Flowers and Cards: Is Your Heart Still Beating?(J)

[Chase Campbell]

Time was ticking by too slowly for the blond man posted at his husband’s bedside. Not far away, he could see Niko with the same doctor (he was pretty sure) that had treated him not that long ago. Knowing their son was in good hands, he turned his attention back to James. It scared him, how his husband looked. He was so used to him being... James. Finicky, bossy, smirking. He wanted his smart ass husband back.

The more he thought about it, the more he worried. What if this was permanent? What if he’d been knocked into a coma? What if he was never going to wake up? His heart began to pound that much harder, and he took James’ hand, pressing his mouth to it. “Jamie? Please wake up. Say something, do something. Yell at me for the dog hair in the car. Anything.” His voice cracked, but he didn't care.

It was all he could do to keep his gaze focused on his family. All around him, there was proof of how one single act could change so much. His friends, his co-workers, all here because of him. Morgan’s face, Anya, Willow, Yulia shot. Sean unconscious too. Nikki scared out of his wits. And James... he shuddered and hunched over. This was his fault. He couldn’t deny that. James was hurt because of him. He was lucky his family was even alive.

The thought of them gone nearly killed him. Granted, this wasn’t much better. Again, he kissed the back of James’ hand. “Jamie, please. Wake up.” He didn’t dare reach out with his mind to make him do as he wanted. He wasn’t using his power for anything. That was what had caused all this in the first place. Had it really been worth it? The scene in the hospital ward didn’t seem like it. “I’m sorry,” he finally whimpered, pressing his forehead to James’ hand. What was he going to do without him?

[Dr. James Campbell]

It took a moment of alertness for James to open his eyes. His head hurt, worse than it ever had before. It was throbbing, and the brightness on the other side of his eyelids was too much to deal with right away, so he kept his eyes shut. He tried opening his mouth to say something, maybe tell whoever was muttering something--he couldn't hear well either, maybe they were far away?--and discovered it was dry. Finally, he realized that there was someone holding his hand, and he forced his heavy head up so he could squint at the figure. (It was too bright, and everything was too blurry to see properly.)

"Chase?" The recruiter managed to ask, before things began to click. It was bright, way too bright. Chase looked stricken, and he was absolutely not in the suit he'd been wearing that morning. He was in bed, in a room he'd never seen before, and his eyesight was too blurry to see past the next bed over...

There was an IV in his arm. There was a needle in his arm.

He was in the hospital.

As soon as that processed, James was sitting up in bed, eyes wide in panic. He pulled his hand away from his husband so he could reach over and tear the IV out of his other arm. Chase knew he was afraid of needles, why would he let them stick him with needles? He couldn't remember getting the IV. He couldn't remember entering the hospital. And worst of all, he couldn't remember why his head hurt. The last thing he remembered was telling Niko to hurry up, because they were going grocery shopping.

His heart rate doubled, but he stopped moving, just looking at his husband. "Chase?" Right, his throat was dry. That's why it was so hard for him to speak. "Where's Niko?" The last thing he remembered was walking towards his car with his son. If he was here, and Nikki wasn't... "Was....was there an accident?"

[Chase Campbell]

Now Chase understood what it had been like for James, only a few months ago. Helpless by his husband’s bedside, just waiting for him to wake up. If he ever woke up. Admittedly, he hadn’t listened to a lot of what the doctor had said, because his eyes had been glued to James, and he could only think ‘wake up’. This was killing him, the waiting. The knowledge that James was only in this position because of him. If he’d just left it alone, if he hadn’t gone after Gabriel, this never would have happened. Anya, Yulia, Willow, they’d have never been shot. Nikki wouldn’t have been terrified out of his wits. James wouldn’t be unconscious.

It was in the midst of that thinking that he heard James’ voice. Relief flooded his system, pushing the grief and the guilt aside for a moment. “Jamie?” He looked at his husband, hard as it was to see him like this, and tried to put on a brave face. He was about to pull him into a hug, reassure him that things were okay now.

He didn’t get the chance.

His eyes were wide as James bolted up, and before he could stop him, the IV was pull from his arm and oh God, there was blood. Blood as a whole didn’t bother the trainer, but James’ blood did. “James!” He felt ill as he got up, moving to James’ other side to try to stop the bleeding before trying to catch the doctor’s attention. At least James had stopped moving.

“Shh, Jamie.” He was trying so hard to stay strong, but if this continued, those walls were bound to come crashing down. “It’s okay now. It’s over.” He took a moment to steady his breathing, keep his voice from breaking. “Nikki’s fine. Jamie. He’s right over there with the doctor, making sure he’s okay.” Why was this so hard? Every new word threatened to betray his emotions. He had to take another moment. “It... it was MSAD. But it’s over. Everyone’s okay. And Nikki’s fine.” He wanted to kick himself. Nikki wasn’t fine, he was terrified. It had taken convincing just to get the poor kid in the car that had kidnapped them in the first place. “You’re gonna be fine too, okay?” He was losing his grip on the carefully constructed walls. A few tears were slipping through as he grasped for James’ hand again. “I promise you’ll be okay.” Please be okay.

[Dr. James Campbell]

It was like everything was on a two-second delay for him. Two seconds after he ripped out the IV, he felt the pain of it coming out of his skin. Two seconds after that, he realized that his arm and sheets--and then Chase's hands--were covered in blood. He was already shaking, because he hated blood, he hated hospitals, and despite what Chase said, James didn't quite believe that Niko was okay. He couldn't see far enough across the room to see the blond boy on his own. "I need to see him. I need to see him."

James tried to get out of bed, but Chase blocked him, and then there was a nurse on his other side, trying to make him lie down again. "Mr. Campbell, I need to put that IV back in--" And that was as far as she got before James was struggling against her and Chase.

"No. No. Chase, don't let her do it. I don't need the IV..." But even if he had a chance of holding off Chase on a good day, he was disoriented, and the nurse was there too, trying to explain that he'd been unconscious for a few hours, and that he needed to be on the IV, but it was needles, so he wasn't listening. "I don't need it, please, let me get up." Finally though, he felt the sharp pain of an injection in his arm. "Don't...."

Soon enough though, the tranquilizer got the best of him and the nurse and Chase were able to push him back down onto the bed. James forced himself to look away when the IV was reinserted into his arm. It still scared him, terrified him, but there was no will to struggle against it. So James just forced himself to look at Chase and murmur, "I need to see him. Can I see him?"

[Chase Campbell]

If everything was running on a two second delay for James, then everything seemed to be happening double time for Chase. He hadn’t been fast enough to stop James from tearing out the IV. He should have been faster. He knew his husband’s dislike of all things medical, and needles were at the very top of that list. As he pressed his hands against James’ arm, he stared down at them for a moment. Blood was on his hands. Literally and figuratively. It was enough to make him want to stop and let go as fast as he could. Instead, he held tight. “Shh, Jamie. He’s fine, he’s right over there, I promise he’s fine.”

James was shaking. He was scared. Chase could see it so clearly, and it was killing him to make him stay here. He’d been a bad patient himself, yes. He knew that. But he hadn’t been scared. James was scared, and as much as he wanted to reach out and mentally comfort, he couldn’t do it. Partly because he was afraid of his own power, but there was also the issue of James trying to lunge out of bed.

The trainer bit down on his lip, hating himself even more for doing what he was. Using all the strength he could muster, he pinned James back down again. “I know, Jamie. But she has to, and it’s going to be okay.” Why wasn’t he any good at this comfort thing? “It’s gonna be fine, Jamie.” He could see the other nurse drawing up something in a syringe, but he wasn’t about to tip James off. Gritting his teeth, he managed to keep his husband still long enough to be picked with the sedative.

Once he was down again, Chase let go and let out a long, exhausted breath. “Hey, can I get a wet towel? I want to get the blood off,” he mumbled to the nurse as she put the IV back in. Once she was gone, he stroked James’ cheek, relenting slightly. It looked like the doctor was finished with their son, so he gave a little nod. “Okay. Nikki?” He got up to pull the boy into his arms and brought him over. “James missed you,” he offered. “And I know it looks bad right now, but everything’s going to be okay, okay buddy?” He wasn’t really sure who he was trying to convince as he looked at his husband. Niko? James? Or himself?

[Nikolai Campbell]

Niko hugged Chase when he was picked up. He didn't mind the doctor much, but it was nice to be in Chase's arms anyway. The next bit of news about James made him grin. It had been a long time and he'd missed James, too. Niko's grip on Chase eased as his attention turned to James.

"Are you okay, dad?"Niko feared a truthful answer to his question. Of course James wasn't. He was in a hospital with people he worked with and he wasn't awake to know why. Now, where were his glasses? Niko's eyes scanned the immediate area for the familiar glasses so James could look a bit more like he usually did. Unfortunately, he didn't see them right away so he figured the next best thing was to get closer to James. Letting Chase go, he sat at James' side.

"You're not going to have to stay here like Chase did, are you?"Niko questioned. The very idea was a bit unnerving to him, all things considered. Surely Chase could take care of James the way James took care of Chase. It was only fair. Clearly there was no reason for James not to go home right now. If he had to stay, who knew what could happen to any of them?

There were so many things to say now that James was awake. Things about the dog he wanted James' permission to keep, about the phone that was broke, about Willow and Sean and all the others. Niko couldn't seem to say any of it. All he wanted to do was pretend, just for a moment, that none of it had happened. Niko was already sure that Chase couldn't pretend. Maybe, just maybe, James could. So Niko kept the present to himself, hoping James would want to talk about things like the groceries they still needed, or the special dinner Niko still hoped to have. He could hope at least.

[Dr. James Campbell]

As freaked as James was, it was comforting to see Niko, alive, and looking a hell of a lot better than he probably did right now, even if he did have to squint to see him. He was trying to remember what had happened, but everything between leaving the house and waking up in the hospital was a complete blank. "I'm okay, Nikki. Are you?" Chase had said something about M.S.A.D. but hadn't gone into any detail. Had they done something to his car?

"I...." James didn't want to lie to the boy, and he really did want to get out of the hospital, but he wasn't sure exactly what had happened. From the throbbing in his head, he could guess that he'd probably hit his head into something, but other than that, he didn't know. "I might have to. I don't know. I don't want to stay." He wanted to get out of here. One hospital visit in a year was more than enough for him.

He swallowed and coughed a little, before looking up at Chase again. "Can I get some water, please?" James wanted to sit up, but whatever they'd put into that syringe had drained the will from him. It took a lot of effort for him to raise his arm enough to gently touch Niko's arm, reassuring himself again that the boy was okay. But that was only one of his kids, and he had to talk to the other as well. He had to be sure Ginny was okay. "Chase? You have to call Ginny. Tell her what happened."

And then he could tell James what had happened.

[Chase Campbell]

Chase hugged Nikki back before setting him down near James. It was a relief that both his boys were awake, and though James had a head injury, he wasn’t in any immediate danger. Particularly if he could convince him to see a biological manipulator. The less stress James had to endure, the better, in his mind. He knew his husband’s feelings about this place. He’d seen it in his eyes when he’d been the one in James’ position now. It had to be exponentially worse for him now, and all Chase wanted was to make things better for him.

“Nikki’s fine,” Chase murmured softly, rubbing their son’s shoulder. Again, he wasn’t sure who he was convincing. “They didn’t do anything to him.” At least, nothing physical. Knowing the group of people he’d been with, there was no telling what they had told him. At the very least, Nikki wasn’t afraid of him. That was a positive. Regardless of whether it was true or not, he didn’t want him to know what he’d done.

“I know, Jamie. We’ll try. If you want to see a biological manipulator, I can try to track down the one you had help me.” At that point, the nurse brought back the wet cloth, which Chase used to gently wipe the blood from James’ arm. “I’ll do whatever it takes to get you out as soon as possible.” That gave him something to focus on that wasn’t the fact that this was all his fault. If he could hold on to that for just a little longer, maybe he could start believing it, too.

The request for water was met with a nod, and again he flagged down the nurse and gave her back the cloth, passing on James’ request. She nodded and vanished once more. Chase sighed and stroked his fingers down his husband’s cheek again. “She’ll be back with some for you.” And then came the other request. Chase swallowed nervously. He couldn’t deny James this. He just wasn’t sure he wanted to deal with a panicked step-daughter over the phone. “Okay, Jamie. I’ll call her. Nikki? Stay here, okay? Keep James company. I’ll be right back.” Like James had done only months ago, he took his phone out of his pocket and headed down the hallway, into a waiting area before sighing heavily and dialing.

[Nikolai Campbell]

"Of course, I'm great- the doctor said so."Niko proudly confirmed Chase's statement, comforted by Chase's hand at his shoulder. The answer James gave brought a sort of puzzled expression to the little boy, overshadowing his pride in an instant. Was this new set of circumastances okay? Would James be okay? Niko's eyes lifted from James to examine the room and it's occupants, trying to reason through all the dangers and the security here. This had to be okay.

"There are a lot of people so it's safe here, James."Niko finally offered optimistically. If he were James, he'd probably be scared if he had to stay by himself.

Much to his dismay, the next conversation wasn't to his liking either. It wasn't addressed to him but his gaze fell to the blanket anyway. Tell Ginny about today. Tell her there were cruel people, and that James was hurt again without doing anything to anyone. She did deserve to know what happened and so did James.

"Ginny can't call you. Jesse threw your phone. It's completely broken now."Niko informed James in a soft voice, almost as if he didn't want to draw any extra attention to what he was saying. He didn't go on to indicate any reasoning or even to further specify the culprit beyond the first name. It was only a few seconds later that the little boy was smiling and, almost in the same breath as the previous sentence, going on with something entirely different.

"Willow's really brave, dad."Niko offered. "If you hired a recruiter, would you ask them if they were brave first?" It might have been a silly question, but it seemed valid to him. He would want to ask people that question in James' place. And talking about recruiters was a lot easier than talking directly about Jesse or the day in general.

[Dr. James Campbell]

"Really?" James had to smile at his son. He was such a good kid, and he was obviously relieved to see him talking. He hadn't gotten a good look at the ward; everything was so blurry and he couldn't even really see far enough to see his family, let alone anyone else. Plus, his glasses were gone. He didn't even remember if he'd worn them that morning when he'd left the house. "That's good to know, Nikki. And I have you two, so of course I'm safe."

When Chase left, James stretched out his hand to his son instead. He needed that comfort, because everything the boy was saying just wasn't adding up to him. "Hey, kiddo, it's okay. I can always get another phone. And Ginny can call Chase's phone." Who the hell was Jesse? Why was Willow brave? Of course, that made complete sense to him, she was intimidating as hell, and he didn't know if anything had ever really scared her. But why would Nikki know this?

"I don't ask that, but maybe I should. All my recruiters are brave." He squeezed the little boy's hand and frowned a little as he continued. "And I need you to be brave for me too. Can you tell me what happened today? I can't remember it." Niko had been with him right when the the blackout had started, so he'd be the one to ask, particularly since he'd mentioned someone else by name. "I need to remember."

[Nikolai Campbell]

"Right."Niko agreed with a nod, sounding delighted. And he was- the solution was perfect and simple. He was even happier to hear that James was taking the suggestion seriously. Well, what he assumed was serious. Everything would have been fine then if James had stopped talking. Of course, he didn't. The little boy's expression clouded and turned serious quickly.

If asked, Niko would have insisted that it was easier not to know. Niko cast his eyes down to James' hand holding his. He didn't want to see James' expression as he spoke and he didn't want James to see his own.

"There was a girl in your car before we got in. She was the mean one, and she had a gun. She said she'd shoot it. The other girl was her twin, and she made me sit in back with them. They said-"Niko's gaze lifted to meet James'. Would James remember? Or could he lie about what they said? The silent debate only lasted a few seconds before Niko made his choice."That Chase hurt someone they cared about. " Niko hoped James didn't remember what was really said. He didn't think Chase could actually kill someone.

"They made you drive to their house. They ... They hurt you before we got inside. They didn't shoot you."Niko explained. James was probably very aware of the fact that he hadn't been shot, but it had comforted Niko to know that. Here Niko stopped talking. The next parts were scary and just thinking about it made him nervous, as if talking about it would give life again to the nightmarish events.

[Dr. James Campbell]

Niko was lying.

Poor kid, one of his fathers would always know when he was lying. In this case though, even if he didn't have his powers, he knew the story behind Chase "hurting" someone. The twins had to be the M.S.A.D. Gestalt Pair who had nearly killed Chase.

"No, no kiddo, they didn't." Thank God for small miracles. He gently tugged on the boy's hand to pull him a little closer, so he could put his hand on his son's shoulder. "The rest of me feels fine, it's just my head that hurts. I'm going to get better and be okay." He spoke slowly, because he was weighing each word so carefully. He didn't really know what was going on or the extent of his injury, but he could think a bit clearer now, even if he still couldn't remember what had happened. But there were a few more things he needed to know, and that meant he was going to have to ask Nikki to talk about it more.

"Did they knock me out? Is that what happened? And then Chase came and found us?" Hopefully, that's all that happened, a thwarted kidnapping. "And they didn't do anything to hurt you?" The worst part was that the Gestalt Pair had dragged Nikki into this too. He was a good kid, and deserved a happy, normal life.

Instead he got this.

"Niko," James said, trying his hardest to keep his voice strong. "I love you and I am so proud of you. You are so brave."

[Nikolai Campbell]

Niko nodded in understanding, his gaze now locked on James as James rested a hand on his shoulder. He did believe what he said; James would be okay eventually. The real question was, how long would it be? When could it be over? Niko knew James didn't have a definitive answer to either question.

"They didn't hurt me."Niko assured him. James' assessment did more to trouble him than summarize the incident, though. That wasn't exactly what happened but he wished it had. Niko could just let James think it ended that simply. Maybe James would be happier then.

"Thanks, dad."Niko murmured with a small smile."I love you, too." Whatever Niko was poised to say was forgotten as he quietly appreciated the praise. It convinced him that he had to go on, to tell James the rest. And he had to tell James the truth now. Or, mostly the truth.

"I don't know what they did to you,"Niko admitted, his tone hushed."The nice one got out of the car with me- the mean one was still in the car ... I don't know. But everything got worse." It seemed to him that they intentionally kept him from seeing James hit. But he knew there wasn't a gunshot- just an unconscious James when they went inside.

"We were in a room just with another girl for a while. Then Jesse came and asked if I remembered him. Chase was calling your phone then, so Jesse told me to answer it and tell Chase where we were. After I talked to Chase, he threw your phone."Niko corrected James' previous summary."Jesse said the same thing about Chase that the girls did. He sat in the room until Chase got to their house." Here Niko paused. Tears started to form in his eyes so he rubbed his eyes with the back of his free hand.

"Then he wanted to shoot Chase. I didn't tell Chase that Jesse had a gun. But Chase wasn't alone. There were others like Willow and Dr. Neville. Willow kept me safe- she kept the twins away. Willow was bleeding, dad. They hurt her."Niko's voice broke by the second sentence, and by the last sentence, it was brimming with emotion. There were so many people, so many gunshots, and too much blood. The one thing he definitely wasn't going to mention to James was the twins' final accusation of Chase. There was no way of telling James without accusing Chase himself, at least in his mind.

[Dr. James Campbell]

He wasn't sure what he actually wanted to hear from the boy about what had happened. There wasn't a "good" kind of kidnapping, and with M.S.A.D. involved, it wouldn't have been the good kind anyway. Everything Niko said made his brow furrow a little more, and his hand squeeze a little firmer on his shoulder. (Though with the sedative they'd given him, his grip was still pretty weak.) Even before the end of the story, James wished he had the energy to sit up and pull his son into a hug.

James had been the lucky one, really. He'd been unconscious for all of it, which would explain why he couldn't remember. But Nikki, poor Nikki, had seen it and remembered it all. "It's okay to cry, buddy. I'm so sorry I wasn't awake to be there for you. And I'm going to make sure Willow gets paid more. She deserves it." Willow wasn't one of the recruiters with student followings--that was more along the lines of Stephen's personality--but he could easily believe that the woman would put herself between a child and people with guns. "Is she in the hospital too, now? They'll take care of her well, here."

But there was something else about the story that was bugging him. Niko wasn't saying exactly what Jesse and the Gestalt Pair had accused Chase of. Of course, he knew what his husband had done, but they'd been careful to keep that from the kids. No one had needed to know about Gabriel Underwood's death, because M.S.A.D. couldn't report it without giving themselves away. He and Chase had thought they would be safe because it had reached a stalemate.

Funny, James was usually a lot better at chess than this.

"Nikki?" This was it. This was going to be the very last question he asked Nikki about what happened. He didn't like asking this one, but he was going to do damage control if that was what was necessary, since he doubted Chase was ready to answer this one on his own. "Jesse and the Gestalt Pair, they called Chase a murderer, didn't they?" There really wasn't any reason why they wouldn't, so he pressed on. "They're bad people, and they lied. Your father is not a murderer." And he wasn't, though James knew the guilt was eating his husband alive.

[Chase Campbell]

It took Chase a few moments to recover, once he hung up his phone. Sitting in the hard plastic chair, he stared at nothing in particular, the phone held loosely in his hand. Ginny had thought he was abusive. If he thought about it, it was a reasonable conclusion, given the events of last year. But that didn’t make it any better to hear. In fact, it made him feel ill. He would never lay a hand on James, or Nikki. Which was likely what was killing him so much over this whole thing. He wasn’t violent by nature. Competitive, yes. But not violent. Even when he’d gone to see Gabriel, he hadn’t wanted a fight. Just a warning.

Instead, he’d ended a life.

A part of him didn’t want to go back to the ward where his friends and family were. He didn’t want to face them again. But he had to. He forced himself up, and headed slowly back down the hallway. Hopefully he wasn’t going back to another bloodbath and nurses all over his husband again. But when he heard James and Niko talking, he slowed further and paused before entering the ward. Nikki was explaining what had happened. And James...

James lied to him.

He lied to Nikki.

Granted, it was a necessary lie, but it didn’t make hearing it any better. The trainer pressed his palm against the wall, steadying himself for a moment. A passing nurse gave him an odd look, but he ignored it. There wasn’t much anyone could do for what he was feeling.

Putting on a brave face, he took a steadying breath and walked back to his family, settling right by James’ shoulder. “Ginny says hi,” he offered, trying to keep his voice from betraying his emotions. “And that she loves you both.” And that I’m an abusive bastard.