All Because of You (Josh)

Despite the fact that his partner was arguing with him on the merits of trying and on their interpretations of that, Sean felt that they were reaching some consensus. That was more than he had expected when they had begun this conversation. “I didn’t say you shouldn’t try. I said that I don’t want you to judge yourself if, and when, we aren’t perfect. Because I don’t expect us to be perfect.” The telepath hadn’t expected perfection out of their relationship since before the Break Up. “If you want to try, I won’t stop you, but please don’t play a tit-for-tat game. And don’t grow frustrated when, at the end of the day, our brains and needs remain different.”

Then came the concession on Josh’s part, admitting that Sean had a perspective of his own. That was far better; perhaps he had actually made himself clear to his partner after all. Good.

The telepath shook his head, affirming that he didn’t mind if his partner ate. In fact, he was glad that Josh had renewed interest in eating, given how he had only picked at his food before their conversation, as he tended to do when he felt guilty or anxious. “Go ahead,” he told him.

Sean might not join him in the endeavor, but it was important for Josh to eat.

Since they had both agreed to communicate more clearly and honestly, and because Sean had asked equally uncomfortable questions of Josh, he was prepared to answer his partner’s question honestly. “I don’t think that you’re frustrated at me for being different,” he informed the other man, gazing across the table at him. Even watching Josh enjoy his meal, and hearing the thought that he did, in fact, enjoy it, wasn’t enough to restore the telepath’s appetite.

“I don’t think that you consciously want me to change, and I think that, consciously, you do like a lot of the ways that we’re different. You’re also used to me,” he pointed out. And he remembered the obsession from college and graduate school; he knew that Josh had soaked up those differences and possibly couldn’t separate them in his mind at this stage in life. That wasn’t a topic of contention.

“But I think that at the end of the day, most people find it easier to be in a relationship with someone where they don’t have to bump and grind over this.” Sean shrugged his shoulders. “I think that you worry, because we’re different, and all of the roadmaps in media for relationships are meaningless to us. But if we weren’t different, if I was more like you or you were more like me, you probably wouldn’t worry as much because we wouldn’t bump and grind. I have amorphous boundaries; you don’t judge me for that, but I’m sure it would be easier if I didn’t.”