Tears Of Joy (Paul)

[Mychal Doherty]

'I will not cry, I will not...son of a bitch.' This was Mychal's thought as he watched one of his favorite anime in the student lounge, it was his third favorite place in the whole school, following the cafeteria which was second,and the training rooms which were first. He hadn't really spent much time in here, usually either because he was busy training or there were simply too many people in here to watch what he wanted to.

Today though, he had been lucky. After he'd had his dinner, he stopped by here, just for the hell of it, and found the lounge empty. So, wasting no time, he'd quickly searched for and found Toonami, and almost screamed like a little school girl when he saw they were doing a Naruto marathon. Because he kept up to date with Naruto, he'd already seen every episode they were showing that night, plus he read the manga, which meant he was even further ahead, but it didn't matter. Mychal loved to watch things over and over, that is, if he liked it. If he liked a movie or show, he would easily watch it over a dozen times within the first two months after watching it the first time.

When the first commercial break hit for the episode he was watching, he made his way over to the vending machine, and bought himself a Mountain Dew, and a bag of Dorito's Spicy Nacho. He figured he would be making another pit stop soon for some more snacks; this was a ten episode marathon, and when he'd gotten there, they had just started showing the fourth episode.

By the time that he'd gotten to the seventh, he'd already plowed through seven cans of Mountain Dew, and three four bags of Dorito's. And this is when he found himself crying. It was an especially touching moment, and Mychal was crying like a baby. He didn't think there was anybody else in the lounge, but he wasn't completely sure, so he was doing his best to hide it. When the tears came faster, he grabbed one of the couch pillows and used it to muffle his voice. 'Please God, don't let anybody find me like this.'

[Paul Wilkerson]

Paul was wandering around the school’s ground. He was bored and didn’t want to go home right way. Paul was coming up to the student lounge when he heard voices. The voices sounded like they were coming from a television.

Paul wasn’t a common student to see in the student lounge. He tended to kind of forget about the lounge. And for whatever reason Paul has a silly notion that the lounge is for students who lives on campus. Which wasn’t true. The student lounge was for any and all students at Hammel.

The teenager walked into the lounge. He didn’t have to look to the television to know that it was Naruto that was on. He had seen the show so many times Paul couldn’t keep track of how many times.

Paul noticed that there was someone curled up on the couch with his face in a pillow. Paul walked up to him. “Um, hey,” Paul tapped the guy’s shoulder, “you okay?”

[Mychal Doherty]

While Mychal had been crying into the pillow over what he considered a very emotional part, he felt a tap on his shoulder, and a voice asked him if he was okay. His head shot up, eyes grew wide, and his face flushed with embarrassment. He cleared his throat a couple times, and wiped his eyes as he said, "Um...Yeah. I'm," He cleared his throat again, "Yeah, I'm fine."

He finished wiping the tears from his face as he turned to see who had walked in on his embarrassing display of emotion. Deciding a smile was his best tool to most hide his embarrassment, he grinned as he took in the boys appearance and said, "Yeah, I'm a sucker for emotional stories." The boy was pretty cute, though he couldn't really tell if he was older or younger than himself.

He situated himself so he could better see the boy to talk to him. "My name's Mychal by the way." He said and leaned forward, sticking his arm out for the boy to take his hand.

[Paul Wilkerson]

“I’m Paul.” Paul took Mychal’s hand and shook it. Paul was very glad that he stopped by the student lounge to find such a handsome guy. Paul was a little disappointed when their handshake was over and the two pulled their hands apart. Mychal was most definitely some good eye candy.

If Paul ever saw Mychal in the school hallways, Paul would of never thought that Mychal would be a sap for emotional things. Then again, it just goes to show you can’t judge a book by its cover.

“It’s okay, for guys to cry.” And Paul meant it. Paul has had his fair share of crying sessions in his bedroom under his blankets. After his crying sessions he had to scrub his face to get rid of the lavender tear stains.

“Would it be alright if I stay and watch with you?” Paul asked with a soft smile, hoping that the smile would make Mychal say yes.

[Mychal Doherty]

"By all means." Mychal said to the boys question, and waved to the empty seat next to himself. By first glance the boy seemed to be soft spoken and kind, he liked him already. "I agree that it's okay for guys to cry. I just don't typically like to people to see me crying to something like this." Mychal said, and motioned at the tv. "Most people automatically consider you to be a wimp or wuss if you cry watching something like this, but it's only because they don't understand it, or take the time to." He said with a derisive glance at the television.

"In my experience, nothing has made me bawl like a baby quite like anime has. And Naruto tops them all." He turned to look at the boy sitting next to him and asked, "I take it you like anime? Which is your favorite?" He hoped the boy was ok with a long conversation, because Mychal could talk for hours about the different anime shows he loved, or even tv in general. After he met his two best friends, anime became one of his greatest loves. It fascinated him more than most things could, constantly feeding his hunger for the abnormal or extraordinary, as well as his imagination.

Since he had moved away from his friends, the thing he'd missed most, was someone to watch these shows and talk about them with. It would be beyond awesome if he'd found someone to do that with, plus the guy was pretty cute to boot, making the situation even better.

[Paul Wilkerson]

Paul sat down in the empty seat next to Mychal. Holy crap, what were the chances that Paul would meet a hot handsome anime nerd? It was Paul’s lucky day. Paul intently listened and nodded his head.

“Favorite anime? You mean that I have to pick one? Uh,” Paul, unknowingly, left his mouth slightly open while he tried to come up with his favorite anime. It was a hard question. Paul liked one anime in one genre, but in another genre he liked another one. Plus there was the plot line to take in, as well as characters, voices, dubbed vs. subbed and many other things.

“Sgt. Frog. It’s really funny.” Paul looked to his eye candy. “It was my first anime. What about you?”

[Mychal Doherty]

Mychal laughed at his comment about picking just one anime to be a favorite. It was really difficult for him to pick just one as well. When Paul asked him what his favorite was, he brought his hand up and tapped on his chin and looked at the ceiling in concentration, "Well, like you said, it's hard to pick just one. The first anime I ever saw was Naruto." He said motioning towards the television, "And until I watched Bleach, I would have said this one. But for me Bleach surpassed Naruto; probably because they use swords, and I love swords. But then I came across Yu Yu Hakusho. And let me tell you," And he turned to look at Paul, "There are a couple points in that one, that made my cry almost to the point of hysterics. But the majority of it is action and sarcasm."

He stopped to think for a moment, then said, "Yu Yu Hakusho will always be at least in my top five, probably because of the character development. Plus the character Kurama, is an epic badass. He's unbelievably intelligent, and cut-throat beyond belief, and has a wrath that can give you chills." With a chuckle he added, "He's just awesome." And he grinned.

Mychal turned in his spot bringing his leg up on the couch and leaning against the arm of the sofa. "Let's see," He said thinking, and scratched the side of his head. A moment later he said, "Of course there's also Fairy Tale, which has actually made me cry more than Naruto has. Not to mention their soundtracks are absolutely amazing. Then we have Fullmetal Alchemist. I think that has to be one of the most fantastic anime ever created; it has everything that you could want and more. I've tried to watch F-M-A Brotherhood, but it's a little difficult. If you know anything about anime, then you know how people can get attached to a certain voice for a character. And when that voice changes, it's kind of hard to get into it again."

Mychal took a breath, thinking again, "There are also some odds and ends ones that I've seen, and I really liked them, but most of them never made it past the first or second seasons. For instance: Kaze no Stigma, Blue Exorcist, Chrome Shelled Regios, Darker Than Black, and a few others." He said counting out each one on his fingers, looking at his hand. Looking back up at Paul, he pointed at him and said, "Recently though," And let his hand drop to his lap, "I came across one that sky-rocketed through the ranks for me. S-A-O, Sword Art Online. I usually don't make a habit of watching anime that deal with normal reality, but this one was different. It was...captivating." He said, his eyes sort of drifting. "I think, for me, what makes it so awesome, is the fact that something like that, like what happened in the show, is actually believable. But more than that, it's actually possible that something like that could happen in reality. Maybe not to that extent, but it could happen."

After his little rambling moment, he laughed, his eyes closing,"If you can't tell, I really like anime." Taking a deep breath and exhaling, he said, "So, to sum it all up, I think that for now, my favorite is Sword Art Online." When he was done, he looked over and saw that the show had cut to commercial. Looking back at Paul, he leaned against the back of the couch, laying his arm across the top of the back of the sofa, "So, just a little question for you. If you could be any anime character, which one would you be, and why?" He brought up his hand and held up a finger, "And I won't accept some simple little, 'because' for the reason. I want a REAL reason." Said Mychal, grinning, a glint in his eyes. He liked hearing people's answers. They may not realize it, but their answers to the simple question gave quite a bit away about themselves. And it let him know how they thought.

[Paul Wilkerson]

Damn. Paul got caught. Paul always hated to be put on the spot. If the two had been talking about anime in general before being asked these kinds of question, Paul wound have been fine. His mouth opened again as he thought. It was most likely be easier if Paul talks this though. Plus he wanted to prove to Mychal that Paul knew his anime.

“I know for a fact that I wouldn’t want to be Light Yagami or Lelouch because they are two faced. In one moment they’re all sweet and innocent and then the next moment they’re all like ‘I will cleanse the world by killing people.’ Yeah no thank you. Since I mentioned Light, I think of L. L would be a good character to do. He’s really smart and cunning. But then again, he’s not very emotional. I think I’ll pass on him as well as the other characters in Death Note. All the characters, or most of them, are kind of cold hearted. But now that I said that maybe Matsuda. Matsuda isn’t the brightest one, but he does his best even though it may get him into a tight spot.”

Paul tucked his right leg under his left and angled himself to face Mychal. “I would want to be a character who can take care of themselves, but not stuck up. Allen Walker! He’s able to take care of himself, strong, a good heart. Allen cares very much for his friends and the people around him. Yup.”

Paul nodded his head. He looked to the television. The show was just coming back on. Then it hit him. Paul’s face lit up. He turned his attention back to Mychal. “No. Walker Yumasaki from Durarara. That’s who I want to be. He is normal with a little bit a twisted way of thinking. He's friendly towards people, but at the same time you don't want to mess with him. Plus he’s an anime nerd.” Paul tucked both of his legs under himself, and turned his whole body to face Mychal. “My answer is Walker. Your turn. Go.”

[Mychal Doherty]

Mychal listened to Paul's answer with interest. He had never seen the anime before that the boy was talking about, but he had heard of it. "Interesting." Mychal said to his answer, "If I remember correctly from my reading, he's a pyromaniac right? Or was that something else?" He said, cocking his head and looking off to the side.

"Anyways, as for me...I would definitely choose Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho. He's always been my absolute favorite character. But I think the reason I like him the most is because his demon form is absolutely badass. When he transforms he becomes Yoko Kurama, a demon fox. He has silver hair, fox ears, a silver tail, dark eyes, and can manipulate any type of plant into a lethal weapon. Combine his awesome power with his unparalleled level of intelligence, and he is freakin' awesome." When he finished he grinned and laughed, "I have probably seen almost every episode of the show close to a dozen times, but I never get tired of it."

He grinned as he remembered his favorite scene out of all the episodes from the show, he looked at Paul a mischievous glint in his eyes,  "I'll give you a little example of what makes him my favorite, and why I would love to be like him. I'm going to quote my favorite line of his." He closed his eyes and slowly exhaled, relaxing his body. A second later he snapped his eyes open, they were dark and intense as he stared at Paul. When he spoke it was low and his tone was sharp, "I'm warning you. You so much as bruise what is in your hand and I'll show you pain." He stopped just for a second, raised his head just a fraction of an inch, and when he spoke again it was with a softer but much more deadly edge to his voice, "The hue of your soul will cease to matter, because you will not be judged when you die...you will no longer exist." He dragged out the last word just a fraction of a second longer with a look of darkness and contempt on his face.

After about ten seconds of sitting in silence his face lit up with a smile and he laughed, "I'm sorry, I can't stay like that any longer. It's hard for me to play a serious part, but damn, I love that scene. The first time I watched it, it actually gave me chills. So whatchya think?" He asked grinning and his eyes closed for a second.

[Paul Wilkerson]

“Yup, you’re right. Walker is a pyromaniac. He and Erika like to torture people by using methods from mangas and animes.”

Paul hadn’t seen Yu Yu Hakusho before, but Mychal spoke highly of it. Paul knew what he was going to do when he got home. When talking to another anime lover, Paul always had some more animes to watch later.

Between Mychal’s dark eyes and low deep voice Paul was in an entranced. Chills ran through Paul’s body. It was a little hard to believe that this boy was the some boy who was crying a few moments earlier. Mychal had finished his quote and went back to his normal self. “Wow,” one last shiver traveled through his body. “That was amazing. I can see why you got chills.”

Paul leaned back against the arm of the sofa. “Wow.” That was pretty much Paul could say. “I know what I’m doing when I get home.” Paul chuckled. “Watching Yu Yu Hakusho. That’s the name, right?”

[Mychal Doherty]

Mychal laughed and smiled at Paul's expression when he was done with his quote, he seemed to be in a sort of trance and looked a little dazed when Mychal finished and started laughing. He smiled even brighter when Paul said that he was going to watch it when he got home later. "Yes, its Yu Yu Hakusho. Though to get to the scene I just quoted you, you'll have to wait until it gets to around season four or so. There are only four seasons if I remember correctly. The problem with that show is, there's really no definite end or beginning to the seasons. That is, if you're looking at the box sets. It's kind of weird how they have them set up." Mychal told him as he got up and went to get another Mountain Dew from the vending machine. As he made his way back to the couch he checked his wallet and arching an eyebrow he said, "Damn, can't believe I've spent almost all of my change on these damn snacks." And then he sat back down propping his left leg up on his right knee and opening the can.

After he took a drink, he looked back at Paul, studying him for a moment and then said, "So I take it, from what you said, that you don't live on campus? How does that work? I thought that all of the students who went here had to live in the dorms?" He actually already knew that students could live off campus if the scenario was right for them, but he wanted to learn more about the boy. "And if you don't mind my asking, what's your ability? Could you show me?" He loved learning about other peoples abilities, and what they could do. And in a way, it also gave some insight to what kind of person they were as well. It wasn't an exact science of course, but in a general sense it was true. After all, if what he was told was true, then peoples powers manifested in a way that was similar to their personality. And seeing as it was definitely true for himself, he felt he could give the theory some credit.

Looking at Paul again, he wondered at his interest in the boy. Was he really interested in getting to know him just because of their common interests, or was there more? He wasn't completely sure yet. What he was sure of though, was that personality wise, he could definitely get along with him, and he had no doubts that he could easily become friends with him.

As usual, his mind was already moving five steps ahead, contemplating different scenarios and situations, seeing if it would be beneficial to have the guy around, to befriend him. It was a bad habit from his past, and when he realized that he was being calculating, his eyes widened a bit, and he turned to look at the tv. His eyes closed halfway with a derisive glance, then sighing he closed them fully and gave his head a shake. He took a deep breath, and sighed thinking 'God, I've got to stop doing that.'

[Paul Wilkerson]

“Thanks for letting me know.” Some animes their seasons blend together and sometimes it is hard to know when one season ends and another one begins. Paul chuckled at Mychal’s comment about spending most of his money on snacks.

“Yeah, I live off campus. I’m a local from Pilot Ridge, so I am allowed to live with my family at home. The good thing about living off campus means I get to see my family unlike other from out of state. The bad thing is I’m stuck with my sister. Do you have siblings? If you do then you know what I mean.”

And there it was. The question that Paul didn’t want to be asked. What is your ability? There were a few reasons why Paul did not want to sure his ability. One it was weird and he thought it shouldn’t be called a power. Two Paul doesn’t want to give anyone something to bully him with, even though he would fight back. Three it was lame and four it was embarrassing. Paul shifted his weight. His eyes were on the wall next to the television as he muttered, “Rainbow secretions.”

Paul sat there staring at the wall for a moment. Paul then got up and got a tissue. He knew the next question that was coming. What’s rainbow secretions? He came back to his seat on the couch. “You really want to see?” Of course Mychal wanted to see. Mychal did ask to see Paul use his “power.” Paul spited on the tissue. Instead of a normal wet spot on the tissue, it was a neon green wet spot. Yup, that was Paul’s powers. “What’s your power? It’s probably a lot better than what I got.”

Paul watched Mychal closed his eyes. Man he’s good looking. “Are you alright? Are you snacks getting to you?”

[Mychal Doherty]

Mychal chuckled at his question, "Yeah, I'm fine." He said shrugging a little, "Just some inner demons of mine." He looked at the glowing green spot on the tissue Paul had spit on. For a couple seconds he studied it, several other questions popping up in his mind, "So, is it just your spit that changes color, or do other things have a different color as well?" He asked looking back at Paul.

He had learned in his short time at the institute, that not everybody was proud of their ability. And Paul was definitely one of those. He could see it clearly on his face, and hear it in his voice. He definitely believed he got the short end of the stick. And like always, Mychal felt inclined to try and make him feel better, "I can tell you don't really like your gift. I call it a gift, because it is that. I don't think you realize what your ability means for you." He said, and situated himself better to see him, "I could tell you what it means, but I think that's something you need to learn on your own. It will mean more if you do." He could see possibilities for Paul, and his future.

After Paul showed Mychal his ability, he was a little hesitant to show his own, knowing from his demeanor it might not be taken so well. But he had asked the question first, and knew it was only fair to do as he had asked of Paul. "My ability is called Light Constructs." He explained, and made sure to not show his usual enthusiasm for his ability like he often did, trying to keep in mind the feelings of his company, "I can create physical manifestations from light." He stopped, and looked around him for something that he could use to help with a demonstration. Leaning over he picked up one of his many empty pop cans, and tossed it over towards the wall. When it was within a foot of the opposite wall from them, Mychal lifted his right hand, pulled it back, and a millisecond later a glowing iridescent white kunai knife appeared in his hand. He threw it forward with excellent precision, impaling the can and sticking it to the wall. A second later, he released the form of the object, causing it to fade away making the can fall to the ground.

Because he had created a small object, and only maintained it for a short time, the side effect was minimal. However he still let out a small yawn, "The side effect has no mercy apparently." He said after the yawn, "I was hoping if it was a short and quick demonstration, it wouldn't really hit me. But I guess I was wrong." A moment later another little yawn hit him making his eyes water. When it was done he said, "Damn." Sniffled and then wiped his eyes, "More complex items like that, take a heavier toll I guess." He said, and then stretched a little.

He popped his neck, scratched his head and then situated himself back in his spot. When he thought about what he'd just done, it dawned on him, that it probably wasn't the best way to show his ability. Especially after he had just tried to make this guy feel better about his own. He flushed a little, embarrassed by his lack of tact, "Um, sorry about that. I wasn't really thinking...before I acted." He said in a quieter voice, looking back at Paul. He started fidgeting a little with his hands. He could really be a dumbass sometimes.

[Paul Wilkerson]

Paul nodded his head. “I look like an oompa loompa after gym class.” Paul didn’t look at Mychal when he said that. It was bad enough that his classmates saw him as one. Paul looked to Mychal, “What my ability means to me?” Paul never thought about it that way before. His “power” has some sort of connection to him. What was that connection? Thanks to Mychal, Paul now had a mission in life he can focus on.

Paul’s mouth hung open as he watched Mychal demonstrated his ability. “That was amazing.” Light constructs was much better than rainbow secretions. But after seeing how quickly the side effect hit Mychal, rainbow secretions was looking pretty good. Paul got side effects but there were normal reactions to the body’s normal functions just more intense.

“No, it’s alright. Everyone here at Hammel have a better power than me.” Paul appreciated Mychal for trying to make him feel better and not out shine Paul. One of Paul’s biggest fears was that he would tell someone about his rainbow secretions and then he would get bullied about it. Mychal tried to turn a negative thing into a positive thing. Paul will seriously try and figure out what his connection to his power was. “It was very cool,” Paul smiled.

[Mychal Doherty]

"Thank you." Mychal said with a smile to Paul's compliment about his powers. He was glad to see that his demonstration hadn't upset the boy. "As to your question from earlier that I forgot to answer, no, I don't have any siblings. I'm an only child. And it's honestly probably for the best that I don't. It probably wouldn't have went well at all if I'd ever had any. But then again, who knows, it might have went really well had I grown up with any. All I can say for me right now, in this present time, it was the best thing that could have happened, me not having any brothers or sisters." He said looking back at the boy, a warm smile on his face. But if you looked closer, you could see that it didn't reach his eyes. The eyes gave away more than his words ever would, and they were much darker. It wasn't common knowledge, and even his closest friends only knew a partial of the truth, but Mychal had a very dark side to him. A place that held true evil, the darkest of thoughts, sadistic natures, and contempt for most of humanity. He was at war with this darkness almost every day of his life. So because of this, some might think it strange that he could almost always be seen smiling and trying to be friendly. He could only be like this now because of his powers. They were the embodiment of light, kindness, and justice. And he used it to try and prove to himself, that he wasn't evil in nature, that his good outweighed his bad. He was determined to see it that way, and to prevail over the darkness. However, there were still times were it crept up on him, usually through thoughts of his past, which is why he did his best to not dwell on those memories like he had just done.

His gaze drifted off towards the floor, eyes moving far away, and becoming slightly sadder. His mind had taken a darker turn, and so questions started to come up in his mind, questions that could never really have an answer, but constantly and frustratingly made themselves apparent to him. He spoke one of those questions now, his voice quiet and soft, but absolutely serious, "Tell me something Paul. Why do you think humans have war? Is it because we're greedy? Is it because we have an insatiable thirst for power and vengeance?" His eyes narrowed and his voice became sharper as he spoke, "Constantly fighting, constantly killing. A never ending cycle of hatred, violence, and corruption. History is a veritable blood-bath. Giving away to only momentary reprieves of peace, just to make it's way back to genocide." His eyes were practically black now, his face turning to a look of contempt as the dark thoughts permeated his mind. Slowly, little by little a translucent yellowish aura started to envelope his body, pulsating slowly as he continued to speak. "Is it because we as humans are innately evil. Is that why we can never learn from our mistakes?" Mychal was sitting forward now, his elbows placed on his knees, hands clasped in front of him as he leaned over them. He was speaking now to himself more than Paul, staring at nothing in particular, but seeing the bloody pictures in front of him as if they were completely real. And to him they were.

Mychal was the kind of person that was born pure, and kindhearted. Always trying to see the best in people, always trying to be kind and fair to everyone he came across. But as time went on, and he saw and experienced more of life, he became more and more distraught by the corruption, death, and chaos of the world. In a way, he created another side of himself to try and cope with the darkness. But that side only grew darker and more chaotic as time passed and he began to fathom the true depths of this worlds capabilities of evil. The darkness in this world, and as a result, himself, terrified him. He was shaking slightly now, his aura growing brighter now as his anger grew with his fear, "Why? Why can we never change?"


A part of him knew that he had lost control. The part that was always in control, always smiling, laughing, kind, was struggling to regain it's control. He was watching himself as if from a depth-less hole, screaming at himself to snap out of it. Such a simple thing. An errant thought. And here he was, yet again, acting a fool all because of some wayward memories. Why can't I stop this? Why does this always happen to me? His eyes were wide with fear now, the aura surrounding him had grown to the brightness of a two-hundred watt bulb, pulsing faster and emitting a low undertone in sync with the pulse. He had no clue what would happen if he didn't calm down, and he was terrified.


Something hit his fists clenched together in front of him. They had been shaking almost violently before, but now they had become completely still. He sucked in a breath, eyes widening at the sudden stillness. Slowly he moved his eyes downward to look at his fists. On them he saw a single tear; the tear now sliding down his left hand and falling to the floor beneath him. The next moment the blinding aura surrounding him stopped pulsing, became a much warmer shade of yellow. It felt almost warm to him, it even felt like it radiated warmth outwards from him. The hairs all over his body stood on end as he felt the light enter his heart, flooding him with warmth and memories of his family and friends back home. His mothers face and kindness dominated the memories. A voice spoke in his mind then, saying, You are always consumed by this supposed darkness within you. But you always fail to see the light and warmth that is right in front of your face. If you would only take the time to open your eyes, you would see that there is far more to this world than death, destruction and chaos like you presume.


He had no clue where the voice came from, but in that moment he gave a little gasp, more tears falling. He closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears to no avail, pulling his lips in to bite them trying to stop his jaw from quivering. He chuckled, took a deep breath and then chuckled again. Eventually he started laughing while the tears continued to flow, but slowing now. He was bent forward as he laughed, stopping a minute later with his face in his hands, saying, "God I'm a mess." Mychal lifted his head a little, partially raking his right hand through his hair and keeping it there, also keeping his head propped up. He had his eyes closed as he breathed slowly, almost appearing to be sleeping. A minute later he slowly opened his eyes, blinked a couple times and then looked over at Paul, "Sorry about the show." He said, trying for a grin but deciding against it a moment later. He looked away again saying, "Like I said, I'm a mess."


He leaned back, letting his head lean to the side, looking at the floor as he spoke, "I can understand if you're freaked out by the fiasco just now. I can be a little...unstable at times." That was one of his biggest flaws, one that always made him a little reluctant to try and make new friends. He never knew when the slightest thought might send him off the deep end. It's why he preferred to always try and be in a good mood. Yes he seemed to make friends easily enough, but in reality they were nothing more than good acquaintances. His real friends were the ones who saw his instability, saw it and still refused to leave. They tried to steady him, to keep him rooted firmly in his good side. He really hoped Paul could be one of those kind of friends. But after his disastrous display of emotions, who knew what he would do?