Dharma be damned. (Sean)

[Koty Hura]

Koty had managed to avoid this meeting for.. longer than he'd expected he'd be able to avoid it. But he hadn't been forgotten about and he hadn't escaped his one-on-one with Sean Neville.. Dean of students at Hammel and resident psychiatrist. One of the most powerful (if not the most powerful) telepaths known to exist. There was little doubt that this man could literally see and completely understand every ounce of Koty's anxiety, his entire dilemma, his reasoning, his lack of desire to be here, his hopes to find a way out of this, how Koty thought that this meeting and the possible followups might change his entire outlook on life if he followed through with what he imagined he might be told to do or change... Heavy stuff, to say the least. At least to the seventeen year old. Maybe this was just everyday, average, ordinary, or boring to Sean. --Er, Dr. Neville.

So here it was.. The day and time that had been assigned to Koty to meet with Sean. There were a few positives to Sean being a telepath.. Not the least of which was that it would be completely pointless for Koty to lie, twist the truth, exaggerate, intentionally fail to mention something, or hide how he felt about anything. That made conversation at least fairly easy. For all Koty knew, Sean may well be reading his mind from the other side of his office door.. preparing an argument or listing things Koty had yet to consider as far as reasons he needed to significantly strengthen and utilize his mental shielding. The issue being that Koty felt it was perhaps his destiny to stumble upon people who needed to be understood.. and if his shielding was up all the time, if it was robust enough to block out the things that could harm him.. he may never be able to hear that tiny cry for help in the form of a memory, emotion, or thought when he brushed skin-to-skin against another by pure happenstance.

This was how Koty had coped. This was how he'd so easily accepted what he was, complications and challenges be damned. He had believed the moment that he understood what had happened that it had been his destiny to save his friend's life.. and to save the lives of others. If he'd had the shielding necessary to save his life and his mind.. he likely never would have been blasted with the image of his friend's intentions to end her own life. He never could have told her father. He never could have saved her.. And here he was on the brink of a conversation in which a man who, one could only imagine, was the most supreme of manipulators if the situation required it.

Koty would never assume the man on the other side of the door would stoop so low as to attempt to forcibly change Koty's mind about something.. He would know the instant he attempted that Koty was a very stong-willed individual and that such an attempt would result in psychological trauma before it resulted in success. Koty wasn't worried about that. He was much more worried about this man using plain, simple logic to convince Koty that he'd been wrong for the past several years.. and Koty was somewhat afraid of how he would view himself if Sean managed to convince him that the majority of his struggles and close encounters with a broken mind were pointless.

So, looking quite a bit like he once had on his first day in Eisai, Koty stood outside Sean's door. He was standing, eyes pointed at his feet, hands clasped behind his back. More than anything, Koty was expecting to be told in the politest and most professional ways that he was a misguided fool.. and the second most troublesome part of all this was that if it was decided that he'd been acting stupidly, it may come back on Meian-sensei for not ensuring Koty was trained well enough to protect himself from his abilities.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

If Sean could choose his legacy, he wanted to be remembered for three traits: For his ethics, for his integrity, and for his compassion. Barring that, he had long ago settled for a legacy that involved every student who came through Hammel, in perpetuity, engaging in safer sex and never failing to use protection, while also never failing to expressly gain the consent of their romantic and sexual partners. Life was more complicated than naming one’s legacy, and Sean had little control over how the students viewed him; he certainly had no control over the course of rumors and scuttlebutt.

Despite what Josh referred to as his “Oracle of Delphi act,” Sean did nothing to contribute willingly to the notion that some students held, viewing him as the Great and Powerful Oz. He was not omniscient, and he was certainly not omnipotent, even if he was patient, had been trained to be observant, and would not dispute his mantle as Most Power Psychic at Hammel and top tier globally. That could intimidate the students, although that was never his goal.

He occupied a unique position, not merely because of his professional obligations and job title, but also due to his powers. Sean had had a difficult time as a student, those decades ago, learning how to navigate psychic powers. While he had empathy with all of the students, particularly those struggling socially or with their powers, he had a soft spot for psychic students, for telepaths most of all. The psychiatrist had access to the files for the entire student body, and he flagged all of the psychics. As a result, he knew all of them, even if the students would only recognize him by reputation, rather than through past interactions.

Thus, Sean knew Koty Hura. Koty’s telepathy was unusual – albeit not unheard of – insofar as his telepathy was tactile. Surely, that presented unique challenges regarding training and interactions. While close proximity could affect all forms of telepathy, the ability to have blessed silence as long as one withdrew from physical touch had to be tempting as a teenager. It also surely warred with every adolescent urge a typical teenager experienced.

Those were topics for later conversation.

Sensing the boy outside of his office, the psychiatrist pulled Koty’s file for a brief glance. Then, he called out to the other telepath, “Please, come in, Koty.”

There was no reason to pretend about his powers, not with what he sensed in the boy’s mind.

[Koty Hura]

Koty was, admittedly, a little surprised when he heard his named called from the other side of the door. Not because he had any doubts about Dr. Neville's abilities, but because he'd perhaps gotten more than a little introspective and absorbed in his own thoughts. So as he blinked and lightly shook himself out, Koty took in and let out a deep breath, straightening slightly and attempting to look respectful rather than wrought with worry. After all, as Sean aught to know full and well, it was more than possible to 'fake it till you make it'. And if Koty simply let himself believe he was more confident that he was, perhaps in the three seconds it took to open the door, step inside the office, and shut the door quietly behind himself, Koty would be slightly more confident.

....Nope. Three seconds later Koty found himself still somewhat terrified that his entire worldview was about to change.. Only now he had a direct audience that he could see rather than one that he was only sure could sense him. Had Koty not been so used to a man as potentially intimidating at Meian-sensei he may have been somewhat intimidated by Sean. Western men, after all, often had broader shoulders, were taller, and had much, more expression in their faces and body language than those of his home country. Fortunately Koty was quite used to Vincent.. and so as he laid eyes intentionally on the man before him for the first time, he instead remarked internally on how Dr. Neville seemed to put quite a bit of effort into not appearing intimidating.

It wasn't hard to imagine that the face behind the desk was more than capable of contorting into a nightmare-inducing shape, but here he sat. Forcibly neutral. Dark eyes, dark hair, and nothing Koty could identify as a smile or frown anywhere on his face. Whether this was because Sean wanted students to have nothing to go off of, or if Sean was playing at the typical therapist's trick of remaining so neutral and detached that the client would naturally project their own internal ideas and struggles onto the faceless face, Koty didn't know. What he did know, though, was that Sean had likely practiced this face for a long time to get it right.. And he had it right. Koty's first impression of the man was that he was less a wall than a window of compassion and lack of judgement.

Which only served to make Koty simultaneously more calm and more anxious.

"Good day, Dr. Neville. I am Hura Koty. Thank you for seeing me." Was speaking verbally little more than a convenience? Was this man truly a powerful enough telepath that speaking outloud was for Koty's benefit alone? Or was there just as much to be gleaned from Koty's wording and how his voice did or didn't quiver as there was to be learned from his thoughts? Thoughts were raw, after all.. and up for interpretation. Maybe the physical response to those thoughts was just as important as the thoughts themselves? Of course.. Sean likely knew exactly what Koty was thinking here.. and Koty wondered internally how it would effect his view of the man if he chose to acknowledge Koty's wonderings or if he chose to pretend they didn't exist until Koty spoke of them outloud. The whole thing seemed a bit pointless.. especially given that Koty was actively thinking about Sean reading his mind. It wasn't an intrusion, it was just another sense. Or.. it could be an intrusion, but in this case, at least, it wasn't. Koty figured he himself was more likely to intrude that Dr. Neville was, given how his own ability required contact.. and that contact itself could very much bring thoughts to the surface of a person's mind that hadn't been there before.

But by this time Koty had been standing for several seconds.. staring at Sean.. hands still clasped behind his back, head still lowered respectfully and only high enough for him to make eye contact with Sean through his brows.. and Koty let out a small sigh. "Please accept my apologies if I.. tend to ramble or become.. 'loud'." Given that Koty's right hand had come up to gesture next to his head, it would be plenty obvious that Koty was referring to his internal monologue.. and that he was reasonably sure Sean was listening in on every bit of it.

((Yeah, you can basically assume that the vast majority of my narrative here is, in some way, Koty's internal monologue.. and use it as you see fit.))

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean’s behavior at Hammel, in his capacity as an administrator and as the school psychiatrist, reflected both his position as well as the unique setting of Hammel. The psychiatrist saw no need to hide the nature of his powers, given how quickly rumors flew, given how frequently he used them in the course of his professional and personal lives, and given the fact that Koty was a fellow psychic. This did not mean that he would flaunt them, but like all senses, the telepathy played an active role in his life, and he shared that with others.

Sean was familiar enough with Japanese naming conventions, through their sister school in Japan as well as the number of Japanese students they had had at Hammel over the years, to understand how the boy introduced himself. Rather than double check his files to see if they had accidentally transposed Koty’s family name and his given name.

Instead, he nodded to convey that he was actively listening to the boy as he spoke. “It’s nice to meet you, Koty.”

Then, he gestured at the chairs in front of his desk, before gesturing more broadly at the other furniture in his office: the sofa at the other end of the room, coupled with the assortment of armchairs. “Please, take a seat wherever you would like and make yourself comfortable.”

The psychiatrist’s policy was that he would move according to where the student sat, as he wanted students to be comfortable during their conversations. And they were conversations. Telepathy was comfortable to him, as it was natural, but so was speech. Each had their own utility in life, in communicating with others, and with creating a comfortable stride.

At Koty’s preemptive apology, Sean shook his head a single time, waving it off. “That’s quite all right. We all ramble sometimes.” Rambling happened when people were nervous or uncertain, and it certainly happened enough when one was a young telepath: either rambling or withdrawing completely. The psychiatrist had been there, so many decades ago.

[Koty Hura]

Sean wouldn't need to move, though. He hadn't come to Koty. Koty had been ordered to him. Though making himself comfortable might be a bit of a chore. He wasn't comfortable and likely wasn't going to be that way until he knew Sean's intentions and how official stances on things and .. well, basically what this meeting was to accomplish. Honestly at this point the two places that seemed 'comfortable' to Koty were in his closet on his yoga mat where he meditated... and out in the grass by the lake in Pilot Ridge. A place that was pleasantly stuffy and a place that was completely open. Both of them familiar and calming. Sure, Sean's office was very neutral, but as Sean himself likely knew.. it was intensely difficult to make a new place 'calming' simply by being neutral.

So Koty would have given a nod despite knowing full and well that he wasn't exactly doing as ordered, and took a seat directly in front of Sean's desk. He wouldn't be any more or less comfortable if there was no desk between them.. The appearance didn't change the actual dominance in the situation. Sean may well be a very nice person and great with kids, etc. etc. but he wasn't Koty's friend. He couldn't be. If Sean was to be Koty's friend, he would have to be the friend of every student who came into his office, and there were simply far, far too many that came through this room for that to be a possibility. Sean was an advisor, a superior, a teacher, a psychologist, a dean. He was the dominant force in this meeting even if he chose to play submissive or passive or anything else.. and he and Koty both knew that. Or at least Koty knew that they both knew that. Whether Sean did, Koty had no idea.. but given the man's reputation, job description, and title.. it would be hard for him not to.

A freshly seated Koty scooted back into the chair he'd chosen and paused for a moment.. deciding to obey Sean's request as much as he could given the circumstances.. and after a moment lifted himself slightly to cross his legs. American chairs were somewhat huge, and it felt silly to waste the space by not crossing his legs. Besides, it was more comfortable. This was closer to the body positioning Koty would adopt if meditating.. and so it was inherently calming.. at least a tiny bit. But Koty didn't want to stay nervous for this entire meeting if it wasn't necessary.. and so, slightly surprising himself, he decided to be a bit forward.

"Dr. Neville, I mean no disrespect and sincerely hope that you do not take my question as such.. But I would very much like to know what you wish to discover in this meeting and what goals you have.. any goals, but specifically those regarding my lack of psychic shielding.. And on that topic I also wish to humbly request that Meian-sensei be held in no way accountable, he left me with no doubt that I would need to seek further training elsewhere when I was deemed fit to function at Eisai."

Inside his mind, Koty facepalmed. He'd meant to keep the question vague and gentle and.. and worst case scenario, Sean may well have taken his tone and the specific nature of his query as accusatory or even challenging.. which surely hadn't even slightly been the intention and of course Sean would know that because he could most likely sense every bit of the turmoil that was running rampant through Koty's mind for the moment at having spoken too much too soon and let his mouth run away with him but that wouldn't change anyth-- breathe.

Koty's posture loosened somewhat and he dropped his head.. slightly ashamed. "Please accept my apologies, Dr. Neville. You are welcome to ignore my.. outburst." It hadn't been an outburst.. but exaggerating something you wished to be forgotten was apt to get some sort of sympathy.. or in this case was more a small smack to one's own face for losing their cool. Or it worked for both. Except with a telepath who knew full well exactly how you were understanding your own wording. "I have no doubt that your file on me explains my lack of a father figure as well as my inexperience with dominant men. I will attempt to.. reign in my anxiety for the remainder of this meeting, Sir."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Perhaps it was his long history of self-identification as an egalitarian hippie, but Sean did not consider himself to be a “dominant man.” He considered himself sturdy, dependable, independent, principled, professional, strong-willed while still remaining open to (and preferring) compromise, and a litany of other qualities. Dominance implied submission, and that was not an avenue that he wanted to explore in life. He expected a certain amount of deference due to his age and his position, but that was a matter of interacting with students and maintaining professional boundaries, rather than a belief about dynamics with others, or certain cultural components.

While Sean served an administrative role and he wore many hats, he considered himself, first and foremost, to be a psychiatrist. He had been hired as the Hammel psychiatrist those nearly two-and-a-half decades ago, and the bulk of his duties fell under the auspices of that title. Even if he had acquired many hats since that time, such as serving as the first-level disciplinarian, and teaching the sexual education seminar, and advising two clubs and planning fundraisers, and serving as a chaperone during school events such as dances and field trips. Yvette was the ultimate authority when it came to training status, as she was the Headmistress. However, as a psychic himself, he had an interest in how the students with similar powers (particularly other telepaths) faired, and he had a better sense of their capabilities than those with physical or kinetic powers did.

That came part and parcel with mental shields.

“No disrespect taken,” the psychiatrist replied, inclining his head slightly to acknowledge the sentiment before moving on to the content of Koty’s question. “I wanted to check in with you about how you’ve been doing, and how you’ve been feeling.”

That was interrupted by the boy’s apology, which Sean chose not to interrupt. However, once Koty had finished, he waved off the need with a small gesture of his hand. As he had said, he took no offense, and the touch telepath’s self-awareness proved a breath of fresh air when contrasted with the behavior of some other students who had come before him. “Your file does say that, and I can promise that I don’t bite and I don’t yell.”

Rather, he rarely yelled. He had done so on so few occasions over the course of his life that he could round down to zero, as he could imagine no circumstance under which Koty could get such a rise out of him.

To direct the conversation away from any perceived rudeness on Koty’s part, he inquired, “How have you been doing the past couple of months?”

[Koty Hura]

Past couple of months? ...Sean might get a dose of that blessed silence that he'd been thinking about earlier. Koty's mind came to a rather rapid halt and his eyes glazed over a bit. Suddenly the idea of being told he was stupid for not using his shielding seemed almost preferable to this line of questioning. How had he been? He'd been.. Well he'd been completely awash, really. Days and nights flew by and turned into weeks that were gone before he'd realized they'd properly began. He'd.. woken up one morning and realized that he was in the middle of a routine to get ready and that he'd put literally no thought into it or realized he was doing it. He'd been shut off since Dante had disappeared.. Weeks worth of days had passed by with the most significant event being reaching over to shut off the alarm clock.

"I have no idea." But then that lack of an answer was, perhaps, a better answer than Koty could have come up with either. Admitting that he had no clue how he'd been doing.. only made it that much more clear that he'd completely shut himself off. "I am unsure if I have been mourning.. or if I have been avoiding.. or if I have done much at all." Damn. Introspection was some pretty hardcore stuff. Honestly, Koty hadn't done anything noteworthy for the last few months. It was like he'd dropped off the face of the earth.

"I believe.. that I may have cared for someone more than I knew.. and that someone's disappearance left me rather.. grey.. for a time." Not black.. black had too many negative connotations and was too easily said to suck the color out of the world around itself. No, Koty had been grey. He'd been separate.. in a different spectrum entirely than the world around him. He'd been so absorbed in.. was it not feeling a loss, or was it simply himself? Koty didn't think of himself as self-absorbed.. So then had be been avoiding something? Or.. had he simply allotted a larger portion of himself to someone than he'd realized, and the vacuum left behind when that person had disappeared had affected him more than he'd realized?

Koty was notably good at compartmentalization... but he'd only ever really needed to have compartments for the memories he received from other people.. His own loss was something he'd never really dealt with before. There was his mother, of course.. but that was.. different. She'd been a friend and a caregiver, but she had never had the potential to be his everything. Huh.

"Have.. I displayed behaviors that identify me as some sort of risk, Dr. Neville?" This wasn't a smartass question, it wasn't meant as a jab, it wasn't avoiding anything.. Koty had simply realized how little of the last several months he had actual memory of.. He may well have actually done something that had put him on some sort of watch list. He really didn't know. That's why he was asking.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean did not prod the boy after asking the initial question. He allowed Koty to move at his own pace, watching silently (albeit listening with his mind as well), as the touch telepath worked through what he needed to in order to formulate a response. His personal philosophy was that it was best to let students define their own answers, as opposed to leading them. The honest assessment had as much value as the answers themselves.

The admission provided some insight into what Koty’s mental and emotional state had been, although it was vague on the surface. The inability to characterize his emotions and thoughts over the past few months indicated that this had been a turbulent time for him, and that it had been difficult for him to process his thoughts and feelings. Perhaps he hadn’t been able to do so because they had shifted rapidly, or because his concerns had been split between the experience and the immediate aftermath, or because this visit to Sean’s office was the first opportunity that he had been able to devote that type of attention. Whatever the reason, the psychiatrist would want to address that with him before he left. And perhaps in subsequent meetings, if Sean decided that those would be necessary.

“I understand,” he said, which he did. He might not understand (at this moment) the precise events that had affected the young man. He was sure that he would learn of those. However, he had had similar experiences during his life, both as a psychiatrist helping patients through such emotional periods, as well as during his increasingly closer to six decades of life.

The next admission hit home, and Sean leaned forward somewhat in his chair. Not enough to encroach upon Koty’s personal space, but enough to demonstrate that he was actively listening, and that this particularly caught his attention. “I’d like to talk about them in more detail, and about how you’ve been feeling after their disappearance.”

Echoes of himself as a young man underscored why the psychiatrist wanted to discuss this situation in greater detail.

He took no offense to Koty’s question, shaking his head a single time. The touch telepath had not been flagged as a risk of self-injury, he had no particular disciplinary tags, and the psychiatrist had no concerns that he would lash out physically or with his powers at the other students or at the staff. However, as Sean viewed mental health in a holistic sense, rather than meeting the bare minimum of non-violent and functional, there were other issues that he wanted to explore. Particularly with Koty’s admission, and particularly given that they shared a power, and thus shared a means of interacting with the rest of the world. “I don’t think that you’re a risk, but I want to talk to you about your powers and what you’ve been feeling recently.”

That would also explain some of the boy’s reluctance to delve further into the use of his powers, which was something that had been tagged in his file. As a telepath himself, Sean had taken particular note of that as well.

[Koty Hura]

"I.. I have not been feeling much of anything recently." This was the truth if there had ever been truth. Koty hadn't been feeling. He hadn't been attentive, he hadn't been aware, he hadn't been thinking.. He'd just been....there. Like an NPC in a video game or an extra in a movie. Just there. Only physical. No development, no emotion, no value, only existing as a part of the world, not involved in it whatsoever.

Assuming that the man's statement that he'd like to talk about Koty's 'almost something' in greater detail was a request for Koty to explain the situation, the boy took a deep breath and seemed to sink into the chair somewhat. No posture change on Sean's part was going to alarm the boy at this point. His eyes were hardly being used. He was awash in memories and what he'd tasted of Dante's mind. "His name was Dante. He was.. predeterminally abled. He had a.. a very, very difficult past. He was so afraid and ashamed of everything. He put on such a callous and prickly front, but it can be difficult not to see past fronts when one is like you or me. The first time I met him, saw inside his mind, it was because he punched me in the face.. His emotions were a hurricane of anger, spite, sadness. I wanted to help him. And as he resigned to the fact that I knew his secrets, he calmed down. It was easy enough to tell that he did not let many people in.. That he viewed his past as weakness and shameful.. I could convince him beyond words that I did not judge him and.. there was so much potential."

Koty was staring up toward the ceiling with a glazed look as he continued.. re-experiencing the situations he was describing. "He gave me a cigarette and his ability kicked in.. He experienced not just one future.. but all possible futures.. all at once. It nearly killed me, experiencing every possibility of the rest of his life at once.. but I saw myself in it.. so many times. In some possibilities, he corrupted me. In some he killed me. In some he was the reason for my death or died saving my life. In some we were married and happy together. I wanted to give him that. Someone that had experienced such a horrible life. He deserved it.. Later on I only understood him that much better than anyone else had.. and I was able to provide perspective on life and existence and purpose that he had never been able to gain on his own. I was more familiar with his mind than with any other I have touched.. and all of that potential.. it is gone. It no longer exists. So many possibilities.." The boy raised his hands and stared for a second before gesturing in a way that could only mean they were lost, gone, and unrecoverable.

"It.. could have been.. much, much more than it was. But it is not. As horrible as his past was, though.. I feel more sorrow that he never got the chance to overcome it.. That I could not help him enough." And Koty's mind flashed through the people he had helped.. How they made his own plight worthwhile.. and instead of a small joy connected with Dante there was simply a bottomless hole of unfulfilled potential. Others he'd saved.. or he'd at least aided in some small way.. all were positive.. but with Dante he'd never had the chance. Never would.

Only then Koty's glazed stare was quickly blinked away and he quickly moved to wipe tears that may or may not have existed from his cheeks. "I.. apologize, Dr. Neville. Forgive me, please. I have been rambling. Did you have.. any specific questions for me, Sir?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

That Koty had been emotionally empty was a concern in its own right, although it was certainly understandable given the events of the past few months, as they had begun to discuss. That form of dissociation, alienating oneself from one’s emotions as a method of coping was common enough during stressful situations – the comorbity rate of dissociation and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder was quite high – and it became more common among those with mental powers like empathy or telepathy, because the mind or emotions could so easily grow overwhelmed.

Sean’s statement had been a prompt for greater detail, and he turned his full attention to the touch telepath as he explained who had been involved and what had been transpired. What Koty described was familiar enough. So often, those with the capacity and desire to help were drawn to those who needed the most help. That Koty had found another boy with a difficult past and a torrent of negative emotions that he used as a barrier came as no surprise to the psychiatrist; he had seen that situation, and had been in that situation, more times than he could count over the five decades of his life.

Where the experience differed was that Koty had born witness to a precognitive’s powers. Meta-human manifestation changed an individual’s body and brain in order to cope with their specific power and all side effects. For telepaths, this included breaking the barriers of the mind in order to bestow a sixth sense. For precognitives, it means changing the brain in order to handle seeing possible timelines without driving one mad. Koty was correct in that he could have had far worse consequences for that experience, and he was fortunate that such events had not come to pass. The psychiatrist frowned slightly, not at Koty but instead to convey sympathy and his understanding of the potential grave consequences of such an experience. However, he did not interrupt in order to add commentary; he wanted the boy to go at his own pace, sharing what he felt necessary in order to paint the most vivid picture of his experience.

“No forgiveness is necessary; that isn’t rambling.” The psychiatrist understood that this was a cultural difference in how Koty shared versus how Sean shared, as well as deference to his position as an elder and an authority figure. However, the older telepath did not want Koty to feel that he had to cut himself off, and so he wanted him to understand that he saw nothing problematic with how he had spoken or what he had shared, and, in fact, encouraged it if it was what Koty felt that he needed to do. He was here to listen, after all.

However, the boy then asked for questions, and Sean spread his hands slightly. “In light of that, I’d like to know how you’ve been shielding with other people.” The experience was traumatic and higher shielding was to be expected, particularly given how reluctant Koty was to train the rest of his ability.

[Koty Hura]

Shielding? ...well that was what Koty had thought he'd been here to discuss to begin with. Had this all been some sort of segue? Damn, Sean was good.. Er' if this was a segue. It did, after all, make at least a bit of sense that a person would metaphorically shield themselves after such a loss as Koty felt he'd experiences.. Except that given his ability, Koty could do it quite literally. Completely shut off and ignore o e of his senses..

Only.. He hadn't. Not.. Not internally, anyway. "I.. Have not been, Dr. Neville. I have not worked in, improved, or even been aware of my psychic shields. I have hardly been aware of my ability. I have.. Been shielding myself externally." He raises his hands to show his grey fine cotton gloves, gestures towards his outfit - which left only his neck and face exposed. "In hindsight, I believe I have been, if anything, ignoring my ability as a whole.. I cannot say I have been hiding from it, but I have prevented it's existence.. Without even realizing I was doing so. I dress in this way often.. But I have done so more often.. Leaving no chance to use my abilities or be reminded they are there.."

If only Koty could get a glimpse at Sean's unfiltered mind. He was sure he was capable of comprehending and applying any advise or thoughts that the psychiatrist had to offer him, no matter how blunt or seemingly cruel or pitiful. It was just.. It seemed somehow wrong for two telepaths to be having a strictly verbal conversation like this.. Except that the conversation was not only verbal on Sean's end. Surely right now and during this entire meeting he had not only heard but felt and perhaps even seen or experienced Koty's thoughts, emotions, and memories. No, this was only kne-sided for Koty. Was that part of the plan for Sean? Did this have something to do with being vulnerable safely? Was it part of some sort of treatment? Meant to begin some repair process in Koty's mind? Or was there no real reason for it and it simply was how it was? Yes.. The ability to 'then off' his ability simply by remaining bundled up and exposing no skin was a blessing.. But not being able to simply reach out and discover motive or purpose or.. Understand. When the focus was reversed like this.. When Koty was the one who was on the receiving end of help and compassion and he had no other input aside from expressions and words.. Wow, this was hard. Fae harder than he'd ever anticipated it could be.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

That had not been a segue on his part, at least not earlier in the conversation. Sean had meant what he had said about shielding and power training being outside of his authority; he was not a trainer, and he was not the Headmaster of Hammel. Instead, he was the psychiatrist, and he concerned himself with mental health. As a telepath himself, he took interest in how student telepaths coped with their powers, and he empathized with their plight. However, his question about shielding arose as a natural consequence of the rest of this conversation. Koty had admitted to a difficult loss after a deep emotional bond, and his telepathy, unlike Sean’s and the vast majority of other telepaths, was touched-based. That added an entirely different dynamic to powers and to social interaction.

Moreover, after listening to Koty, he was concerned for the boy.

He frowned as he further listened to Koty’s description of how he had coped with his powers since Dante’s transfer from Hammel; his brow furrowed into a concerned line. He could not say that he was surprised, since he had struggled with his powers, way back when he had been a student. If there had been any method of externally interfering with his powers, then at the worst of it, he imagined that he might have taken advantage. Of course, Robert would have lectured him and prevented that from becoming habit. (Such hypothetical situations remained purely hypothetical, as there had been nothing that had dampened his powers, as they had been purely mental in nature.)

“While it’s good that you have a coping method, that isn’t sustainable in the long-term.” The only effective method of long-term shielding came from self-discipline, training, and practice. “If you find yourself touching someone accidentally, you need to know how to shield yourself from getting overwhelmed, or from accidentally projecting your thoughts or secrets.”

Often enough, the potential exposure and ensuing mortification proved effective enough motivation to learn to shield.

“And if you ever want to graduate, you need to be able to pass your training sessions.” Although the psychiatrist had yet to ask about Koty’s post-Hammel plans, he assumed that the boy planned to leave Hammel at some point. He wanted Koty to have the ability to do that, without having a permanent hold on him from the school (and with government authority).

Of course, all of that was a matter for Koty and his trainer to discuss at length.

Perhaps unfortunately for Koty, but fortunate for the psychiatrist and everyone around him outside of his home, he shielded heavily. Sean’s shielding had been impeccable since he graduated Hammel, and he erected those mental shields reflexively when leaving the home, so that he could interact with non-psychics in the outside world. At home, he relaxed, and he took greater liberties, but even Josh wanted to be shielded from the full depths of Sean’s powers and experiences. The psychiatrist had not had a power struggle since Jesse Adams’s ill-fated attempt back in 2010, before the blond had run away to join M.S.A.D. That had ended quickly, with the boy gaining no access and being quickly put in his place.

No, it was for the best as a matter of privacy and self-determination that Sean’s mind remained closed off to those around him. As for what he gleaned from others, including Koty, that varied from person to person and by situation. He could hear Koty’s thoughts, but it was not as though he was actively probing him for deeper information. Rather, he remained aware of what the boy gave off, incorporating that into this discussion, the same way that he incorporated non-psychic observations and his psychiatric knowledge and training.

Not as treatment. Simply as part of interaction. But he kept that to himself.