Bad Luck: My Danishes!!(Jack)

[Deleted]

Needless to say, the box of pastry goodness that Phen had bought for him did not make it to the next day. They were, however, extremely delicious, and horribly addictive. So much so that he asked(read: forced) Phoenix to go out and buy him some more. Not for free, of course, Oriel wasn't that mean, he made sure to spot Phen the cash he needed to cover it.

Oriel'd gotten through a couple of them before putting them away to eat later, like the next day or something. Like when Phen wasn't around so he couldn't sneakily steal random bites right from the boy's hands.

So the next day...

".....I am your dentist
And I enjoy the career that I picked
I am your dentist
And I get off on the pain I inflict

I thrill when I drill a bicuspid
It's swell though they tell me I'm maladjusted
And though it may 'cause my patients distress

Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me
I know, I know that my momma's proud of me
Oh, momma
'Cause I'm a dentist and a success!"

Oriel was humming with excitement as he procured the box from the refrigerator, danced about with elation, and set it daintily on the table.

But! Oh no! He felt it. He felt it coming!! And there was no stopping it!!!

Oriel started off down the hall, stopping for only a moment to look longingly at the box he'd left behind, and then quickly rushed into the restroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

He would not emerge again for another 20 minutes.

[Jack McCarthy]

Don’t get him wrong. Jack loved his lifestyle. Quite frankly it was quite possibly the greatest way of life a handsome Irish man just bursting with testosterone to have. But the one slight drawback of spending every night in bars drinking his weight in booze. Is the feeling that came in the mornings. The dreaded hangovers. That morning he felt he felt pain in all his joints, a sharp pain in his head not to mention a vile taste in his mouth, as he rolled out of his bed groaning as he did, but the impact was slightly softened by the pile of dirty clothes and underwear on the ground.

One thing was for certain….God, he was hungry….like, super incredibly hungry. But Jack was far too lazy to go down stairs and get some food in the canteen like a normal person, and he didn’t see any food around the place, well there was a pizza under his bed that he found in the bathroom of a seedy bar, but he was saving that for a special occasion….but as he put on a random t-shirt not caring if it was clean or not an idea suddenly occurred to him. He didn’t have food, but his friendly neighbors might. With that in mind. Jack made his way to room 204 and kicked the door in, and sneaked a look around to see if anyone was here. Before smiling as he saw that the coast was clear.

Of course this wasn’t the first time Jack had broken in here, thanks to residents helpful habit of neglecting to close the door. Jack often crept in his for any excuse to screw with Ortiz’s shit behind his back. If Ortiz ever found that he mislaid something, odds were it was jack’s doing. Jack was probably responsible for 90% of everything that went missing in that room, but not only that, he would often rub his ass on Ortiz’s pillow and eat all their food.

...Speaking of food….

Placed perfectly in the refrigerator was a box full with tasty lookings danishes.

“Jackpot!” Jack smiled as he sneaked across the room like a ninja before taking the danishes, sitting down and resting his feet on a nearby table and beginning to devour the food.

[Deleted]

Oriel closed the door behind him, the sound of swirling water rushing down a pipe echoing behind him with a sharp odor wafting out and starting to disseminate throughout the 204 dormitory. With a quick adjustment of his waistband, Oriel headed back to the main room to quickly grab a can air freshener from the underneath the sink(why it wasn't in the bathroom, I'll never tell) but was soon stopped short by a most terribly tragic sight.

For there, in his seat was a Mr. Jack MacCarthy, smacking his lips and licking his fingers with a veeery familiar white box set in front of him. "No...no no no!" he started to say over and over as if it would make the apparent facts there in front of his eyes not true. Oriel rushed to the table and lifted the lid to the box to find it...empty.

Every last one.

Gone.

Oriel could feel his eyes start to water and he shot the dead man a piercing glare. "Those were mii~ine!" he wailed like an indignant child, slamming his fists against the table's surface. With a grunt and a growl, Oriel reached out and grabbed Jack McCarthy's shoulder and yelled, "Vomit those up, right now! Give 'em back!!"

[Jack McCarthy]

Jack didn’t finch as Oriel bashed his way through the doorway of the bathroom, which released quite a pungent smell which was quite impressive if Jack said so himself. But the moment Jack saw the wild eyed Oriel approach him, and jack greeted him like it was a perfectly normal morning ritual.

“Ortiz! Top of the morning! You sleep well? I had the weirdest dream…I had horses hooves for hands and I have clarinets for feets…everytime I walked I played the theme for the Pink Panther”

Jack puts his hand against his mouth as if only now occurred to him. “Oh these? These on so delicious treats?! Your’s?! Oppsss! Still you can’t say that you haven’t learned a lesion about locking doors and leaving unprotected food on a table…but thanks for the free breakfast.

Before Jack knew he was grabbed by the collar. But on the bright side he saw that he needed to rub his ass on his pillow more….his eye wasn’t nearly red enough

…but jack did the only thing that he could think of, he opened his mouth and screamed bloody murder “HELLPPP, HELPPPPP, SEXUAL PREDATOR! STRANGER DANGER!! SOMEONE HELP! SOMEONE TRYING TO TOUCH ME! COME QUICK! I FEEL HIS FOREFINGER REACHING FOR MY ASS!”

[Deleted]

How did Jack get in here anyway? Well, Oriel never did lock the door and he was pretty sure none of his roommates did either. Did Jack do this often? That would at least explain why the leftovers Oriel always left in the fridge kept going missing before either he or any of his actual roommates could get to it.

Oriel didn't care too much about that, because after all, one mustn't waste food so it was actually a good thing that Jack came and ate his shit. Flattering actually......unless it was his specially bought love danishes!!

"You ass!" Oriel squeaked somewhat like a girl. "Phoenix got me those, they're fucking expensive!" Oriel might actually cry...nope, not around Jack. "I want 'em back! Hurry it up or you need some incentive?" Oriel shook a fist in Jacks direction, baring his teeth like a rabid dog.

Of course, Oriel should have expected Jack to respond only in nonsense. If it were for anything else, Oriel would be flailing and fooling about right there with him with words fit for a loon.....but this was personal. Oriel's dearest Phoenix went all the way out to town to bring those for Oriel, they were special....and Jack ate them all....didn't even bother to leave a crumb.

Oriel backed off from Jack, glaring down at him with a furiously pained look in his eyes where he could feel the prickles of water threatening to collect at the corners. With a scowl and a snort, Oriel stormed off back to his room.

Less than 20 seconds later, Oriel re-emerged with rope in hand and a glint in his eye. He started twirling the end of the rope which had been tied into a large loop. "I'll give you a reason to scream," he grumbled, "Now don't. You. Move." Oriel started creeping around Jack to block his assumed retreat to the doorway.

[Jack McCarthy]

Ahhh, yessss….goooddd, goooddd, your rage is so delicious Ortiz! No amount of danishes in the world could compare with sensation of knowking he had royally fucked with Mr. Ortiz Mc.Fuckface

While in Ortiz’s Iron like grip, Jack wasn’t afraid. No, by now Jack was wise to Ortiz’s act. Jack had know Ortiz for quite awhile now, and in that time there have been several incidents (which of course Ortiz started and Jack was completely and totally innocent of any and all crimes, but that just goes without saying) If Ortiz was going to attack him, he would have done it, a long, LONG time ago. Ortiz’s bark was far worse then his bite.

You can’t bullshit a bullshiter.

So Jack just smiled and laughed obnoxiously determined to get under Ortiz’s skin, but his curiosity was arisen by a name, one solitary name lost in a sea of Ortiz’s bluster and bitching. Phoenix.

Well, well, well Mr. Ortiz fluffyhair. You are full of surprises aren’t you?

“Yup…and they were amazing, like a rainbow vomiting all over your tongue. Tell, “Phoenix” thanks. Let me guess, Brother? Butch sister? Gimp? Sex slave? You have him locked in your bedroom don’t you? He’s just tied up in mental chains, clad completely in leather, with butt plugs shoved up his ass right now. I’m right aren’t I? Sick bastard.


Jack almost felt sad when Ortiz decided to release him, he was having so much fun, leave it for Ortiz to become an endless source of amusement for Jack….but was it just him or did Ortiz seem like he was getting legitimately upset? If so that was so hysterical! Big bad Ortiz brought to tears about a few pastries? What a cry baby!

Jack rubbed the nape of his neck, feeling the redness beginning to build as Ortiz retreated back to his room leaving Jack to saunter around the room, intending to enjoy every part of his victory, before hitting the road. “Aw? What’s the matter? Did I get you all worked and now you need to take it out on your gimp?” Jack laughed at the thought. But that laugh died in his mouth as Ortiz reappeared with a new toy.

Oh shit.

Well Jack certainly wasn’t expecting this. Holy crap, Ortiz really was insane wasn’t he. Jack had no clue what Ortiz intended to do with that rope, but Jack was sure he wasn’t going to like it and of course this was the latest in a long line of overreactions on Ortiz’s part. Ok, so maybe Jack took things just a smidge too far….but he should know by now that this was mere harmless banter, so Ortiz first reaction was torture? Remind Jack how exactly he was the bad guy in this situation?

“Woah, woah, woah, woah!” Jack cowardly backed away as far as he could from Ortiz all bravado forgotten as he frantically waved his hands in the air “Ortiz! Buddy! Pal! Amigo! Ok, clearly you forgot to take your meds this morning, so how about we take a few deep breaths, and let’s talk this through, Mhh…Ok?” As Jack spoke his eyes wandered to the door behind Ortiz and he started to take a few tentatively footsteps towards him.

“Ok, I know things were said and shit have gone down, but don’t worry….I forgive you! Because you’re my friend! And that’s what best friends do, they forgive each other…for trying to kill them, for their….ummm weird rope fetish. Seriously what’s with you and rope? Do you just carry rope around with you wherever you go? Not that I’m complaining….rope is seriously underrated. So how about you put that down, stop being crazy and-IS THAT LUX FUCKING A ELEPHANT?!”

Jack said this last part overly dramatically with a face of pure shock as he pointed away from the door. While Ortiz was momentary distracted, Jack quickly rushed him tried to claw frantically at the door.

[Deleted]

Jack just haaaad to go there didn't he? Oriel might've been the one who let it slip, but Jack was the one who decided it was worth it to jump on the mention of Phoenix and start poking at a beast that was already seriously upset. And for another matter, "I can't afford leather and plugs!" He continued to whine, not actually intending to further reveal his hobbies to Jack, but also not particularly caring because at that moment, Oriel was like a little boy who just had his favorite candy taken away and eaten in front of him, and then having the perpetrator literally laugh and boast in his face about the awful thing he had done. Actually, there was no "like", that was exactly the scenario here.

And Oriel was going to pay his "best friend" back for every ounce of suffering he created.

Once Oriel had emerged with the rope, fully intending on hanging Jack from the roof by it, the poor doomed Jack just added fuel to the already blazing fire by suggesting more than a couple of things. The first was the implication that Oriel needed to be on medication, which of course didn't - Oriel was just irrational and mentally unstable! The second was how Jack tried to butter him up with all those rope comments, really who was he kidding? And how dare he make fun of Oriel's hobby!

Obviously the third was the assumption that bringing Lux into the conversation was somehow a good idea, especially doing something so obviously out of character for her(or anyone, really Jack? An elephant?).

Oriel refused to explain himself this time, only returning Jack's bumbling rants with a grunt and a growl. Unfortunately for Jack, Oriel didn't get as distracted as Jack had hoped, and as the doofus launched himself past the angry boy, Oriel turned, and tackled Jack to the floor. With Oriel situated on the back of a squirming McCarthy, he struggled to get the flailing hands of the spazzing boy together so they could be tied in one quick movement.

[Jack McCarthy]

How did Jack manage to get himself into these situation? All he wanted was some delicious, numerous pastries to tied over his aching stomach and yet here he was, once again fighting for his life from captain crazy pants! Seriously why wasn’t this guy in some sort of mental home, in a strait jacket writing his own name in his own excrement. Like the wild animal that he was!

Ok, so maybe it was a bit rash to bring Oriel “Little Princess” into the conversation (nope. Still creepy) But hey, if there was one thing Jack knew was to get a reaction, and he certainly knew how to push Oriel’s buttons quite beautifully

Starting to feel the pressure of potentially being put in a decisively unpleasant position. After all he had no earthy idea what the twisted mind of Oritz had in mind to do with that rope, but he was willing to bet that it wasn’t anything nice. Jack practically leaped ungainly over Oriel and frantically clawed at the door like a ferial cat, scrambling for the door handle but before he managed to get firm grip. Oriel with the force of a locomotive crashed into Jack leaving him sprawled out on the floor.

Once the birds stopped circling his head, he became dimly aware of Oriel on his back having his hands tied like a pig, the moment he became acutely aware of what was happening, Jack suddenly start to kick and trash like a fish just reeled in by a fisherman desperate to try and get Oriel off him, or loosen the rope all the while screaming at Oriel

“YOU MOTHER FUCKER! GET THE FUCK OFF ME, YOU PSYCHOPATH!!
THIS IS-THIS IS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL! AND RACIST! YOU’RE A FUCKING RACIST! YOU’LL REGRET THIS! I’LL MAKE SURE THEY’LL KICK YOU OUT! YOU SMELLY ASS BANDIT! I CAN SMELL THE DICKS ON YOUR BREATH FROM HERE! YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS, YOU DRESS LIKE A CRACK WHORE AND NO ONE LIKES YOU…AND YOUR HAIR LOOKS STUPID TOO! YOU’RE THE FUCKEST FUCK THAT EVER FUCKED A FUCK AND WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE, I’M GONNA-GONNA…I DON’T EVEN KNOW BUT YOU WON’T LIKE IT! JUST LET ME GO AAAHHHHH!”

For several moments Jack fractically rolled back and forward screaming and waling all the while before finally relenting and going limp breathing heavy from tiredness, after a brief pause Jack staring at the floor became to speak in a much quieter voice.

“Heyyyy Ortiz? I just realized that some of the things I’ve said you might have taken the wrong way, When I called you a crack whore, that was a term of endearment man! And your hair is quite awesome it has to be said… I was only playing around. So how about we forget about all this and be friend again? Just untie me and we’ll talk this through like mature adults. Whattta say old buddy old pal? Also I didn’t want to mention this, but I have a rare heart condition; if I don’t take my pill soon there’s a 95% chance my heart will blow up.”

[Deleted]

That psychopath comment did not go unnoticed by Oriel(nor did any of the others, but that was the one that stuck), but he was also getting his own sick twisted enjoyment from making Jack scream in terror like this….ok, maybe Oriel was a psychopath, but that didn't mean Jack had to say it to his face! Or rather not his face but to the floor, because Oriel had no intention of letting Jack up until Oriel had him right where he wanted him.

And what did being a racist have to do with Oriel tying this guy up?

Once Jack had finally calmed down, though, it made it immensely easier for Oriel to finish his knotting, then started working on tying the rope around Jack's torso, reaching underneath the boy and pulling it around the other side. Well, gee, this was fun! Oriel started humming a little tune.

"Oh, you'll be fine. This is just revenge! And besides, it's not like I'm going to rape you or nothing. We're friends. And friends just don't do that kind of thing." Now what was Oriel going to do with him? Now that Oriel had a moment to calm down a little, he realized that hanging Jack from the roof might be a little overkill, literally. Oh! He could parade him around campus! That'd be awesome! Or maybe just tie him to a chair and leave him there for the day. Or he could strap him to the back of a car and drag him behind it while Oriel sped at 60 mph….which was out because Oriel didn't have a car nor did he know anyone who did.

Oriel continued to hum while he tightened the bindings on his "friend".

[Jack McCarthy]

Ah yes, Jack had made one massive and fatal flaw when it came to Mr.Vanguard (Well, besides from calling him every swear word under the sun itself) was to try to appeal to Ortiz’s rational side.

He didn’t have a rational side. In any sense of the word. At least according to Jack. He considered himself being perfectly reasonable. Despite the fact that he clearly didn’t mean a word of what he said, only saying what he thought he needed to say to get out of this situation”You know, Oritz...” Said in quite a condensing tone “I think you need to take a deep breath, have you ever tried positive thinking? You know whenever you get angry just think about kittens and rabbits and shits, and really think about what you’re doing, because I think if you were thinking clearly you wouldn’t -OW! “ Jack suddenly exclaimed as the tight rope pressed into his stomach “Fuck that really hurts…” Jack wined

“You know the phrase I’m sorry, is overused a lot these days, but when it comes from the heart you know that it means something, I mean whats the phrase? “To err is human; to forgive is divine? Isn’t that the old expression? Ah? Ah? Besides isn’t the best revenge not sinking down to my level? it would certainly show me if you just tried to be the bigger man and let me go. Grrrrr….Ohhhh, that’ll show me all right! It’ll make me really upset if you just decided to let me go. So whatever you do don’t do that! And beside-RRAHHHHHHhhh MY HEART!”

Jack eyes started rolling in the back of his head, and he began to droll after apparently suffering a heart attack and passing out, twitching weakly just a little to really sell the moment.

[Deleted]

"When the hell did you turn into a damn psycho-therapist? Huh, McCarthy?" He pulled the rope tighter. Then checked the tension to make sure he wasn't actually cutting off any circulation. The last thing he wanted was for this little bout of fun to end with Jack having his limbs fall off on accident. "Oh, you'll be fine," he snapped again in response to his whines. Jack was just being a big baby, Oriel wasn't even planning on doing anything that bad. At least he hoped he wasn't.

Oriel rolled his eyes and continued working. As of now, Oriel had yet to hear Jack apologize for his transgression, just spout out a bunch of nonsense that he hoped would confuse Oriel enough to let him go. Nope. Wasn't happening!

Then Jack spasmed and went limp. Oriel didn't buy it for a second, though supposed he should check just to make sure. He finally got up from sitting on Jack's back and leaned forward, pressing his forefingers against his throat to check for a pulse. Then he pulled back the lid to one of his eyes. "Don't your head hurt keeping your eyes rolled back like that?" Whatever. Oriel stood and walked away, leaving Jack on the floor right where he was.

Actually no. This was a great opportunity.

Oriel pulled his phone from his back pocket and began the photoshoot. Yess…this was going to be good. He could probably give these to Forrest and Skye to do something with. What, he had no idea, but they'd figure something out.

[Jack McCarthy]

Why yes, actually it did hurt to keep his eyes in such a position. Quite a bit in fact, but Jack used to it, this wasn’t exactly what you would call his first fake out pulling this stunt, and it’s a stunt Jack had perfected over the years. The eye pain was somewhat uncomfortable but Jack was used to it.

It was always a last resort that Jack had developed in his youth, you would be amazed how often it worked, Jack lost count of the amount of times he had gotten out of gym class by faking some kind of seizure. Of course it became lest effective once he got older, less cute and more mouthy but at least he tried.

Even though the jig was most certainly up but Jack didn’t move, not even when Oriel checked his pulse, the thinking being that if he really sold it, it may sway Oriel. No such luck It seems as Jack opened his eye to see Oriel pulling out his phone. Oh sit. That was not good news. Jack knew how dangerous that picture like that could be. “Ok, you ask for it; Houdini mother fucker!” He maybe huffing and puffing failing around like a trashing fish trying to find any give to the rope, “Urgg come on baby!” Jack moaned as he rolled around the floor and continued trashing quite comically

[Deleted]

Oriel wasn't easily swayed, he knew shit when he smelled it(speaking of, it was still wafting strongly from down the hall). Though honestly, Jack was pretty good at that playing dead thing. If Oriel wasn't an expert actor himself(ok not an expert) or if he didn't know how to check if people who were tied up were dead, then he might've been fooled. But nope! Oriel would not be fooled by such childish trickery!

He tried to suppress a laugh as he started to snap the pictures and Jack started thrashing about the floor like a worm. Nope, this was too good to just take pictures, Oriel was going to video record it too. With a vague moment of pause, Oriel switched the phone from camera to recorder and pointed it down at the squirming boy, taking a step or two back away from him

Now...Oriel had only just started learning how to properly tie ropes, he still was no expert. And given that this was a rush job, he most definitely didn't get the bindings completely secure. With enough struggling, Jack was sure to get out on his own. But in the meantime, Oriel kept cackling like the Evil Overlord he was and video-recording Jack's doom.

[Jack McCarthy]

The more Jack thrashed around, and he heard Oriel infuriating laughter one solitary fact became clearer then all the others.

Ortiz was a dick, seriously; fuck that guy!

Of course Ortiz would not get away with this, on that score you can rest assured of; Say what you will about Jack Mccarthy there was one rule he lived by no matter what; A grudge is only settled when he said’s it’s settled. He always needed to get the last word no matter what, and the last word he will get. Count on it.

As Jack continued to trash around, he began to feel his probability manipulation began to take effect as he slowly but surely felt the ropes ease and looses with every tug. Unable to keep an evil smile on his own out.

Just a little more…and yes! First he kicked his legs free and then the restraints around his hands came off. Freedom! Without missing a beat or giving Ortiz a single moment to defend himself, Jack balled up his fist as tight as he could, reached back as far as his arm would allow him to go, summoned up all his hate, all his strength and quickly launched a punch that could shatter Mike Tyson’s jaw like a speeding bullet right in Ortiz’s crotch

[Deleted]

Jack was only just now realizing that Oriel was a dick? After threatening to drown him in the lake, stalking down on him from a tree like batman, loosing his shit at the guy back at camp, and then tying him up for merely eating the boy's special expensive danishes?? Jack definitely had some problems if he hadn't figured it out by now that Oriel was a self-proclaimed psycho, dick, and asshole all rolled into one.

And the only reason he kept picking on Jack was because the dweeb perpetuated it. With the most interesting responses he'd ever gone up against, really this guy was fun to mess with!

Luckily for Jack, Oriel was a little too preoccupied being a dick to notice how fast he was unwinding himself. In fact he was looking at his phone still when Jack finally broke free and started to rev up his fist.

Now Oriel was a tough guy. He was pretty sure he could take on Jack's fist with his face and still win. But not even Oriel the Evil Dark Overlord was a match for a blow right in the tender-loins. Oriel was singing an Aria of Angels as he collapsed to his knees and crumbled to the floor, holding his poor bruised manhood.