Post-Talk jitters (Sean)

[Marnie Sullivan]

Although it was Marnie's first time speaking to Dr. Neville within his own office, she was too preoccupied with staring at her hands twisting in her lap to look around and take in the sights. She knew she wasn't the only student whose presence had been requested after the Talk, but it sure felt like she might be the most nervous about it.

Marnie had submitted her questions anonymously, but during the doctor's segment on consent and unhealthy relationship dynamics, she must have been broadcasting her concerned thoughts like a beacon. That would explain how he knew what she'd asked, right? Which probably meant he knew who she'd been asking about -

Which shouldn't bother her at all, Marnie reminded herself. Lucas had gone and gotten himself in trouble so he was already on Dr. Neville's radar. Marnie wasn't doing anything wrong by being here. She was just trying to look out for Karalie, that's all this was about.

Right. Just looking out for Karalie.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean had no intention of putting Marnie on the spot, but he had realized that the questions about relationship dynamics had belonged to her. The psychiatrist reviewed all of the questions carefully in the week leading up to his lecture, and he took notes on ones that stuck out. Not every question could be answered during the lecture, particularly as questions typically fell into one of three broad categories: 1) Questions appropriate for his lecture that would benefit more than one person in hearing them answered, 2) Questions that weren’t serious or were intended to get a rise out of him, 3) Questions that were personal to an individual student and required a one-on-one response.

Marnie’s question created others, and it required that one-on-one response. As such, at the first opportunity after his lecture, the psychiatrist had requested the opportunity to speak to her privately, away from prying ears or peer judgment.

Of course, Lucas’s embarrassing behavior (there was always at least one at his lecture each year) only served to illustrate why Marnie had concerns in the first place.

They could discuss that. After Marnie was somewhat less nervous.

“Would you like something to drink?” Sean asked. It might help to lessen her tension.

[Marnie Sullivan]

"No, thank you..." Marnie replied, first instinct being to remain polite. Maybe good manners would make her seem a little more composed, but - no, she was already here and it was plenty obvious how uncomfortable she was. Marnie's chin rose with her gaze before she continued, "Actually, maybe some water?" Just for something to hold in her hands, to keep them still.

It had been almost a month since she discovered Lucas was seeing someone else already, and none of that time had been helpful in puzzling out how she felt about it. Marnie didn't want him back, she knew that much, so that meant she wasn't jealous, right? Which helped bolster the idea that she was merely concerned about her classmate, but there was something else there. Something that had gotten under her skin; something that pushed her to grab Karalie by the shoulders and tell her everything, but at the same time filled her chest with guilt whenever she even considered doing so.

Karalie was a senior too, she remembered suddenly. So she must've been at the Talk and seen Lucas acting up, right? Marnie wondered what the other girl thought about it - if she thought it was funny or, maybe, if it would make it easier to convince her that Lucas was trouble.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean had been prepared to begin, but then Marnie corrected herself, and he nodded immediately in assent. “Of course.” With that, he rose from his chair, crossed to where he kept his miniature refrigerator, and he pulled out a bottle of water. He brought that over to her, held it out, and then retook his seat when she had accepted it. He knew the feeling of wanting to do something with one’s hands – such was an urge that Catholic school had never been able to fully suppress – and he believed in indulging such minor urges if they would reduce anxiety.

Seated again, he focused his full attention on her, waiting for her to say what she wanted. When nothing came, he decided to break the ice by guiding her through this and coaxing her into elaborating on her question. To that end, he said, “I saw the question that you left for me, and I wanted to talk about that a bit.”

All of which was true.

“It would help my ability to give you an open and honest answer if you gave me the backstory. I could guess or give some general advice otherwise, but I’d rather be able to tailor this for you.” His voice was gentle, as he added, “If you’d rather not say it aloud, you could think loudly at me.”

[Marnie Sullivan]

Thinking loudly was an option? Well, duh, of course it was, Marnie told herself, remembering the point during the Talk when she'd both heard and spoken to Dr. Neville using nothing more than her thoughts. The idea just took some getting used to. Would it be easier that way? Eyes focused on the still-sealed water bottle in her hands, she wondered where to begin.

When we broke up -

When I talked to Axelle -

WHUD.

Marnie's attempt at forming fully worded thoughts was replaced by a memory. Lucas' fist, connecting with the flesh of the younger boy's stomach. The sound, nothing like the amplified punches thrown in movies, quieter but more gut-wrenching. The states of other students, the pounding footsteps of the guards.

"I - I think I'll jut talk out loud, thanks," Marnie blurted out. Closed eyes, deep breath. It needed to be done.

The words tumbled out in a rush: "I broke up with Lucas because he scared me and now I'm worried about Karalie."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Thinking loudly was one of the greatest benefits to having a telepathic mental health professional. During Sean’s career, his ability to offer that as an alternative to traditional methods of communication had proven invaluable time and again. In some ways, it spared patients the stress of trying to filter their thoughts into articulable portions.

However, it wasn’t for everyone.

As such, the psychiatrist nodded in acknowledgment and assured Marnie, “That’s fine.”

Then he waited while she found the words. At least they already had a common frame of reference from her written question, which served as a starting point.

His expression was serious, as that was about what he had expected. Lucas had a reputation, one that he demonstrated both through acts that brought him into the psychiatrist’s office time and again, as well as the stunt he had tried to pull at the seminar itself.

Given that there had already been an incident of domestic abuse at Hammel, Sean was particularly interested in preventing another.

“Do you want help strategizing what to say? Or are you more worried about whether it’s your place at all to speak up?” He knew what she had written on the question slip itself, but he wanted to reaffirm this before launching into what he needed to say.

[Marnie Sullivan]

Marnie didn't answer, not right away. The doctor's question was one she'd been waffling over for some time. Although she'd been putting off talking to Karalie as long as possible, some days she felt sure that she needed to say something, even if she wasn't sure what. Other days it was doubt that stopped her - doubt that it was her right to say anything, doubt that Karalie would listen, doubt that she was doing the right thing.

"I guess... both?" Marnie said at last. She chewed her lip as she considered what to say next. "I mean, I don't want anything to happen, but... it's not really my business, is it? And what if I say something, and, and Lucas never actually does anything and I just look stupid and bitter like I'm trying to ruin his life or something?"

Marnie's breath caught in her throat - did she really say that? This wasn't about her - well, it kind of was, but it wasn't about her ego, and here she'd gone and admitted that she was afraid to look like a spurned ex with an agenda when she needed to be afraid for Karalie's safety and she was, she was! But it only exacerbated her doubt. Doing the right thing for the wrong reason - if minding her own business was the right thing to do - well, that was the same as doing the wrong thing, wasn't it?

"I just... don't want Luke to hurt anybody, and I don't want to hurt anybody either," Marnie muttered, hands twisting and untwisting the cap to the water bottle.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean waited for her to answer his question, careful not to rush her. She needed to consider the factors herself, think about her fears and her motivations, and then they could discuss them as they came.

“I think that depends on what you think ‘none of your business’ really means,” the psychiatrist offered in response. His personal ethical and moral codes often denounced inaction on his own part, when he had awareness; as his telepathy granted him more awareness than he would have otherwise, this led to an increased sense of personal responsibility. Some people considered him meddlesome as a result. He did not advocate that same sense for everyone, even if he thought the world might function better if people were more willing to lend a hand.

“What do you think could happen to Karalie?” If they discussed the root of her concerns, coupling that with moral imperative might help her make the decision for herself.

Then for the rest of it, he shook his head once, although he understood the concern for image and reputation. That was all the more important during adolescence, even if such concerns never fully evaporated, even well into adulthood. “I’ll give you my opinion about jealousy in a minute, but I want to talk about worst case scenarios first.”

[Marnie Sullivan]

What could happen to Karalie? That was the problem, or one of them anyway - Marnie hadn't yet been able to pinpoint exactly what she expected to happen. It wasn't like she had a clear prediction of what Lucas was capable of. It was more of a gut feeling that something could happen.

Something Marnie had been trying to parse for weeks was where that gut feeling came from. Certainly it hadn't existed before the fight in the library. But just because she hadn't expected Lucas to attack another person over something so minor didn't mean he hadn't gone and done it. He'd never raised a hand to Marnie, never said anything she could recall that she would consider threatening, but what if there were clues that she'd missed? It wasn't like she had any experience with abusive relationships, thankfully - the men in her romance novels were occasionally violent, but they were just defending the women they loved. Maybe that's what Lucas thought he was doing, although he'd never bothered to say as much. But the question still remained - if he could beat up a boy half his size over something so petty, what else was he willing to do?

"I don't know what could happen to Karalie, really," Marnie admitted. "But he really hurt that boy, just for calling me a name, even though he's okay calling other girls the same thing - " that information had come from Axelle, and she had found it troubling for more reasons than one - "so I don't think he did it out of, like, respect or chivalry or whatever. So what happens if... if Karalie dumps him or does something else he doesn't like and he just flies off the handle again?"

Marnie was curious what the doctor had to say about jealousy, but first she wanted to know if she was making any sense at all.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean listened carefully as Marnie described what had led her to fear for Marnie. He knew of the fight in the library – he had spoken with all three individuals involved while parsing events and doling out discipline – and he knew what had triggered Lucas’s outburst, as well as the severity of his rage and the utter lack of seriousness with which the boy had treated the entire incident. The behavior went beyond adolescent immaturity or even teen male entitlement. Certainly, Sean had never behaved that way at their age.

At the time, Marnie had not expressed such concerns to the psychiatrist, but that was to be expected. The incident had just happened, and she had been taken into Sean’s office to tease out what had happened. Still, he agreed with her concerns.

Both for the violent incident as well as for the hypocrisy and Lucas’s misogynistic tendencies.

“That’s a valid concern,” he assured her. Concern for another person’s safety under such conditions was valid and not wholly unreasonable.

However, to make sure that he knew all of the background information, as well as to help her work through her reasons for thinking that Karalie might brand her as a jealous ex-girlfriend, he asked, “How did Lucas react when you broke up with him?”

[Marnie Sullivan]

"He... he cried."

Even as the words left her mouth, Marnie could hear the incredulity in them. Why, of all things, was that what first came to mind? He'd demanded her time, demanded she listen, even grabbed her as she tried to leave, all of which had incensed her at the time, and even now at the memory of it. But the crying was different. It was so uncharacteristic of the boy - as unexpected as his violent outburst had been.

At the time, it had made Marnie ...well, not sympathetic, at least not enough to stay. But it had served to neuter her anger, to maybe believe her was sincere.

Marnie's mouth tightened into a grimace. What a crock of shit that had been.

"I'd been avoiding him, and ...and he found me," she began to elaborate, pausing when she heard her voice shake. Could Dr. Neville see it, the scene on the school lawns as it played in her mind? "I was still really freaked out so I didn't want to talk, but when I tried to leave h-he stopped me."

"We all have to do things we don't want to," he'd said. She remembered it clearly - that was when her fear had become tempered with anger.

"So I told him, I told him it was over, and he started crying and I left," Marnie finished lamely. It sounded stupid as she said it - that didn't sound like a boy who would knock Karalie out over a breakup.

But she'd been wrong before.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean listened carefully as Marnie answered his question, describing the events of her break up. While Lucas had not had an aggressively violent outburst, he could see why she would have concerns for Karalie.

“Crying isn’t the opposite of anger,” the psychiatrist explained to her. That someone reacted by crying did not negate that they had controlling or violent tendencies. Particularly if one displayed those tendencies at the same time, as Lucas had. By Marnie’s description, and through the memory he saw in her mind, the boy had not cried the same why that some did when they were upset over a break up. Sean himself had cried after Josh had broken up with him, those decades ago. However, the psychiatrist had not done the rest of what Lucas had: trying to physical restrain her to prevent her from leaving, trying to bargain and guilt her into remaining in the relationship. None of those were appropriate or acceptable. The psychiatrist needed to make that point.

“That sounds controlling to me.” Based on his interactions with Lucas at his sexual education seminar, and in his office after the fight, he came to that conclusion. “It’s valid to be worried about how controlling people will react to losing control.”

Sean was thoughtful for a brief moment, before he asked, “How long have they been together?”

[Marnie Sullivan]

Marnie let out a long, low breath - validation, that's what it was. So she wasn't crazy or overreacting or seeing something that wasn't there; it was okay, no, it was correct to be worried. She was still too nervous to be properly relieved, but her chest felt distinctly lighter after hearing it.

"I don't know," she answered. After the breakup she knew Lucas had kept her phone number, but they never spoke until the mortifying day in town last month. In that empty space, all she had to go on was hearsay, which cast Lucas in yet a more negative light but was still only gossip at best. "At least a few weeks, I guess. I kind of ran into them, well, they ran into me while they were on a date and I guess they're still together because Karalie talks about him at practice sometimes - " not to Marnie, certainly, how would such a conversation even go? But as much as Marnie tried to ignore her, block her out while the other girl chatted with one teammate or another, every once in a while something would slip through - "but I don't know for sure."

Nor was she sure how to continue, so instead she uncapped her water bottle and pressed it to her lips. God, her mouth was dry.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean loathed the word crazy for personal and for professional reasons. It followed from his position as a psychiatrist that he took issue with ableist language that served to further alienate those with psychiatric diagnoses. For personal reasons that he shared with nobody – Josh had awareness of his distaste but lacked knowledge of the full reason – he loathed that term, and he disliked that society reinforced the notion by making individuals fear that they had psychiatric instability for failure to conform, or for expressing concerns of their own.

At least he could combat that perception in this office.

The psychiatrist nodded again to show that he had listened. In the scheme of things, how long they had dated was not too important ,since dating in high school was limited in time and scope, and the difference between three weeks and two months was negligible for emotional bonds at a deep level. It was possible that Tim and Karalie were still in the infatuation stage.

“My only other question is whether, if you told her and she didn’t listen, you think she would tell Lucas? And that he would try to confront you over it.” If she had concerns about her own safety, those needed to take precedence.