And We All Disappear (Jayden)

[Adrianna Carstyn]

The world was crumbling around her. Her mother's illness was getting out of hand. The nurse said it would be a miracle if she made it through the summer. She wouldn't even make it to see her daughter turn eighteen. She wouldn't be allowed to come to Vermont to see her daughter graduate. All of the important things that would be happening to Adrian in the next few months and her mother wouldn't be there to support her. And what happened when she did die? Adrianna would have to go to California alone and arrange the funeral by herself, invite the few people that really knew Amelia and sit there with no one to comfort her while she dealt with the overwhelming grief it would cause.

Venn was gone, off again to Miami for his own family problems. It turned out his brother's injury was more severe than they had originally thought. Adri understood why he had to be there, but he kept leaving her and it was wearing on her more and more as her mother got worse. She didn't have anyone to keep her from falling into a dark hole that she couldn't get out of. Adrian, the usually peppy and happy girl was now a realist with little optimism and now to add to it, her spirit was darkening with each person that abandoned her.

And speaking of abandonment, one of the ones who'd abandoned her before decided he wanted to come back and ruin her life more. Xavier was trying to reconnect with his daughter and she wanted no part in it. He had a new family, a wife, a child. Why did he need her? Why was he trying to get to her mother while she was on her deathbed? It frustrated her to no end. She refused to talk to him and didn't plan on letting him back in her life.

So what was she to do with all of this stress pushing down on her shoulders? Something she hadn't done in months and that was dance. Adrianna had gone straight to the auditorium dressed in one of her old lyrical dance costumes with her hair pulled back in a few braids. Her make up was simple because she hadn't felt like doing much since she knew she'd end up crying anyway.

Once she was on stage, she plugged in her ipod and set up the song she'd been working on before she took a break from dancing. The music started and she set herself center stage and began dancing.

[Jayden Reed]

Jayden walked into the auditorium to escape the rain, there was no way he was going to be able to drive home in this down pour. He was actually glad about that, because that meant he had an excuse not go to what he was suppose to call ‘home’, to him it was more like a mad house. It was one place he just did not want to be, and would take every chance he has to not be there.

As Jayden looked at the stage, he noticed a girl dancing, and music, he wondered why he hadn’t noticed the music when he walked in. But that didn’t matter, what did matter was the girl who was dancing. The very familiar body and face made him sigh. Out of all the people it had to be, it had to be Adrian? He moved to sit in one of the seats, trying not to let Adrian know he was there. This was the first time they had been in a situation where they might have to talk. Jayden had been avoiding the girl ever since they broke up and that was a few years ago. But now, he had nowhere to run; he ran his hand through his wet hair. How was this going to end? He didn’t know if he could be able to face what laid ahead. He wished he could see into the future instead of the past.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

It didn't take long before Adrian was completely engulfed in her dance. The music surrounded her and she lost herself for those three minutes. All the insanity that had been on her mind before was slowly falling away as she danced. It always happened slowly at first, but the deeper she got into the dance, the less she remembered. She wished that she could just forget everything without having to dance for it to happen. It was a great stress reliever, but not long after she finished the stress clung to her once more.

The song drifted to an end and she slid down to her knees, breathing hard. Pain took over and her head dropped into her hands. Her body shook with each tremor of harsh reality that passed over her. Adrianna hated that this was how things always ended for her. Despite the strength she'd gained after her and Lani ended it, she still ended up crying like a baby because she couldn't handle what life threw at her. Sure, most would argue that she had a right to feel so upset, but to her it was just annoying. Reason or not, she hated breaking down at every little thing that hurt her.

The only thing that made it bearable this time was that she wasn't just crying about a boy. It was part of the reason she was crying, but it wasn't just a boy, it was the boy that she was supposed to end up with. At least, that was what she kept hearing. But that wasn't the only reason. There was the problem with her mother and her father waltzing back into her life. Things just weren't the best, not that they ever really had been before.

Adrian continued to sit there, oblivious to everything or rather, everyone around her. She wiped at her tears and sniffled, pulling her knees up to her chest.

[Jayden Reed]

Jayden watched the girl dance, he never knew the girl could move so gracefully. He knew that there still had been so much both of them didn’t know about each other. And a part of him felt bad, because it had been his fault; he had pushed her away and with regret. He tried, time after time to make an excuse for it but nothing made him feel better. But he just couldn’t find himself getting close to anyone, not even her.

Taking a deep breath as Adrian sat down and started crying. He leaned forward, surprised by the action; he never seen the girl cry and had done so much to make her happy enough not to. As he thought about her crying over him when they broke up made a pain shoot through his heart. That was the last thing he wanted Adrian to do, was cry, especially over a worthless piece of junk like him.

Jayden stood up and walked up onto the stage. Sitting down next to Adrian, he merely wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly to his chest. He didn’t care that he had spent so much time avoiding her, now she needed someone to be there for her, and if he had to be that person. Then he will be, he couldn’t help but have that ‘shinning knight’ interior. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here” Like that would make anything better… But knowing Adrian, she just need someone, anyone.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrianna was happy for the peace and quiet of the stage. Despite her stage fright, she took comfort here because it was a place that had become her sanctuary. The only time it ever frightened her was when there were people filling the seats and all of their eyes were on her. That hadn't happened in years though, so she often took refuge here when she needed time to herself. It had been a while since she actually had taken refuge in the decent-sized auditorium.

Sitting in the middle of the stage, bawling her eyes out, it reminded her of all the times she'd been in the same place doing the same thing. And as if on cue, just like every other time, she was pulled into someone's arms. At first she froze because she hadn't heard anyone in the auditorium or seen anyone for that matter. Not to mention she didn't know who's arms were wrapped around her. It wasn't until she heard the voice that she could figure out why the arms around her felt vaguely familiar. They were arms that hadn't held her in over a year now and it was a voice she hadn't heard in that time either.

Her eyes found his before she wrapped her arms tight around his neck and clung to him. He may not have been the guy she wanted at the moment, but seeing him for the first time in a year, she couldn't help herself. She had missed Jayden more than she thought and now that he was there with her, she didn't want to let him slip through her fingers again. "J-Jayden? Wh-what are you doing here? How did you find me?" The questions fell out of her mouth as she pulled back from him and wiped frantically at her eyes.

[Jayden Reed]

Jayden gave Adrian a small, sheepish smile when she looked at him. He hadn’t thought about if Adrian would even want him to be there or not. But it had been instinct to come up and hug her. The boy had forgotten just how fragile she was, or any girl for that matter; it made him feel bad for avoiding her for so long. Now he wished he had more a part of the girl’s life.

It was too late to regret anything now, what happened, happened, and there was nothing he could do to fix his past choices. “Hey, it was more like stumbled upon you… It’s pouring outside and I had just came in here for shelter and found you dancing..” He scratched the back of his head after she pulled back. “I’m glad I had found you though.” He pushed back a stray hair and looked at her. “You’re obviously not okay. So what’s going on? Do you want to talk about it?” After the words left his mouth, he realized something important. “wait, I’m sorry, I have no right to ask you what’s going on… Not after everything..” He was the one that had left after all.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

It was completely shocking to her that it was Jayden holding her. Jayden, the boy she hadn't seen in over a year due to the lack of communication between them. Her first real boyfriend, one of the guys she had fallen for and had ended up crushing her. She supposed she should have been angry with him, hitting him or something. But he caught her at a time when she didn't have it in her to fight anymore. Her spark was fading and she just needed some form of comfort. She'd been lacking comfort ever since Venn left and it was taking its toll on her.

Adrian just looked at him as he spoke and her eyes fluttered shut as he pushed a strand of hair back from her face. Her lower lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears again. He was right, she wasn't okay, but he wouldn't get it. He wouldn't understand all of what happened and it wasn't as if she could explain why her life was turmoil now. Not all of it at least. But he cut off abruptly and began reeling back his questions. Her eyes never left his face as she stayed quiet though. Before she got to his questions, he had to answer hers, it was the only way she'd trust him with any of her drama.

"You're right, you don't have any room to ask me why I'm upset. I don't get it Jay, you completely ditched me after that day and yet you act as if you care that I'm hurting. You didn't then, why now? How is this any different? Because it's not you that hurt me?" She averted her eyes finally and pulled back from him further, folding her legs and wrapping her arms around her torso as if protecting herself from the answers he would hopefully give her.

[Jayden Reed]

Jayden felt horrible for what he had done to her; and not being able to be ‘just friends’ with her; at least not then. He Had just needed time to get over her, he had fallen for her but she had gotten too close to him, and he had gotten to comfortable with her. Jay knew she had every right to be mad at him, he was mad at himself. He would let her hit him as much as she wanted to, especially if it would make her feel better.


However, Adrian was wrong in a way. He knew what it was like to be left alone to fend for himself. He knew what it was like to lose someone you cared about, though his grandparents hadn’t died, at least not yet anyways, they still abandoned him. That had to count for something. He knew what losing someone felt like, just in a different way.


“No! You’ve got it all wrong. I’ve always cared that you were hurting, and it killed me inside that it had been me who hurt you. But I knew I couldn’t go back on what I had done, I was scared, and felt like I just couldn’t handle it. That’s why I have been avoiding all this time, because I couldn’t face the fact that I hurt you.” And like stated before, he had needed time to get over her, they both needed that time. “I know I’m not good enough for you Adrian, one of these days you will look back and think the same thing.” Also another reason, and now tears were filling his eyes. He hoped his answer was good enough for her.

(ooc: I am SO sorry this took SO long ;-; )

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrianna had been going through hell since she was born, she only found out when she was ten because of the illness. Sometimes she wondered if her mother would have told her about everything to do with her biological father if she hadn't gotten cancer. Part of her didn't think so because Amelia was all for sheltering her daughter from things that would upset her. Unfortunately, she couldn't do that much anymore. And she hadn't been able to from the traumatic incident at the institute. Adrian hadn't even tried telling her about that, how could she?

"If you had cared so much you would have tried making things work at least as friends, Jay. You didn't put any effort into that. I understand being scared and worried, but with as close as we were, that shouldn't have been a factor." Sure, she understood where he was coming from and yes it helped getting over him quickly, but she'd rather have a hard time getting over him while keeping him as a friend than getting over him easily and losing him. He had been her best friend at the time, both her and Venn had, but when he bolted, it was the first time she felt insecure about herself. It was the planting of that low self-confidence seed.

She shook her head, her own tears gathering in her eyes. "No, you don't get to pull that card. It has nothing to do with being good enough. You were my first boyfriend Jayden, I didn't expect us to get married, we were only 15. I did expect us to stay friends especially since you promised me the day you asked me out that nothing would get between us." She wiped at her eyes in frustration, "We were supposed to be friends first and when I lost you...you have no idea what that started for me." As she said it she knew she wasn't blaming him for all of the problems she faced today, but it was the first time she'd gotten a hole in her chest from a boy abandoning her.