it's not easy {Sean}

[Ilonda McCoy]

Ilonda was used to harsh winters. Virginia was hardly a southern state and it experienced its own cold weather, often dipping below the thirty degrees mark, though it seemed nothing to the sheer chill of Vermont. It seeped through her clothes and settled into her bones. It had snowed three times already, though none of it had stuck for very long, and only a slight dusting remained on the grass. Enough to make footprints, anyway. She trudged through them with her head down.

The holidays were about to begin, now. Thanksgiving had come and gone; soon so would Christmas. Another year of colorful wrapping and inflatable red Santas and turkey dinners. Time marched on for Ilonda - but it had stopped for her sister. Her sister, whose grave gained a few fresh flowers just yesterday.

She had been handling the loss as best she could the past year, but the holidays had really driven a nail into her heart. It was the first one she’d suffered and would suffer without Deandra. While she didn’t believe seeing a counselor was a mark of shame, it was still a decision she’d come to after much deliberation; somewhere in her she wondered if it was worth it, or if she didn’t have enough to complain about. A lot of folks experienced loss. The feeling seemed wrong somehow, but it weighed on her nonetheless.

We’ll see how it goes, was her promise to herself.

The inside of the office was a welcome relief from the cold, but she still didn’t unwrap her scarf. She walked up to the receptionist, told her she was here to see Dr. Neville, and sat down to wait.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Ilonda McCoy was a rarer student, in that she had not found herself on Sean’s watch list immediately upon entering Hammel, even though he wanted to speak with her for family reasons. Instead, her traumatic situation had developed while she was a student. The psychiatrist knew that Ilonda had been close to her sister, and Deandra’s untimely and tragic death had surely taken its toll. That had been more than enough to earn her a place in his roster, and he had sought to make an appointment.

The front desk receptionist alerted him to the fact that Ilonda had arrived , and he closed the file he had pulled in anticipation of her arrival. Then he rose from his desk and stepped out into the hallway to find her.

Spotting her quickly, he offered his hand for a handshake and smiled at her. “You’re right on time, Ilonda. I’m Doctor Neville. Please, come with me.”

The interior of his office lacked the Christmas décor of most of the rest of Pilot Ridge. In part this was because he celebrated Chanukah at home, now that he and Josh had reconciled, and this had been the pattern for the past three and a half years. In part this was because he did not think it appropriate to put up religious or pseudo-religious regalia in a psychiatrist’s office or at a school, even if that school was technically private and he believed that secular Christmas existed and could be achieved. Instead, it held its typical set up for the rest of the year, albeit with a big platter of brownies on his table.

[Ilonda McCoy]

Ilonda offered him a brief smile. She shook his hand, hers still cold from the winter weather.

She noticed the plate of brownies on the desk, but she wasn’t feeling very hungry. Instead, she sat down and chanced a glance around. Sterile, is how she’d put it. Just like the rest of the classrooms - though some of the teachers tended to decorate according to their personal tastes. Some of them had Christmas decorations up, like a snow-globe or some tinsel. Nothing big. Ilonda cleared her throat, adjusted her seat. She’d yet to say anything, but she could sense that she would be expected to, soon.

Years of social upbringing dictated that she not start with the heavy stuff. “Uh, you must be busy,” she began instead. “She said you were almost all booked.”

By ‘she’ Ilonda meant the lady at the desk, all gray hair and smile candy-sweet.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean pumped her hand once during the handshake, not gripping her too tightly. Then he let her hand slip from his, and he waited for her to choose where she wanted to sit. Once she had taken a seat in front of his desk, he resumed sitting in his chair, settling in and resting his hands on the arms of the chair.

“Most everyone needs to see me towards the end of the semester,” he replied, which was a true statement. Students needed to check in with him before they returned home to stressful situations. Several students needed to have their prescriptions written out so that they did not run out of medication during the break. Several other students suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder and needed additional care during the winter months. “But I’m glad that you were able to find a time that worked for you.”

He meant that sincerely.

The psychiatrist could hear in her thoughts that she had some trepidation about seeing him, and he wanted to set her at ease. Of course, he knew about her sister’s illness and passing, and so he had to tread lightly, wanted to avoid saying something that might bring about bad memories or overwhelming emotions. So he started light. “How are you doing today?”