Elaine Tonaya]

"Momma."

That one word made Elaine look up with a start, but it was the voice that really struck her. Or perhaps not the voice, but the lack of a solid tone, and the scent that drifted on the air. Love and confusion and guilt and...coffee.

When she saw Darryl, she dropped the broom, and it clattered to the floor. "Darryl...I..." She nervously wiped her hands on her jeans. This wasn't how she wanted him to see her, not when everything was falling apart. She was supposed to be Mom. She wasn't supposed to be like this--she was supposed to be the one who had everything put together. "What are you--"

She was cut off by his hug, and that hug was enough to break something inside. She shuddered once, then hugged him back and cried quietly into his chest. "I'm sorry you had to see me like this," she whispered. Then she pulled back and smiled at him. "Thank you. I needed that."

She nodded at his offer for the coffee. "Okay, but just a little. I'm sure you're going to want most of that drink." She went over to the counter and unwrapped her plate. "Cookie?" she offered.

Then she looked at the door. There was a bell on it, and she hadn't heard it ring. She looked then at the window. "You know," she said, "I do have a door for a reason. Just because a window is broken doesn't mean you have permission to go hopping through it."

Her attempt at humor at this time left her feeling worn out, and she sighed and sank into a chair. "There was no reason for them to break in. It's not like I have a lot of money. Had. I'll have to start over again, renewing the inventory." She took a sip of the coffee and passed it back to Darryl. "Goodness, that's sweet. Are you sure you're not going to get diabetes from eating like that all the time? Anyway. That's enough about me."

She smiled at him, doing her best to make it genuine. She truly did care about him, and she wanted him to feel welcome. It was just a little hard to smile. Instead she settled for just leaning forward. "Tell me now, how is my favorite son doing?"

At the party he had seemed off, and he definitely smelled heavily of guilt now. Something was going on, but she didn't want him to feel afraid to tell her. Not now that they were having their first real meeting in weeks. Or had it been months? She couldn't even remember.

"I guess school must be really tough for you now. You hardly ever seem to have any free time."

[Darryl Bond]

Heaven forbid that Elaine needed a shoulder to lean on. Elaine had held Darryl's hand through some rough times (bad break ups and such) when he was in school, and he was not about to not be there for her. It was a good thing Morgan had called him then---Morgan probably needed to know about this as well, that could wait however. "You have nothing to be sorry about," he told her in a slightly scolding tone. She really didn't. She didn't do this to her own shop after all.

He smiled at her offer of cookies and went over to the plate to nibble on one. He glanced at the door as she did and chuckled slightly. "I was worried," he shrugged his shoulders as he looked back at her, he hadn't expected this to ever happen to Elaine. As she sank into a chair, he looked worried at her for a moment, thinking she was hurt but then he reasoned she was just worn out already. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder and tigthened his hold when she mentioned the ruined store around them. "Let me help." He wasn't exactly asking, but he knew better than to demand anything from his everything-but-legally adopted mother. He was willing to do whatever it was she needed help with whether it was just cleaning up or helping restock the store. He was more than comfortable with the idea of either. He couldn't help but chuckle when she sipped his coffee. She wouldn't like to test his kind of tea, then. "Diabetes, shmiabetes." What a silly notion, him getting such a thing because of the amount sugar he intakes. (Note to self; stop eating sugar.)

"I am...hung over, but otherwise ashamed of my performance," he was talking about the party last night, "and was coming here to see you and apologize for anything I said or did last night that was....drunkenly." He shook his head faintly and then looked around at the wreckage, it was so devastating. "School is....complicated. Between avoiding members of the staff and pulling the play together by the end of the year...there isn't much to enjoy these days." It is his own fault and he knows it, but when has Darryl ever passed up the chance at a pity party?

[Elaine Tonaya]

"Being worried is no reason to go ignoring basic rules of society. Doors, not windows." Of course, had the shoe been on the other foot and Elaine had been trying to get to one of her babies, she would hit anyone who told her to go around to the door instead of using the most direct route possible. In fact, there was an incident of a pool party and an attempt to ignore the shower door completely instead of just opening it, but she was hoping no one would remember that.

Elaine was tempted to send Darryl home when he offered to help, but she was too overwhelmed and could really use the company. Plus, he was a big strong young man now, and why else did she go through the bother of raising two rambunctious teenage boys if not to use them when they were strong young men? "All right, you can help me start by putting those shelves back up while I sweep," she said quietly. "And then we'll start thinking about some of the plants. Maybe you can help me pick out some new ones to start stocking."

Elaine nodded politely as Darryl tried to explain his behavior from the night before. "I'd gathered that you were drunk. I just thought there might be a better reason for it than the usual end-of-the-school-year stress. Though if you're avoiding members of the school staff, I have to assume you've gone and piled yourself into some fairly heavy piles of dung." If possible, avoid swearing. Especially around the children.

"If you were willing to come by and have lunch with me more often we might be able to brighten up your days a bit with some decent cooking. I have to assume the school kitchen still can't measure up to my own meals. Unless, of course, you've been avoiding me as well, hmm?" She was sweeping some piles of dirt into the dustpan, but she paused to lean on her broom and look over at Darryl. "Is there something you've been meaning to tell me? Or should I go ask Morgan?" Yes, it was a low blow, pulling in the other child to tattle. But it was also a strategy that tended to work, and so Elaine favored it.

[Darryl Bond]

"I'll be sure to keep it in mind." Darryl tapped the side of his head when she insisted he should have used the door. He really had just reacted and hadn't he had hurt anything by going through the gaping hole anyway, besides surprise Elaine and shine light on the fact there was a giant hole in the window. He scratched the back of his head as he continued to look around the room, the amount of devastation just made his heart ache.

Darryl had half a feeling that Elaine might want to be alone at the moment, but he was glad when she told him to pick up the shelves. He shrugged out of his coat and draped it across a chair before he went over to the shelves in question, he nudged the dirty and clutter on the floor out of the way and bent down and straightened it. He did the same to the others and sighed at the carnage. He still couldn't exactly get over why someone would do this, however when she suggested he help her pick out her new stock he smiled. Darryl liked flowers, plain and simple.

"Oh yes, definitely more than your garden variety stress." Garden joke aside, Darryl turned to look at his momma with his hands in his pockets, he nudged a broken pot with his foot before he sighed deeply. "Hadn't even meant for anything to happen," he began to explain vaguely. He sighed slightly, knowing Elaine could very well hit him with that broom in her hands for what he was about to tell her.

"I will have you know I cook for myself--sometimes." He said lifting his head up in pride. "But lunch with my favorite mother sounds like heaven," compared to his hurried lunches in his classroom because he is too fearful to brave the staff lounge. He turned back to look at her when she leaned against her broom and he sighed. Ok. Here it was. No more beating around the bush and avoiding her. He shrugged his shoulders slightly as his courage ebbed away. "I was....OK I asked a coworker over to my house because I wanted to get a garden started, to bring some color to my yard before the winter set in (and thanks to picking out Pansies, he still had color to look at, even with snow around). I had asked Midori, and after we were done putting the plants into the ground...well we started drinking." She might have understood where this was going, but he had to actually say it and be a man about it. "She's pregnant. She is due in March. Please don't hit me." He winced and looked away for a moment before he looked back at her, still in a wince. "I've offered to help her in any way possible! I am not going to just vanish! I swear." He also had to get that out of the way before Elaine killed him with that very menacing looking broom.

[Elaine Tonaya]

He was hedging. And she got the feeling that there were far too many lawncare and gardening jokes being bandied about for comfort. But better to let him work it out for himself and just get it all said. So she waited patiently to see what all was on his mind.

"She's pregnant. She is due in March. Please don't hit me."

After that Elaine didn't exactly hear what he was saying, except some reassurances about his willingness to take responsibility. The past came rushing back to her. Almost thirty years ago, when a young man offered to love her forever and take care of her, and she gave up everything to him...and then it all turned to dust. Sure, the family had given her some money, but it had never been the same.

She looked at Darryl, her surrogate son, with tears in her eyes.

"You take care of that kid," she said fiercely. She put her finger up in the air and pointed menacingly at him. "You will be there for that child, in whatever way they need you, and you won't just leave, because every baby needs a dad. Every kid wants to know that their parents love them." She savagely wiped tears from her eyes.

She stood there for a moment, letting her hand drop and shaking her head while looking at the floor. In a situation like this, what was she supposed to say? This was never supposed to happen...not to her kids, any of them.

Finally, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. "How did this happen?" she whispered quietly. "I just thought...I mean, I understand, you don't plan for this. But I always thought it wouldn't be something one of my babies would have to go through." She stepped back and looked up at him. Then she quickly slapped him across the face.

"You can be so stupid sometimes, you know that?" Then she put her hand over her mouth. "No, wait, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...but I did, and you deserved...but that's still no excuse..." She shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself. "Please excuse me. I just...I don't know what to say. I love you, Darryl. And I want you to be able to handle this without just running away and getting drunk. How do I help you with that?"

[Darryl Bond]

He saw the tears in her eyes and he knew she was remembering when she had Morgan--Darryl knew the story as he stayed at the Tonaya house more than his dorm in school, and immediately felt horrible for bringing it up. He had had a feeling that she would have thought back to what happened to her, and Darryl wished he could somehow prove, right at this moment, that it wasn't his intention to leave. Even when he had first heard the news, and responded in a tantrum, he hadn't wanted to vanish and disappear. He'd always planned on being the child's father, because that was what he was. There wasn't an option of him leaving and ignoring his child. There just wasn't.

"Mom, I am. I've told her that. I'm going to be there for them, help them, help raise him." Seeing her feel so strongly about this was making him feel small, and very much a young teenager again. The only hitch in his plan was that he just didn't know how to be a father. He wasn't very paternal and could barely keep a handle of his class of teenagers. He knew that, Midori probably knew that as well, but he still planned to try and that was important.

"It...was a complete accident," he responded when she asked how it happened. They were both blind sided by it, because their encounter was definitely not going to happen again. They were just too different people. Yet they were now together because they were having a baby. It was a huge mistake and never should have happened, but it did.

He let out a small sigh and closed his eyes for a minute, so he didn't tear up himself (because that was embarrassing. He didn't care if Elaine was his momma. He was a grown man and not about to cry), and by doing so he totally missed that Elaine had moved closer to him, and so he was caught completely off guard when she slapped him. His eyes flew open, feeling very much like a stupid kid again who made a mistake that warranted a slap. It was sad to say it wasn't the first time Elaine had done so, and it probably wasn't the last either. He put a slow hand over the burning feeling on his cheek and met eyes with Elaine, still dazed she had slapped him.

It hurt so much more than physically. It was like she didn't know him....or didn't trust him. It was like she was treating him like Midori had when he had first heard the news (and Clarisse when he was drunk the other night). It hurt that it felt like he didn't have her support. It hurt so much. He pressed the side of the same hand that he put on his cheek against his eye, pleading with himself to not break down right here. But he felt abandoned and awful.

She apologized, which kinda helped him reign it back in, but he was still very uncomfortably close to losing it. "Momma," he pleaded, "I'm trying...so hard to be a dad for this baby, but I don't know what that means. I've...I've read books..." He drew in a deep breath when she mentioned him coping but not by getting drunk. It was sure way to turn him into an asshole and after the Christmas party, he was sure to not do that again. "I don't know mom. I just don't know."

[Elaine Tonaya]

Elaine looked up at Darryl, a man she thought of as one of her own children, and a person who she had just slapped for making a mistake. She was horrified with herself. She could forgive other people for their errors, but why was this striking so hard?

She knew the answer, of course. It had been almost thirty years since she had gone through this ordeal herself, but it still hurt every time she thought about it. Still, it wasn’t the pregnancy itself that she regretted. How could she ever regret having Morgan? And, come to think of it, she didn’t even regret choosing to sleep with someone whom she loved. What she regretted was choosing to love someone who couldn’t stand by her side when things became difficult.

And now, as she looked at Darryl, so hurt, but trying so hard to do the right thing, she wanted to help him feel confident in what he was doing. Because yes, he had made a mistake, but at least he was willing to help try to fix it.

“Honey,” she said quietly, “Books are nice and everything, but there is one thing you should know. No child is a textbook baby.” She smiled at him, bleary-eyed. “I’m sorry I hit you, really I am. It wasn’t even you I wanted to hit, it was…someone else.” Her eyes became unfocused for a moment as she remembered Marcus smiling at her. “I took out my aggression on you, and you didn’t deserve that.”

Taking a deep breath, she went over behind the counter. “Now. Pull up a chair, and have a cookie. I have a feeling that there are some things we should talk about.”

As she bit into a cookie herself, she happened to glance around her store, which was still a disaster area. She winced a little, but said firmly to herself that this was more important.

“I’m a little upset I can’t talk to the mother as well. I assume she doesn’t have any children yet…? There are some things about child-rearing you both should know and that you’re not going to get from any book.”

Elaine sighed. “Darryl, I am sure you have realized that your life has changed permanently. Right now, the most important thing is making sure that it has changed for the better. If you’re willing to take care of this child, however, I am sure that this can be the start of something wonderful for you.” And maybe it’ll teach you to grow up, she thought. "I love you, baby. If there is anything I can do to help you through this, you just let me know." She reached forward and pulled him into another hug. "Everything is going to be okay now."

[Darryl Bond]

He could feel himself coming back into control of himself, slowly. Darryl was never one to stay completely sad for long periods of time. He snapped back quick enough, though recently he has had a lot less drive to get out of his funk--but his determination wouldn't just let him give up and be depressed. Elaine and Morgan would kick his ass. He let out a long sigh and looked up at her as she apologized. He understood why she did it, so she didn't have to explain. He really couldn't blame her, and on some level he knew he deserved it, it was a stupid mistake that shouldn't have happened to him. He nodded his head slightly, "it's OK, Momma."

He liked the idea of pulling up a chair and eating some cookies, and that was made obvious by his lack of argument and immediate response to sitting down and nibbling on a cookie. "Maybe I can invite the both of you to dinner, and talk about it," Darryl suggested when Elaine said she was upset she couldn't talk to the mother. "The poor woman's too young to be a mother," Darryl did feel guilty about that. Sure, Darryl wasn't mature enough to have a baby, but Midori was barely out of college and out of her parents' nest.

"It most certainly has changed." He is rather scared of spending his weekend nights at a club now. It happened once, it would happen again, right? He hadn't been on a date since Clarisse...which was a few months ago, he missed the company but he was going to be forever cautious. "When I know what exactly it is I need to ask for, you will be the first to know." Darryl laughed slightly awkwardly into the hug, but it was the truth. He just knew he needed help, what she had mentioned, about the things that they needed to learn but couldn't from the book was a good start, but she already had that covered.

"I believe you, Mom." And he did, and that was obvious in his voice. Things were better with his mom's support and guidance. He felt eons better (slap already forgotten), and knew it would only get better now that she was going to be there. He really should have done this a lot sooner.