Just Leave (Lani.)

Maybe it had been a good thing that Rhett had punched him this morning. It had triggered something. Granted an insane something but then maybe that was what he needed to knock him back into reality. So Lani was back to himself. He was rushing around his room with the need to do something. He dove into cleaning making his room more impeccable than it had been in months. In this he took all of his contacts through his boss. He took all of the cards all of the fake IDs and he dug out all of the old notes. He tore apart the notebooks he had of different job details and future assignments. It was all a tedious but rewarding thing. After closing that door he had separated himself completely. He sifted through the contacts and keeping a few of those loyal outside of his boss he dumped the rest in the trashcan. Followed by his IDs. All but the ones he had had made, the aliases his boss didn’t know. There went ten lives. Including Kyle Kesling.

He dumped them all and now full of paper and his past lives. His lies, his deceit. And he lit it up. Struck a match and tossed it in. He watched as the flames swallowed up his life. The smoke lifted higher and higher. But the smoke detector didn’t make any noise, it had long been broken. Lani didn’t move he just stood there staring letting the scent of melted plastic and burning paper fill his nose. And somehow this was a release. He doused it in water when the ashes smoldered. No more paper trail. Somehow Lani didn’t feel any lighter. Not any better. Not even a little. His hands ached for something else to do but finding nothing he found himself slipping into emotional turmoil again.

Hiding his face in his hands as the groans of wordless agony slipped his lips. What had he done? He was erased. Nobody. Nothing defined him anymore. His world was gone. He had never thought leaving his boss would leave him so lost. Directionless. And without anyone to guide him he was slipping. He swallowed his emotions and replaced his well trained mask over his face. He had to at least try. He hadn’t realized he had come to rely on Odion until he was gone. Not a word had passed between them since they left. Lani closed his eyes and nearly lost it again. He was never going to sleep again. Those eyes! They looked at him like he was nothing. A stranger. Xenos. He slouched out of his room and found his feet down the hall before he could stop himself. Odion’s door was open so he stepped in. Darshay mewed at his entrance and rubbed on his feet seeking his attention. But it was not to be. He was looking at Odion but not looking at him. He was looking at the man but his eyes were downcast. He couldn’t look at those eyes.

He took a deep breath forcing himself to not freak out. “I know,” he said his voice hoarse, “But I have to talk to you.” I have to make this right.The words suddenly fell out like a fountain and he couldn’t stop them. “This was never supposed to happen. Please, let me just explain. Oh god…” this was all coming out so wrong. “I never meant to get you hurt. I’m so sorry, Odion.” He tore his hands across his face ignoring the pain it caused his fresh injuries. “I can’t ever make this right,” he acknowledged, “And I know I’ll never deserve it. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Odion, I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to…” What? Lie? Of course he had. What good would that be covering up a lie with a lie? Lani's eyes traveled to the suitcase for the first time. "You're leaving." He said more of a statement than a question. Lani felt like the vulture was eating his heart, instead of his liver, but Lani was no myth and Lani didn't think it would ever grow back.

Lani snapped his jaw shut as he was bombarded. Half of him wanted to scream back to deny Odion’s accusations but the part that knew they were right was stronger and so he stood his fists clenched and his jaw tight. Lani looked away in shame and he blinked back the stubborn tears. Odion was taking the talons of truth and raking them across his chest. Lani didn’t know if he would have a heart after this. It was in tatters. Odion stepped back and Lani opened his hands. “Yes, I didn’t trust you,” he accepted, “But I do trust you. Odion don’t you see? I lied, yes, but I lied to keep this from happening!” He cried his hands clawing at his chest as if they were trying to tear his pained heart. He shook his head. “What would you have done if I had told you? Huh?” He asked harshly, giving Odion something to think about. No there wasn’t blame to share here but Lani just wanted Odion to give it perspective. But Lani’s argument fell flat as the tone of pain entered Odion’s voice. He closed his eyes for a moment before peeking at Odion.

“Odion, don’t say that,” he protested, “I didn’t lie about everything!” Now Lani was trying to justify himself, and that was bad for everyone. Lani shook his head and swallowed his pride and opened his arms a little inviting Odion to hit him. He almost would have preferred it if the redhead had struck him. It would make this easier. “Please, listen to me,” he pleaded not even hiding the begging tone in his voice. He wasn’t strong enough to put up with this emotional collapse with a mask on. “I never did any of this to hurt you. Or Adrianna. I wanted to protect you from all of this.” But the trust had been broken. Odion would never believe that, it was just another lie in his eyes. Oh yes Lani had screwed up big time and he was so far lost he didn’t know how to find the path again. Lani ignored the comment about Adrianna, they weren’t talking about him and Adrianna they were talking about Odion and Lani. And those tears streaking Odion’s face. Oh god what had he done?

Lani’s eyebrows jumped and there was just another part of his heart to break, if that were possible. He shook his head unable to accept it. There was no point dwelling on it now anyways. He ruined everything. There was no hope for salvaging in his mind. “Please, Odion, you’re my best friend. I’m not going to ask for forgiveness because I don’t deserve it. But please Odion, please don’t leave me,” he pleaded knowing he had no right to ask these things of Odion but he had no one else. His family could only shelter him so much, and their love would be unconditional. They would love him even now, broken. He was a monster, and he was in denial. Even now. Lani’s eyes were having a hard time finding Odion’s but whether that was weariness or the clouding of tears Lani wasn’t sure he was numb to everything but the internal pain.

Lani took a step back at Odion’s ferocity but his nerve was not lost. He opened his mouth to protest but truth be told he hadn’t seen Adrianna since they got back. He had all but fled in terror to his room. “I’ll always worry,” Lani muttered truthfully. He deserved to pay for each of those tears that fell but he needed Odion to let him. And now it was looking like he wouldn’t even get that chance. He had no secrets anymore, not anything this big at least. Odion had seen him for what he really was and it hurt, though Lani knew he didn’t deserve to be the one hurt here, but the rejection hurt. It hurt more than anything else. He shook his head and he dry sobbed having dried his eyes over the night. “That not it,” he protested. Odion would never believe him. He was a liar. “I wasn’t trying to deceive you! Can’t you see that? I didn’t tell you because I was afraid this would happen!” He cried gesturing madly. There it was. Lani admitted it was a coward and a liar. Admitted and somehow that didn’t make it better. Lani’s breath caught in his throat as he caught the bear. His hands gripped it and covered his eyes with one hand hiding his eyes from having to look at those blue ones. This was his chance. Drift away, become a ghost be forgotten, if not forgiven. But he couldn’t do that. No he was too selfish to do that. “Please, Odion, believe me. I… I don’t want to lose you.”

Lani lowered his gaze he had expected that. But hearing it aloud made it hurt all the worst. It wasn’t easy for Lani to stand and take this without defending himself. The only thing that really kept him from coming to his own defense was that nothing Odion said was wrong. Well, not all of it. Lani swayed back from the jab and shook his head. “I didn’t…” He didn’t have time to protest because then Odion spoke again and Lani knew just what he had had and what he had thrown away. His eyes felt swallowed by Odion’s and he had to drop his gaze because he had no defenses left and he couldn’t bear that Odion could see him fully. He swallowed and he wanted Odion to understand. If Odion had been in Lani’s position would he have kept the same secret? “And you would have done exactly what you’re doing now,” He snapped back. This situation was unsalvageable but did Lani need to argue to make it worse.

“Odion…” Lani’s words fell flat and he reached out a hand to the redhead. Lani’s hand came back to him as if it had been burned just by Odion’s gaze. “I know that,” Lani tried to explain, “But… Goddamn it. Fine.” His eyes show up and looked into Odion’s eyes. “Fine. You win. You’re right. I was selfish. I wasn’t protecting you or Adrianna, I was protecting myself.” He had always wanted Odion to like him, to think of him as a good person. Well, look at how well that turned out. Lani hadn’t believed that Odion would have stayed his friend if he knew sooner. Still didn’t. But now that Odion knew he was a coward there was nothing he could say that would make this any better. They say that the road to hell was paved with good intentions, Lani thought he was dammed from the start but now he was sure.

Lani physically winced at the declaration. There was no hope and for whatever reason the pain in his heart felt very real. So that was it. Then end. No second chances, no second tries. Lani raked his hands through his hair coming very close to becoming unhinged right then and there. Lani wanted to run right now. Give Odion what he wanted but Lani couldn’t make himself move. He was afraid if he moved he might finally crumble. Fall to pieces right here and right now. He tried to choke back a vocal sob in his throat but the noise that did come out came out a soft whimper. Lani felt that the small lifeline he had been hoping to revive, the string that connected had snapped. But when it snapped it hit him like a broken cable. He shook his head in denial for a moment before he finally found the courage to look into Odion’s eyes again. He tried to pull up his mask but the walls around his heart had been torn down and now that he was exposed he didn’t have and shelter for it. Was it possible to tear out his heart?

Lani shook his head again. “No, things have changed.” Odion had given him just enough of a push to get him to finally decide to call it quits with his boss. Lani took another step back at the strength of his anger. How had he done this to Odion? Odion had every right to be so angry, so hurt. He shook his head ferociously at Odion’s what ifs. His independence might have gotten him into this mess and it was about to get him in deeper. “And then you would have gotten just as involved as I was! I couldn’t do that to you! It was my mistake, I had to fix it.” Lani bit down on his tongue as he said this. That wasn’t going to go over well. His mistake had taken down more than just himself. Lani shook his head. He knew what that meant. Odion had been the closest friend he had ever had and he had not appreciated it and now it was gone. “Odion… please…” He was seconds from falling to his knees and he wasn’t sure if that would be to enact begging to its fullest of it his legs were just so shaky. “Give me a chance, I can make this right again!” He wasn’t sure about that but now he was bargaining. Denail had slipped past and now Lani was desperate.

Odion asked that final question and Lani looked into his eyes and his heart stuck like a wound with every beat. He lowered his eyes and found Darshay’s eyes looking up at him, blue eyes just as curious, just as cold. Lani knew the answer. He had been planning it all along. He closed his eyes and took another step back toward the door. Honestly he would rather have been beaten to death a million times over than had his emotions attacked like this. He turned away and ever so slowly he shook his head. “No.” If things had gone how he had planned things like this would never have come out. It was the darkest period of his life and he didn’t like to have people know about it. But now he knew how that admission would hurt Odion, but he had said it. What a great time to decide to be honest. Lani toyed with the bear in his hands and the telekinetic could no longer see straight.

Lani had always been someone who protected people, he wasn’t familiar with this new aguish that he was the cause of someone else’s pain. It didn’t make sense to him and it was driving him mad. He probably should have walked out when Odion had told him but he couldn’t. As much as he knew he didn’t deserve it he wanted so much for Odion to forgive him. Lani didn’t want to try to explain himself to Odion, that would make him seem like he was justifying his actions. And they were inexcusable. No matter the reason. He was really starting to realize this. Intentions good or not he had gotten Adrianna and Odion into serious trouble and it was right that he was paying for it. Lani bit his lip as Odion yelled again. Desperation was really their common flaw, wasn’t it? Desperation had drawn them to different poisons. “I didn’t have a choice!” Lani cried trying to make Odion understand what he couldn’t understand. He didn’t know the circumstances. He shook his head. But he couldn’t protest. It was exactly the same. But truth be told if Lani had gone back he would have gone back and made sure Odion and Adrianna were never involved.

It was an awful moment when gravity finally took over. Lani was falling. But he knew that if he reached out earlier there would have been a hand. But now. Now, only the wind was there. And it was his fault. Lani felt like screaming in agony like clawing his hands through his chest and finding the nail that had just been driven in. But he didn’t. He didn’t make a sound. He just stared his eyes blank and his whole body numb. There was no second chance this time. Not for Lani. Lani was one of those people who usually had a strong shield but Odion had torn those away and Lani could feel the strands of ice starting to reform around his heart. They were a painful reminder that it had been a choice to let them go and now they were showing him he was wrong. But he wasn’t. He tried to push them away but a tear finally fell before he could stop it. Even if he had known this was happening he would have opened up to Odion.

Odion threw Lani’s words back at him and Lani recoiled inwardly. Odion was right. About everything. And wanted to break down to let Odion see how sorry he was, but at this point it would seem fake. He lowered his gaze at Odion’s observation. “I never meant to hurt you Odion. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.” Lani looked back up at Odion foolishly allowing himself to feel hope. Odion had given a starved dog a bone and now it was going to try it’s best to get the whole calf. “I’ll make it up to you. Somehow, I promise. I’ll do whatever it takes.” Lani’s heart was so strongly pulled by this that his determination almost made him strike out on some quest to find a quest that would make Odion forgive him. Lani had to believe that there was something left or he would have nothing. Not even Adrianna could help him out of this. Though he didn’t realize it he wasn’t thinking about Adrianna. All that mattered was Odion. Odion and the fact that Lani had hurt him.

Lani closed his eyes. Odion hit it on the nose. Perfect as if he had stolen the thought out of Lani’s own lips. He didn’t need to answer that. He knew that one was rhetorical. “I’m sorry,” was all Lani could say. Because he couldn’t deny it. His whole body was shaking and he had the strong feeling that he was never going to be whole again. His heart was too wounded, too pained. So he took the not even chance he had and clung to it. He looked up at Odion risking a look at him. Guilt flowed through him. This was his fault. He didn’t deserve forgiveness for this. He didn’t deserve anything. He didn’t even deserve a glance from Odion. He wasn’t a dog that protected people. He was the scrappy mongrel laying on the side of the road that people averted their eyes from.

He lowered his head in shame and listened. “I know.” He risked a look at him and Odion wasn’t even looking at him, not really. He was scum, not worth it. The softness in Odion’s voice somehow hurt even more than the yelling had. At least Lani could yell back. Lani had no words now. How had he been so stupid? Odion was… or had been his best friend. The person he trusted most. And he blew it. Lani nodded his head slowly. Odion was right. Why hadn’t Lani listened sooner? He had been so blind. No. He had chosen to be blind. Lani needed help. He was too late to realize it. He shook his head. He didn’t deserve it. How could he have the gall to look at Odion now and ask for help? Tell him he needed him. Lani opened his hands to Odion the bear still clutched with one hand. “Odion, you saved my life. I can never thank you enough for that.” Lani took a step toward Odion reaching out a hand hesitantly. “Please,” Lani finished. That wasn’t even a plea for forgiveness it was a desperate plea for Odion not to shun him.

Lani just shook his head at Odion but didn’t explain his disagreement. Odion didn’t know and he probably at this moment wouldn’t care. After all, Lani was a liar who knew if he was ever telling anything more than tall tales. It was unfortunate that truth was often stranger than fiction, for his story sounded altogether too close to fiction. This wasn’t about finding his way, this had been about his sister. Lani’s heart squeezed again, of course if he went back now he never would have done anything differently. If it was between him and his sister he would always choose his sister. Where Lani had made the wrong choice was keeping it secret. But hey, what was new? Lani sometimes felt life was just a collection of bad decisions. He sighed and nodded his head. “What would you have done if you were me?” He asked unsure about what Odion would do. Odion trusted him, or rather had trusted him, but would he have trusted him with something like this?

Lani regretfully sealed himself for the inevitable. His friendship with Odion was over. The redhead had said that himself. He had thought he was prepared for something like that but it had been harder than he thought. Lone wolf Lani had let himself accept someone else and here he was screwing it all up. But he wasn’t running, he was being chased out. His heart hardened and he tried to make his eyes dry, but that seemed impossible. Well now he remembered why he didn’t let people in. He screwed up. But never had he screwed up so badly. He wasn’t sure what even his parents would say. Until he met Odion he had been fine on his own. Even with Adrianna he was still independent. But for some reason going back to being alone didn’t seem like an option. Well, not a comfortable one anyways.

That was it wasn’t it? What will be will be, and what’s done is done. He couldn’t take it back. Even if he could, would he? No he would probably just be more careful. That was the reality that saddened him even more than this moment now. Odion wasn’t giving Lani anything. Nothing at all. Lani felt helpless standing there. No leads, no solutions. Whenever he was faced with a problem he prided himself on being able to fix it. Find solutions. But there weren’t any solutions save the obvious, which was continue begging for forgiveness. Honestly for the first time Lani would have been alright doing so, if he thought it would have some effect. It almost seemed like a dismissal. Lani wanted to scream at Odion that he didn’t have any focus. Nothing. He wanted to say that it wasn’t worth it, but that wouldn’t be fair to Adrianna. He really couldn’t afford to lose everyone close to him in the same week. Though having not talked to Adrianna he wasn’t sure he hadn’t lost her yet. “Will you let me try?” He risked asking his voice soft and uncertain.

Lani’s eyes hardened now and he shook his head like a dog. He was denying Odion that one. “Yes I do.” He owed Odion mored than he could count. His life, his freedom, everything that was important to him. But unfortunately the person he owed wanted nothing to do with him. Lani didn’t let things like this go. It wasn’t so much that he owed Odion as that owing Odion gave him an excuse to keep hanging around. Lani however bobbed his head unable to say anything more on the subject without losing his mind. He seemed to be losing his mind a lot today. It killed him that he was causing such pain. Maybe if Lani had had the confidence to look at Odion he would have realized the redhead zoned out. But instead the silence grew and Lani could only feel the pressure growing and the feeling of doom grew.

He risked a peek at Odion as he spoke. Odion looked conflicted, but there was a determination behind that conflict. A determination that Lani was not going to get out of this without consequences. But who would win now? Certainly not Lani. Maybe Odion? Lani touched his sore nose unconsciously. Or Rhett? When he went to the infirmary he had had to fake a fall. The man didn’t seem to believe it but didn’t ask too many questions. It hurt like hell still but at least it wasn’t broken anymore. At least he repaid Rhett for that. He wished he had a power like that. A power that made people better instead of one that could toss them across a room. Lani let his eyes fall to LJ on Odion’s lap. The cat didn’t seem very happy about their fight. Shadow was only a pair of eyes under the bed and Darshay was crouched like a hunger at Lani’s feet.

Lani’s eyes snapped up at the explanation. He looked at Odion startled. This afternoon? France? Lani’s heart sank even more and at the sound of Rhett’s name Lani nearly leveled the room. The hatred had not faded. But grown. Rhett was not like Odion, and not like Lani. He would use his power to get to know someone and he would use that information. Lani wanted nothing more than to never see that man again. If he ever did he wasn’t sure he could keep himself from killing him. Threaten him but stay away from his family. Not even his boss had the guts to that. There was a reason he went all the way to Vermont to get hostages when his family rested just miles away. “Oh,” Lani answered clenching his jaw. “I see. With him.” The disappointment showed in his voice but Lani was too afraid to say anything about it directly. But he wanted to tell Odion that that was a bad idea. A terrible idea.

Lani’s brows raised as Odion started to speak. His heart sunk and he bit at his fingers as he trailed off. Lani closed his eyes and shook his head a little. He knew the answer to that. Family. This was all he had left after this. And it was what had started it all. He hung his head defeated. That was it. His life was over. He squeezed his eyes shut. What had he done? Why did it feel like his life was crashing down around him? All because Odion was rejecting him. Why did it feel like he couldn’t breathe? What could he do now? Odion had given him so much and Lani had taken it for granted. Now it was gone. All of it. No one to tell him how stupid he was. No one to help him find himself. When he needed a guide the most the only person fit for the job had thrown up his hands and deemed Lani hopeless. Never before had Lani wanted to just disappear but at the same time be present.

Maybe someday if he got the chance he would tell Odion the full story. But not now. That story was close to home and deep in his heart. If Odion wasn’t willing to hear it, it would sound like a lie. Lani couldn’t be accused of lying about something like that. It would destroy him. Lani wanted things to be like they were, but they never would be. It could go one of two ways, the way Lani saw it. Either they could be acquaintances which would be a sad reminder to both of them of what had been. Or they could go deeper, leave all the lies behind and the masks and the defenses. But they both were afraid of that. Lani wasn’t so foolish to think that there were thinking that Odion hadn’t told him either. But based on his reaction he was willing to bet his life on the fact that Odion wasn’t hiding anything so terrible behind his walls. His heart clenched. Rhett was right. He had ruined his own life and had been swallowed by his lies. But he had learned his lesson. Trusting was hard for Lani, but not trusting was just as hard. Lani was in limbo, balancing. But what did he have to hide anymore?

Lani opened his mouth and snapped it shut. Did Odion even care? Was Lani so easily tossed aside? If Odion’s intention was to make Lani insane it was working. Already Lani was grieving. He was the pariah, xenos. He was grieving for what he had lost but unlike most situations he had no one to blame but himself. He couldn’t blame a disease or a person, not a place or a time. Himself. Maybe it would be easier to back down, to give up. But something in him just felt that the world would never be the same without Odion. Lani’s heart pounded and he let out a small whimper ashamed by the sound he covered his face with his hands not willing to let Odion see how broken he was. He didn’t want pity. He didn’t deserve it. He wanted his friend back. It was as simple as that. Or was it?

“I do.” Lani said the weak argument from Odion giving him a stronger return. His heart hardened and he closed his eyes. He owed Odion, be it as a friend or as a thief. Odion had saved him and Lani was in his debt regardless of whether or not he was thinking of it was a friend or not. Lani couldn’t believe such a thing was freely given. Lani prayed but knew that if what Odion really wanted was for him to vanish to repay his debt he would do it. Forget his feelings. His feelings didn’t matter, no matter how crazy they were making him. Nothing in this world was free. And Lani would pay the price, whatever it may be.

The subject change didn’t help Lani’s mood nor his heart. To know that he was leaving with Rhett just hours after the demon had used his power and granted his fist to tear Lani a new one. Odion turned away and Lani’s shoulders shook with silent sobs. Lani felt the tug of his power. He would have thought that for all he had used it in the past few days it wouldn’t have enough energy to lash out. Lani tried in vain to hold it back but apparently his power represented what Lani really wanted to do. Odion’s suitcase exploded in a shower of clothing. No Lani didn’t want Odion to go. His power knew that better than he did. Horrified Lani shook his head. “Oh god!” He moaned, why couldn’t he stop making things worse? “Odion…” He began and wiped at his eyes. “I… be careful. I know you won’t believe me but I… I care about you Odion, I don't want to see you get hurt.” He said in a rush as if he had to get the words out of suffocate. “Please be safe.” He backed himself to the door and holding onto the frame as if he would collapse he let his head hit the doorframe with a thump. His breath hitched. How could he say that knowing he had hurt Odion? Who are you? A voice in his head demanded. He had made such a mess of everything. He was going to collapse now, fall to his knees right here.

Lani wondered absently if someone should check his vitals. There was no physical reason he should be in this much pain unless he was dying. Maybe he was dying. Just not the way most people would think. He might be breathing but the wounds were none the less fatal. Lani still thought Odion was a good person. If he wasn’t then he would have left Lani to deal with everything on his own. Frozen time and slipped out while everyone was standing like a statue. But he hadn’t. Lani’s heart felt raw. Exposed. He had never been so bare, never so honest, never so unguarded than he was at this moment. So much for their ever after, their partnership dissolved, their plans void. Lani’s eyes rose hesitantly to look at Odion. Honestly Lani half wished he had never tried to leave his boss. He wished he had thought to do something better. He wished he had told Odion.

Lani wondered if they were doomed to this from the beginning. If some greater being knew that this would happen. If the fates had seen it and let their threads weave together and then seen how much they could pull before the threads broke. But they didn’t break cleanly for some of Odion’s threads were stuck in Lani’s threads and Lani’s in Odion’s. Lani felt torn apart. If death came to him this moment he would make it his first goal to find whoever controlled fate and destroy them. But it was his fault. He couldn’t even blame fate. Here in a world where there was safety in lies and deceit he had found something that was real. And he had lost it. This pain was so terrible, so hard to bear that all Lani wanted to do was wallow in it. No way out.

And the hammer fell. It fell on a glass box shattering the fragile shield he had created around his heart. The glass fell stabbing the fragile and sensitive flesh. Swiftly followed gravity pulling the hammer. Now Lani knew how people obtained holes in their hearts. The slate was clean. Lani couldn’t breathe. Finished. Lani felt hot tears on his cheeks and gritted his teeth unable to resist the urge to lash out for that blow. “I’m being erased?” He said his tone low and accusing. “Just like that. Finished? Why don’t you just go back and erase this altogether!?” He shouted his pain coming out in anger and words were thrown that had no purpose but to hurt. Odion was already hurting but Lani was also wounded and Odion’s words were misunderstood and Lani couldn’t help but lash out when he was openly cut. He was bleeding out.

But then his subconscious spoke for him. He didn’t want to be erased. Even if he would have to live with this pain he didn’t want to live without having known Odion. Odion was startled but that didn’t change the emotions. Lani hadn’t even expected it himself and had jumped a little. Skittish he backed up afraid that Odion would yell at him. He closed his eyes and shook his head again. Why wasn’t Odion getting this? He wouldn’t not worry. Even if they never spoke again Lani knew there would be times months, perhaps years from now when a lonely day or night would come and he would wonder how Odion was doing. If he was well. He would shed bitter tears and wallow in the ‘what ifs’.

Lani’s eyes came up and his mind momentarily stopped whirling. “What arrangements?” He demanded. He loved the kittens as well. This was not going to become some sort of strange custody battle. Lani didn’t have anything not to be here anymore. He could take care of them. He wanted to take care of them. Hurt overcame the feeling of helplessness. He ground his teeth not looking up at Odion as he passed. This was a one sided battle and Odion was the winner. Lani closed his eyes. He stared after Odion his anger giving his strength. He stepped a few feet after Odion. “You said you’d never abandon me! Looks like I’m not the only liar!” He screamed after the redhead his voice so thick with pain and anger that it was almost impossible to tell the grief underlying both. Lani’s breath caught and his eyes were swimming. He couldn’t even see anymore. He turned the opposite direction of Odion’s goal and shut himself away. Nothing. It was sucking him from the inside out. Making him an empty hole, well perhaps if he no longer had a heart he couldn’t hurt again.