Burning In Paradise (Sean)

The first batch were swiftly sealed up in tupperware and the second batch were deposited onto the cooling racks. As the other man resumed their conversation he began moving his utensils and trays to the sink; he would deal with them when they began cleaning up after supper.

"Everyone doubts themselves sometimes," He pointed out; he didn't believe his doubts were any more serious or worse than those of other peoples. In any event, he was convinced that he didn't really meet Sean's needs and he didn't think that was a matter of doubting himself .

"All I meant by this is that I want to meet your needs and I want to know what they are and for you to not be afraid to tell me or ask me for things."

As Josh washed his hands he listened to Sean's explanation. It both was and wasn't expected; sometimes he truly didn't notice, taking whatever happened at face value. He'd particularly suffered from this lack of perspective when he was younger, and while he had gotten better it was still a weak spot. That he was only now able to articulate what was bothering him in their relationship was a testament to that.

And now that Sean had verbalized his own point of view it only made it clearer to Josh that this had been part of the problem from the beginning.

"Discomfort and doubt won't kill me," He assured his partner, grabbing a dish cloth to dry his hands. "If they're growing pains so our relationship can thrive then it's even worth facing them. "

And he meant that. He knew he could be stubborn and difficult and he hid from discomfort and awkwardness and he didn't like talking about his feelings or admitting to anything that made him feel emasculated or weak. But that didn't mean he should never try.

The explanation made sense, particularly where Sean was concerned, but it did nothing to reassure Josh that he wasn't somehow missing some key component for how to be in a relationship with Sean. There ought to be a book for people dating psychics so that he would have some starting point; that they had known one another for three decades and had a relationship in some capacity or other wasn't as helpful as he would have liked. He wished he could say thirty three (going on thirty four!) years of friendship and amorphous boundaries had attuned him to the telepath's needs, but this was not the case. All he had learned was that Sean would automatically meet his, spoken or not, while he fell down again and again and again.

And this discussion wasn't helping, because he merely felt pushy instead of concerned. And then he would say something and Sean would get that sad expression that meant whatever he had said was wrong or hurtful but instead of saying as much or correcting him the telepath would accommodate and he would never be able to figure out on his own what he had done. And asking resulted in deflection.

"I wish I could say I knew everything about you." He told his partner, moving from the sink to join him. "And that of course your priorities come immediately to mind, because we've been friends forever but I don't always. I want to know, though, and the only way I know how to know for sure is to ask."

He slid one arm around the other man's waist, hoping to reassure through touch that he was still happy in the relationship regardless of the concerns he was bringing up. "I appreciate you trying to explain. We agreed to talk this time around so I thought I should try that instead of trying to figure things out in my head, because I'm usually wrong when I do that."

He gave Sean a smile at that; it was a joke, albeit one with a kernel of truth he didn't always like admitting to.

Josh knew that holding Sean was counterproductive to dinner happening, but he felt that the way their conversation was going it was necessary for both of them. Certainly the kiss was reassuring, more so than any of their dialog had been.

"Because you need something." He responded to the query immediately, needing no time to reflect on his answer. "If you're requesting because I need you to request that's you capitulating to my needs again which is the opposite of what I want to accomplish."

He couldn't deny that being a telepath was probably rather difficult, given what Sean had said about it over the years. And while being with the other man was different from being with any of his other boyfriends had been, and there had been rather extreme difficulties their first go, all in all he thought being with Sean was easier.

Personal bias may have had something to do with that perception, of course, but that didn't stop him from vocalizing his thoughts.

"You're easier to be with than anyone else I've dated." He proclaimed, and then, reluctantly, he parted, allowing the other man to finish preparing the nachos. "If you need something, ask me. That's all. You shouldn't be the only one to compromise."

"There's room in my head for both of us," Josh promised. As stated earlier there were times when he needed space to process on his own, but that was a potential danger in any relationship, that one person would try to force him to process faster than he was either capable or comfortable with, and so he didn't blame the telepathy; it was simply an aggravating factor.

As Sean went to stir the chili he began to get out the flatware and plates, busying himself setting the table for their meal in silence. He shifted their respective mugs out of his way while mentally casting about for a change of topic should it become necessary, having begun to give up hope that their conversation would be able to move beyond the point they were at now.

The imperative caught him by surprise, and he turned to look at the other man, prepared to exclaim that of course he loved Sean, but the words died on his lips as he realized what had occurred.

He had asked the telepath what his needs were; this was an answer. This was the request he'd asked for.

Such a simple request, and one that, upon reflection, he had wholly neglected to do because it seemed something that was simply known and had no need to be stated aloud. Evidently his assumption had been wrong.

"I love you."

Josh lapsed into silence contemplation as Sean pointed out that despite the telepathy he was still human, with a very human need for validation. It was easy to lose sight of because at times the other man seemed so far removed from the petty emotions and needs of other people, but now that this was pointed out to him Josh was resolved to do a better job at verbal affection.

"Thank you," He said after a moment of fidgeting with the place settings until they were straightened just so. "Thank you for telling me. I'll do better."

He was sure that it wouldn't be easy; if it were easy he would already be doing it. But he was aware now, and awareness meant he could work on changing.