Changes (Sean)

[Joshua Bernstein]

Joshua Bernstein wasn't fond of doctor visits; to the contrary, he avoided them when at all possible. Even illness wasn't enough to overcome his natural reluctance, let alone such trifling matters as routine check ups.

He had spent decades refusing to go to the doctor except in exceptional circumstances.

Those were decades spent smoking, drinking, and living off packaged foods. Decades of stress and anxiety.

Sean had gently suggested, however, that perhaps he ought to schedule an appointment if not out of concern on his own account then out of concern for their foster daughter; after all, she needed parents in good health.

And so Josh had dutifully if reluctantly made the appointment.

That was why he was staring at his doctor in horror as she listed off all the lifestyle changes he would need to make.

"...less salt, don't drink in excess, and you really ought to stop smoking."

His fingers curled around the lighter in his pocket, an instinctive stress response. "Next you'll tell me I can't have sex!" He exclaimed in dismay.

She patted him on the arm. "Only if its stressful. Stress increases blood pressure, too, so if you can avoid that..." Another pat and she scribbled out a prescription, ripping it off her notepad and handing it to the distraught attorney. "Don't just take the medicine without making changes." She warned as he made his way out if her office. "And don't forget to make a follow up, I need to know how the medication is working. We might have to tweak the dosage."

But he couldn't bring himself to swing by the pharmacy on the way home. Instead he went straight to the house he shared with Sean, flinging himself off his bicycle and stomping into the garage and through the door. He dropped heavily onto the sofa, head in hands.

He really could use something to drink right about now.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean belonged to two groups (adult men and doctors) who were notorious for their avoidance of medical appointments for themselves. Sean was unlike the stereotypes for both of those groups, in that he never avoided medical appointments. He scheduled and attended each necessary checkup with each specialist, never complaining. After all, he valued physical and mental health and quality of life.

This was why it hadn’t been hypocritical when he had coaxed his partner into scheduling a physical exam for himself. The telepath worried about Josh’s health, particularly since they were in middle age. They could have decades together, as long as they took care of themselves. Moreover, they had Bailey in their lives now, and she needed them.

He had waited for Josh to return from his appointment. To bide his time, Sean had worked on supper preparations, believing that grilled chicken salad and wild rice would go well with the increasingly warm weather.

The telepath had sensed his partner’s return, and he had gone out to greet him. Sean found the younger man on the sofa, slumped over as though in mourning.

While the psychiatrist did try to preserve boundaries between them for Josh’s sake, he couldn’t help but probe. Lightly, of course, as he didn’t want to be invasive, but Sean had to know.

Inwardly, the telepath breathed a sigh of relief; it wasn’t cancer.

Which meant that he could proceed with questions. “How did it go?” He asked gently, as he settled beside the younger man on the sofa.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh lifted his head when Sean spoke, offering what was supposed to be a smile of greeting. He wasn't particularly keen on discussing this; discussion would make it real, and if he could just keep it at bay a little longer he could eat what he pleased, and drink, and smoke when he was upset or just with coworkers.

However, when he and Sean had rekindled their romance he had promised to communicate rather than avoid the unpleasant and so he puled the rumpled prescription from his pocket and handed it to his partner.

"I think my doctor is trying to kill me."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean took the offered script, glancing down at it. While he was a psychiatrist, he remained aware of medications for physical health, primarily because there were drug interactions of which he had to be aware. As such, the telepath immediately recognized the name of the drug and its purpose.

High blood pressure.

That was a concern at their age, particularly with Josh’s lifestyle decisions over the decades.

“What was your reading?” He inquired, curious. Since there was a target number for a healthy range, that would provide them with a measuring stick of what had to be achieved.

Of course, Sean also knew what this would entail. He was happy about some of it, particularly the smoking. He had never been keen on Josh’s method of stress reduction, partially because it didn’t work, and partially because he was sucking smoke into his lungs, shortening his life span and tempting cancer with each puff. If this was the motivation necessary to kick that habit, then so be it.

That alone probably wouldn’t do it, however. Diet, exercise, alcohol, stress, all of those were risk factors as well and had to be considered.

“And what did your doctor recommend?” They could work backwards from there.

[Joshua Bernstein]

"One sixty over ninety," Josh sighed glumly, scooting over to make room for the other man. "And she wants me to give up everything good in life."

He strongly suspected that he was going to be relegated to eating bland, tasteless foods and drinking water because anything that brought enjoyment would be considered a risk.

Healthy living was miserable.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Those readings were on the cusp of hypertension, if Sean remembered correctly. However, they weren’t as bad as they could be, which was important. That wasn’t an excuse for Josh to ignore medical advice, but it did mean that they needn’t worry quite as much about immediate risks. “Your diastolic isn’t that bad,” the telepath remarked, an attempt to be encouraging. The systolic also wasn’t as bad as it could be, and if the medication helped to lessen those numbers, then all the better.

He reached out to wrap one arm around his partner’s shoulders, a subtle prompt for Josh to lean against him if he wished. “Did she say you had to give up everything good in life?” He doubted that had been her assessment.

He knew what adjustments had to be made with hypertension, and he knew that it would be a lifestyle change for Josh. However, unless his partner had other diagnosed heart problems that he neglected to mention, such adjustments could be made. Mildly at first, and some of them could be fun.

There were ways to exercise, for instance. Ways to relax that would help with stress. Red wine was actually heart healthy, so there were alternatives there as well.

[Joshua Bernstein]

"Almost everything," Josh corrected, following the tacit lead and resting against Sean. "Food and drink and cigarettes. But she graciously allowed me to keep you."

He thought if there was some way for his doctor to demand he be celibate she would do do entirely to spite him.

"I think she hates happiness and good cheer. She also said no stress, but I do t know what that even means. Stress is an unavoidable part of life."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean trusted his partner in many areas: the law, in politics, in assessment of people (to a large extent while remaining mindful of Josh’s biases)...however, the telepath was also well acquainted with Josh’s penchant for exaggeration and his tendency to hear what he wanted to hear. When he had a poor opinion of someone or of something, the younger man had demonstrated the ability to read too much into a statement or occurrence.

For instance, Josh believed that his doctor hated him. Sean, as a medical professional, found it difficult to believe that she had such strong feelings towards him. He also doubted that his doctor had put quite the moratorium on his activities as Josh had summarized.

As such, he intended to walk through this step by step with his partner. He was certain that she had advised Josh to stop smoking, and that wasn’t a point that he wished to contest. The others, however, were worth discussing.

Sean rubbed Josh’s arm in a slow, encouraging rhythm as he asked, “Did she say no alcohol at all? Of any type?”

While it was possible that she had said that, it wasn’t necessarily so. “And what did she say about food?”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Truth be told, Josh wanted to be upset about the necessary changes, and he felt far ore justified in this if he stretched the truth a little. He would never admit to that even to himself, of course, but this was the only way he could allow himself to express his frustrations. So when Sean began to probe for more specific answers the attorney gave an uncomfortable shrug.

"Well....ahhh...she said to cut back on drinking," he admitted. Given how often he drank he could easily cut back without entirely resorting to sobriety, but he relied on alcohol in much the same way he relied on alcohol: self medication for the anxiety he refused to acknowledge.

"Food is supposed to be low salt," he grimaced, "and less fried and packaged. Less sweets. Now I can't even do the one kitchen thing I know how. At least Riley will probably appreciate the extra time with Danny."

It felt as if he'd only yesterday learned to bake and now he would have to give it up and for what? To live a few more years (maybe. That claim seemed dubious to him at best) a few more years deprived of all but one of the things that made life worth living.

Worse, it was as if she was taunting him by telling him to avoid stress while simultaneously restricting access to all of his coping mechanisms.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Josh’s admission comported with what Sean knew of treatment for hypertension, and thus comported with his expectations. Cutting back on their alcohol consumption was hardly the end of the world, no matter how much the telepath enjoyed that activity (and he did, as much as Josh enjoyed it). In fact, it was for the best, not merely because of Josh’s health concerns, but because of Bailey.

They had an obligation as foster parents that could not be ignored.

“We can cut back on drinking and go low salt,” Sean replied, perfectly willing to do both of those things. “You’ve been eating somewhat healthier since you moved in, and I plan to continue cooking for us, so that isn’t as bad as it might sound off the bat.”

That was manageable.

As for the baking... “I don’t think you have to give up baking,” the telepath added, turning his head to gaze down into his partner’s face. Josh’s tendency to assume the most disastrous of situations that held a kernel of bad news or request for moderation illustrated why he had difficulty coping with stress.

“There are also ways to cope with stress.” Sean felt that he was an example of that. His job was stressful, and he had developed healthy coping mechanisms. In addition to the drinking which he had agreed to moderate as well.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh shook his head in vehement disagreement. "Of course I'll have to give up baking. Baking isn't good for you, it'll probably kill me if I keep doing it."

Which was to say the next few days were most likely going to be spent in dramatic sulking until he had mentally adjusted to the needed changes.

"Don't go low salt on my account. I'll just drink water or...something."

He wasn't very savvy about food content, partially out of a deliberate attempt not to feel guilty about his diet, and he really was convinced that anything allowed wouldn't be worth eating anyway. He didn't want to be relegated to food solely for nutrition, so the obvious solution was to simply refuse to eat in protest.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean sighed softly, because it was apparent that Josh wanted to be more upset about this than the situation called for. Stressing himself over the changes would only add to the cumulative burden on his blood pressure, rather than lessening it. That, too, was problematic.

“There is nothing inherently wrong with the act of baking, even if we need to adjust our diets. There are substitutions that can be made. Apple sauce instead of oil, for instance.” That was a simple one, since such a substitution required no adjustments for amount; one cup was equal to one cup, and all gradients less and greater as well.

“Since I cook our meals, I will also go low salt,” the telepath replied. Since he actually paid attention to the nutritional content of food, this would be easy enough. As it was, he tried to cook healthier at home than they ate out at restaurants. He would simply have to do more of that at home, and they could eat less takeout. That would be better for them and for Bailey as well.

“We can eat more fruit,” Sean suggested, as that would certainly help to even his blood pressure in conjunction with the medication and the absence of smoking. “Since it’s summer, I plan to stock up from the farmers’ market anyway.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

"Doesn't fruit have sugar?" Josh asked, determined to remain miserable. "Sugar is bad for you."

He actually enjoyed fresh fruit rather a lot, but it seemed entirely uninteresting when it was one of the few foods he was allowed.

"And apple sauce and oil don't taste the same at all. If substitutions weren't lies propagated against the gullible then they would be the rule and not the substitute. Unless you don't care about taste at all, in which case I suppose substitutions make sense."

Unfortunately, he ate for enjoyment and so there wasn't much that could be done to improve his outlook when the enjoyment was going to be taken away.

"I still don't think you should sacrifice yourself on my behalf. Just because I can't have salt doesn't mean you and Bailey should go without."

If his health issues deprived his family of the good things in life he would feel dreadful.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

“Fruit has fructose, yes,” Sean replied with a nod. “But not all sugars are equal. I don’t want to lecture you, because you aren’t nineteen and trying to pass chemistry class. But there are healthy sugars, and sugar found in fruit is one of them.” Not to mention all of the nutrients to be found in fresh fruits.

The telepath then sighed softly. “Doing shots of applesauce and oil don’t taste the same, but mixed into baked goods, they taste similar enough. I’ve baked you things with applesauce before,” he pointed out. Sean didn’t often make that substitution, but he had done so with Josh before, and his partner hadn’t complained about the taste at the time. However, he understood that his partner was searching for reasons to be stubborn and miserable.

The telepath was less willing to indulge Josh in that exercise. “It would be medically impossible to cut all salt out of your diet, and I wouldn’t suggest that, and neither would your doctor, I’m sure. We can cut down on salt and be healthier for it. It would be good for me, and it would be good for Bailey to make sure that she’s getting proper nutrition at this stage in her growth.”

The best way to combat Josh when he was in one of these moods was to be reply with reason. Sean was prepared for that.

“If you focus on making the easier aspects difficult, you’ll have trouble with the hard aspects.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh was disappointed that Sean wouldn't even allow him to sulk without injecting unwelcomed logic into the conversation. He didn't think it was very fair that he was being asked to make all these changes.

"I knew I shouldn't have gone," he muttered sullenly. This was one of the reasons he avoided medical appointments and the fact that he could now improve his health was a cause for distress rather than delight.

"There isn't an easy part," he added. What was easy about upending his lifestyle after decades of carefree indulgence?