When You're Gone (Sean)

[Kadence McAvoy]

((Back-dated to October 12th))

Eight years and two days ago, Hayden Jacob McAvoy sacrificed his life for his country, dying from a road-side bombing in Iraq. Kadence was only thirteen when it happened. Now here she was at twenty-one and it was like she relived the experience every year. That day had changed her, it drove her to doing stupid things and hanging with stupid people and it got her in trouble. That had been back when she was at Hammel, a high school student with an ability. Wasn't it bad enough having her brother constantly leaving her to go elsewhere? And then he died, leaving her for good, never to be seen again, but always for her to remember. It had been eight years today since she heard about her brother's death and she could feel it like it was happening to her again.

Kadence didn't stick around in the apartment long after she woke up, she left Nick a note on the counter telling him she needed some time away from everything. Every year she took the day off so she could just spend the whole day remembering Hayden, thinking back to what it was like when he was still alive. Thinking about what he'd be doing today if he was still alive. She didn't feel like dragging Nick down with her, not when he had his own job to take care of. Besides, he was in pretty poor shape over it, too. He and Hayden had been friends, good friends from what she remembered. Hayden had introduced them. And that thought of if he knew they would end up together found its way back into her mind as she walked through Pilot Ridge.

Sub-consciously she knew where she was going. It was where she went every year after it happened. If there was anyone she could talk to about what she was feeling and about how she was still coping with Hayden's death, it was the person that had been there for her when it happened. The person that she had been told that she needed to talk to every week for a designated amount of time and if she ever needed or wanted someone to listen. Granted at the time when it happened she started pushing everyone away, she still managed to make herself visit the school counselor whenever she had an appointment. Sometimes she was more reluctant about it, but in the end, even after she graduated (which had involved a lot of help from him), Kadence came in at least once a year to see Dr. Neville.

Kadi had made sure that he wouldn't have an appointment that she was interrupting when she came in and when she got there, the receptionist recognized her and offered a smile before checking in with him to make sure she could be sent in. Kadence sat in the waiting area as she fidgetted and waited for him to be ready to see her. Her face was blank as she looked at her hands. Most of the time when things like this happened, she tried keeping composure until she felt safe enough to let her guard down. This was not a time that she felt comfortable. Not yet.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean worked hard to make a genuine connection with each student who came through Hammel. This was not a task with which he could have 100% success, as some students wanted to avoid him by any means possible, and others never wanted to return to Hammel once they graduated. Others viewed him primarily as a disciplinarian, or their personalities didn’t mesh; this was fine, as the psychiatrist did not expect every student to be Ann Hudgins or Emma Cousins. Still, he always made plain that he was an available resource, even after students graduated, if they needed to come back for advice or otherwise just to talk.

Sean had to prioritize sessions with current students, but he was accommodating. If a past student wanted an appointment, he found a way to make himself available. This remained, even after his family at home had grown.

Kadence McAvoy was someone for whom the psychiatrist always found the time for a session. With Kadence, unlike with some of the other graduates, these sessions came like clockwork, because they were timed to an anniversary date. He had helped the young woman when she had been a student at Hammel, and he would continue to help her with these annual meetings until she no longer desired to have them.

The date was marked off on his calendar, and he kept his sessions light. Thus, when the receptionist announced that Kadence had arrived, he was already expecting her. He came out to meet her, and he offered her a gentle smile. “I’m ready if you’d like to come back with me, now.”

[Kadence McAvoy]

Kadence's eyes lifted when she heard footsteps approaching and she momentarily forgot how tall Dr. Neville was. Her eyes had to travel quite the distance in order to see his face. She was just glad that the tears were no longer falling and that she hadn't cried much today. It seemed as though she was either more numb than usual or she was actually starting to get over what happened to her brother. She supposed those questions would be answered when she was talking to him. But suddenly, he felt very exhausted, as if she'd already been talking about Hayden or perhaps she hadn't gotten enough sleep.

Either way, she was very much uncomfortable just sitting here for the receptionist clicking away on her keyboard, taking calls and helping others. Kadi didn't fit in here anymore. A grown woman shouldn't have to come see her high school shrink still. If anything, maybe she should have gone to someone else once she graduated. She dismissed the thought knowing full well that if she stopped going to Dr. Neville, she wouldn't go to anyone else and she also knew that it wouldn't have been healthy for her. It was because of him that she was able to cope on a regular basis now without wanting to crumble whenever she was reminded of her brother.

That reminder had become constant when she was with Nick. He was so much like Hayden, it was a wonder she could handle it at all. Maybe it was good for her. Or maybe it was screwing her up further. She couldnt' be sure, but as she stood up, feeling quite small next to Dr. Neville, she followed him into his office and set out to get these millions of questions answered. She just needed to know if she was doing better or worse because she couldn't tell.

"Hello, Dr. Neville. Thank you for making time to see me," She said once they were comfortably in his office and away from the other pairs of eyes that kept glancing at her in the waiting area. Kadence didn't know how to start. It was always so formal in the beginning before she was able to really settle in and get comfortable talking about Hayden again.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean led Kadence into his office and then shut the door behind them. That would provide them with the privacy to discuss whatever she wished to (and since this was an annual ritual, the psychiatrist knew precisely what she wished to discuss).

Once inside, he turned towards her, waiting for her to choose where she sat, so that he could arrange himself accordingly. They could take a few minutes to get comfortable, and then they could begin at the pace that Kadence set for this afternoon. If she wanted to begin with pleasantries, he would follow suit. If he preferred to get to the heart of the matter immediately, then Sean was prepared for that as well.

“Hello, Kadence,” the psychiatrist replied, because he always remembered his manners, and she had addressed him first. “I’m always happy to meet with you, you know.” He always set aside the time in his schedule for this meeting, because he knew she required it, and that was what he was here for.

The smile on his lips was patient as he inquired, “How are you holding up?” The question was open-ended enough. It could apply to the typical ups and downs of life in this economy, or it could apply to the matter at hand. The interpretation was hers to make.