A Helping Of Sympathy (Yulia)
Oct 15, 2011 0:08:18 GMT -5
Post by Yulia Sokolov on Oct 15, 2011 0:08:18 GMT -5
Yulia was now face to face with one of those questions that she never wanted to answer. Back in Russia it would not have mattered, not really based on where she was. Here, in her brand new life it did matter. Did she use her power often? Aka, how often did you hurt people using your meta ability, because that was all she could do. Also, how did she tell someone who had been hurt by metas? She didn’t want Josh to associate her with that, but she knew that also she shouldn’t lie to him, and that she probably couldn’t anyways.
“I did, a great deal in Russia. Some was training and some was combat. It is not a good thing or a pretty thing but I had to do it. I think differently of it now, it never felt like hurting people, more like survival.” She knew that wasn’t a very good excuse, but it was the only one that she could give him. She knew that it probably was not satisfactory, especially given what she could garner of what had happened to him. In fact she thought that this was probably anything but comfortable and reassuring. It was too late to take it back now though, he knew, it was out there in the open.
What he said briefly about Sean did make her nod though. “I know how he feels. If it was not for Odarennyi I do not know what would have happened. Now that I realize how different things could have been if I were elsewhere I feel slightly bitter about it, but the truth is that things could have been far force. Had I been left to my own devices god only knows what would have happened, what kind of damage I might have done. Honestly I think that it would have driven me mad. It was terrifying as a child to get mad at one of my sister, to wish harm upon them in my anger and then to see them actually in agony. I did not know what I had done and I was scared to be angry, scared to be happy, scared to be scared.” She stopped herself then, realizing that she had carried on more than she meant to.
Josh’s suggestion was a fair one, though she could already rule one out. She knew that Anya had attended Hammel and not Odarennyi. She was not so sure about Mr. Makarov, but she was not sure she could approach him.
“I might, though these memories are not things I want to relive,” she said with a laugh that was not really out of amusement. It was becoming increasingly hard to just shove everything back down emotionally. She didn’t know how to handle that, she didn’t have the coping mechanisms, the ability to express, or even anything musically cathartic. She could cry, and she was tempted to, but that was something she also resisted. This was all supposed to be a fresh start, wasn’t it? So how had she managed to mess it up so badly? Why was everything still following her?
“I did, a great deal in Russia. Some was training and some was combat. It is not a good thing or a pretty thing but I had to do it. I think differently of it now, it never felt like hurting people, more like survival.” She knew that wasn’t a very good excuse, but it was the only one that she could give him. She knew that it probably was not satisfactory, especially given what she could garner of what had happened to him. In fact she thought that this was probably anything but comfortable and reassuring. It was too late to take it back now though, he knew, it was out there in the open.
What he said briefly about Sean did make her nod though. “I know how he feels. If it was not for Odarennyi I do not know what would have happened. Now that I realize how different things could have been if I were elsewhere I feel slightly bitter about it, but the truth is that things could have been far force. Had I been left to my own devices god only knows what would have happened, what kind of damage I might have done. Honestly I think that it would have driven me mad. It was terrifying as a child to get mad at one of my sister, to wish harm upon them in my anger and then to see them actually in agony. I did not know what I had done and I was scared to be angry, scared to be happy, scared to be scared.” She stopped herself then, realizing that she had carried on more than she meant to.
Josh’s suggestion was a fair one, though she could already rule one out. She knew that Anya had attended Hammel and not Odarennyi. She was not so sure about Mr. Makarov, but she was not sure she could approach him.
“I might, though these memories are not things I want to relive,” she said with a laugh that was not really out of amusement. It was becoming increasingly hard to just shove everything back down emotionally. She didn’t know how to handle that, she didn’t have the coping mechanisms, the ability to express, or even anything musically cathartic. She could cry, and she was tempted to, but that was something she also resisted. This was all supposed to be a fresh start, wasn’t it? So how had she managed to mess it up so badly? Why was everything still following her?
