Can't Stop Looking (Leila)

[Dr. Terrence Jordan]

Dr. Terrence Jordan did not believe it was appropriate to flirt with his patients, even patients he had noticed and found attractive before they wound up in his care. Even patients who were bright and spunky and bafflingly single.

But when he had received a letter from Ms. Gold inviting him out to lunch his qualms about boundaries had mysteriously disappeared, and he had written her back to say that of course, he would love to, and including a list of his days off and promising to call if the hospital unexpectedly requested his presence, as it was wont to do.

Fortunately, the day of their date (he was calling it a date in his mind, regardless of the fact that neither of them had officially labeled it as such) had come, and thus far his phone had been mercifully silent.

He'd arrived at Kali's only about five minutes before their appointed meeting time, but Leila wasn't yet there, and so instead of following the hostess to a table he opted to wait out front for the pretty attorney, feeling oddly nervous.

He wasn't usually early.

He wasn't usually nervous.

This was what pretty, spunky, intelligent young women did to him, they made his stomach tie up in knots of anticipation. He supposed he should be grateful that at least she had asked him to lunch, so it wasn't too improper. He just hoped she wouldn't freak out too much if he asked to see her again sometime, outside of the professional capacity they currently saw each other in.

[Leila Gold]

She was going to be late. She'd tried to get out of the office on time but some last-minute phone calls meant that she was left scrambling, throwing all of her things together and throwing a hasty wave to a befuddled Blue as she ran out the door. She left Athena at the office so the poor dog wouldn't have to sit outside the restaurant for an hour.

As she walked/ran toward Kali's, she tried to pull her hair back into a respectable bun. She settled for a ponytail and busied herself trying to touch up her make-up as she went, but only managed to miss with the lipstick and get a smear on her chin that she hoped she had wiped off entirely.

The note itself had been something hastily put together, and she'd forced herself to send it off before she could have second thoughts. Because she liked Terrence, and she wanted to spend more time with him...but she wasn't really sure she should. But it couldn't hurt to try...but it might mess things up horribly...but, but, but. When he'd said yes, she had literally squealed for joy before containing herself again. Now, though, she was just nervous.

What if it didn't go well? What if they had nothing to talk about? What if they disagreed on everything? Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea...

But then she was almost to the cafe and there was no choice in the matter. Glancing down at her watch, she muttered under her breath, "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important--" She caught herself before the last word. Easier not to call this a date, so that if it flopped it wouldn't be such a big deal.

Straightening her shirt, slicking back her hair, and rubbing at her chin again to hopefully rub off all misplaced make-up, she was about to head in when she realized that Terrence was actually waiting out front for her.

"Oh," she said, a bit surprised. "Sorry! I uh, didn't see you there." She gave a small smile. Why was she so nervous? Biting her lip to hide some of her anxiety, she gestured toward the doorway. "Shall we?"

Once inside, she turned to Terrence. "So, I guess you'll be glad to hear that I'm doing well. Nothing strange at all. And I've gotten to see some really pretty scenery on some of my walks, so that's good. What have you been doing recently?"

[Dr. Terrence Jordan]

Terrence followed Leila into the restaurant, noting with mild relief that she seemed just as anxious as he felt. He would have felt ridiculous being the only one of the two who was nervous.

He smiled at her report, because the news was all positive, though he wasn't entirely sure where to draw the boundaries between his role as her doctor and his role as....well, whatever it was they were supposed to be. Friend, he supposed.

The hostess lead them to a table, right in the middle of the restaurant, letting them know that someone named Chenda would be their server. He nodded in thanks before pulling Leila's chair out for her.

"We're reading The Great Gatsby in the book club. It's a shame you haven't been able to make it, the discussion is always quite scintillating."

He flicked open his menu, scanning the items one by one. He should have looked up the menu ahead of time; now it was going to take him half an hour to make a decision as he had to weigh each possibility.

"What do you recommend?"

Maybe Leila's opinion would help him with his choice.tr

[Leila Gold]

Leila gratefully sat in the chair Terrence pulled out for her. It was sweet of him, and she was glad to see that manners and courtesy hadn't completely disappeared in the modern age. She hadn't had someone treat her that nicely since...well, actually since she dated Morgan all the way back in high school.

"Thank you," she said as she sat down. "I remember The Great Gatsby. That was a good book, though the first time I read it I didn't like it. But then, not all books are meant to be read when you're twelve." She gave a wry grin. "I'm glad you've been enjoying it. I hope to attend the next meeting, so hopefully I can jump right back in."

She was lazily glancing through the menu and had narrowed it down to two options. When Terrence asked, she gave a small sigh. "I don't know for sure. I absolutely love the club sandwich here--they make it with this delicious homemade bread and melt the cheese, with the most excellent mustard sauce--but I also really like their Philly cheese steak. It's so hard to choose..." As she sat and mulled over the decision she chewed on her bottom lip.

"Hey, I've got an idea!" she cried, looking up. "How about you get the club and I'll get the Philly and we can split fifty-fifty. That way we can each have some of both! And you get the seasoned fries and I'll get onion rings and we can share." Belatedly she realized that he probably didn't want her ordering for him, so she nervously twirled a strand of hair around one finger as she apologized. "That is, if you want to. Or you can pick something else. Most everything here is really tasty, so you can't go wrong."

She could have kicked herself. She wasn't supposed to be making silly suggestions like that. But it was her nature to just take charge, and it was harder for her to step out of that.

"Have you tried all the restaurants in town?" she asked Terrence after the waitress had returned and left again with their order. "I've been here for almost a year now, but I still don't think I've managed to try everything. I usually find favorites and settle, when I should be trying more new things." Idly she swirled her straw in her lemonade. "I even have that problem with books sometimes. I let myself get too bogged down in the classics or in a certain genre, and then I have to force myself to try something different. Do you have that sort of problem?"

[Dr. Terrence Jordan]

"You read The Great Gatsby when you were only twelve?" Terrence was impressed; it wasn't a difficult book for an adult, but for a child the symbolism and thematic elements had to be difficult. Not to mention an understanding of the time period, and adult social norms in general. "You must have been a very intelligent child."

Oops, did that make it sound like he thought she wasn't intelligent now? He hoped she understood the compliment intended.

"If you need a ride to the next meeting I would be happy to pick you up." He offered. The rest of the members would surely be excited to see her there again, particularly since she was the most likely to take charge during meetings.

Leila didn't have to worry about her domineering attitude scaring off Dr. Jordan; he was more than happy to allow her to make the decision for him lest he send the waitress away ten times before he'd decided upon the first thing he'd looked at after all. And so when she apologized he smiled, shaking his head, "Don't apologize. I don't mind at all. In fact, I think that's a wonderful idea."

He kept to himself how pleased he was that she didn't mind sharing with him.

"I'm afraid I haven't tried every restaurant, no," He admitted, "Though I am glad to know I am not the only one who gets stuck in a routine. I agree that trying new things is healthy, but I am very....indecisive. It is easier to stay with what I know instead of taking the time to make a decision about something new."

And in the interest of showing interest in her and her life he added, "And how is your dog?" She'd been so concerned about her pet when she'd been in the hospital that he'd taken note. "And have you started back work again? I hope that is going well for you."

[Leila Gold]

"Not so much intelligent as bored. And it looked like a good book when it was on the shelf. Nice and thin, next to some of the others. Like Dickens." She shuddered. "It wasn't until after college when I could actually get through Dickens. It was just so wordy."

But wait, what if he really liked Dickens? She probably should've tested the waters before jumping in with a statement like that. What if he was offended that she disliked one of her favorite authors?

"That would be great, actually. I sometimes think about getting myself a car, but it's just not worth it in such a small town. What I really want is to have my horse up here, but keeping Red in the apartment just isn't feasible." She gave a little sigh, then grinned to show she was joking. Though it would be nice to see her horse again, it was impractical to bring her up to Vermont.

"Really?" she said when Terrence agreed with her plan. "That's great, then! And I think we can ask for extra plates so it'll be easier for us to swap food." Having done this a few times with various friends and family members over the years, Leila had become skilled at the halfsies game at restaurants.

"That makes sense. I guess I'm kind of a creature of habit, too. Though I wouldn't say I'm indecisive. It's just that once I make a decision, I don't really like to change my mind." She thought for a moment, then gave a shy grin. "I guess that would be why everyone says I'm stubborn," she admitted.

"Oh, Athena? She's great. I figured she would be. She's a great dog--smarter than me, most of the time. I just don't like leaving her alone." She was pleased that he remembered her dog and some of the rest of her life, including her desire to go back to work. "As far as the office goes, well, I'm back, but Blue's got me on minimal work. Which means I'm doing desk work, basically. Until I'm pronounced fit enough to go back to the leg work of running around and talking to different people, viewing establishments and things like that. But being in the office has been okay. For one thing I realized that we need better chairs in there, so I'm getting to entertain myself by looking through catalogs for some decent furniture. And, of course, there's the bills to organize still and some of the other little things that pile up. I'm sure you know how it goes."

Realizing suddenly that she had been doing a lot of the talking, she tried to redirect the conversation. "And what about you? How's work been going? Any interesting new developments?"

[Dr. Terrence Jordan]

Terrence actually did rather like Dickens, as he was taken with verbose and depressing stories on the whole, but he wasn't offended; he knew his reading material wasn't exactly the most popular.

"I don't believe we went over this in the book club," He carefully set his menu down, so the waiter wouldn't think he was still looking, "But who is your favorite author?" She'd mentioned enjoying classics, but he didn't know what she meant by certain genres. He was half-inclined to guess Romance; he had never met a reader of the Romance genre who would admit to enjoying the genre without some measure of embarrassment. And no wonder, given the critical, suspicious eye it was cast by serious intellectuals.

"I myself am fond of Dostoyesvsky, but I suspect you would consider him too wordy if you do not care for Dickens."

At the mention of a horse he quirked an eyebrow curiously, "You have a horse? Did you do dressage?" The wistful expression on her face when she talked of the horse tugged at his heart. "There aren't any horse barns nearby? I can't believe there's no place you could keep her. Him?" Red was nice and gender neutral, making a pronoun difficult to decide upon. "But I certainly do not mind picking you up for the book club."

He gave her a grin when she admitted that people said she was stubborn, followed by, "But that's not always a bad thing, is it." Stubbornness was vital when battling against life threatening health problems and diseases.

"With a name like Athena I should hope she would be smart," He teased. He was glad to hear that her life was gaining some semblance of normality now; while he wanted her to rest and relax, it did nobody any good to go stir crazy because they couldn't do anything.

"Not much is new in my world," He admitted with a shrug. "But that also is not always a bad thing."

[Leila Gold]

"My favorites change from day to day," Leila said, grateful that he wasn't offended about her dislikes. "Today I find that I like Georgette Heyer, but tomorrow it might be Wilde. I find that today, though, I'm just in the mood for a nice romance." Whoops, had she meant that to come out that way? Well, it was there now. And she didn't feel like recalling it. "When I was in the hospital, though, I admit that I was really in the mood for a tragedy. Something bloody and deadly, I was so upset. Tomorrow I suspect that I'll be wanting a comedy, maybe some Neil Gaiman or Terry Pratchett." She smiled and shrugged. "What about you? Any particular favorites?"

The mention of Dostoyevsky made her scrunch up her face. "Nah, never been much of a fan. That's true for most of the Russians, though. I guess maybe I just never found the right books to get into it."

She was glad to talk about her horse. "No, not dressage. Just...riding. It was a gift for when I graduated from Hammel. I didn't really get the chance to ride much, just in the summers, but then I went out every day, going around the ranch." The memories of home made her smile wistfully, then she came back to earth still happy. "Huh? Oh, it's a guy. And I guess I just never considered a horse farm--do they even have those in Vermont? I guess they would, it's got enough area for it."

She laughed. "I suppose it might be good. I don't know, most times I only get people complaining about my stubborness." Like Blue, and her parents, and sometimes her friends...

"You seem pretty optimistic. That's also not always a bad thing," she said, playing with her drink again. "I think I'm around a lot of really pessimistic people. Like Blue, who finds something wrong with a sunny day. Well, okay, that's a lie. I'm around one pessimistic person, and because I spend so much time with him it can sometimes cloud my day. You know anyone like that?"

[Dr. Terrence Jordan]

"There's nothing wrong with wanting a good romance." Terrence opined, although really Leila didn't look in the need for reassurance about this at all. "Romance is an important part of life for most people, so it is natural it is also important in stories."

Which, now that they were on the subject, prompted him to ask, "Of course, I hope your boyfriend is not too jealous that you're meeting your doctor for lunch."

He hadn't seen nor heard any mention of boyfriends the entire time she'd been in the hospital, but he felt he ought to play it safe and ask just in case. It would be entirely awkward to find that he was pining for someone who wasn't even available. Or, and this thought had only now occurred to him, she could be a lesbian. It had seemed like all her visitors were gay men, and maybe that was why, maybe she was just heavily involved in the local LGBT community.

He would be attracted to the young lady who wasn't interested in men.

Her nostalgia for her horse made him smile; he would like to see her ride. Horses seemed so appropriate a pet for such an independent woman, running free in wild meadows. Maybe that was a bit more romantic than what actually happened, but it was a nice image. "Mmm. I think I have driven past a few." He supplied, searching his brain for details. He was going to have to find a horse ranch now, as a surprise, because she might like having her horse nearby again, and it would be good exercise.

Definitely not as a method of courtship.

"Stubbornness can be a very important survival skill," He pointed out, unrolling his napkin as the server returned with their sandwiches. "And it is good for society to have stubborn people. Nothing would change if you gave up too easily, and sometimes things need to change."

He shrugged easily at her comment about his optimism, "And optimism goes side by side with stubbornness, wouldn't you agree? I stubbornly expect that life will turn out good, that change for the better will happen. And I have seen plenty of bad things change to good, so I think my attitude is justified."

Both in his personal and his professional life he'd seen life where death was expected, change in policy when attitudes had been dark.

He scooted his chair back slightly so that the server could place his sandwich before him, then added, "And how are we splitting these?"

[Leila Gold]

Leila had been in the middle of a swallow of her drink and coughed a bit when Terrence asked about her boyfriend. Frankly, she was just glad she hadn't spurted something through her nose. She held her napkin to her mouth while she recovered, then managed to smile. "Oh, sorry. That was just not the question I was expecting. Haha." A nervous laugh. But hopefully it didn't sound that nervous. "No, I don't have a boyfriend. The only person who might get jealous that you're stealing my time is Blue, and he's probably glad to have me out of the office for a bit. He's really patient with me, but I can tell that I get on his nerves sometimes. Mostly I can tell because he yells at me to go away for a bit." She shrugged. "I guess it's just like any other father/daughter relationship."

She inspected her glass to see if it was still usable after her coughing fit as she continued. "I haven't been on a date in, oh, ages it feels like. I just get sucked into my work, and it always feels that there's no time for anything else. It's hard for me to just slow down and take a slower pace."

Deeming the drink still suitable, she took another sip and placed the glass carefully back on the table. "Well then there's another problem, of course. The driving. Do you know, I don't think I've even left Pilot Ridge in months. Which is remarkable, considering I used to spend all my time in a big city. But I guess maybe I've always been a bit more of a country girl at heart."

She was intrigued by his defense of her stubborn streak, and the role of defiance in general. It was true, of course. No rebellion was ever fought that didn't have its hard-headed frontrunners. And what inventor had ever succeeded through giving up? Usually, though, that was described as "perseverance" as opposed to "stubbornness."

"It's good that you can still focus on the positive in life," Leila said, playing with her napkin again. "I'd heard that doctors sometimes had trouble keeping a cheerful attitude, sincce there are also a lot of things that can go wrong. Do go wrong. If you're in the hospital, it means that something is already wrong with you. I suppose being able to put up with that every day and working through it is a pretty important life skill."

Leila smiled up at the waitress as she brought out the meal. "Just cut it in half and slide it onto the extra plate," she said, already cutting hers down the middle. "And try to estimate on the fries. Then we'll just swap plates." She slid the Philly onto her extra plate along with half the onion rings and looked up with a smile. "Which half do you want?" she asked, gesturing toward the two plates.

[Dr. Terrence Jordan]

Terrence was encouraged by her response, more so because of the confession she hadn't been on a date in awhile, though he also felt a bit guilty for feeling so pleased about it. He shouldn't be glad she didn't have a boyfriend because she didn't have time to date, but he couldn't help it. This meant he had more of a chance.

Which he also shouldn't be thinking.

"I haven't been on a date in ages either," He reassured her. "It's difficult to find the time, I know. But I'm flattered a woman as busy as yourself was willing to take time out to meet me for lunch."

He furrowed his brow when she suggested he had reason to be more pessimistic than was his natural inclination. "A lot can go wrong," He agreed carefully, following her instructions and cutting his sandwich in half, quite the feat when he only had a butter knife handy. "Realistically a lot can and will go wrong, you are right, and I can't guarantee anything to anyone. But I have seen a lot go right and that is what makes this worth doing."

He slid his plate toward her, allowing her to choose which half of the sandwich she would like.

"And when I was a boy, I wanted to be a doctor, you know, but I didn't think I would have the chance. Opportunities were not very good in my home country. To be pessimistic when I have achieved something against great odds, that seems foolish to me."

He eyed the two halves of the philly cheesesteak she was offering, reaching out and snagging the one on his right solely because it was slightly closer. "It smells delicious."

[Leila Gold]

"I'm flattered such a busy doctor could've made time in his schedule for me," Leila said, only blushing slightly around the ears. She smiled gently. "Plus, everyone needs lunch. Eating is a very good thing. It even says it in the Bible. Somewhere. 'Eat, drink, and be merry.' I'm fairly certain that's in there, though it might be Shakespeare. Or both. Shakespeare poached from everywhere." She was rambling again, and she suddenly became self-conscious about her rattling off, so she grabbed her drink and forced herself to shut up by taking a large gulp.

"Well, I'm glad you're able to keep such a beautiful view on life. I bet it's because you're such a good doctor, and you get a lot of good results." She reached across and tapped one of the sandwich halves. "I think you can probably take some of the fries, though. I don't think I'll be able to finish them all." She brought the food over in front of her.

"Your home country?" she asked curiously, cocking her head to one side. "Where are you from? I don't think I ever asked. And if I did, I might have been only half conscious." She closed her eyes and said a quick prayer over the food before grabbing an onion ring and popping it into her mouth. "It tastes delicious, too," she said after swallowing. "Dig in."

She cut off a bite of the Philly and lifted it to her mouth. "I suppose it's different when you never really had to work for anything. It's too easy to think that you're going to lose it all in the next instant." And she instantly stuffed her mouth to keep from saying anything else.

[Dr. Terrence Jordan]

"It is from the Bible," Terrence agreed with a smile, "Though if I am remembering correctly the person quoted was being used as a poor example of someone lazy and selfish, though I must admit to being fond of eating and being merry myself, so perhaps I should take your view and say yes, the Bible says this is what I should do."

The idea of Shakespeare poaching from the Bible caused a chuckle to escape. "I don't know if it can be considered poaching if you're audience is expected to know your reference."

He didn't feel that she was rambling, as he was interested in what she had to say. Apparently she thought he was somehow a superior doctor to some others out there, which was possible, but he didn't think skill was the only factor in patient survival.

"If I start saying I am so good, so many of my patients survive, that is the signal for one of them to die on me. I do my best, but it isn't always up to me. I can't just program in the right code and then people will recover. Human bodies are delicate and complex, they don't always react the way you expect even after practicing medicine for years."

He scooted a goodly sized pile of fries his way; she shouldn't eat many of them anyway, not with as much salt as they probably had on them. "I'm from South Africa."

That was probably all she really needed to know; apartheid was well-known.

The comment about not having to work hard made him shake his head. She was a pretty young white woman in America, which of course entailed a certain amount of privilege, but he'd never met anyone who never had to work at anything.

"You are an attorney, yes? That does not sound like a career for someone who doesn't have to work."

[Leila Gold]

"Yup, knew it was in there," Leila said with a grin. "I love out-of-context quotes, don't you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, sure, maybe everyone knew that reference. But what about the tons of others that he threw in? Sometimes he just blatantly stole from other sources, and where's his reference page? Completely absent. With all the referencing work we had to do in school, crediting him all those times, why doesn't he do us a favor and mention all the things he threw in? Sure would make cross-referencing either." She'd always hated works cited lists and referencing in general. Nevermind the fact that Shakespeare had lived in the 1600s, if she had to do it then why did he think himself above it?

"No, I guess not. I mean, it's a good thing we're not robots, but man, it might make things easier. Or if there was some sort of instruction manual." She frowned. "I guess you're right, though. No need to jinx it. I feel the same way about my cases sometimes. You figure you've got one in the bag, and then someone goes and throws a kink in the whole works, brings up a surprise witness or something, and you just fall flat on your fact. It's awful. Not that we often go to court, of course, but it's the same when we're just negotiating."

Eyes wide, Leila forced herself to take a slow bite of her fries before responding. "South Africa? And you've been here how long? Geez, you must be pretty amazing at languages. Or did you learn English while you were there? I would've thought...but I guess you've been here long enough to have learned English pretty well anyway. Sorry. I guess it's just because I never could learn any other languages, or even really visit other places, so I always get excited hearing about it from others. How did you even...I mean...getting here must've...oh. Oh, whoops," she said, putting a hand over her mouth. "Sorry, my mouth sometimes runs away with me. I didn't mean to pry." And she flushed again and shoved a bite of sandwich into her mouth.

"Well, I suppose saying I never work is a bit strong. But I mostly just do that because I like it, and I want to make sure that there are equal rights for everyone. That's the big one right now. But I just...I don't know. I don't even really need this job, I could just inherit what my parents have. But they built it up, so they raised me with a pretty strong work ethic. They're both doctors, too, but I guess you probably know that. But with that and the money in the stock market...plus the ranch...I don't know, I guess all the money just kind of built up. We've got enough that I could even run for office, if I wanted to someday."

[Dr. Terrence Jordan]

"But think of all the footnotes!" Terrence objected, "Would he have to have someone recite all his references at the end of every play? Most movies and plays make reference to people and events and do not make a list, you either catch them or you don't."

He felt that it would bog down most works to have a list; it was easier for people to look things up later if they wanted to know, or perhaps to learn during school. Being told all at once while watching the play would be far too overwhelming, and rather boring.

"I do the best I can with the instruction manual the scientists before me have figured out," He chuckled, shaking his head. "But I am sure nobody would want to be a robot, that would allow too easily for mechanics to reprogram."

Her comparison was quite apt, and he gave her a smile between bites of philly. "Yes, you can't plan for everything. Some things are out of everyone's control."

He was used to people's reactions when he told them where he was from, and so it didn't bother him that she was asking so many questions. At least she didn't ask anything about apartheid or the ANC or necklacing or anything else uncomfortable.

"I wouldn't say I am good with languages. At home we spoke Zulu, but English, it is the language used by the government and by the media. It is only one of eleven official languages, but it is difficult to get by without knowing it. I can understand decently languages in the same family as Zulu, but there is another branch of African languages spoken frequently, and I cannot understand any of it. A lot of people in America think, oh, you must speak Afrikaans, but that was more prevalent in the west and the north. But I have been here awhile, since I was eighteen, actually, so I hope my English is not too terrible."

He listened with interest to her background. She undeniably had a more privileged upbringing than he had; Amos would hate her. He certainly wouldn't understand his brother being attracted to someone who had much in common (superficially, at least) with the Boers who had oppressed them. But she wanted to use her privilege to help others, and Terrence admired that.

"Many politicians begin in law." He noted. "Would you start with city council or try for a big position immediately?"