Don't Worry, It's Nothing (Gryph, later Oriel)

[Deleted]

That... Had gone way better than Phen had expected.

He'd been absolutely terrified for his first ever job interview, of course. He'd worked very hard (with Dr. Neville's help) to come up with a decent resume and figure out answers to potential questions and all that. The pet store managed, he had found, was a very friendly, easygoing person, who's vibe had set Phen's nerves at ease quite quickly. It had all gone well from there, and Phen was ecstatic. He had a good feeling about it.

As soon as he'd gotten back to Hammel, he'd of course gone straight to Oriel and told him how great it had gone. Once done cuddling and nuzzling his lover, he decided he'd go tell his friend Gryph in person too; after all, a job was a big deal! He didn't have it yet, but Phoenix was pretty sure he'd nailed it.

"Dimple-face~!" he called out as he entered the common room to his friend's dorm. "You here?" Assuming Gryphon showed his face, Phen pumped both of his arms in the air, a huge grin on his face. "I think I just totally rocked that job interview!" His long sleeves dropped down to reveal the dark, mottled bruises around his wrists from the other night, but Phen was completely ignorant of them. "I might get the job! Isn't that great!?" He leaped towards his friend and hugged him tight.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Instead of procrastinating like usual, Gryphon was actually working today.

Well, kind of.

He was editing some old shots, getting the subject to stand out more, making the colours vibrant, adding effects... just adding an artistic flair. So his cursor was flying about on Photoshop, when he heard his name -his nickname- being called out. He grinned and approached the door; he knew Phen had had an interview, so this was probably a good sign.

"Comin'!" He shouted, putting a top on (yes, he had been topless, he wanted to stretch his wings). He opened the door and beamed at Phen and his enthusiasm.

For about 3 seconds.

As the boy's arms shot into the air, Gryphon caught sight of the dark bruises on his arms. He was... shocked, to say the least. He wanted to be happy for Phoenix and how well he'd done in his job interview, but those dark smudges on the boy's wrists were too distracting.

He wrapped his arms around Phen automatically when the boy hugged him, "Yea, it's really great." The sound of his voice didn't match his sentiment at all. He pulled away from the hug of the ecstatic boy and took up his arms, looking at the visible bruises. "Where... how did you get these?" He felt something twinge in his chest just seeing them. He needed to know.

[Deleted]

Phen was too excited to initially notice the change in Gryphon's expression; Gryph had shown excitement, why would he act otherwise? There was nothing to be upset about, this was so great! "I'm gonna get t'work with kittens and puppy's an' stuff, I'm so excited, it'll be awesome...!" He was blabbering on, dumbly oblivious to the swift change of moods.

He did notice the lack of enthusiasm in Gryph's voice, though, and peered at him as he pulled out of the hug, his expression fading very slightly. "Hey, are you oka-" He was cut off as his friend suddenly grabbed his arms, staring at the marks around his wrists. "Oh." Phen swallowed, wavering. It wasn't a big deal, really; Oriel hadn't meant to do it, he knew; anxieties had been high, it'd happened in the spur of the moment... Those sorts of things just happened sometimes.

"It ain't important," he tried to shrug it off, gently attempting to tug his arms away from Gryph. "Just an accident. Nothin' t'worry about." His voice held a small smidgen of a lie, but he really didn't want Gryph to get angry at Oriel over something so small! Because it didn't matter, right? "They'll fade soon enough anyway. Don't worry, really." He tried to muster a smile, but it was small and unconvincing.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryph disregarded Phen's ramblings about his possible future job, his mind still set on the boy's wrists. He wanted to ignore it and be happy with Phen, and let him have his time to celebrate, but he... just couldn't.

Phoenix had no sudden explanation for the bruises, which just made Gryph more tense. Not important? He was hurt, for fuck's sake! That was pretty damn important! He wanted to tell Phen that, but he couldn't form anymore words. He let go of the boy's arms and looked at the ceiling, trying avoid making eye contact with the contusions on Phoenix's skin.

"Phen..." he took a deep breath and looked the boy in the eye slowly, "Bruises like that aren't caused on accident." He tried to read the boy but nothing obvious came to mind, "Please tell me what happened."

[Deleted]

Phoenix shuffled his feet, looking at the ground. Why did he feel guilty? He hadn't done anything, and... And it was fine. It wasn't something Gryph had to know about... Right? Then why did he feel like he was keeping something from his friend by not telling him?

He carefully pulled his arms back to himself as Gryphon let go of them, cradling them against his chest and peeking a nervous glance up. Gryph was looking away, which made Phen just want to hug him and tell him it was alright. Because... Wasn't it?

Finally their eyes met, and Phen tried to hold the contact, but as soon as his friend spoke he dropped it again. "But it was," he insisted, his voice starting to whine a little. "He didn't mean to." His lips snapped shut, already feeling like he'd said too much. But well... Now that he started, he knew Gryph wouldn't let go until he got an answer. Phen pulled his arms tighter around himself.

"Just... Just somethin' that happened the other day," he mumbled. "We... O-Oriel... And I... Somethin' happened and he..." Phoenix shook his head, terrified to tell Gryph the exact details of why Oriel had panicked. He didn't want Gryph to know how weak he had been, almost slipping back to his addiction. "He was just protectin' me!" he insisted, looking up with insistent eyes. "It wasn't his fault! If anythin'.... If anythin', it was mine." Phen swallowed hard. "I'm s-s-sorry..." For what, he wasn't sure. He just felt like he needed to say it.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon really didn't want to make Phen feel bad, especially accounting for the joyous mood he'd been in only seconds before, but this was... argh! He was acting like the bruises were something to be ashamed of, which made Gryph even more confused.

He crossed his arms and sighed, he didn't even know what he would do about it if and when he found out what had happened. He just wanted Phen to be safe.

When Phoenix protested, it made Gryph let out an exasperated growl, but as Phen continued, the growl dissapated and Gryphon raised his eyebrows, but before he could as anything, Phen developed on what he was saying.

Gryph was trying his best to stay calm, but even the mention of that tall dark idiot got him enraged. And why the fuck was Phen blaming himself? He tried to think of something meaningful to say, convincing ever bone in his body to keep him there and not to run off to find Oriel. He took a breath and looked down as he began speaking in a quiet, forcibly calm voice, "You shouldn't blame yourself because somebody else hurt you," his eyesight began to rise, and his voice got a little louder, "and unless you were about to get hit by a monster truck or something, he doesn't have a good reason," the volume of his voice increased again; he was looking Phen in the eye, trying his best to hold back his anger, "He doesn't have a good reason to give you bruises! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, can't you-" he stopped himself, for the fear of scaring Phen. He took a breath and tried to speak again, "I-" his voice catched and he shook his head, so undeniably infuriated. He just wanted to go beat some sense into Oriel right then and there.

[Deleted]

Phoenix winced a little as Gryphon growled, twisting his hands together in front of him in a nervous, guilty gesture. He hated keeping things from people he cared about, especially something Gryph obviously wanted to know, which was why he ended up spilling something he had had no intentions of bringing up in the first place...

If Phen was better at reading people, he would have noticed the tension growing in Gryphon's muscles, the tightness in his features as he told the partial truth of what had happened. But even he noticed the volume of his voice rising, the anger in his words. Phoenix shrunk away, opening his mouth to say something, but he was unable to get out a word until Gryphon yelled and then stammered to a stop. It was the opening that Phoenix needed, and before he knew what he was doing, he was spilling everything.

"You know what he was doin'!?" he exclaimed, his own voice rising from pure desperation. "He was fuckin' keepin' me from snortin' crack! I had a panic attack, an' I was all set t'fall back on... On that shit, and he stopped me." He was breathing hard now, his narrow chest heaving. "I kept a stash in my closet, just in case, an' he flushed it all. So... So it's my fault for bein' so weak!" Phen wiped at his eyes, realizing they had become damp. "He had t'drag me back t'my room and pin me down until I stopped flailin' around. That's when this happened," he exclaimed, holding out his wrists. "He didn't mean to! He was just... Just...." Phoenix stammered into silence, slowly bringing his hands back to his chest and holding them there. "It ain't his fault..." he whispered.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryph was finding it difficult to even look at Phen, but not because of anything the boy had said. Gryphon, himself, was feeling pretty guilty now as well. Phen was just standing there like a scared mouse and Gryph was shouting at him. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT? It made him feel like the worst person in the world.

Gryph felt the colour drop from his face when Phen spoke. Snort... crack? He knew Phen had had a few problems with drugs in the past, and Gryph was accepting of that, but... but he thought it was in the past? No. He looked Phen in the eye, absolutely speechless, as the boy reeled at him; so this is what it had felt like.

Gryph flinched at the sight of his wrists, turning his head to the side like a spoilt child not getting what they want. When Phoenix's spiel came to an end, Gryph... just looked him in the eyes. He had never known how much Phen struggled. And now he was kicking himself for not being there sooner. "Phen... I..." The words wouldn't come. He wasn't the brightest of people, but words were something that usually came quite easily, but he just... couldn't.

He felt a kind of rage build up in his chest again; no matter what he said, this wasn't Phoenix's fault. He was torn between showing comfort to Phen, and giving Oriel a proper ass-whooping. He looked between Phen and the door, flicking his eyesight across a few times, before slowly approaching Phen, placing a hand on his arm. "I'm so sorry, I just-" He was so tempted to just... run. But he held it back for a few more moments, for Phen's sake. "I should've helped you." If he'd stuck to Phen like glue as a kid, this might never have happened.

[Deleted]

Phen was used to feeling timid and submissive, for obvious reasons. It was amazing, the changes he had made since quitting his addiction - while he used to be a snarky, aggressive, rude apathetic boy who cared about no one and nothing, now he was sweet, shy, and loyal to a fault. The loyalty was probably going to be the death of him someday - once he was attached to someone, he didn't let go, no matter what.

Phoenix felt shame flush through his body as he told Gryph about... Well, just the tip of his problems. Most of that stuff was in the past, yeah, but the recent past, and still rose its ugly head every once in a while. He didn't dare look at Gryph, for fear of the disgust and horror he might see there.

His arms trembled as he held them out, and he finally managed to meet Gryph's eyes, seeing him flinching and wincing away from the wounds and, presumably, at least in Phen's mind, Phoenix himself. "I've been addicted t'hallucinogens for two years," he said hollowly. "Well... I was until a few months ago. When Oriel and I...." He trailed off. "But I still... Still get cravin's sometimes. Panic. Freak the fuck out an' think I'm gonna die if I don't get a hit." This was all said lowly, monotonously, like he was speaking about someone else.

He stared at the floor again as Gryph struggled with the situation, wishing he cold say something comforting, but nothing came to mind. Phen only shifted when Gryphon's hand came in contact with him; he peered up with wet, dewy eyes, earlier happiness about the interview all but forgotten. "It wasn't your fault," he said, quietly but firmly. "I made my own choices. I'm just glad as hell that... That I didn't drag you into it too." He took a deep, shaky breath, letting his wings droop behind him. "I never... Would've forgiven myself...." Phen's expression had gone hollow, heavy, like he'd been reliving memories he didn't want to think about. He absent-mindedly brushed at his bruises.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon knew next to nothing about Phen's 'past life', as it was. All he remembered was the best friend (who he had had his first kiss with) and then him suddenly... disappearing. And then meeting him again years later just as amazingly adorable as he was before. Maybe if he had met that other Phoenix, he would've been more prepared for this.

He regretted twitching away the second he did it, but the action was autonomous. He wanted to show Phen comfort, to say that it was alright, he understood (although he was actually having minor difficulties actually making sense of what had actually just been said). Instead, though, he was being cold and dismissive in his actions... it was terrible.

Gryph took in Phen's words with a heavy heart, feeling full of guilt. He... couldn't process. Even conjuring up thoughts was difficult. He cconcentrated on his breathing: in... out... in... out... why... did this have to happen... to Phen... it wasn't fair... Phoenix didn't deserve it...

He couldn't bear to hear Phen speak that way, like a robot. He felt a silent teardrop making its way down his cheek, he swiped it off quickly with the back of his hand. As Phen spoke again, Gryph looked into his friend's damp eyes, which made his threaten to the same again. He sighed at the boy's last sentence, "I'm never gonna forgive myself." No matter if Phen protested against his thoughts, Gryph was starting to feel solely responsible for all of this. He shook his head; the bubbling in his chest that he had been unaware of for the last few minutes became obvious again and Gryph had to mentally nail his feet to the floor. It wasn't time just yet.

But he was beginning to blame himself more than he blamed Oriel for those bruises now, he was disgusted with himself.

[Deleted]

Phoenix was... Really really thankful that Gryphon hadn't seen him the way he was. Not back when he'd started getting into gangs and drugs back in Seattle, and not when he'd relapsed after a year or so at Hammel. There had been a blissful period when he'd first arrived that he'd been able to be distracted enough with another person, with Rue, that he'd been able to kick his addiction for the most part. But after that had ended, it had all come back, worse than before, until he met Oriel. And Phen had fallen into the comfort that his lover gave him, using it as his new addiction, one that was unhealthy in its own ways, but made Phoenix much happier than he had been.

But now he was dumping it all on Gryph, sweet, innocent Gryph, who didn't need to know about this, didn't need to be dragged into Phen's problems. But Phoenix was being selfish now, and telling him more than he'd ever wanted to. He just couldn't stop it.

He caught the light off of the droplet that had found its way down Gryphon's cheek, and Phen felt even worse, though his friend wiped it off quickly. He bit his lip, heart squeezing painfully at what he was saying. No... No, that wasn't what he wanted. "It wasn't your fault," he replied quietly, fingering the hem of his shirt. "Don't... Please don't think it was." He reached out and grasped Gryphon's wrists in his hands, standing up on tiptoe and pressing a kiss against his friend's cheek.

"I... I love you, alright?" he mumbled. "I know we disconnected for years but... It's alright, we're gonna be okay." Phoenix let his grip slip away, though the movement sent a twinge through his sore forearms, and he winced, hugging his body again. "Just... Just be here for me now, okay?" He swallowed hard. "An' I'll be here for you too."

[Deleted]

Okay, no. Just, No. Oriel did not need to hear that, he did not need to see that. Yet he did and was just standing there, glowering in the doorway as his boyfriend declared his love for that winged yellow turkey and then kissed him! (Didn't matter that it was only on the cheek).

But Oriel was literally boiling, burning so much that he might just set the carpet on fire. If he had a fire based power instead of this stupid ink manip shit, that is.

Because that would've been damn satisfying.

After coming back from his interview and sharing in his glee, Phoenix had convinced Oriel to let him go share that same glee with his "best friend" Gryphon. Now, Oriel was trying to not be so uptight about the sudden appearance of this Gryph in Phoenix's life, especially not about the fact that they had been friends before and he was close to him and knew details about Phoenix that Oriel couldn't ever hope to fully understand but……man, even without all that stuff, Gryph was eyeing his Phoenix like candy every chance he got, Oriel just knew it! That's why he was paying so much attention, he was trying to win Phoenix over and be with him instead, leaving Oriel behind…again. He was going to be left alone again. Like shit he was! Oriel wouldn't allow it! Even if he had to lock Phoenix in a closet for the rest of his life where no one could touch him!

"Phoenix," he said in a cold, controlled voice. Oriel stepped forward and hooked his finger around the back of Phen's collar, pulling him back into him and wrapping his other arm over Phoenix's shoulder and across his chest. He lowered his head to speak into Phoenix's ear. "…..what…exactly were you just talking 'bout?" Oriel's eyes were fixed on the turkey, though.

[Deleted]

Phoenix was, of course, totally unaware of the presence of his boyfriend behind him; had he known, he never would have done what he just did - not because he didn't want to, but because he knew how possessive Oriel was, and how he'd act if he found out.

So as soon as he heard his name being spoken in that familiar voice, he froze to the spot, eyes wide with terror and guilt. He stared up at Gryphon as he felt his collar being tugged back, and then Oriel's arm snaking over his chest. Goosebumps rose up his arms as his lover whispered in his ear, and his lower lip trembled as he looked down and away submissively. He did his best to tug his long sleeves down over his wrists, but the gesture was rather obvious. "I- We-" he stammered. "I was just telling di- Gryph... About... Stuff..." he mumbled, cheeks flushed. "N-Nothing important." Oh, that was a big lie, and Phen was a terrible liar, so it was obvious by the shift in his step and the still-downcast eyes. "Y-you know, memories and stuff..." Oriel's arm felt like a vice around his chest, ready to snap his ribcage at any moment. Phen risked a glance up at Gryphon before looking down again.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryph's hand came up to his cheek when Phen pecked it. He listened to every word that Phoenix spoke; he hadn't been given sentiments like that in a long time. It made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. He wanted to reply, to reciprocate Phen's actions, but - who the fuck was that?

By the time he had worked out who it was, it was too late to do anything.

Yet.

He held back a growl as Oriel wrapped his arm around Phoenix, clenching his fists tightly by his side. He watched Phen's reaction with disgust - this was ridiculous! And Oriel was being the most possessive asshole he'd ever seen! He looked at Phen as the boy stammered out a lie; he looked practically scared for his own life! He had to intervene.

He approached the pair and scowled at Oriel, "What the actual fuck d'you think you're doin'?" He felt all of his earlier emotions rushing back - anger, hatred, rage all bubbled strongly in his chest. He wanted to wrench Oriel off of his 'lover', but he didn't want to hurt Phen, so instead he reached out and grabbed one of Phen's hands. "Phen doesn't deserve t'be treated like this," he carefully lifted the boy's arm so Oriel could see the bruises, those bruises that he himself had conflicted, "like this." He kept a hold on Phen's hand, but loosely now. He needed the comfort.

[Deleted]

Just? Stuff? And stuff?

Truthfully, Phoenix didn't have to be a terrible liar for Oriel to know he was. To know that something was up. Something that he knew he wasn't going to like hearing.

How long? Oriel wanted to ask. How long had this little tryst been going on? How long had they been sneaking around behind his back? Laughing at him for being too stupid to realize that he was just being led on like a little puppy. Kept around for convenience until someone better came along. Someone else, someone like Gryphon. A someone who apparently thought he knew everything there was to know about Phoenix and who thought he knew the best way to handle everything

Oriel scoffed, chuckling out through his nose as Gryph shoved the bruises in his face. So that's what they'd been talking about. What? Was Phoenix complaining? Because Oriel wouldn't let him have his fucking drugs!?

He stood up to his full height which, while shorter still than Gryphon, was still enough to give him a solid, stone posture. "And tell me, Mr. "Best Friend," he mocked, a growl starting to form in his throat. "What would you have done differently? When was the last time you had to watch someone waste away one day at a time? Grow thinner and thinner until they were just skin and bones? Age about 10 years practically overnight?" This fucker didn't know nothing about what either of them had gone through. Until he had, he had no right to judge anything that Oriel did to try and fix it. Because it was certainly a lot better than what Gryph had obviously done. Just abandon and ignore until the problem went away. "Tell me this, oh wise one, how would you have stopped him from clawing at his own arms and ripping the skin right off! How would you have kept him from tearing your eyes out in a frenzy while you kept the fucking shit away from him!?"

"Or, would you have just given it to him, and let him fall right back where he started?"