It's Been A Long Year (Sean)

[Adaryn Breslin]

The last time Adaryn had stepped foot into Dr. Sean Neville's office, she had been under more stress than she had been able to handle. Too close to returning to the relief that proved to be detrimental to both her body and self image, and despite the fact that the Empath had not been willing to follow through, the thought still remained. That, in its entirety, was what scared her most.

However, throughout the months, Adaryn's mind had been elsewhere. Less focused was she on the problems that had once plagued her, and instead the brunette had been focused on maintaining, growing, and keeping the relationships she had worked so hard to gain. AJ, Oliver, Eloise, him. Monroe Montgomery. The sleep deprived, coffee loving, combat boot clad boy she had grown to know and care for.

He had been on her mind more often than not, taking up the space of where the pain and stress had usually resided. Adaryn couldn't say it was simply Monroe who had helped grow her self esteem and self worth, but the others didn't leave her breathless and confused after every single kiss.

Addie was sure that she had never felt anything like what she had felt for the Dreamwalker. The way she had wanted to be close to him even if it wasn't warranted, and the way after he kissed her she didn't want to part from him. There was part of her that she held back, one she wasn't sure of, that would admit that sometimes he left her skin burning, making her wish he would touch her more.

Adaryn had no clue how to handle that.

She wasn't really sure what she was expecting to speak about when coming to Dr. Neville's office, but she knew that the telepath comforted her when she was confused. So maybe that's why she knocked on his door.

"Dr. Neville?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean lacked the eidetic memory of some other meta-humans (Eli came to mind), but he possessed an excellent one for someone whose memory lacked enhancement by his power, or as his power. He remembered vividly many of the sessions he shared with students, either due to sheer strength itself or through mnemonics that he employed to make him better at his job.

For everything else, he kept notes. He kept detailed files on all of the students who came through his office, although he typically them down after the fact. Writing notes during sessions broke the natural flow and also gave off the impression that the student in question lacked his full attention.

He remembered vividly the last time that Adaryn had come to his office. It had been a long, emotional session in which they had scratched the surface of her anxiety and her feelings of social inadequacy. He thought she would benefit from more conversations, but she had come voluntarily and had displayed no signs indicative of requiring forced sessions, and so that had been that.

Until he sensed her outside his office, followed by a knock and her voice. Perhaps she was ready to resume where they had left off.

“Yes, Adaryn? Please come in.” He saw no reason to pretend that he didn’t recognize her.

[Adaryn Breslin]

Despite the length of time in which Adaryn spent hiding away from the psychiatrist over the past several months, entering was as familiar as if it had happened a few days ago. There was little that was constant in the Empath's life, so there was an encouraging reassurance to the consistency the telepath eminated.

Even without being seen, Adaryn knew he had known it was her even before the girl had even attempted to speak; his power was the reason for that, and while in the beginning it was unnerving, it was something she had gotten used to. Quietly, the empath entered the room, closing the door behind her but made no move to sit just yet. "I need some advice," She said, her hands clasping in front of her, "Is there any way we can talk?"

This was completely unscheduled, and she didn't want to get in a way of any of his plans. There were students in need of Sean's assistance, moreso than her, and if she could avoid any inconvenience, or even set up an appointment for later, she would.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean had always considered consistency to be one of his more endearing qualities, even if some people might disagree. In his personal life, consistency allowed him to coast along steadily, without worrying about stumbling through difficult lows or without becoming unreliable or having to struggle with unnecessary chaos. He knew that some of the students considered him boring and predictable, although he disagreed with the former. He wasn’t boring, and, even if he was predictable, he considered that a neutral trait at worst. At times, it could be quite beneficial.

Such as when engaging with students who benefitted from consistency.

Like Adaryn. In his experience, empaths, like telepaths, required more consistency than many other people. In the turmoil of direct sensory input from other people, consistency provided necessary grounding. All the more necessary when surrounded by other teenagers in the midst of peer pressure and puberty.

Before he could even greet the young empath, she had entered his office and admitted that she wanted advice.

He nodded in response to the question. “There are two ways we can talk.” By which he meant either verbally or through telepathy. “But I’m not busy, so by all means, make yourself comfortable, and we can talk about whatever you need.”

As always, paperwork could wait.

[Adaryn Breslin]

There was little that Adaryn felt more uncomfortable doing than speaking about her problems - secrecy was a lifeline she held onto in fear of, should she expose herself, she would only be hurt even worse. Even in times where the Empath voluntarily offered her words and asked for help, it wasn't much easier to deal with.

So when Dr. Neville reminded Adaryn she didn't have to speak, some of her nerves drifted, only to be replaced with the nerves of telling the Telepath what was on her mind that day, or rather, who.

Taking her seat, Adaryn offered a mental thank you, as a way of letting him know this conversation would be taken telepathically rather than out loud; some may have hated the relative silence of that conversation, or would have much preferred hearing their own voice out loud, but the Telepath was well aware of her satisfaction with silence, with isolation.

I have a boyfriend, She started off, finding it was probably the best to start off with for the purpose of getting it out of the way. That decision to offer those words, however, did little to stop Addie from resting her eyes on her hands. Who else could she go to, though?

[Dr. Sean Neville]

As a psychiatrist, Sean understood why people put particular significance on speaking thoughts aloud as taking a step to make them more tangible than merely thinking them to oneself. As a telepath, Sean would never understand on a personal level. Of course, decorum mattered, and many people thought hurtful things in the heat of the moment, or had fleeting thoughts they couldn’t control, and to express them to other people breached decorum and constituted an affirmative step that thinking did not.

At the same time, thinking at a telepath was the same as speaking to him, because the message was communicated regardless. Sean had no preference to how people communicated with him; telepathy was as natural to him as speaking, and the latter mattered more because of cultural significance and certain practical matters than for other reasons.

Yet, some students were uncomfortable with his telepathy while others found utility in using it as a substitute method of communication.

Today, Adaryn fell into that latter group.

You’re welcome, he sent back to her, acknowledging her decision. With that, he waited for her to gather her thoughts.

Her admission set the tone for the rest of their conversation, and Sean waited for clarification. Receiving none, he then asked, Are you nervous about having a boyfriend?

[Adaryn Breslin]

There was little that Adaryn understood about what the conversation would become; as it were, she was referring back to colors rather than actual words when she was trying to find an explanation. That clearly was not working for the Empath, as the colors had become so intricate and shade emphasized that unless Adaryn drew out a chart each time the emotions came to fruition, there was little that could be done about deciphering them. Addie was hoping that Dr. Neville could give her answers with the words she could use to explain.

But then again, she was afraid to even find out.

However, the Psychiatrist's next question was answered without hesitation, which may have been to her detriment, she realized soon after the thoughts were made. No, not at all. Monroe and I are like best friends... it feels right. Well, there went the anonymity that the Empath had been hoping to keep. There was little she could do at this point, because most people think before they speak, but when the receiver of the message could hear the thought, well that did little for a filter.

So, the only thing Adaryn could think of to keep him from responding was to, well, keep thinking. I'm just having a hard time understanding... what I'm feeling. That statement wasn't necessarily too odd, considering she spent her entirety at Hammel trying to decipher and pick apart her own feelings and give words to them. But the moment she felt it had all been figured out, all of these new emotions started to form. I don't know if it's me... or him. But I start feelings things only when I'm around him... and I don't get it.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean’s fundamental philosophy was that one should never fear knowledge. That philosophy proved to be an uphill battle in nearly every realm of his life. His partner feared having personal discussions due to what he might discover. The students had similar concerns, although never born from that same degree of emotional closeness with him, even if he had a personal relationship with the student in question. The psychiatrist hoped that he could show Adaryn that there was nothing to fear, because knowledge was a guiding light; even if it illuminated something unpleasant, it didn’t create it. The unpleasantness had existed before the knowledge or awareness.

He nodded along, glad to hear that she and Monroe were so close. That’s good, he assured her. A relationship can’t survive without friendship. While friendship wouldn’t save a romantic relationship that failed other expectations, he firmly believed that no romantic relationship could exist without friendship at its base.

Unfortunately, Adaryn’s explanation raised more questions than it answered, although the psychiatrist did understand the problem - in part - which made it a good starting point. Now he had to clarify what she meant, before he could offer any guidance for the future, or any analysis of what this meant, if, in fact, it meant anything at all. When you say feeling things, do you mean something specific? Or do you mean feeling anything at all?