Guys Don't Keep Diaries

[Paul Wilkerson]

Note: The following entries can be found on Paul's application. The following posts with be new entries.

August 5, 2007
My sister gave me this notebook. She told me write in it. I don’t know what she was thinking. I’m a guy and guys don’t keep diaries. This is just stupid.

August 12, 2007
I told sister I threw this away because I’m guy and guys don’t keep diaries. She didn’t really care.

October 15, 2007
I went on a school field trip to a farm. I had a lot of fun. The chickens kept following me around. It was scary.

May 8, 2008
My family and I went to the park today for a picnic. I had a lot of fun playing. I tripped over a rock and scraped my knee. But I’m ok.

There was a seagull watching me eat. First chickens and now seagulls. I don’t like birds.

April 18, 2010
Gary was new student this year. He and I play a lot together. I like him, but no in the same way I like my other friends. When I’m around Gary, I smile a lot. I think this is love. I like a boy and I write in a diary. I’M TURNING INTO A GIRL!!!!

July 28, 2011
Today’s my BIRTHDAY!!! I’m now 11.

December 14, 2012
Wow. I’m not very good at keeping up with my writing. That’s because GUYS DON’T KEEP DARIES!!!!

February 15, 2013
Yesterday Ashlee told mom and dad that she has a boyfriend and they have been for few months now. Mom and dad blew up. Mom and dad grounded Ashlee. So as of right now I am the favorite child.

August 26, 2013
I don’t know who to tell. I afraid that they will think I’m a freak. But I am a freak. I was out playing with my friends and I started to sweat. But my sweat wasn’t normal water. It was orange. I’m very scared at what’s happening to me.

August 28, 2013
Yesterday a woman came to the house. She said that she was from Hammel Institute and she was looking for me. She talked with my parents for a long while. Then she and my parents wanted to talk to me. According to her, I’m something called a meta. I have superpowers. I feel like I am living in the world of X-Men. This is so cool and a little wired at the same time.

Wait, how is orange sweat a superpower?

October 17, 2013
I’ve been going to Hammel for few months now. This place is totally X-Men. There are so many different people and super powers. There so many cool ones. Mine sucks. All I do is sweat out orange sweat. My super power is super lame. I don’t want the other students to ask about my super powers.

November 29, 2013
My friends finally figured out that I am now going to Hammel. They’ve been asking all sorts of questions. All I told them was to think of X-Men. My friends want me to show them my powers. I told them that I’m not allowed to use my powers out side of school grounds. There’s NO WAY I’m going to let my friends know that I sweat out orange sweat. That’s embarrassing.

December 2, 2013
Blood is supposed to be red, right? I got a paper cut and my blood was turquoise. So not only my sweat is colored but my blood too. I won’t even write about when I go to the bathroom. All I’m going to say is that it is not normal. This is just great.

May 10, 2014
Why am I still writing in a diary?

[Paul Wilkerson]

June 20, 2014
So I was hanging with Tommy and John. We were just going around town being loud and obnoxious. While we were out I saw Gary. Holy crap he is hot! I haven’t seen him in a long while since I am now going to Hammel. I was thinking about going over and say hi, when some girl came up to him. Gary hugged her and kissed her. KISSED her on the LIPS!!!!! It shouldn’t bother me. I didn’t tell Gary my feelings towards him. But it feels like my heart got ripped out of my chest.

I’m crying. My tears are lavender. Great.

June 30, 2014
The robin attacked my window. I was in my room and I heard a noise. I looked to my window and there was a robin all like flap flap flap. Then it flew off. Then it came back and attacked my window again. It scared the crud out of me. I ran into my parents’ room across the hall. My dad asked what was going on. I told him and he didn’t look to impressed with me. Birds are scary. What did I ever do to deserve being tortured by birds?

July 28, 2014
I did a test on my birthday. So I know that my sweat if orange. My blood is turquoise, my tears are lavender, and I’m still not going to write about when I go to the bathroom. Every time I go to the bathroom it freaks me out. I’m never going to get used to that. So test did a test. I spit on the ground and guess what, it was neon green. My super powers are really freaky and super lame. I don’t even know if they could be called super powers.

Why am I the only one with super powers? It not fair. Like every little boy would want super powers. But they want the cool ones not colorful insides. Why? Why me? Why did Ashlee have to give me this stupid diary? I’m a guy. I had crush on a guy, I write in a diary, I know for a fact that my tears are lavender and not purple. ASHLEE WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME???!!!!

August 14, 2014
My grandparents on my mother’s side came to visit today. It turned out that they are staying for two weeks. I don’t get why they had to stay. They live like 15-20 minutes away. I love them very much, but Grammy can be very ugh. She isn’t really super strict, but she can be kind of annoying. Granddaddy on the other hand, if you have to explain something once, then you have to explain it a million times.

August 26, 2014
Going to the fair with my family.

[Paul Wilkerson]

September 4, 2014
Acorns hurt. I was walking and then the next thing I knew an acorn hit me on the head. It hurt a lot. It wasn’t like there was a squirrel throwing acorns at people as they walk by. This is the trees attacking. You walk under an oak tree and it’s raining freaking acorns. Gotta wear a hard hat when walking under oak trees.

September 15, 2014
I hate gym class. I sweat and my sweat is orange. Yeah I change my cloths after gym class and I’m still sweaty. I really have to stop wearing a white shirt to school on the days I have gym.

September 17, 2014
I’ve barracked my bedroom door so Ashlee can’t come in and kill me. I attacked Ashlee after school with water balloons. The best part was that her current boyfriend was with her and I got him too. Oh boy, Ashlee was pissed at me. And her boyfriend now hates me with passion. It’s great being a little brother.

September 22, 2014
I’m going to kill Ashlee. She decided to get back at me for the water balloon thing. I can into my room and it was a total mess. It was a lot worsts than it is normally. Later I was sitting in the living room and Ashlee walked in and told me that she found my dairy. She said she was going to spread it all around Hammel. I ran back to my room and I found my dairy where I always keep it. Ashlee lied.

Besides guys don’t keep dairies. I have nothing to worry about. Now I need to find new hiding spot for my dairy.

[Paul Wilkerson]

October 9, 2014
Went apple picking with the family. I had fun. I hate Ashlee but that’s no surprise. I can’t help it if my spit is green. We stopped by at my grandparents’ place. It was a fair trade. Fresh apples for just out of the oven candy walnuts.

October 10, 2014
I’m sitting in my room doing homework. Ashlee and Mom are in the kitchen making dinner. I heard Ashlee say, “You’re hot and crispy. Oh beautiful.” I don’t even want to know.

[Paul Wilkerson]

November 18, 2014
A printed paper with hand written answers is found glued into the dairy.

1) Living arrangement? I live with my mom, dad, and sister.

2) What book are you reading now? “The Catcher in the Rye” for school.

3) What’s on your mouse pad? You uses mouse pads now a days? A maple leaf.

4) Favorite board game? Clue

5) Favorite magazine? I don’t read magazines

6a) Favorite smells? Freshly cut grass

6b) Least favorite smells? Burnt food

7a) Favorite sound? My dad snoring at night

7b) Least favorite sound? cracking knuckles.

8) Worst feeling in the world? When I get in trouble with my parents.

9) What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? I have to pee.

10) Favorite color? Hahaha

11) How many rings before you answer the phone? Usually two or three. Because by the time I get my cell out of my pocket and look at the caller ID it rang two or three times.

12) Future child’s name? I’m 14. I’m not thinking about future children.

13) What is most important in life? That’s a deep question

14) Favorite foods? Mom’s cooking, meat, pizza, pancakes

15) Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate all the way.

16) Do you like to drive fast? In games YES! I don’t have my learner’s permit yet.

17) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? I have my teddy bear

18) Storms- cool or scary? Depends on what kind of storm. Some are really cool and others I want to be in my mom's arms.

19) What type was your first car? I don’t have a car unless you count the yellow dump truck toy I had when I was little.

20) Meet one person dead or alive? This require too much thinking. WALT DISNEY!!

21) Favorite alcoholic drink? Too young to drink. Plus my parents would KILL me if they found out that I was drinking under age.

22) What you your zodiac sign? Why would I know that?

23) Do you eat the stems of broccoli? Who the hell would eat the steams?

24) If you could have any job you wanted what would it be? I don’t know.

25) If you could dye you hair any color what would it be? Blond. I’ve being thinking about it. My parents may say no.

26) Have you ever been in love? Yes

27) Is the glass half empty or half full? Yes

28) Favorite movies? Any and all Disney movies

29) Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? Hahaha. That’s funny. No. And I have to look at the keyboard.

30) What’s under your bed? Under the mattress is not my dairy. Under the whole bed is a collection of computer games.

31) What is your favorite number? 28

32) Favorite sport to watch? I guess soccer. My dad watches it a lot.

33) Why did you fill this out? Because

34) If you could be one fruit, one animal, and one possession yours, what would you be? Random question

[Paul Wilkerson]

November 27, 2014
The oh so fun Thanksgiving dinner with my grandparents. My grandparents came over to the house. Mom and Grammy were in the kitchen making dinner. It’s interesting to listen to Mom and Grammy arguing about how to cook this or that. Yesterday Mom made pie. I wasn’t allowed to have pie yesterday but today I had pie.

Granddaddy, Dad, Ash, and I was in the living room. Granddaddy wanted me to play chess with him. One, I don’t know how to play chess. Two, Granddaddy is sooooo slow when playing chess. I know chess is suppose to be slow, but still. I didn’t know what I was doing.

I enjoyed the time with my family. The only thing at would of made it better was if Granddaddy would stop calling me Polly. It’s Paul. I’m a guy. Polly is a girl’s name. I’m a guy named Paul. who keeps a diary

[Paul Wilkerson]

December 2, 2014
I watched X-Men First Class and I got thinkin’. Why isn’t Hammel all superpowers saving the day? Then I thought some more and I decided that it’s a good thing that Hammel isn’t like Xavier’s School for the Gifted Youngsters because I would be so useless. It wouldn’t be funny how useless I would be. And who uses the word youngsters? Only really old crotchety old people say youngsters. I can see my Granddaddy saying youngsters. He calls me Polly. Belch. I hate being called that.

How and why am I the meta? Like now else in my family is a meta, just me.

December 5, 2014
John told me that I should play a game called Five Nights at Freddy’s. He didn’t tell anything more. Why does a game like that exist? I kept dying and getting the shit scared out of me. But I keep playing it. I WILL NOT LET THE GAME BET ME!!!!!

December 6, 2014
I got Ashlee to play Five Nights at Freddy’s. I didn’t tell about it. I just let her play and Bonnie jumped out at Ash. Ash wants to kill me now. I didn’t do anything. The game scared the crap out of her.

December 10, 2014
I have a cold. Having a cold sucks, it sucks even more when you have rainbow secretions. I look like a rainbow threw up. Ash doesn’t want anything to do with me. She thinks I’m gross. I’m kind of am. Being sick sucks and it is kind of gross. With all the sneezing, and germs, and everything else. Belch. I feel like an eighteen-wheeler ran me over like a million of times. I swear I’m dying.

December 25, 2014
It’s X-mas. Spending the day with my mom, dad, sister, Grammy, and Granddaddy. It’s like Thanksgiving all over again. Mom and Grammy making dinner together. Ashlee, dad, Granddaddy and I are in the living room. This time dad is playing chess with Granddaddy.

January 1, 2015
It is the new year.

New year’s resolutions:

• Get a better grade in science
• Get a boyfriend
• Learn how to swim
• Be more proactive about doing chores around the house
• Learn how to play chess

[Paul Wilkerson]

February 14, 2015
Today sucks. Valentine’s Day sucks. Ashlee went out on a date with whoever her current boyfriend is. She goes through boyfriends like I don’t know what. But the point is that a lot of guys been in her life. Mom and Dad have each other. Like I want to home alone with those two. No thank you.

So I called Tommy and John. Well, guess what. They both have girlfriends and had dates planned. Some best friends they are! When the hell did they get girlfriends? Why didn’t they tell me? Aren’t the three of us childhood best friends? I thought we were. Distance is forming between me and John and Tommy.

To make a long story short I have NO ONE on Valentine’s Day. I’m Forever Alone Club and I reek of desperation.

Ugh. I’m going for a walk.

February 20, 2015
New year’s resolutions check

1. Get a better grade in science: haha I still suck
2. Get a boyfriend: I’m so alone
3. Learn how to swim: It is cold outside. I’m not going swimming
4. Be more proactive about doing chores around the house: Mom is still on my case to do my chores
5. Learn how to play chess: lol nope

[Paul Wilkerson]

February 24, 2015
I’ve spent I-don’t-know-how-many-hours playing Give Up instead of doing my homework. This game is so rage inducing. I ended up rage quitting. I need to go punch a puppy or something to get rid of all this anger that is all built up inside. Not a really dog of course. I like puppies. I guess I should do my homework. I’ve put it off. Nope. I’ll do my homework before school tomorrow morning.

February 24, 2015
I’m so bored. And I don’t want to do my homework. It’s like negative 1,000,000 degrees outside. Winter is always so damn cold in Vermont.

February 24, 2015
Why do girls take so freaking long in the bathroom? Ashlee spent like 55 hours in there. What the hell is she doing? NO! I don’t want to know that! That…no

February 24, 2015
I looked up how to play chess online. Chess is really complicated. All the pieces move differently. How the hell am I suppose to remember all that? How does Granddaddy remember all that? I’m never going to beat him. He is going to always kick my ass when it comes to chess.

I don’t even know how to play checkers!

I am going to go play Five Nights at Freddy’s until dinner.

[Paul Wilkerson]

*The follow is written in Paul's new diary which is a composition notebook.*

June 6th, 2015
Dear diary Wow. That made me sound gay. Oh wait. I am.

I got a composition notebook and I'm going to use this as my "diary." I'm still write some stuff in the other one so Ashlee has something to read. She won't know that I have a new "diary." Now I can write whatever without worrying about her reading it. I'm even going to put this on my bookcase. Ashlee will never suspect a thing.

---

New Year's resolutions status.

1. Get a better grade in science - I checked with my teacher and I have a B- in science class. Hopefully I didn't bomb the final. I'm going to pass this year. I still hate science.
2. Get a boyfriend - I still have no one. I want that to change this summer. I just have to wait and see what happens.
3. Learn how to swim - Actually the other day Dad mentioned about me taking some swim lessons this summer. I'm almost 15 and I don't know how to swim. How embarrassing is that? I don't want to be taking lessons with a bunch of little kids.
4. Be more proactive about doing chores around the house - I've gotten a little better about some chores. I've been starting to do them without my Mom or Dad telling me to do them.
5. Learn how to play chess - I have no clue how to play. I went to one chess club meeting and I looked stuff up online. I don't get it. Chess bets me. I admit my defeat to chess.

[Paul Wilkerson]

July 3rd, 2015
I don't get it. I don't know how she does it. I met Ashlee's newest boyfriend. He smells weird. I don't know what he smelled like but it was awful. It was the kind of smell where red flags wave everywhere. How can Ashlee be with a guy like that? How does Ashlee get boyfriends in the first place? She goes through them like handbags or shoes. Where does she find them? Do you think I can get a boyfriend this summer? I don't know how get a boyfriend. Do I just walk up to someone I like and say "hey I like you. lets go on a date."? That's just stupid. Seriously how do people ask other people out? I don't get it. I'm almost 15 and I've never dated anyone. I have a sad life. I reek of desperation. I want a boyfriend.

July 4th, 2015
Today is the 4th of July. Granddaddy and Grammy came over for a lunch dinner thing. I'm not sure if it was lunch or dinner. It was like a meal between them. But that's not the point. It was a normal chaotic family get together. Granddaddy was on my case about getting a girlfriend. I didn't tell him that I like guys. After a while Granddaddy and Grammy went back home. Mom, Dad, Ashlee, and I went to the park to watch the fireworks.

[Paul Wilkerson]

August 20, 2015
School is going to be starting soon. I've been busy doing homework I should of done sooner instead of waiting. Whatever. As long as my homework gets done. That's what matters, right? My summer was pretty much uneventful. Nothing happened that was worth writing about. That's why I haven't written in a while. I did meet a couple Hammel students are Pilot Ridge. One's name was Rose and the other was Rachel. Most likely we'll see each other Hammel.

Went to my grandparents' place a few times. I had helped them the internet or helped them clean the house. I couldn't complain too much because Grammy fed me while I was there.

Still no boyfriend. Ashlee on the other hand had at least three boyfriends. THREE! I don't know how she does it. I finally admitted my defeat and asked Ash for some advice because she has no problem getting a bf. Here's the short version.

Me: Ash, could I some advice on getting a boyfriend?
Ash: You're asking me for advice?
Me: yes
Ash: Yes what?
Me: Yes, I'm asking you for advice.
Ash: laughs for a good five minutes or so.

Yeah. That's how that went. After a while of taking, Ashlee convinced me to go on a blind date. She told to put note in the boys' bathroom at Hammel, so no random creep would meet me.

August 22, 2015
Today is my blind date. I'm so nervous. I have no clue who is going to come. IF anyone comes. I don't what to do. I keep looking at the clock to see if its time for me to go. I'm going crazy!!!!

(Later that same day Paul wrote another little entry)
I'm off to my blind date. Wish me luck.