For the First Time [Sean]

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

Penelope didn’t believe she needed to see Dr. Neville, but somehow she found herself in his office. It was recommended multiple times that she went, but the Brit had tried to avoid it at all costs. She didn’t need someone to tell her she had issues. She already knew she had them.

But the past couple of weeks had been filled with so much confusion and stress; she didn’t know quite what else to do. The fact that she didn’t have an answer was half the problem. Penelope always had an answer.

She walked towards the office with her usual demeanor. Determined. Confident. Yet, she didn’t feel either of them. She just had to go in and get it done with, right? It would be okay. She could do this. And once she did, things would go back to normal. Oh, how she missed normal.

She knocked on the door quietly before poking her head inside. “Dr. Neville? I’m Penelope Blaise."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Many students found their way to Sean’s office, one way or another. Some of those students came of their own volition, motivated by a need or desire to talk or gain insight from an older professional. Other students were forced to come see the psychiatrist. Some were forced by other faculty members. Some were transferred from their past mental health professionals. Some came at the behest of their parents or legal guardians. Some came because Sean himself desired to see them.

Sometimes, students were recommended to see him but weren’t forced. Most of them eventually came, worn down by the referrals and the underlying events that had led to the recommendation in the first place.

As part of his duties, Sean kept himself apprised of many of the students, far more than the ones with whom he had ongoing sessions. He considered it necessary, not only as the keeper of the students’ and staff’s mental and emotional health, but also as a telepath. As such, he knew of Penelope Blaise, although they had never had cause to meet properly.

At the knock and the introduction, he said, “Please, come in, Penelope.” Because she had never been to his office before, he added, “You can close the door for privacy, and then sit wherever you’d like.”

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

Penelope nodded, slipping inside quietly. She pulled up a chair in the corner of the room, crossing her legs as she sat down. She glanced around the office in silence, wondering what kind of person Dr. Neville was. Penny had, of course, heard of him. There were few students who didn’t, but she had never had the chance to actually meet the man.

She remained silent, resting her hands in her lap. She had no idea how to start something like this – heck, she had trouble organizing it in her own head, let alone trying to explain it to someone else.

She sucked in a nervous breath and straightened her back against the chair. Penelope had barely been there two minutes and she was already regretting this decision.

But she was already there. She couldn’t just walk out now that she was committed.

Another breath.

“I’m having trouble with another student.” That was putting it lightly.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean waited patiently for Penelope to close the door and then make herself comfortable. They were in no rush, and it was more important for her to have a degree of comfort so that she could open up, than it was for them to begin quickly. This was why he often engaged in small talk with students who came to his office, depending on their individual demeanors.

Thus, he didn’t prompt her. As it was, he could hear her conflicted thoughts, and it was best for her to sort that out for herself first. If she articulated any indecision, then he could offer reassurances, but he tried to give students the illusion of privacy within their thoughts. Since he couldn’t provide them with actual privacy.

Neither prompting nor reassurances proved necessary because, after a couple of moments of silence, Penelope spoke and shared her reason for seeking out the psychiatrist.

Problems with other students were certainly within Sean’s purview. They were also to be expected, given the age group and the close quarters, although, depending on the nature of the problems, the expectation didn’t make the problems acceptable.

There were only two ways to find out, and he chose the one that didn’t involve telepathic scanning. “Would you like to tell me about them?”

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

Penelope shifted her attention to focus on Sean, pressing her lips into a hard line at the question. Honestly? No. She had no interest in talking about Lucy, she only wanted the problem fixed. Yet, it didn’t take a genius to know that it wasn’t that simple.

As she thought further on the question, couldn’t keep her gaze on the psychiatrist, so instead she focused on her hands. “She gets under my skin.”

Penny paused, was that even the right way of putting it? It felt like an understatement. There wasn’t a word for how much Lucy got to Penny. Her mind was flooded with memories of when her and Lucy didn’t get along – before this mess. Stolen books, thrown wads of paper, name-calling.

And then she thought of how things were now. The Brit shook her head. “She’s rude, ignorant, obnoxious.” Really, the list could go on and on, “Loud. She--- She has this way of just knowing how to drive me absolutely mad.” In all senses of the word. She let out a short breath, “I don’t know what to do.”

[Dr. Sean Neville]

While Sean did not doubt for a moment the truth of that statement, it was unfortunately too vague to be helpful. This was Hammel, a boarding school filled with adolescents possessed of superhuman abilities. “She gets under my skin” could be anything from aggravated harassment to humming off-key while studying to literally turning into a tick and burrowing under Penelope’s epidermis.

However, he heard the name “Lucy” and the image popped into his mind, confirming that this was Lucy Serrano. Already, that provided some context for her behavior. Context that was further expanded why Penelope elaborated on what it was that she found obnoxious in Lucy’s personality.

Those were valid reasons to be upset, particularly if Lucy was deliberately engaging in behavior to upset Penelope. Given Lucy’s past behavior, this would not be surprising. Still, the psychiatrist had to ask, “As far as you can tell, she does this purposefully?”

Assuming that was the case, this was not something that could be solved simply by a discussion about the difference in their perspectives. The silver lining was that they did not room together; in fact, if memory served, Lucy inhabiting a dormitory on the co-ed floor while Penelope lived in the girl’s dormitory. That provided some distance.

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

Penny paused at the question, keeping her focus on the wall behind her. Her expression changed momentarily; she no longer looked at the wall, but at nothing as she searched for the words, the right memories that were associated with the frustrating Australian.

She remained quiet for a few moments, before she snapped back, gaze shifting to Dr. Neville. The Brit had almost missed the question completely, to be honest. On occasion it was hard for her to sift through collected memories to find the right ones, even if she had an idea of what she was looking for.

“…Yes, she does.” Her mind flashed to her painted dorm. What was once neat and white was covered in paint. The galaxy above her was a constant reminder of Lucy. It was beautiful, but painful to look at. And then that hand print…

Penny sucked in a breath. “I’m positive she does.”

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean didn’t pressure Penelope to answer quickly. She had come to him, and they would proceed at whatever pace she found comfortable. Moreover, she was communicating with him about her concerns, there was no reason to probe more deeply or prod her beyond her level of comfort. He was in no rush.

When her gaze returned to him, he met her eyes, demonstrating that she had his full attention. She had his full attention in more ways than one, since he could see the bits and pieces of memories that flashed through her mind. Not because he was probing, but because they were intense and thus all the more noticeable and difficult to ignore. Yet, since she hadn’t projected consciously to him, he wouldn’t mention them aloud, even if he absorbed them for context.

The fragments certainly helped to provide context to their interactions. The fact that Lucy had painted Penelope’s room without permission was a deliberate act, and, in some lights, could be viewed as aggressive taunting or marking.

The psychiatrist nodded to acknowledge what Penelope had just told him. “Would you like me to intervene? I can talk to her about it privately, or I can do mediation for the both of you. But she’s old enough not to behave that way, and you don’t have to put up with it with good humor."

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

Penelope felt her anxiety start to build. This was a bad idea, she decided. Yet it was too late. She was already there, and the Brit felt stuck as she sat in the chair. As Dr. Neville watched her.

“No.” Penny shot out just a bit too quickly. She interlaced her fingers, squeezing her own hand as a way to try to find comfort in the action somehow. “I--” What did she want to come of this. She didn't want someone interfering with this – whatever it was. “I just--” she took in a breath. “I wanted to talk about it.”

Penny pressed her lips together in a hard line, dark eyes dropping to her hands for a moment before forcing herself to focus back on the doctor as she regained her composure. “She's not doing any harm. There's no need for you to talk to her." Penny released her hands, bringing one up to her temple, rubbing it lightly.

She didn't talk about her personal life. She barely talked to anyone as it was. And she now very much remembered why.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean wouldn’t speak over her, and he wouldn’t intervene unless she desired that. He had offered, in case Penelope desired some form of intervention, or a more direct conversation wherein she would have more even footing. If she didn’t want that, then the psychiatrist wouldn’t force that on her. He believed in the value of mediation, but only when at least one party was interested in engagement. Otherwise, it served no purpose, and he certainly didn’t need mediation experience for his own benefit.

Sean could certainly both respect and accommodate the desire to talk, as opposed to engaging in direct intervention. As such, he nodded a single time to convey that he understood. “We can talk about it.”

They could talk about it. And, unless she granted him permission to bring it up with outside parties, and as long as Lucy’s behavior remained in the realm of general harmlessness, the psychiatrist would not bring it up with anyone else: not Lucy and not another third party.

“What do you want to talk about?” The question was benign, and he began to list possibilities, although the list was hardly exhaustive. “How it makes you feel? What her behavior might mean? Artistic merit? General coping? Or would you rather just explore without my asking questions?”

His offer was genuine. If she thought that she would benefit from a narrative without prompts, he was happy to serve as a sounding board.

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

When prompted, Penelope felt put on the spot, and although she knew that she was the one who came to Dr. Neville, she was beginning to wonder why. Penelope could barely talk about her feelings to the person closest to her, Michael, let alone a total stranger. This was absurd.

Still, she sucked in a breath and gave a short nod. However, she didn’t know the answer to half his questions, which greatly bothered the psychometrist. She was used to finding an answer to everything. Then Lucy Serrano came along and ruined it.

“She just—“ Penny shook her head, bringing a hand up to her head, running her fingers through her hair as a means to buy time. “I don’t know what her behavior means.” Yet she was sure that the Australian wasn’t doing what she did out of spite. “It drives me absolutely insane. How she is. I hate her.” Yet there was more to their relationship than simple hatred. Hatred would be easy, especially compared to this.

She opened her mouth to continue, yet her mind was catching up with what Dr. Neville said – artistic merit. Never did Penny bring up the galaxy in her room, which might be the reason he said such things. Yet she thought it. Her eyes widened upon remembering she was speaking to a telepath.

Because the moment you tell yourself not to think about something, you start thinking about it. Quite a lot. And Penny’s mind immediately went to what else her and Lucy had done. She didn’t need her psychometry to recall the intimacy between them. “I—“ She stammered, “She’s not bad.” No. That didn’t come out right. She felt her cheeks begin to burn.

God. This was horrible.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean did not interrupt. It was apparent, even without telepathy, that Penelope had only started to assess fully her interactions with the other girl. With telepathy, he could see how deep that confusion and those conflicting feelings ran.

He could see the other reason for her confusion, and the psychiatrist understood immediately. That type of intimacy was to be expected with teenagers; he faulted no teenager for exploring themselves or exploring others in a consensual manner, and he certainly was not so prudish as to find it shocking that teenagers had desires of their own. This was why he championed protection and safer sex rather than abstinence.

Still, awareness and acceptance of teenage sexuality did not undercut the more confusing and contradictory elements of her relationship with Lucy. Nor did it mean that Sean would speak so freely of that aspect as he would of the breaking and entering and the disregard for Penelope’s boundaries. He had no intention of humiliating her, even if she was already somewhat flustered and embarrassed.

“It can be difficult to figure out other people, to understand what makes them tick.” Sean fully acknowledged that he had three legs up there, above what the students had. He had a half-century of life experience, he had decades of training as a mental health professional, and he had the use of his telepathy to guide him. With that, he still remembered what it was to be confused as a teenager and as a young man. “It’s not unreasonable to want them to meet us halfway.”

That was a completely reasonable desire.

He shook his head, because he did not want either Penelope or himself to be on the defensive in this conversation. He did not want there to be a defensive position in this conversation. “I don’t think that she’s bad; I also don’t think that you should have to be driven up the wall. And I know how frustrating and confusing it can be to...” He chose his words carefully before finishing that sentence, “...feel like you are being pulled in opposite directions by the same person.”

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

Penelope only found herself digging herself into a bigger and bigger hole as she sat in this office. She brought her hands together, beginning to play with her nails, a habit she had been trying to force herself to quit for years now.

She sucked in a breath as the doctor spoke. Pulled in opposite directions. It very well defined her relationship with the Australian. Driven up a wall? More like pushed against a bookshelf. “No, just--” She was growing more and more flustered as she briefly squeezed her eyes shut. It did little to help stop the details of her memories of Lucy entering her mind.

“I think I should go.” She said quickly before pressing her lips into a hard line. "I'm very sorry, Dr. Neville."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Penelope had come of her own volition to this office, and she had said nothing to warrant keeping her against her will. She demonstrated no sign of harm to herself or to others, and the only mention of breaking school rules was in her thoughts, regarding Lucy’s behavior, not her own. As such, she had every right to leave at any time she wished.

While Sean might want to continue this conversation, he had no cause to overbear her will to do so. Moreover, he had no desire to cause her further discomfort, even if he thought that, given enough time, they could work through this matter together. He understood the difficulty in processing emotions; he also understood the added difficulties of adolescent confusion.

It’s a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart.

Still, whatever he retained from his own teenage years and young adulthood, he remained a middle-aged man while Penelope was a teenaged girl. Whatever his credentials or his empathy for those in confused plights of interpersonal drama and confusion, whatever his life experience or his patience, he remained the Hammel psychiatrist, and she a student. Nothing could erase that authority, which meant that the discomfort would likely remain.

“I won’t keep you.” He wanted her to know that she was free to leave if she so desired. “But if you change your mind or want to talk about this again, my door is always open.”

[Penelope Serrano-Blaise]

The moment Dr. Neville said she could leave, Penelope stood. She placed her hands on her dress, pressing out nonexistent wrinkles as she gave a quick nod. “Thank you, Dr. Neville.” She replied, the politeness in her tone sounding slightly forced as she started to head to the door. As nice as the man was, Penelope somehow doubted she’d be back in that particular office.

This particular session was more than enough.

“I—“ She sucked in a breath, jaw clenching briefly as she tried her hardest not to think of how her hands felt running down her back. Why was it she had to be thinking of this now while in the same room with a telepath? “I appreciate that you took the time to see me.”

She opened the door, gave one last glance in the direction of Dr. Neville, and quickly left.