Blanket Burrito of Sadness (Loverboy)

[Deleted]

Sigh....

The bruises were very slowly fading, and so were Kodi's emotional scars from his time with Damon.  He'd asked Gryph if he could stay at his place for a while... And that time had turned into three days now.  He just... Couldn't really find the motivation to get out of bed.  Gryph still had to go to college, though, so the dentokinetic usually just curled up in his blankets and laid there, sometimes just staring at the wall, other times picking up his boyfriend's copy of The Fault in Our Stars and rereading it for the dozenth time.

He didn't know why he couldn't seem to break out of this funk.  Some moments he seemed fine, apart from the dark, now rainbow-y colored bruises on his skin, but others he just stared off into the distance and seemed to be lost in his own head.  Kodi tried to act more chipper when Gryph was around, but he was sure the older man could tell anyway.

At the moment, he was alone, so the Chinese boy was once again tangled up in the bed sheets, facing towards the wall with his hair a tangled mess and wearing a pair of Gryph's sweatpants and an old, holey tank top.    Kodi hadn't worn his skinny jeans in days.

At least Gryph should be home soon...

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon had... a lot to cope with at the moment.

Sadly, having Kodi back in his life wasn't suddenly going to make everything perfect. He still had to do work and revise and shit when he wanted to be looking after the dentokinetic, and mainly? He was concerned. Lightly put. He was worried for the other boy - he didn't seem to have the motivation to do anything. It was probably sadder that he could relate and empathise so well with the situation. Somedays, he just wanted to skip lectures and practise and everything and just stay at home and make sure Kodi was happy. That felt like it was somehow unhealthy, but that was the state of the whole situation right now.

And on top of that, he wasn't exactly getting a lot of support. Some of his new friends really understood and encouraged him and made him smile and relax, but others just told him he was being ridiculous. Why bother? It almost made him feel sick. He had actually retorted to someone who was repeatedly telling him that, saying "What if your sister turned up at your doorstep, abused and shaken, after fucking up beforehand? Would you turn her away?" Apparently, it 'wasn't the same thing'.

Today had been a kind of long day, so he was glad to come home, even if it was to his boyfriend in the state he was. Maybe he could cheer both of them up? He went to his room and dropped his bags and all that crap, spotting the lump on his bed which he assumed was his boyfriend. "Hi, love." He said softly, approaching the bed and lying down beside him, wrapping his arms around his middle, despite all the sheets and blankets. He nuzzled the hair on the back of his head, "I missed you."

[Deleted]

Kodi still had a nagging feeling in the back of his head that him being around was adding stress to Gryph's life, but... He just had to keep reminding himself that it was better like this than when they were apart. At least this way they could comfort each other and help each other get through things, rather than being apart and miserable. Kodi could probably even help Gryph with his homework, if he wanted - the dentokinetic had even been reading some of the textbooks his boyfriend left home when he didn't know what else to do.

What time was it? Kodi couldn't even be bothered to look. He was staring at a small spider that was slowly making its way across the wall, wondering how Shelob was doing on her own. He should probably get back to his room and feed her, but... She would be okay on her own for a bit.

He shifted a little when he heard the sound of the front door opening, and hoped it was Gryph and not the Indian sl- chick. Kodi waited until his boyfriend came in the room and peeked up at him, his expression automatically lightening the tiniest of bits at the sight. "Hey," he replied quietly, still unmoving. He closed his eyes when Gryph came beside him and wrapped around the dentokinetic, letting out a small sigh of content. "I missed you too. How was class?" He shuffled around until he managed to put his arms over Gryph's, rubbing small circles around his wrists. Kodi peeked back over his shoulder at the boy nestled into his hair. "Maybe I should just start sneakin' into class with you. No one would know the difference, right? I should be in college now anyway." It sounded better than just being alone in bed all day... Or being alone at Hammel in a room of people who either ignored or hated him.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

If he could manage to ask for the help, or accept it when it was offered, Gryphon would have a much easier time feeling better. If he had managed to do so from the beginning, they probably wouldn't have even been in this predicament. And... helping him with his school work would probably help alleviate the stress even more, but that was something he probably wouldn't allow Kodi to do - not unless he was completely and utterly clueless, which he hoped he would never be.

In general, at the moment, Gryphon's conversations with his boyfriend were fairly quiet. Not always from a lack of words, but more, it felt like, a lack of energy. Kodi was softer spoken, generally, and Gryph... was his usual, quiet self. Not much change there. "It was alright, I guess." He totally hadn't struggled to concentrate throughout everything, nope. The avian boy gave a small laugh, "As much as I would like that, I'm not sure how much you would like my major." Maybe he would? Well, Gryphon liked it. And, sadly, he wouldn't be sneaking Kodi in to like it with him.

He pecked the back of the younger boy's neck, having a question he wanted to ask, but was struggling to form. Because he was worried for the answer. "...did you do much today?" He didn't expect a positive answer.

[Deleted]

... Kodi should suggest that Gryphon start seeing a counselor or something. Well, he would have if he thought they would help in any way, but he'd had experience with them for his own issues, and he usually just ended up getting more angry and isolated, so... He didn't even think about it. Maybe someone else would, and it would help the winged boy... Because Kodi sure didn't know what to do to help anymore other than just be there for him as much as he could in his already fragile state.

It would have almost been nice, this change of pace in their relationship, if not for the reason behind it. "Mmm...." he hummed in response. "What classes did ya have today?" It changed so much that Kodi couldn't keep track. "Got a lotta homework?" He couldn't help asking all of these questions. But at least with that last one he'd know how much attention Gryph could spare him before he needed to start working on stuff. Because... Kodi couldn't be so selfish and expect Gryphon to be able to give him all of his time. ".... Oh, right," he mumbled, remembering what it was that his boyfriend had chosen to study. Not something that Kodi would have chosen, but he would support Gryph no matter what. "... I bet it's interestin', at least."

The dentokinetic rolled around so he was facing the older boy, nuzzling their noses together lovingly. "Mmm... I read a bit," he replied with a shrug. No surprise there. "Other than that... Not much." His face, which was still mottled with bruises, fell a bit. "Thought about you. Thought about... Damon." He winced at the name. "... I need t'stop thinkin' so much," he mumbled. It was when he over-thought things that he got paranoid and crazy and ended up doing something he'd regret. "But I'm better now that you're home," he added with forced optimism.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

No. Gryphon would never let himself go to a counsellor or a psychiatrist or anything along those lines... again. He'd been to one at Hammel for a short while after his problems with Nick (problems, hah) and it was... okay, maybe. He felt uncomfortable with talking about himself so much, and having to talk about personal things with someone who... was probably just blocking it all out anyway. He was making assumptions, but... he couldn't help that. Maybe he could. Whatever, it didn't matter. He was more comfortable with just talking to Kodi about stuff, once the dentokinetic was feeling better.

Gryph thought for a moment, before laughing weakly, "I can't think straight, I can hardly remember.*" Before groaning a little and shaking his head, "I dunno, kinda." He wasn't really thinking about it - and this was Gryphon. As much as he was determined to do all his work and do it well, if he could waste a little time beforehand... he didn't mind. He hummed, "It is. I'm really enjoying it." He would ramble on about it, probably, if he wasn't so distracted and listened more.... yeah. This was bad, he needed to start focusing, or he was screwed.

He gave a smile at the eskimo kiss, and then just listened, his own expression drooping as Kodi explained his day. As he spoke, Gryph brushed his hair back and sighed, "...thinking about stuff now and getting it out of your thoughts is better than letting it stew." But, at this rate, he was extremely tempted to seek Damon out. Probably not to cause conflict, he... he didn't know. He was upset and didn't want Kodi to be so nervous anymore. "I'm glad." He didn't know if Kodi wanted to talk about stuff or just be cheered up, so he went with the latter. He pecked his forehead, "I found this YouTube channel yesterday, these guys..." He chuckled, "...they reminded me of us." He just ignored that one was called Nick. "...they're pretty cool, if you wanna watch them...?" It couldn't hurt.

(NB: *which is Apple's way of saying she doesn't understand how American universities work.)

[Deleted]

Kodi would be around for Gryph to talk to however much he wanted; the dentokinetic was just afraid he wouldn't be able to do much else, and it made him feel stupid and useless. But what could he do?

He chuckled quietly at Gryphon's admission, and booped him a little on the nose. "Moron," he teased. "Are you that brain dead today?" Kodi didn't blame him, though - school was draining (when Kodi actually tried, which was more often these days). "Kinda?" he repeated, frowning slightly. "Dammit." He would encourage Gryph to slack off... If Kodi wasn't determined to help the older boy do well in school. "You should... Probably work on that pretty soon then, huh?" he murmured, brushing a few strands of hair from Gryph's eyes. "I could, uhh... Make dinner." And by make dinner, he meant order Chinese take-out. Same thing. Kodi smiled a bit as Gryph mentioned his enjoyment. "I'm glad y'like it," he murmured, slipping his fingers down to caress his cheek. Even if it meant Gryph had to be away from him pretty much all day...

He nodded a bit at his lover's words, musing over them in his head. "Yeah, I guess..." he replied, not entirely convinced. "I just... I just wanna stop thinking about him..." But it was hard when he looked in the mirror and still saw the marks that the other guy had left on his face and body. Kodi shook his head and glanced up again as Gryphon gratefully changed the subject. "Youtube?" he asked curiously, tilting his head. "... That's that video-sharing site, right?" Kodi didn't spend a lot of time online, so he wasn't as savvy as most his age. "Uh, sure," he responded with a small shrug, curious. Kodi pushed himself up a little, still with the blanket curled around him, and shook out his mussy hair. "Are they hot?" he had to ask. Kodi wrapped his arms around Gryph's waist and nuzzled him from behind, lightly biting on his shoulder. ".... Is it porn?"

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon giggled and looked down a little sheepishly, "I guess I am." And then his mind groaned as he thought up something sickly romantic, "Or maybe you're just taking up too many of my thoughts for me to remember mundane things." Cue cheeky smile. But in all honesty, he was fairly out of it anyway. He nuzzled some part of Kodi's face or neck as he confirmed what he'd said. "Yeah..." Sighing, his face grimaced slightly. He kept looking down at the gentle touch, and then looked at Kodi with his lips in a slightly childish pout, "I don't wanna bother, though..." He needed to - didn't mean he wanted to. Then again, if he only did the things he wanted, he would screw himself over quite a lot. He laughed a little again, his expression lighting at the idea of Kodi cooking, "I hope that means ordering something and not destroying my kitchen." He felt giddy; his eyes had forgotten by this point to take in the damage. He could just see his lover, and that was all. "Mmm..."

Pushing the topic was a bad idea. Gryph knew that. "I know, love." He also knew that someone saying that to you wasn't always the most helpful thing, but he didn't want to tell the truth. It may well be different for Kodi, but for him... Nick never left his head. It wasn't like he was always in his thoughts, but he was always there, all the same. Kodi could probably remember the reaction Gryph had had to him and... what had happened to the dentokinetic, though in a shorter time frame, seemed a lot worse. He couldn't compare the situations like that. He brushed his fingers through the other boy's hair to soothe him, hopefully.

The winged man grinned, "Yes, yes it is." He was mildly surprised that Kodi didn't know of it... at all, it seemed. Oh well, learn something new everyday. "...I'd say they are, yeah." He chuckled breathily, "Porn? Really?" Gryphon bonked Kodi gently with the back of his head, "No, it's not." Unless the amount of kissing they did equated to porn. "One sec." He shuffled up and away from the warmth of his snuggly boyfriend, retrieving his laptop before going back to Kodi and getting cozy with him again. He pecked the other boy on the nose as YouTube loaded, and quickly found one of their videos, before looking at Kodi again, "It'll be entertaining, trust me." And then he pressed play.

[Deleted]

Kodi scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Your cheesiness is painful, he teased, shaking his head as he grinned. "Dork." He ruffled Gryph's hair and gave it a kiss. "... I know the feelin', though," he admitted, chuckling. How often did the dentokinetic's thoughts drift during boring classes to think about his winged moron? More often than not, probably. "Mmm... You gotta do it though, babe," he sighed. "An' just think, the faster you get it done, the more time we'll have for... Bedroom activities." Kodi wiggled his eyebrows slightly, although the truth was, 'bedroom activities' these days mostly just meant cuddling under the blankets and watching a movie or something. Neither of them were up for anything more yet. He snorted out a laugh. "What? You know I'm a great cook," he teased, tugging on Gryph's earlobe. "And I have my good friend Panda Express t'help me out." He grinned cheekily. Yup, takeout it was.

One of the reasons Kodi felt... Comfortable talking about this sort of stuff with Gryph was that he knew the older boy had gone through something similar. Longer and more drawn-out, but abusive and damaging all the same. He smiled faintly but said nothing; he didn't want to dwell on Damon any more than he had to.

"Hot boys? I'm down for that," he giggled, but pouted a moment later upon finding out it wasn't, in fact, porn. "Bummer," Kodi teased, and whined playfully at the bonk. "What's the point in watching, then?" He waited patiently as his lover got the video going, and settled down with a content sigh as Gryph came back and cuddled up next to him again. And so he watched this... Youtube thing, amusement tickling his chest as the video went on. "Okay, they are hot," was the first thing he commented on. "And I like that guy's piercings," he added, pointing at the one in the pink jacket who had lip piercings like Kodi, except studs instead of rings. He chuckled occasionally, and occasionally got a little hot and bothered when the two of them got a little saucy. ".... I like them," he determined after the video was over. "Can we have a foursome with them?"

Of course that's what he'd say.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

"The cheese is part of the whole package, my good man," Gryphon... 'sassed' would be an accurate description for it. "Can't handle the cheese, don't... get the... cow...?" Okay, so... that didn't go as well as expected. Gryph managed to call himself a cow. Maybe it was time to stop thinking. He shook his hair out after that small kiss, "Good. Because I'm damn irresistible." From the tone of his voice, it was obvious he was joking, with his hair all the messed up and his face all derpy.

The winged man grinned, "Ahh, the ever elusive 'bedroom activities', including the sexual adventures of pillow fights and snuggling. I love that." He was joking until the last sentence. If he was honest, he was enjoying the break from all things hot and spicy, if you know what is meant by that. He preferred gentle words and cuddling over sex, really. He definitely enjoyed it... but not all the time.

Gryphon rolled his eyes, "Poor Panda, you always make him do all the work." But he was smiling. Though unhealthy, Chinese delivery was delicious.

He sighed and shook his head jokingly, "It's like your mind's always on sex-mode, even when we haven't been doing it." He slid an arm around Kodi's waist, "The point is entertainment, so be entertained." Gryph chuckled at the initial comments, but said nothing, or hummed a little as a sign he'd heard, just watching instead.

He set the laptop aside as the video finished, looking at his boyfriend, raising an eyebrow. "We can." He said, warily, "In your dreams. You know that I don't like the idea of sex with more than one person." Well... maybe. He might never have said that explicitly. "I just think they're really great and nice and awesome and that's all." Gryph said, nuzzling into the dentokinetic's neck. His eyes caught sight of a clock and he sighed, not saying anything, but knowing he needed to work. He was comfortable now; movement was not necessary, or an option.

[Deleted]

Kodi raised his eyebrows expectantly as Gryph ‘sassed’, and ended up bursting out laughing at his ‘logic’ or whatever he was trying to do. “Sexiest cow there is~” he teased, still giggling. “I’ll drink your ‘milk’ any day.” Of course he’d make it sexual. When did he not? Even if he wasn’t up for that sort of stuff, he couldn’t help but automatically say it.

“Pillow fights? Oh, now you’re just bein’ kinky,” Kodi shot back, laughing. Yeah…. All of this softer stuff was just… Really nice. He knew he’d want to get back to the actual sex eventually, but he was enjoying this while his libido took a backseat.

“Entertainment…. Fine. Right.” Like sex and porn wasn’t entertainment! But whatever, he’d stop for now. Well… Until the video was over, apparently, and he suggested the foursome. “Well, I know what I’ll be dreamin’ about tonight,” he teased, pecking Gryph’s lips. “I can have my fantasies.” He tilted his face back at the screen, nodding along with what Gryph was saying. “Mmm… Yeah, I wouldn’t mind watchin’ more of their stuff. Although…” He pondered a moment, looking up at the ceiling. “I think we’d be more interestin’ t’watch. Do they make money doin’ this sorta shit?” Hell, it’d be easy to make videos and make some money doing it, right? Just take a couple videos of the two of them making out and being hot and sexy and they’d be getting tons of views!

Because Kodi totally knew how Youtube worked. “We should do recordin’s and be internet famous,” he determined. “The camera’d love your face an’ my sense of humor.”

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Of course, the moment Kodi started laughing, Gryph did as well, but he also flushed bright red and hid his face in the dentokinetic's shoulder, "Oh my Goddd, I didn't mean to call myself a cow....!" He moaned, slightly annoyed but mainly just embarrassed by his little malfunction. And then he had another roll of laughter, "You absolute... ugh, you're so weird!" He chuckled, still hiding his face and totally not taking this opportunity to snuggle into Kodi as much as possible. Wasn't comfortable at all... nope.

Gryphon held his hands up in defense, "Sorry, crossed the line." He said, whilst smirking and giggling under his breath. He forced a very heavy sigh, "Pillow fights are just... hardcore intense, man." Definitely. Alongside bubble baths and dozing. Yup.

"You can have your fantasies. As long as they stay along those lines." He was fairly certain some of those dreams in Kodi's head were a lot more kinky than anything Gryph could possibly fathom. Which was fine, but he needed more confidence for that shit.

Gryphon looked at his boyfriend with interest, "Well... yeah, they do. If a channel gets popular enough, they can get a contract with YouTube. The most popular people get... a lot of money." He thought it over, "I mean, there was one couple who moved to Korea from Canada and were able to give up their teaching jobs because of how much their videos made them." Gryph was a Nasty, it was true. Simon and Martina were adorable and awesome though, he had good reason. At Kodi's next suggestions... Gryphon couldn't help laughing a little incredulously, shaking his head, "You mean sex jokes and me constantly getting embarrassed?" He glanced at the younger boy, "Besides, I bet you'd be camera shy." He wasn't avoiding the idea, really, it was just that... "...a lot of people try to get famous on YouTube. It's very unlikely, love. I mean, I wouldn't be against doing it for the fun of it... but I don't know..." Did they even have the time?

Gryph's mind was, however, whirring. There was no denying that he was considering it.