Since When...(Sean)

[Joshua Bernstein]

Joshua Bernstein was not known for his ability to recognize patterns. It wasn't that he was incapable, but he was so often caught up in his own little world that he failed to notice what was going on around him.

But even Joshua Bernstein couldn't fail to notice that Sean had served vegetarian meals every supper for over a week now. And while he certainly had no objections to the occasional vegetarian meal, this was unusual. Not only unusual, but the timing suspiciously coincided with a particular religious observance that his partner had discarded years ago.

But a lapsed Catholic could so very easily renew his faith.

Not that Josh would object should Sean renounce his atheism for a religion, but if he actually started becoming so observant as to eschew meat for the Lenten season what other Catholic beliefs might he begin to adhere to? What if he decided to follow the Catholic teachings on homosexuality?

Just when things had been settling into happy domesticity?

And so when he came down to the kitchen to find yet another vegetarian meal being prepared he asked hesitantly, "No meat again?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

There were many aspects of life in Vermont that Sean appreciated, even if he would always be a New Yorker at heart. One was the presence of many different specialty stores; another was the fact that the farmer’s market moved indoors in the winter, so that he could still buy fresh produce. Portobello mushrooms had been so easy to come by fresh this week, and so he had stocked up on those when doing his grocery shopping.

That led to using them in recipes. Particularly when he had a variety of recipes to try, and no reasons to discourage him from doing so.

Such as tonight, where he had sliced and sautéed the mushrooms and mixed them in with freshly cooked penne pasta and a light cream sauce with pepper. That, salad, and garlic bread were all on the table in anticipation of his partner joining him for supper, and he turned to greet the younger man with a smile, albeit one that was equal parts welcoming and apologetic.

“The mushrooms were fresh,” he explained as he crossed to the refrigerator to retrieve a bottle of Yuengling and the half-open bottle of white wine from the night before. “But I can defrost something else for you if you’d like?”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh felt a sting of guilt when Sean offered to defrost something specially for him. He knew that his question sounded ungrateful, and that wasn't what he had intended to convey; he deeply appreciated that his partner cooked for them, and cooked well at that. But ever since he had noticed the pattern it had been eating away at his mind.

"No, no. It smells delicious!" He hurried to assure the other man, making his way to the flatware drawer so that he could set the table. "I was just wondering because, well...."

He hesitated. This was a sensitive subject, and he didn't want to unwittingly give offense. But even so he thought it was something that his partner should have brought up, given their circumstances.

"I didn't realize you were...ahhh...honoring Lent this year."

He hoped that was phrased diplomatically enough.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean waited by the refrigerator for Josh to inform him of whether he wanted something else for supper. There was chicken, sausage, pork chops, and beef all in the freezer, and he could quickly defrost and cook whatever the younger man might prefer. However, when Josh confirmed that he would eat what the telepath had already prepared, he shut the door and returned to the table to set their beverages at the appropriate places.

The drawn-out explanation caused him to turn around and face the younger man. Sean didn’t prompt him, instead waited for him to finish of his own accord. When he did, the telepath quirked his eyebrow at his partner. “I’m not.”

Not that he failed to see why, in some sense, Josh might draw that conclusion. The timing was unfortunate and not entirely coincidental. Growing up, the Church demanded meatless Fridays throughout the entire year, not merely during Lent. As such, during Lent, meat was eschewed for the entire period. Most families ate fish as well (as did his family on Fridays throughout the year), but the Nevilles tried to keep vegetarian for the entire affair. That was in addition to their individual promises of deprivation. Kathleen and Colin kept that tradition, as did Ryan. Who had shared the recipes with him before Lent had begun.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh gripped the flatware in one hand as he stared at Sean with incomprehension. He should be reassured by this declaration, but instead he was merely confused.

"You're....ahhh...you're not?" He stammered at last, unrooting himself with some difficulty. "But I thought...we've had vegetarian for almost two weeks..."

He made his way across the kitchen rapidly, setting the dining room table while working his thoughts aloud.

"Not that I mind vegetarian, but we don't usually eat it so often. It seemed so logical! But you aren't? I mean, not that I want you to, of course. Unless you want to. You could, I wouldn't tell you not to. But I would hope you would let me know ahead of time. But if you aren't...then why...?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean held his partner’s gaze; in this moment, there were somewhat similar levels of bewilderment between the two men, although for different reasons. The telepath could venture a fair guess as to the cause of Josh’s confusion. As for his own, he knew that the younger man still had faith, even if he didn’t strictly adhere to it. As such, he knew that Josh understood atheism more as an academic exercise than one of experience.

Still, one didn’t go from disbelief to belief again like the flick of a light switch. Even if the reverse appeared to be the case from the outside observer – as opposed to someone who realized that he had internally questioned for years and had merely gone through the rituals for so long.

They were in agreement in one area; he would mention it before resuming adherence to Catholic doctrine. And he had no intention of doing so in this life. Particularly not with the current Hierarchy.

“Ryan gave me recipes,” he explained, as he turned back to the table to pour wine into his glass. “I think he wants the moral support this year in the midst of a very troubling Lent. Small acts of solidarity mean a lot to him, even when he’s being subtle. Moreover, the recipes looked good.” Which they did. Sean wouldn’t make weeks of bad food; he valued quality and variety too much for that.

The telepath then shook his head to himself. “The Catholic Church is in no danger of tithing me in the near future.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

"....oh."

Josh supposed that explanation made sense. It made far more sense than Sean suddenly deciding that to take up again the mantle of Catholicism; but he wasn't used to long streaks of dietary change without there being some significance behind them. His own religious observances, for instance, or illness that required simpler foods than their usual fare.

"Does Shiya not abstain with him?" He questioned. He knew she was Muslim and thus had an entirely different set of observances and dietary requirements, but they were a couple, so it seemed likely that if he needed support she would be the one to offer, rather than Sean.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

With the table set, and the food out to be served, and the beverages on the table, it was time to eat. Sean slid into chair and set his napkin on his lap. He waited until his partner was also seated before he reached for the dish of salad to take a portion for himself; Josh could start with the penne and the bread, before they switched.

The telepath thought that his explanation made sense, primarily because it the truth, and he knew his own reasoning. Moreover, he was intimately aware of his own relationship with organized religion generally and the religion of his childhood specifically. There were few things less appealing to him than rejoining the Church; he was satisfied with his life as an apostate.

At the question, he shrugged slightly. “It’s complicated. They go out a lot because I don’t think they’ve quite grown out of the college mindset yet, and they aren’t always together.” More than that, they had somewhat separate ways of coping with their respective religious beliefs and traditions. He knew that Ryan ate breakfast early and supper late during Ramadan, but he also ate sandwiches during the day.

“Besides, very few families adhered in the same way after Vatican II.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh piled pasta onto his plate, then selected a piece of bread. He reached for the margarine, the description of Ryan and Shiya's behavior eliciting a small smile.

"I don't even feel like I've grown out of college yet, and I have three decades on the two of them." He commented in an attempt at levity. Still, there was some truth to his statement; he hadn't quite slowed down his alcohol consumption, and his eating habits before moving back in with Sean had been nothing short of atrocious. The biggest difference between his current lifestyle and his college one was that he didn't skip work to make out with Sean.

"But you're not with Ryan either. Unless he's secretly dropping by and you just didn't tell me. Is he making a visit?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean served himself a healthy portion of salad, and then passed the bowl over to his partner. With that, and after confirming that Josh had taken his pasta, he reached for that serving dish to take a portion of penne and mushrooms, and then a slice of bread.

“That makes one of us.”

The telepath certainly made plenty of time for relaxation in his life; he enjoyed parties and drinking with friends. He certainly made time for Josh and their more adventurous endeavors, and the psychiatrist had a sense of humor that involved many degrees of banter. However, Sean was undeniably grown up, and he had been for decades. He lived life like a fully functional middle-aged adult, and he had no regrets for that. Part of life was growing up and maturing.

Then again, he also had a tendency to be the most mature person in any given circumstance. For better or for worse.

At the question, the telepath shook his head in the negative. “He doesn’t have plans to stop by in the near future,” he replied, before taking a bite of the penne. The sauce had turned out quite well. “I’m sure that giving me the recipes was his attempt at subtlety. But you and I can have steak tomorrow.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Sean's lackluster response to his joke caused the attorney's shoulders to slump. Clearly he had unintentionally hit a nerve, either with his assumption or with the joke he wasn't sure.

Instead of continuing with jokes he occupied himself with buttering his bread, mentally composing an apology. It would have helped if he knew which part he should be apologizing for, but never mind; he needed to say something in order to salvage dinner and regain a cheerful mood in the Neville/Bernstein household.

"Steak sounds wonderful. Do you need me to pick anything up from the store on the way home?"

His bicycle had a basket, a holdover from when that had been his only mode of transportation and necessity had dictated carting groceries either via basket or on foot. Now Sean did most of the shopping, but Josh did try to help when he could.

"And ahhh....if I offended you, I apologize."

That was vague enough to cover any offense he had unwittingly made.

Or so he hoped.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

With food piled onto his plate, Sean began to eat. He thought that the cream sauce had come out well, and the penne was neither too firm nor too soft. Despite their discussion about vegetarian dishes and the implications therefrom, he still believed that the mushrooms had been a good decision; they were fresh and flavorful.

At the question regarding shopping, the telepath shook his head. “I don’t think so. We have potatoes and peppers,” which were what he would want to use as side dishes. “If you have time, you could see if there’s fresh baguette at the bakery, but we can do without it.”

They had sandwich bread in the breadbox and rolls in the freezer.

Then, when his partner offered his apology, Sean set down his knife and fork. “I’m not trying to have an argument,” he told the other man, as he reached for his glass of wine.

He didn’t want to have an argument. He didn’t even want to have an in-depth discussion about religion and assumptions. He was perplexed by Josh’s assumption that he would revert back to the belief system of his childhood, particularly when all Josh had was unfortunate timing and meatless meals. However, he wasn’t angry. He wasn’t even upset over that.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh prodded at his pasta mournfully at Sean's reply. Somehow he kept making this worse and worse, which meant that guilt became more and more pronounced.

But his partner had very particularly said he didn't want an argument, and so he would do his best to change topics and not bring this up ever again.

Not even to apologize.

"I thought I saw a new keylime pie entry over at the Velvet-tone," He offered as he resumed eating, carefully lifting his gaze to the telepath to gauge his mood. Josh wished that he were better at reading people; he felt that after three decades he ought to be better able to tell what Sean was thinking, but he still found the other man mystifying at times. He found most people mystifying.

"Perhaps after supper we could head over and check it out?"

He had made dessert, but he thought it might be less awkward to make a date of going out and finding one.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean thought that Josh was making a larger deal out of the situation than was necessary, which, in turn, worsened the entire matter for both of them. He knew that the younger man didn’t always process situations correctly, and, when combined with the typical human need to be seen as correct, and Josh’s particular need to be liked, it caused him to try to dig himself out of situations. Which often caused him to dig the hole deeper.

Fortunately, the telepath was more than capable of switching topics fluidly, without getting caught up unless he wanted to pursue them.

“Is that what you want to do?” Sean inquired, turning his full attention to his partner. The telepath enjoyed pies of all flavors and fillings – key lime included – and thus he would find it satisfying to go over to the Velvet-Tone to sample. He didn’t mind the drive. At the same time, they would surely get over there later this week or over the weekend, and it was hardly a time-sensitive matter.

Particularly when he knew that Josh faithfully kept up with his baking assignments. “What did you make for dessert tonight?”

Either way, he would do whichever the other man preferred, but he was curious. They hadn’t had the opportunity to check on the night’s dessert before he began his meal preparations.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh turned his attention from food to his drink, shrugging as he took a sip.

"We don't have to," He assured his partner. He certainly wasn't going to insist after his glaringly incorrect assumption earlier; he would do whatever Sean wanted, and that included staying in.

"I made a strawberry roll cake, but I'm sure it isn't as good as anything that Ari can make."

While he no longer floundered helplessly in the kitchen he knew he wasn't up to the same level as Mr. Jasinski, who was a professional, or Riley, who ought to be.

"If you'd rather stay home, though, we can. Maybe we could watch a movie."