LiesBecomeHer, Noa's anonymous blog
Aug 9, 2013 2:40:42 GMT -5
Post by Noa Reese on Aug 9, 2013 2:40:42 GMT -5
And we'll remember this when we are old and ancient
Though the specifics might be vague...
- July, July!, The Decemberists
3am, August 1st
I keep having this dream. I don't remember the details (or the specifics - har har har), all I remember is the result.
Wait, let me put something on that fits a bit more with the mood...
How about this? Seriously, turn off the other one and let this underscore my story.
As I was saying; I don't remember the how of my dream, just the end result.
Somehow, as I run my tongue along the inside of my mouth, my teeth wobble beneath it. Each and every tooth, as though they're eggs in a carton, held only by gravity and friction and all those other laws of physics, no roots to hold them. And as I touch one with my tongue on it's own... it twists. It twists on a thread of gum. And with a funny little popping feeling it's suddenly loose in my mouth. I roll it around like a gobstopper, and spit it into my palm. Yep, that's a tooth alright.
As I close my mouth, the pressure of my cheeks makes another tooth wobble. Again, my tongue runs over all of them, again one twists, pops, spat into my hand. This happens again and again until all of my molars are in the palm of my hand - clean, but hollow.
Then come the rest of them: bicuspids, cuspids, lateral incisors. Until all that remains are my central incisors. Four teeth. I've been reduced to four teeth. And then, my tongue pushes the back of one of them. And it twists. And it pops. And it's gone.
Toothless. Just a mouth of pits. It's the most realistic feeling dream I've ever had. And the most horrifying.
I once told my mother about the dream, back when I wasn't at boarding school or college. She told me that dreaming of your teeth falling out meant that you felt a lack of control in your life. Is that it? No explanation of why, just "a lack of control"?
Ugh. I don't even know if that's what I feel. All I know is that I can't sleep, and I don't like being alone in this room. I've tried watching tv, I'll usually konk out to that if it stays on long enough, but not tonight.
I realize that this blog gets the most weird, and random, and often depressing shit I ever come up with - and I apologize for that because it makes me feel like a little emo kid all over again - but it's the only place I can put this. Cause I do think I need to put it somewhere. And hell if I keep files of this crap on my computer, with the people who go to my school. Who knows what they're capable of? So you, my invisible followers (my nonexistent followers) are the only ones I come to see on lonely nights.
I slip into my most comfortable anonymity, pull on my emotional baggage, and drink a warm cup of self-loathing, with a whopping dash of ambiguity.
I've turned off the counters and notifications on this thing. Everything except the ask button. I don't want to know if people are reading. I feel so obsessed with putting on a show, with making other people happy - even now, I write to entertain you.
You, the faceless masses. You, the kid slumping in your desk chair (that made you straighten up, didn't it?). You, the woman who's baby is crying in the other room. You, the punk who laughs at my misery. And you. You, the girl who is looking for a kindred spirit. Someone you can root for. An underdog.
Well please don't put your faith in me. I'm not worth it. Please please please seek help. I will. One day. But you are better than me. You must be, or else you wouldn't be looking for shit like this. If you can find this blog, you can find help, but they aren't in the same place.
And on I ramble. As if someone is reading this piece of shit. As if someone found my username, started reading, and thought - "wow, this girl is just a great big beam o' sunshine, I should read more of this!" As if.
*sigh*
Music can be so.... cathartic. Y'know? Not everything, not nearly everything, but there are songs that just... they lift you up like you're riding the hood of a car down an empty highway. Or they let you down like you're sinking into a hole in the snow in the hopes of surviving the night. There are songs that can do things.
So tonight I share with you my song. The song that I play on repeat when I can't fall asleep. The song that makes me cry myself to sleep.
It makes me think of winter. Of undisturbed snow. Of street lights illuminated rolling drifts, undisturbed by cars. It makes me think of kisses on eyelids, huddling for warmth. And trust, and love.
And how I don't have those things.
But a beautiful song, nonetheless.
Enjoy,
LBH[/b][/u][/color][/url]
Though the specifics might be vague...
- July, July!, The Decemberists
3am, August 1st
I keep having this dream. I don't remember the details (or the specifics - har har har), all I remember is the result.
Wait, let me put something on that fits a bit more with the mood...
How about this? Seriously, turn off the other one and let this underscore my story.
As I was saying; I don't remember the how of my dream, just the end result.
Somehow, as I run my tongue along the inside of my mouth, my teeth wobble beneath it. Each and every tooth, as though they're eggs in a carton, held only by gravity and friction and all those other laws of physics, no roots to hold them. And as I touch one with my tongue on it's own... it twists. It twists on a thread of gum. And with a funny little popping feeling it's suddenly loose in my mouth. I roll it around like a gobstopper, and spit it into my palm. Yep, that's a tooth alright.
As I close my mouth, the pressure of my cheeks makes another tooth wobble. Again, my tongue runs over all of them, again one twists, pops, spat into my hand. This happens again and again until all of my molars are in the palm of my hand - clean, but hollow.
Then come the rest of them: bicuspids, cuspids, lateral incisors. Until all that remains are my central incisors. Four teeth. I've been reduced to four teeth. And then, my tongue pushes the back of one of them. And it twists. And it pops. And it's gone.
Toothless. Just a mouth of pits. It's the most realistic feeling dream I've ever had. And the most horrifying.
I once told my mother about the dream, back when I wasn't at boarding school or college. She told me that dreaming of your teeth falling out meant that you felt a lack of control in your life. Is that it? No explanation of why, just "a lack of control"?
Ugh. I don't even know if that's what I feel. All I know is that I can't sleep, and I don't like being alone in this room. I've tried watching tv, I'll usually konk out to that if it stays on long enough, but not tonight.
I realize that this blog gets the most weird, and random, and often depressing shit I ever come up with - and I apologize for that because it makes me feel like a little emo kid all over again - but it's the only place I can put this. Cause I do think I need to put it somewhere. And hell if I keep files of this crap on my computer, with the people who go to my school. Who knows what they're capable of? So you, my invisible followers (my nonexistent followers) are the only ones I come to see on lonely nights.
I slip into my most comfortable anonymity, pull on my emotional baggage, and drink a warm cup of self-loathing, with a whopping dash of ambiguity.
I've turned off the counters and notifications on this thing. Everything except the ask button. I don't want to know if people are reading. I feel so obsessed with putting on a show, with making other people happy - even now, I write to entertain you.
You, the faceless masses. You, the kid slumping in your desk chair (that made you straighten up, didn't it?). You, the woman who's baby is crying in the other room. You, the punk who laughs at my misery. And you. You, the girl who is looking for a kindred spirit. Someone you can root for. An underdog.
Well please don't put your faith in me. I'm not worth it. Please please please seek help. I will. One day. But you are better than me. You must be, or else you wouldn't be looking for shit like this. If you can find this blog, you can find help, but they aren't in the same place.
And on I ramble. As if someone is reading this piece of shit. As if someone found my username, started reading, and thought - "wow, this girl is just a great big beam o' sunshine, I should read more of this!" As if.
*sigh*
Music can be so.... cathartic. Y'know? Not everything, not nearly everything, but there are songs that just... they lift you up like you're riding the hood of a car down an empty highway. Or they let you down like you're sinking into a hole in the snow in the hopes of surviving the night. There are songs that can do things.
So tonight I share with you my song. The song that I play on repeat when I can't fall asleep. The song that makes me cry myself to sleep.
It makes me think of winter. Of undisturbed snow. Of street lights illuminated rolling drifts, undisturbed by cars. It makes me think of kisses on eyelids, huddling for warmth. And trust, and love.
And how I don't have those things.
But a beautiful song, nonetheless.
Enjoy,
LBH[/b][/u][/color][/url]
