Dylan'll Fix It

[Dylan Black]

In a terrible turn of events, Dylan has been given Sean's work in fixing problems. These problems come in letter form, and Dylan HAS to, by threats and a promise of money, reply to these problems.

So, if your character has a problem, be it love, money, family or something else, Dylan will do his best to provide a helpful answer. And by helpful I mean probably blunt and self esteem destroying.


Dylan's ready and waiting. By waiting I mean glaring the hell at me. Go forth and post!

[Danicca Waylan]

So,

I find myself in the middle of quite the predicament. I need to make a decision that will probably fail if I go either way, but I'm trying to find the way that will hurt my psyche less.

But my decisiveness is not the best at this particular point in time.
That's where you come in. I need to know what to do. And yeah, that's all you're getting.

[Dylan Black]

Dear Random Fuckhead;

How the hell should I know what you should do? You gave me a question as vague as a gerbil's bollocks. Pick whichever one you think will suck less.

Incidentally, if you want some sort of useful answer, stop being a re-re and start spilling. Have fun with your big secret decision that wasted two minutes of my life I wont be getting back.

-

Dylan

[Mia Keystone]

So,

Need to get laid. Students are all a bunch of fucktards. Best place to pick up someone who isn't infected with various STD?

And Acid or Shrooms?

go.

[Dylan Black]

Dear Druggie;

Everyone is an STD ridden pile of vomit. Pregnancy and procreation are the worst kind of STD the human race have. If you REALLY want to get your fuck on, go pick someone smart with good genetics so if for whatever reason you create a fetus, it wont be a dumb shit with a face like a puckered ass.

Also. Shrooms. They're slightly safer and what the hell, go all natural.

Enjoy your drug filled sex rampage. No. Really.

Dylan

[Fifi Hart]

So,

I gotta pretend I never went to jail.

How do I make it so with a prominent family and tabloids still on my ass?

-Anon

[Dylan Black]

Anon,

Why have you got to pretend you never went to jail? It seems like lying is just making shit harder for you. So you did something wrong and it fucked your life up, if you're hanging out with the right people they shouldn't give a damn.

But you're probably retarded enough to think you can keep lying about it forever. So what the hell, change your name. Change your hair style? Get adopted by some lovely gay couple (seeing as there's about four and twenty of the fuckers around here) or whatever. How the fuck should I know?

The last time I went to jail was for bottling someone in the face at a bar. So do whatever the fuck you want, Anon. Do I look like an oracle?

Dylan