I Just Want To Say.... (Oriel)

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The day after. The day after that crazed dentokinetic jumped Phen out of nowhere and shoved him against the wall by his throat, sinking his teeth into his flesh and making him scream. Then Oriel had come like his own personal superhero and promptly beat the shit out of the maniac, earning himself some severe punishments from his acts. Phen felt absolutely awful about the entire thing; since he hadn't done anything, he hadn't gotten detention or anything else, but he might as well have considering how upset he was for Oriel.

Determined to try to make him feel a little better, despite his own jumpiness and trauma, Phen had gone into town to get his lover something special. He knew how much Oriel loved pastries, and decided to get him a box of fresh-baked goods, all chock full of cream cheese and fresh fruit and other deliciousness. It wasn't much, but he hoped it would be enough to maybe brighten his day just a little bit.

He shuffled over to the boy's room, rubbing against the bandages on his shoulder. He hadn't slept well last night; he didn't think Oriel had either. It was getting late again too, so he didn't know what Oriel would be doing when he got there.

Phoenix knocked quietly, peeking his head in to see what Oriel was doing. He found him curled up in the corner of his room, and Phen's heart leaped to his throat as he hurried over, pulling Oriel's face to his chest as he hugged him tightly.

"Hey," he breathed, resting his cheek against the top of Oriel's head for a moment before pulling away. "How... How are you doin'?" From the looks of things, not so good, but Phen wanted to get a feel for what was going through Oriel's mind before he offered his treat, even though the smell was wafting heavily from the box already.

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Oriel. Could. Not. Believe. How much he'd fucked up….

And he'd been doing so well too! Even to the point of joining stupid after school clubs. Even to the point of doing (some) homework! (Which had surprised more than a couple of his teachers). He'd managed to stay out of detention for the most part, only going for minor offenses, like that whole Boo-kitten ordeal.

And now having taken so many steps forward, he'd gone and backtracked about a million, right back to where he started.

Well, whatever. It didn't matter anyway. Kodi deserved every single punch and kick he got for what that freak did to Phen.

….And it just proved that it was impossible to fix a twisted fuck like Oriel no matter how hard he tried.

Oriel just wanted to be left alone, insisting to Phen that he was fine, that he didn't care, that he just wanted to be alone for a while, maybe take a nap. So he grabbed a blanket and curled up in the corner of his room, leaning his head and shoulder against the wall. He didn't want to sleep in his bed unless Phen was there…..but Oriel had already shoved the other boy away, there was no way he could ask him for such a stupid thing.

Oriel didn't respond when the knock came at his door, he was too busy pretending to be asleep. The next thing he knew he was being smothered into his lover's chest. Oriel grunted out a muffled greeting. Once he could finally breath again, Oriel looked up at the other boy with a scowl. "I'm fine," he insisted. Which was probably a lie.......no, it definitely was.

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Phen knew Oriel wanted to be alone, and had tried to spend most of the day with Erik and Junpei and trying to keep his mind occupied, but he simply couldn't get the boy out of his thoughts. He was worried about him, and yearned to be near him when he was obviously suffering so much. It was only so long before he had to break down and see him again.

Until Oriel made it clear he didn't want Phoenix around at all anymore, there would be no getting rid of the lovestruck boy.

He noted Oriel's weak response and scowl, and frowned worriedly, obviously seeing right through the lie. "I'm sorry, I would've come over earlier but..." he trailed off. Oriel's own wishes were the only thing that had kept him away for as long as he had. His eyes dropped down to the box in his hands, and he tentatively offered it to his lover, popping the sticker open that was keeping the lid down so Oriel could open it.

"I um... I thought you might... Like these," he mumbled, his gaze dropping to the floor. There were about a half-dozen danishes inside, some with blueberries, others with strawberries, and who knew what else. "I know it's not much, but..." Phoenix rubbed the back of his head, cheeks flushing. "I'm not... I ain't really good at this kinda stuff." He settled against the wall beside Oriel, sitting back and resting his chin against Oriel's shoulder. "D'you, um... I dunno, want t'talk about anythin'?" he murmured, wondering if his lover would snap at him for asking.

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Oriel wanted to be alone, and he didn't want to be alone. No, what he wanted was for someone to force him to not be alone despite the things he said, because by now anybody should be able to figure out that Oriel doesn't mean half the things he says. Actually, he often means the exact opposite.

Which was why when Phen came in and embraced him right off, Oriel was a lot happier than he let on. "It's fine….." Oriel mumbled as he grasped the bottom of Phen's shirt like a sulking child.

Oriel moved to lean back against the wall as Phoenix rose the box up to him. He opened it and stared at the contents for a moment while Phen explained himself before merely grabbing up on without a word and slowly chomping down on one of the red-filled ones. It was strawberry. He set it down and picked up another red one. Raspberry. Yummy. He continued to eat it, one small bite at a time.

"Mmmm…" he grunted. Which wasn't really a yes or no. Talking still wasn't his strong suit, at least not talking about things that mattered. After another moment of silence(and chewing) Oriel finally spoke up. "How's your neck?" Oriel kept his eyes down on the golden treasure chest of pastries.

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Phen pressed a light kiss to the top of Oriel's head as he felt his lover grasp at his shirt, wishing he could make all of these stupid problems go away so they could be happy again. First with Boo, and now with this... Phoenix had been happier than usual lately, but things were starting to pop up that brought his mood down quickly. At least they still had each other, which was enough for Phen, although he didn't know just how much his own presence meant to Oriel, not really.

He smiled faintly as Oriel dug into the pastries, not really feeling any appetite himself (which wasn't unusual, even if he had been eating more because of Oriel's pushing). "Are they any good?" he asked. "I didn't know which ones you'd like, so..." He shrugged, biting his lip. Was it dumb? Was this a dumb idea? At least Oriel seemed to be enjoying them, even if he didn't look a lot happier.

Phen's eyes closed for a brief moment, taking in Oriel's answer and deciding they would talk about it if and when they got there. He didn't even really know what he wanted to say about it all; communicating feelings was hard. "Oh, um... It's okay," he mumbled, tugging down the collar of his shirt and peeling back the bandage. The two puncture marks, a couple inches apart, were pretty deep, and still looked pretty red and irritated, but the nurse had assured Phen they would be fine, as long as they didn't get infected. "Stings a bit," he admitted.

He pressed the bandage back down and traced a bruise against Oriel's cheek. "What about you?" he murmured. In his opinion, Oriel had gotten hurt more than he had, even if Kodi had gotten the worst. "Anything I can do t'... T' help?"

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Phoenix meant a lot to Oriel. He had quickly become one of the most important people in Oriel's life. He'd become so important to Oriel that the moping teenage boy was getting more scared everyday. Scared of something happening to Phen, someone swooping in and taking him away, just….something…. And fucking Kodi coming in and laying his hands on his Phoenix…. Kodi had gotten off easy, Oriel didn't know what he would have done to that maniac if the teacher hadn't pulled him off him.

Oriel nodded. They were delicious. He was just the type to eat his favorites first, especially when he was down like this. Oriel intended on eating them all though….unless Phen wanted one?

He nibbled through the danish like a bunny while Phen spoke and Oriel was relieved to hear his answer even if he wasn't completely convinced that Phoenix was Ok. "Mmm…." he acknowledged.

The bruise on Oriel's cheek was sore still, though Oriel gave no indication of it when Phen touched it. Hell, the bite on his arm hurt more than anything, it felt like he'd just gotten a shot with a huge-ass needle right into his arm muscle. Oriel could lift it but not without some pain. His heart sunk even further as Phen kept trying to reach out to him. Oriel really just needed to get over this….disappointment he had in himself. That's really all it was. Such a completely small matter that even Oriel thought it was ridiculous. But he couldn't stop it. At least not yet, he needed a bit more time.

And more danishes.

Oriel licked his fingers and picked up the strawberry one. "This was my fault," he said finally before starting to devour the next danish. "St---Kodi was just looking to get back at me, and you got mixed up in it." He took another slow bite and swallowed. "…sorry…." Like that was going to fix anything, but still he said it. "I was too careless..."

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Phoenix was around to stay. At least, that was what he had planned. Unless something drastic happened that forced him to leave, he didn't want to leave Oriel alone, especially now. He had promised the boy he wouldn't go; he planned on keeping that promise. There was no way for him to tell Oriel that, though, without their always being some form of doubt. That's just the way broken people were.

And while the wound itself was fine, despite the pain that came with it, it was really the emotional trauma that had Phen more shaken up. He wasn't sure how he was going to react the next time Oriel did something that elicited pain like that - he wanted to think he would be okay, but he wasn't sure if it might make him freak out. He kept seeing Kodi's face in his mind, stopping his breath and piercing fire into his veins. Even the memory made him shiver and pull himself closer against Oriel, curling up and pulling a piece of the blanket over himself.

He leaned in and gently kissed the bruise on Oriel's cheek, lingering for a moment before nuzzling himself into the crook of Oriel's neck carefully, not wanting to bump any wounds. He nabbed a small bite of the danish Oriel was eating, chewing it without comment before sighing and closing his eyes. He figured all he could do was just be there and hope time would heal the wounds this situation had inflicted on them.

Though, when Oriel started talking about how it was his fault, Phoenix pulled back slightly, brow creasing in confusion. "Oriel, that guy's.... He's insane," he replied. "It can't be your fault. You can't predict what he's gonna do." His mouth set in a firm line, and he pressed it quickly against Oriel's crumb-speckled lips. "Don't apologize." He didn't know what Oriel had done that he thought set off Kodi's anger, but Oriel could do no wrong in his eyes. "I'm just..." His eyes fell to Oriel's wounds again, and his heart thudded dully in his chest. "I hate seeing you hurt." Phen swallowed. "Especially because you were protectin' me."

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Oriel barely responded when Phoenix snuggled closer and kissed his cheek. Not even when he stole a bite of the pastry right out of Oriel's hands did the boy do anything more just stare down at the box in front of him.

Both Oriel and Phoenix had been hurt in more ways than one over this incident, both emotionally and physically. Who was to say about the "victim" but it was going to take some time before this pair could go back to feeling normal. Of course, Oriel was so far stuck in his own head, it was uncertain whether he even considered or realized how essential it would be for Phen to know that Oriel was going to be alright. To see him acting like the solid rock that the other boy needed.

They were definitely going to need more danishes. And maybe a sappy musical.

The way that Phoenix was talking about Kodi, it felt like he was talking about Oriel himself. It was scary how alike they were, Oriel could see everything about himself that he hated exposed right there on the surface of the other boy, where everyone could see it. Kodi didn't even try to hide it, didn't even try to control it. "I know," he whispered, turning his head into Phoenix's. "It's just…..he came after you because I….messed with one of his things…" At the time, Oriel was just playing around with Benny to pass the time while he waited for Kodi to come back. After he realized that Kodi had already staked claim over the boy, Oriel got too caught up in trying to one-up the dentokinetic.

Oriel took another small bite of the danish.

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Normally Phen would have backed off a bit at Oriel's lack of responses, but he told himself that his lover was just off, depressed by what had happened, rather than anything to do with Phoenix himself. He just wished he knew of something he could do to make it all better. But he didn't have that power.

It did hurt him more to see Oriel so hurt than his own pain. He knew the depth of his own scars; he couldn't know how upset Oriel was, or how long it would last.

Phoenix let out another sigh, finding himself craving a hit of dust, even though by now the drug was hardly doing anything for him. It was something else that was beginning to make him panic, especially since the few other hallucinogens he had gotten his hands on so far had done nothing either. His body gave another involuntary shiver, and his hands began to shake before he clenched them and hid them out of sight.

He didn't mean to make Oriel feel bad. Of course not. Even though Oriel compared himself to the dentokinetic, Phoenix saw Oriel in a completely different light. Yes, he was sadistic, and moody, and whatever else, but Phen didn't mind any of it, because Oriel treated him like he was worth something. So when Oriel mentioned that he had messed with Kodi's 'things', a sudden hurt welled up in his chest unexpectedly. "Is that what he thinks I am?" he whispered hollowly. "A 'thing'?" While he freely admitted he was Oriel's, the fact that someone else came after him because he was like someone's inanimate object made him feel worthless again.

He pulled away slightly, his gaze directed at the ground. Phen didn't care what it was that Oriel had done to Kodi to make him angry; he still didn't blame him. But he was far more hurt from the way Oriel had worded it than he would have expected.

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Oriel was wholly glad that Phoenix was sticking around, despite his unresponsiveness. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate them, he was just really lost in his own head. And feeling like he didn't deserve the attention. All Phoenix needed to do was stay by his side. He would recover in time. Faster so long as Phoenix didn't give up on him.

When he finally told Phoenix the reasons behind Kodi's attack, Oriel's heart sunk as he expected Phoenix to express jealousy or disappointment or maybe scorn because Oriel had been the cause behind everything in the first place. But instead, his heat hurt far worse as Phoenix started talking about being a "thing" in Kodi's eyes, and suddenly he was terrified that Phoenix might think that that was how Oriel saw him too. Maybe it had started out that way, but it didn't take very long for Oriel to start thinking of him as something far more important than a fuck-toy. Not even just a pet, or a sub, or a lover…..

When Phoenix started to pull away, Oriel turned, dropping the pastry in his hands, and grabbed Phen's forearm, probably with a lot more force than he intended, and looked at him with wide, desperate eyes. "You're not." Was Phoenix going to leave? "You're not a thing!" He could feel his eyes starting to burn, yet he refused to let the tears come. "You know that, right?" Oriel felt his whole core tremble all the way out to his fingers as he watched Phen.

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Phoenix hadn't realized how much the fact that other people might see him as sort of a decoration that Oriel carted around would bother him until now. As much as he depended on Oriel and needed him to feel like a decent human being, he also still had some reserve of pride that made him want to be seen as more than an object. And the fact that Kodi, the complete psychotic ass that he was, had such an opinion of him just burned, more than the bite. He didn't think Oriel meant to make him feel that way... But... But...

Was he just a 'thing' to Oriel too?

Because he loved Oriel. And the fact that Oriel might... Just think that way of him... He didn't want to think about it, but now it was staring him blatantly in the face, and he couldn't ignore it.

He jolted when Oriel reached out to him, his eyes wide and hurt, surprised by the intensity of the boy's response. You're not. Phen looked away, eyes pricking with moisture. You're not a thing! His lower lip trembled, and a tear trickled its way down his cheek that he didn't bother to wipe away. "I don't... I don't know..." he mumbled, looking down at Oriel's fingers wrapped around his arm, feeling the trembling in his touch. "We've never... I've never asked... And you've never said..." He felt like he was being a stupid emotional wreck, but he couldn't help it; he swallowed hard. "I'm... I just..." He closed his eyes and sobbed, pressing his face into Oriel's chest. "I don't want to be thrown away again!"

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No. No no no no…..

Had he fucked up? Was that not the right thing to say? Oriel didn't even know anymore, but seeing Phen look away like he did, Oriel felt a tightness in his chest. He couldn't breath. All that panic, all his fears were just welling up inside of him all over again, threatening to explode, and making Phoenix take the brunt of it.

Oriel swallowed. His throat stung.

No….no don't cry. Stop it! Oriel didn't know what he was supposed to do!

Oriel could feel is arms shaking as he wrapped his arms around the trembling, sobbing boy. "You're not a thing…" Oriel repeated, his voice starting to crack. He kept his eyes forward as he struggled to not breakdown himself. No, he needed to stay strong for Phen. "You're….you're not just something convenient I keep around to fuck whenever I want." He didn't know what Phoenix was yet, or maybe he just didn't want to admit it. "You're not…" he said again. "You're not. I'm not. I need…." His voice caught in his throat. His breathing had become quick and shallow as he tried to keep the panic down, holding onto Phen like he was an anchor. "…you…" Oriel rested his head against the side of Phoenix's and closed his eyes.

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Phoenix didn't mean to make Oriel panic. He didn't want to hurt him anymore than he had been hurt already. He was just so worried, and so afraid that Oriel would eventually grow tired of his 'toy' and find a new one, that the reassurances Oriel was giving him didn't click at first. It was just hard to take in.

He gripped his fingers into his lover's shirt, trying to get some sort of self-control over himself. He retreated from sobbing to pathetic sniffles, hating himself for breaking down. Why couldn't he be stronger, like Oriel? He clung to the boy's words like a drowning man, trying to calm himself down as he felt Oriel's trembling arms wrap around him. "I didn't know," he mumbled against Oriel's shirt. How was he supposed to know before now? They had never discussed what their relationship really was. He took a deep, shuddering breath, nestling his face into Oriel's hair as the boy rested against him. I need... You... "I need you too," he replied breathlessly, reaching a hand up to grasp the back of Oriel's head. "You have... No idea..." He didn't know how much he should rely on what Oriel was saying, but he let the reassurances wash over him like a blanket, smothering the anxieties and warming his heart.

He fell into silence for several long moments, trying to stop his trembling as he took long, slow breaths. Finally, he pulled himself away from Oriel just enough to meet his eyes. "Let's... Let's get in bed," he suggested quietly, leaning in to press a soft kiss against his lips. "I... I want t' just... Just lie with you," he mumbled, twisting a stray strand of hair behind Oriel's ear.

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Oriel couldn't say that his association with Phen wasn't completely physical at first. He honestly was just another toy to Oriel when they first met. After that, Phoenix had been there for Oriel when he was in a particularly bad place, after the grief from losing Madison had finally overtaken him, and Oriel had quickly snatched the boy up to be a replacement for his previous fuck-toy.

Now….he wasn't even sure when it happened, but somewhere along the line Oriel had become so utterly dependent on needing Phoenix needing him, even to the point where it started to matter to Oriel what the other boy thought. Where it started to matter that Phoenix was happy. And that he stayed that way. Because as much as Oriel enjoyed torturing the other boy, making him squirm with discomfort and pain as he domineered over him, Oriel also enjoyed seeing Phoenix smile brightly like an innocent little boy.

If Phoenix thought Oriel was strong, it was only because he had someone who needed him to be. Because if Oriel wasn't, then how did he expect to be able to take care of his…Phoenix..? Oriel needed to pull himself together, quickly, if just so that his lover would have the support he needed to keep moving forward.

When Phoenix started to pull himself away, Oriel had to stop himself from pulling him right back in, suppressing yet another wave of panic that threatened to swell up. Their faces were so close together. Oriel blinked slowly as he took in the kiss. "Ok…." was all he could muster. With their arms still entangled, the boys rose and, after a moment's hesitation, Oriel climbed into the bed with Phoenix, curling himself up like a small child.

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Hell, there was no way Phoenix had known this... Thing with Oriel would turn into... Whatever it was... When he had first pulled the boy into his bed (or rather, Oriel had pushed him onto it, but whatever). He had still been hung up on Rue and just finding fuckmates to keep his mind occupied between hits of dust and wallowing in self-pity. But somewhere along the line Oriel had managed to worm his way into Phen's cold, broken heart and spark some sort of light, which quickly kindled into a flame that burned now with far more intensity than he could have ever imagined.

It was terrifying, but also... Incredible.

Oriel made him laugh and smile like he hadn't in months, years even. Made him feel like his life was worth something, even if Phoenix just saw himself as a worthless druggie with no future past Hammel. Now he knew, as long as he could make Oriel content, he had some sort of purpose. He lived to see that smile, and when Oriel was upset like this, he wanted to be there to... To make him light up again, if he could.

And, yes, he had become extremely dependent on Oriel's care, to the point where the boy was successfully weaning him off of his dust, despite the fact that Phen was still worried about it. Had Oriel not been in his life now, Phoenix would surely be panicking more than he was.

Phoenix let himself just gaze at Oriel for a moment, taking in the faint glow of moonlight streaming through the blinds that reflected in Oriel's eyes, brushing the tips of his fingers against his jaw. He then followed the boy up and over to the bed, taking the opportunity to wrap himself around Oriel, their positions switched from their usual spooning. His hand tangled in the boy's hair as he pulled their lips together again, leaning over Oriel as he pressed kisses from his mouth to his cheek, down his jawline and settling against his neck for a long moment. Inhaling deeply, he nestled his lover more tightly against his chest and entwined their hands together. "I ain't leavin' you," he murmured in Oriel's ear. He kissed his temple. "I promise."