Time Warp: Nope, No Nervousness Here (Hay-lin)

[Alista Sabina Castillo]

Friday, September 18, 2015

"See you tomorrow, then?"

"Yeah, see you." Alista grabbed her bag and pushed the door open into the chilled air. She had only been at her new job for a few weeks, but she already felt a lot better about things being there. She knew that Hay-lin wanted to support her in any way she could, especially in the aftermath of things that had happened recently, and didn't have a problem supporting her financially. She really did appreciate that, but she couldn't shake the nagging feeling that she was leeching off of her partner. In the time that she was unemployed she had taken on most of the housework in part to shake that feeling. Now that she was contributing financially - even though it wasn't strictly necessary, Hay-lin earned enough on her own to support both of them - Alista felt better about that. Yeah, she knew that the best solution was to just work through her feelings since she knew they weren't grounded in reality - Hay-lin had assured her of that countless times - but she could do that while working. She hated that feeling more than anything else.

There was also the little, tiny, not anxiety-inducing-at-all matter of meeting Hay-lin's mom. Today. She really wouldn't have felt good about the meeting if she were unemployed. Fuck, she was a poor college dropout who had been doing survival sex work for the past year or so before she had left, meeting the mom of her partner who had acted in movies and been fucking famous in Korea before moving to Vermont. Alista was already more than a little nervous that Hay-lin's mom wouldn't approve of her daughter's choice in partner, and she really didn't think her mom would approve of a girlfriend who sat around the house all day. Even though she wasn't actually just sitting, she was doing housework, but still... gaah.

Suffice it to say, Alista was a nervous wreck. She plopped heavily into the bench outside of work, rubbing her hands together in the hopes that they would stop shaking. Whether from cold or from stress she didn't really know, but it didn't really matter. Okay, Alista, get it together. Tucking her hands into her pockets, she waited for Hay-lin to arrive, eagerly awaiting the soothing touch of her lover to calm her down when nothing else really could.

[Hay-lin Mae]

Hay-lin worked her way around the house to get ready for the awkward night that was ahead of her. There were so many concerns Hay-lin had about Alista meeting her mother, but none of them were the same as Alista’s. That she knew of, anyways. If she had known that the work thing was a concern when it came to her mother, she would have assured it it really wasn’t. Just like she had tried to assure the woman that she really wasn’t being a burden. However, she could understand her feelings; she would feel the same way if it had been her. Heck, she felt the same way all her life, just for different reasons; so of course she understood where Alista was coming from. However, she really didn’t like how the woman kept beating herself up over so many things, especially when the things were very simple. Yes, Hay-lin had been that type of person once too, and sometimes she still was; yet she was a lot more confident in herself than she was when she was younger. It was something that she hoped she could help her lover with.

Hay-lin was confident that her mother would accept Alista no matter what. She had talked to her mother about Alista before, and she never had anything bad to say about the woman. That alone would get Alista points with her mother. Her mother was also a very gentle, kind, and accepting woman, she was confident in that area.


With Olive leading her way to her partner’s work place, she usually did this every night. They both got out of work around the same time, so Hay-lin would walk to Alista’s work since it was closer to home, and then they would walk home together. It was a nice routine they had gotten into, and something she very much enjoyed. Except this time, they weren’t going home; they were going to her mom’s place for dinner. Once she knew she was at the building she turned on her power; being able to see Alista standing outside made her smile. “Alista-jagiya!” She couldn’t help using Korean terms.

[Alista Sabina Castillo]

Though she didn't let many people see it, Alista had a tremendous amount of insecurity, even over things that seemed inconsequential to most. Throughout her life, Alista had internalized so much of what everyone told her about herself, even if she knew it was false. At her worst she felt worthless, less of a woman, less of a human, because of what she had been through. The reason she let her guard down around Hay-lin was because she knew that she really understood - the two women had been through similar struggles, though for different reasons. What continued to amaze her was the way that Hay-lin had taken that and turned it into pride. What most people misinterpreted as arrogance Alista read as self-confidence, born from a life of learning how to provide her own strength when everyone else tried to undermine it. Her tremendous strength only made Alista love the woman even more.

And the fact that Hay-lin loved her made her feel like she was worth it. It gave her hope that she could someday be that strong herself.

“Alista-jagiya!” The familiar voice broke through her thoughts and lifted her face. She stood and spotted her love, a wide smile spreading across her face as she spotted the familiar silhouette. "¡Mi amor!" she called out in return, greeting her partner's native language with her own.

Alista ran up to Hay-lin, greeting her with a soft kiss on the lips before burying herself in the woman's arms. Her partner's soft scent comforted her as she tucked her head into Hay-lin's shoulder. She knew she couldn't hide her nervousness from Hay-lin, so she didn't try to stifle the slight quake that still racked her arms.

[Hay-lin Mae]

Hay-lin understood all of Alista’s insecurities, even if she didn’t know about all of them. Which was one thing that always worried her; was the fact that she actually didn’t know about all of Alista’s feelings. She really just wanted to take care of Alista as much as she could, and the one way she knew how to do that was to be confident for her and hope that some of her confidence would rub off on her. If it didn’t, well Hay-lin would still completely love her. She wished that the woman would see in herself what she saw. Every day she wished she could show Alista how amazing she was.

Grinning as Alista greeted her; it always made her heart grow warm and fuzzy. She hoped this feeling never went away, she also hoped Alista wouldn’t either. This was the first time she ever felt like she was in love, and it made her feel like she was in high school all over again.

Hay-lin wrapped her arms around Alista, rubbing her back gently. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m nervous too.” She wasn’t going to say that she shouldn’t be nervous, she felt like saying something like that would come off as her not caring. “What are you nervous about?” She wanted to know the more detailed things; she generally knew what she was nervous about. Hay-lin kissed Alista’s head and ran her fingers through her hair.