Your First Time (Jackson)

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Rue was slowly.... very, very slowly... Getting better.  Sort of.  At least, he was doing better than he had been previous to the first time Finn came over since the accident, and he was a little better whenever his best friend came over and forced him up out of bed to do things.  But when he was alone again, he'd slowly sink back into his guilt and depression again and usually wound up back in bed, staring at his wall or sleeping restlessly.  It had been a very long time since he'd had such a bad depressive episode, and he had no idea when he was going to snap out of it, or if he even would.

At least he was eating and drinking a little more now.  Showering occasionally, when he could muster up the energy.  He'd just finished taking one and managed to get down a small meal before he ended up back in his bed again, this time looking up at the ceiling, wishing he could just... snap out of this.  But he couldn't, not as long as all he could think about was his fist crunching into Oriel's face, smashing him into the wall...

Rue still didn't know if the boy was okay or not.  Maybe if he knew, he would feel better.  But who would he ask?  Finn didn't know, and he seemed to be about the only person willing to come visit the aura reader.  Jackson hadn't shown up since the accident, and Rue couldn't blame him.  He was sure he'd traumatized the poor boy, which made him feel even guiltier.

He'd gotten into the habit of keeping his front door unlocked, in case Finn wanted to come in and Rue didn't feel like getting out of bed to open it.  He wasn't worried about people breaking in - who would?  And even if they did, he probably deserved it.

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It’d been several weeks since the incident in which Rue had gone postal on that senior who’d been harassing Jackson. Rue might’ve done worse if he knew that boy had been bothering him at school too, not just there in the alleyway. In a way, Jackson was glad that Rue didn’t know. In other ways, Jackson thought that senior got exactly what he deserved. Spiteful much? Maybe. Did it matter?

Jackson had thrown himself into finishing up his classes after that, staying after school to help with the teachers doing whatever it was they wanted him to do. It wasn’t that he wanted to be helpful. He just needed the distraction. Of course, there were a couple of things which made it hard to forget anything about that night, considering it hurt every time he pressed something up against his new piercings. Then again, it was…cathartic, in a way. The soreness. It again gave him something else to concentrate on other than his memories of Rue turning that guy’s face into ground beef.

Was Jackson afraid to see Rue? A little. He wasn’t sure what to expect from the older man. After the incident, Rue had just left him there. He didn’t even take him home or make sure Jackson was okay or anything…! That honestly hurt a lot more than seeing Rue attack that other boy. And that was the reason which had kept Jackson away for so long. He wasn’t sure if Rue even wanted to be around Jackson anymore. If he did, then Rue would contact Jackson somehow, wouldn’t he? And if he didn’t, then…

Jackson was expecting Rue to make the first move, something he didn’t realize was currently impossible for the aura reader. Not in the state he was in, anyway. Though eventually, even Jackson got tired of waiting for Rue to be okay again. So the blond boy grabbed the small package he’d prepared for Rue to give when they met again and he ventured out into town and to Rue’s apartment. There were a million responses he’d prepared himself to receive upon their reunion, and only a few of them were positive.

Still, Jackson raised a shaky hand to knock on the front door. “R…Rue??” he called through the door. There was no answer. Maybe he wasn’t home? He knocked again, louder. “Rue! Are you here? I-it’s me, it’s…” He trailed off, thinking that it was pointless to shout through a door that didn’t answer back. Jackson reached for the door handle to give it a test run. If it was unlocked, then…it was!? Jackson creaked the door open and peered into an empty living room past an equally empty entryway. He swallowed and took a breath. “I…I’m coming in!” he announced into the quite apartment. Rue wouldn’t just leave his door unlocked if he wasn’t home, would he? Maybe…maybe he was just in the toilet or something? Jackson closed the door behind him and started to wander.

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Rue definitely dwelled on what he’d done to Jackson at least as much as, if not more so, on what he’d done to Oriel. Not only had he probably traumatized him for life, but he ran away from it all, not even giving the younger boy any sort of assurances or making sure he got home alright. And the fact that Jackson hadn’t contacted him at all these last several weeks…. Well, Rue really hoped it was because the boy was upset, and not because something awful had happened to him after the aura reader left. If he’d been in his right mind… Well, if he’d been in his right mind, none of this would have happened in the first place.

He’d tried to just accept the fact that he wouldn’t be seeing Jackson again. And Rue couldn’t blame him at all. It was hard, though; he didn’t realize just how attached he was to the teenager until he wasn’t around at all anymore. But… The more he thought about it, the more he tried to convince himself it was for the best. What was Rue even doing with him anyway? It was…

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Finn, maybe? He usually just came inside, though, so Rue was confused until he heard the voice faintly through the door. Jackson…? It couldn’t be, not after so long, would he really just show up…?

He didn’t move from where he lay. It was…. It was better that he didn’t answer, he told himself. Rue wasn’t sure he could muster up the energy anyway. His Kermode bear was a sickly grey and black color, as it had been for the most part the last several weeks. But then he heard the door creak open, and the aura reader couldn’t ignore the way his heart skipped. Jackson was here…. He… He didn’t hate him…?

“Jackson…” he whispered quietly into the sheets. Rue doubted Jackson would hear him. Would the telekinetic bother to look in his room? He shifted slightly so all but his eyes were buried under his blanket, suddenly feeling naked and exposed despite his comforter. What if he’d come to say something awful? Not that Rue wouldn’t deserve it, but… His bed squeaked a little as he moved, which could likely be heard through his slightly cracked door. It opened wider as Sinbad crept out to sniff at the visitor.

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The place was….empty? And the atmosphere…dead. It was like nobody lived here at all. The thought that Rue might actually be dead stirred a bite of panic within him and his movements became slightly more rushed and less cautious like an uninvited guest ought to be.

No…no, if anything had happened to Rue…anything terrible, then surely Finn would have contacted him, right? That brought little reassurance to the young telekinetic as he wandered through the apartment from the living room, to the kitchen, then back around to the washroom in the hall, then finally just outside Rue’s bedroom, where the door was only barely cracked open. “R…Rue…?” he said softly through the door. “….a-are you home? Can…can I come in?”

As if to answer him, the door creaked open, feline paws grabbing at it and pulling it open just enough to let the small creature out into the hallway. Jackson smiled and knelt down to give Sinbad a few affectionate pets before pushing the door open slowly for a better look inside.

That lump in the bed had to be him, right? He saw half of Rue’s head poking from beneath the blanket, eyes vacantly fixed in the direction of the door. “Rue…?” he said again, peering into the bedroom, wondering if he should take a step inside. “…sorry…were you sleeping? I can come back later if you want. I just….I hadn’t heard from you so….I thought I’d come see you….” He was rambling, and bit his lip to keep himself from doing so any more. “…I missed you,” he said quietly, casting his eyes downward.

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What was he doing…? Rue should have either told Jackson to leave and get it over with, or get up off of his lazy butt and actually let him in… But no, instead he just laid there like a useless lump, hating himself more with every passing moment. He could hear the boy wandering around his apartment, but it was like a frog was stuck in his throat; Rue just couldn’t manage to say anything.

And then he was there, at the door. Rue tried to say something, but he couldn’t, so he just swallowed, trying to get the lump out of his throat. He wanted to say no, that Jackson should leave, and forget about… Everything… But he wasn’t that selfless. So Rue just waited. He winced a little as Sinbad pulled the door open more; the creak sounded loud after all the silence he’d been in lately.

Jackson was there… In the doorway… Rue’s eyes had been fixed on the bottom of his door, but they slowly rose to look at the boy, and he nearly had to choke back a sob at just the sight of him. He knew he’d missed the telekinetic, but he hadn’t realized he’d missed him this badly. “I…” His voice failed him and he cleared his throat, voice muffled by the blanket. “…I wasn’t sleeping….” His chest ached as the boy kept talking. Should Rue have reached out to him first? Maybe he should have, but… it was too late now… “You’re alright,” he murmured, in response to him staying. Rue finally moved a little, allowing the rest of his face to show. He had heavy, dark circles under his eyes, despite how much time he spent in bed. At that last part, he felt his eyes well up. Rue was just so tired and messed up from this whole ordeal, his emotions were still being difficult to control. “…. I m-missed you too….” he breathed, voice thick with emotion. He swallowed again. “C-c…. Can you…. Will you sit by me?” he asked nervously. Was that too much to ask after so long apart?

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Jackson sighed, relieved to see Rue finally move a little. He wasn’t dead! But looking at his face….one might not be able to tell the difference if he wasn’t physically moving. Rue looked terrible. And now Jackson felt a weight of guilt pull in his chest for not having the guts to come sooner. Granted, the boy was terrified, but….Rue looked like he needed…something…a friend. And that’s what Jackson was, wasn’t he? A friend? Maybe something a little more? He still couldn’t tell, and didn’t want to acknowledge the possibility, but he also didn’t want to deny that he cared a great deal for the aura reader.

The boy kept his eyes down, thankful to hear Rue’s voice, though again feeling a painful prick in his chest at hearing how feeble he sounded. And he was still too ashamed to look him in the eyes again. Jackson didn’t like seeing Rue looking so….down.

But then Rue invited him inside, and even to sit next to him, and Jackson reflexively raised his head, eyes slightly more brightened at those accepting words. He nodded with a small smile and crossed into the room to the bed, his hands behind his back where they held that small drawstring bag which had inside the gift he’d prepared for Rue. Jackson sat down on the edge of the bed beside the lump that was Rue and stared out at the wall, smile still in place. He was happy with just this much. Rue didn’t hate him. Rue didn’t want him gone. That was all the assurance he needed.

But just because Jackson was fine, didn’t mean Rue was. But…what was he supposed to do? Like the day of the incident, Jackson was awkward and didn’t know what to do when Rue was in such a depressed mood. It wasn’t like anything he said was going to make it so it didn’t happen. So Jackson did what he did best…and just talked. “It’s summer vacation now, so…we can go do something if you want. Whenever you like! When you’re feeling better, of course.” Because Rue wasn’t going to stay like this forever, right? “And…I passed all my classes! Straight As!” He grinned brightly and proudly in giving the news. “It’s cuz you were there to push me to study, y’know. So feel free to take all the credit.” What else? He pulled the cloth drawstring bag from behind him and held it in front of Rue. “And! I made you something! This girl from school, Michelle, she taught me. Here, here, open it!” he pressured the half-dead man. Jackson’s eyes glittered in anticipation. He hoped Rue liked it.

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Rue hadn’t done a lot of looking in the mirror lately, so he didn’t really know just how bad he looked. It was thanks to Finn that he was even cleaning himself up a little. He vaguely wondered if the saturator was going to come over today, what he might think seeing Jackson here. He’d told his best friend about everything by this point, despite how difficult it was. He wondered if the two of them had seen each other since then…

He didn’t mean to make Jackson feel guilty. Hell, Rue felt guilty too, knowing it was his fault for creating this mess in the first place between them. If only he’d been able to keep his temper in check… But then Jackson looked up at him, and Rue saw a hint of his usual bright expression, and he felt just the slightest bit of relief. He really didn’t hate him…? It was hard to believe, but he would take it. As the younger boy sat on his bed, Rue slowly allowed himself to prop up a little as well, leaning back heavily against the pillows gathered between him and the headboard. His eyes didn’t leave Jackson – he was afraid if he looked away, he would disappear and the dream would be over.

They sat in that silence for a little while. Rue had no idea what to say. What could he, after what he’d done? How could he apologize enough? He was wracking his brain for something, anything when the beautiful boy beside him began chattering like he always did. It almost made Rue smile; instead, it just made his eyes water more. “That sounds… Really nice,” he replied softly, wondering how long it would be before he did feel capable of leaving the house. “I would like that.” He hoped, at least. At the mention of his grades, Rue did manage to muster up a half-smile, which didn’t fully depict how happy he really was to hear that. “Great job, sweetheart,” he murmured. “Your hard work paid off. I hardly did anything but distract you…” Hell, maybe Jackson had done so well because he hadn’t been around Rue as much the last several weeks.

His eyes fell to the drawstring bag, curious despite himself. “What’s this…?” he asked softly, taking it in his dry, chapped hands. It took a bit of fumbling for him to get it open, but once he did, and pulled out the bracelet inside, Rue just stared at it for several moments. It may have just been some pieces of string tied together, but the fact that Jackson had taken the time to make the sweet little thing just for him, after all he’d done, made the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes trickle and fall down his cheeks quietly. “Jackson…” he uttered thickly. “Th… Thank you. I love it.” He set aside the bag and tried to get the bracelet on, but his large, clumsy fingers struggled with it. “C… Can you help me put it on?” he asked, watery eyes lifting to look up at the younger boy.

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Was Jackson upset with Rue? It was true that Jackson was still scared, but it more of the memory of seeing Rue unleash himself on that other boy that he was afraid of. Yes, he was afraid of seeing something like that again. But…Rue’d been provoked. Had he not, things might’ve been fine. No, Jackson was confident that they would’ve been fine. They would have gone to the candy store, Jackson would have picked out some things, maybe thrown a few chocolate globules at the older man, then they would have left hand in hand with a stash of candies that they could take back to Rue’s apartment and enjoy over a Disney movie or something. Jackson wasn’t afraid of Rue hurting him. Why would he? Not when Rue had always been so careful and gentle with the teen.

Rue would be okay, he thought. He just needed time to break out of this funk and stop feeling guilty and sorry for himself. Because Jackson didn’t blame him, so Rue shouldn’t either. The tears did make something in him ache. He wasn’t just making things worse, was he? Again, Jackson didn’t know how to react, and so he just kept going with his ramblings. Better to do that than nothing, right? Or would it be better if they just sat there in silence? Jackson didn’t know what was right…

Jackson shook his head, disagreeing with Rue’s assessment. “No, you did help! I don’t care if you think you didn’t, you can’t change what’s true just because of a little humility.” Had it not been for Rue keeping him on task, Jackson would have procrastinated, no doubt, stayed up all into the night, and end up dead tired on the days of the exams where he would have achieved a B+ at best. So Jackson beamed at him his usual bright smile before handing him the bag with the bracelet inside.

Ah…more tears. They weren’t going to stop, were they? Well…at least Rue was talking. And he said he loved it, which meant it must be true. Rue wouldn’t lie to him. “Okay,” he said with a smile. Jackson took hold of the ends of the bracelet and wrapped the thing around Rue’s wrist, tying it securely with a double-knot. “Now it won’t fall off,” he said with a sharp nod. “I worked hard. I made four total, actually, this was the best of the lot.” The rest were a little ratty and knotty. “But I got one for Finn too, and one for Phen, and one for this other kid I met the other day, he’s really cool, we did artwork together.” On the wall of a public park. He took a commemorative photo. And then they went back to Kodi’s place and did things. Things that were still sore even a month later. Ouch.

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Rue would like to think he would never hurt Jackson, or Finn, or any of his other few friends that he cared deeply about. He knew that at the moment, at least, he’d finally determined that it was only his guilty and depressed emotions that were being impossible to keep in check. He’d worried for the first couple times that Finn came over that some other, more frightening emotion could be boiling somewhere under the surface as well, but it never showed. That didn’t mean it never would again, though…

He’d been missing his therapy appointments, for obvious reasons. Rue was sure they were wondering what was going on. He hadn’t checked his phone in a while, either, so he didn’t know who else might have been trying to contact him. At least Jackson had taken the effort to come over and try to make conversation after all that had happened. Rue appreciated it, even if it made him want to cry.

He chuckled weakly at the boy’s reassurances and shook his head a little. “Okay, if you say so,” he replied quietly. Rue hoped it was true, even if he didn’t believe it. “But you know, I…. I don’t know if I should come back to Hammel…. After I what I did to…” He trailed off. It was something he’d been thinking about as he moped around. How could he dare set foot back at the school, knowing what he’d done to one of its students? Even if the staff didn’t know it had been him, the guilt would weigh on him all the time he was there. Not to mention he’d disappeared from his volunteer work for the school over the last couple weeks without an explanation… He doubted they would want him back anyway.

He sniffed and wiped the back of his arm against his cheeks as he held the other one out for Jackson to put the bracelet on. Rue had cried a lot with Finn around too, and he was tired of apologizing for the tears. He just couldn’t seem to stop them. “Thank you,” he replied, his voice still rough. Rue looked down at the bracelet before glancing up again when the boy kept talking. “That was really sweet of you to do. For all of us.” He fiddled with the new jewelry, not planning on taking it off anytime soon. Rue swallowed hard again. “J… Jackson…” he started, struggling to speak. “I’m… So… so sorry… for what I did…” He had to pause a moment to collect his voice. “I don’t expect you t-to forgive me, but I want you t-to know how much I regret what I did, especially in f-front of you…. I’m so sorry….” He couldn’t meet the boy’s eyes; Rue was afraid of what he might see.

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Jackson wished he had more experience in comforting people. He wished he was better at it, that he could say something profound that would make all of Rue’s negative emotions wash away and become replaced only by the positive ones that Jackson liked seeing in him. That was really selfish of him, wasn’t it? But Jackson just wanted thing to go back to how they were before. He wanted them to be okay, for Rue to be okay. What was wrong with wanting that?

So…awkward it was, despite anything good or bad that may come of it. At least he was there and got to see Rue’s face, even if it looked like he hadn’t slept in ten years and showered in twenty. Jackson still thought he was…just….so incredibly attractive, and manly. Nothing could change that.

At the news of Rue not returning to Hammel, Jackson’s face dropped. He may as well have been a puppy whose ears and tail drooped in their disappointment. “Oh….okay.” Jackson didn’t want Rue to stop coming to Hammel though. That made him feel like…like it was Jackson’s fault that he couldn’t keep up with his volunteer work. Jackson didn’t want to be the cause of Rue getting into trouble like that. “Maybe…maybe you should just take a break…and come back when you feel up for it? I’m sure the school would understand if you just explained…it…to…” He trailed off. That probably wouldn’t do at all. What if they decided to turn him in to the police? The thought was making his own eyes start to water. He didn’t want Rue to get in that kind of trouble and go to jail or something…not like his dad…

He was really really glad that Rue liked the bracelet. And it looked good on him. Well…it looked like a girl made it for him, so that was a little awkward, but it didn’t look completely out of place. Jackson sent the man a softer smile at his thanks. “Of course,” he said. “I was happy to do it.” Even if it was a pain in the ass to do. The smile faded, however, as Rue started to break down again and spew out a series of apologies and woes. Jackson shook his head, still unsure of what to do in the face of so much raw emotion. “It’s….it’s okay,” he told him. “I’m not mad, I’m…I’m really not. Just a little….” Jackson paused and looked down. “Scared,” he admitted. There was another pause, then Jackson leaned in towards Rue and placed a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll be okay, though. I promise I will. So don’t worry about it. And…” Jackson glanced away slightly, his expression turned slightly sour at the memory of what happened before Rue had exploded. “…that guy deserved it anyway,” he said with a surprising amount of spite in his voice. “I…I hope you ruined his face so he can’t get a single girl again for his whole life.” His mother would be disappointed in him wishing such a thing on another, but….well, Jackson wasn’t ready to forgive that guy just yet.

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Rue sighed as he watched Jackson’s face fall. He knew that was probably how he was going to react, but…. What could he do about it? It was…. It was the best for the students, to not have him around. Hell, he was a safety violation, considering what he’d done to Oriel. What if he lost his temper while he was at Hammel? Honestly, Rue was surprised no one had come to detain him or anything…. Oriel must not have told, for pride’s sake, he figured. He didn’t know how he felt about that; some days, Rue nearly felt like turning himself in and being over with it. “Sorry…” he said quietly. How many times had he apologized in the last month? At the suggestion, Rue sighed again, eyes cast downward as he considered it. “How would I explain it?” he replied gently. “That I couldn’t leave my apartment after I beat up a Hammel student? I just…. The guilt would…” Rue stopped talking as he noticed the moisture gather in Jackson’s eyes. “Hey, but… That doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you again, alright? We’ll… We’ll figure out something…” Tentatively, the aura reader reached out and touched Jackson’s cheek. “I’m just…. Really glad that you came over… And that you don’t hate me…”

Rue didn’t care how the bracelet looked. He liked it, and Jackson had made it for him, so that was all that mattered. He still had the plushie that Finn had made for him tucked under the sheets, and often held it against his chest as he lay there alone. It comforted him to some degree, though not as much as his best friend being there. “It’s not okay….” he replied pathetically. However, Rue was glad that Jackson seemed alright. “Scared?” he whispered. “J-Jackson, I… I wouldn’t… I’m not going to hurt you, okay?” he said brokenly. Rue hoped desperately that he was right. His eyes closed as Jackson pressed his lips to his cheek, fresh tears spilling down his face. “Okay…” He looked at the boy again when he started speaking badly about Oriel, and his heart ached to hear such cruel words. “It... It still wasn’t right of me to do something so horrible,” he responded, shaking his head a little. He almost mentioned that Oriel had a fiancé – a male one at that – but he didn’t think it was really important in the moment. He swallowed roughly. “…. How long can you stay?” he asked after a moment. Rue wanted to pull the boy into his embrace and hold him into the night, like a giant teddy bear, but he wouldn’t ask outright.

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“I don’t know….somehow….there has to be something you can…” Jackson wouldn’t know what, though. He was just a kid. There was a lot he didn’t know about these sorts of complicated matters. All he really knew was that Rue could get into some deep trouble just because he’d been trying to stand up for the telekinetic. Maybe he’d gone overboard, but…did that really mean that he had to put an end to doing something and being somewhere he enjoyed? And at a place where so many other people benefited from his being there? It didn’t seem fair to Jackson…. “I know…” he said, wiping his eye with the back of his hand. “I know if I wanna see you, I can just come see you…but I liked seeing you at school too. And…I don’t want you to be in trouble because you were trying to help me…” That was the main thing. Jackson tilted his head into Rue’s hand and covered it with his own. “Of course I don’t hate you…” Jackson didn’t think he could ever hate Rue.

Jackson nodded and offered a small smile. “Yeah…just a little though.” He chuckled a little at Rue’s assurance. “I know you wouldn’t,” he said confidently. “That you’re not. And that’s not what I meant, I’m not scared of you. It’s like..” He looked up to the ceiling and thought on it a moment. “Like…like when you go see a movie with lots of scary scenes in it…only this time I’m getting the live show and it’s two feet away from me…” Jackson had seen his fair share of scary things back home, but it was always at a distance. Never so close. “I’ll get over it…deal with it somehow, it’s okay.” Rue really did worry too much, no wonder he was wasting away in bed. When he thought about it, it made the older man seem a lot more….real? Something like that. It was a side of Rue that the boy hadn’t seen before, and honestly, he was happy to know of it. Seems Rue was hiding a lot of himself just like Jackson was always doing. He wondered if he had the nerve to be more honest with Rue himself, after this? Maybe.

Well, he was at least starting with his opinion about the boy Rue beat up. Jackson really didn’t feel like feigning any sort of compassion towards that guy, he was a jerk. “Maybe not, but a guy who provokes people like that has it coming to him, sooner or later.” If not by Rue, then by someone else. “…I really don’t like that guy,” he said, turning down his had again. “He’d been bothering me at school too. He’s not anymore, though, so I’m thankful.” Jackson looked up again and turned his head to smile at Rue. “A while,” he replied, his smile growing wider. “I’m with my Gram’s tonight, so I don’t have to be back until late.” Thankfully. Curfews at the dorms were a pain.

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Maybe there was something he could do, someday. Rue would look into it, when he wasn’t so… Lethargic and reclusive and depressed. “I’ll see if there’s anything I can do,” he promised quietly, if only to make Jackson feel better. If nothing else, he would try to find somewhere else to help out, somewhere where he could start with a clean slate. The LGBT center, maybe…. He nodded when Jackson replied, wiping against his cheek with his thumb. “You’re always welcome here,” he assured him. Rue smiled sadly. “Don’t blame yourself. There were other ways I could have handled it. I’ve… I’ve had problems with my temper and violence all of my life, I usually know better, how to better control myself.” He was nowhere near ready to tell Jackson what sort of things he had done before, though. This incident was more than enough already.

He listened to Jackson’s explanation with a curious expression, relieved that he wasn’t apparently the object of the boy’s fear. “I see…” he replied, trying to understand. “Well… I want us to make only good memories now, alright? I won’t let that happen around you again. I promise.” Rue would just make sure he wasn’t ever on edge when he was with Jackson like he’d been before the incident. “… If you need to talk about it, or anything, just speak up, okay? I want to make this right… Or at least, not… so terrible…” Rue tentatively leaned forward and rested his cheek against Jackson’s. “…. I meant what I said in the alley. I really care about you, and I want you to be happy.” And if there was anything he could do to achieve that, he would do it.

He pulled back a little as Jackson kept speaking about Oriel. Rue didn’t like hearing such harsh words coming from the boy, but…. He supposed he couldn’t blame him, after what had happened. He was only a kid, after all. “… He isn’t a nice person,” Rue eventually agreed grudgingly. He didn’t want to dwell on this, but… “He was?” he asked, expression darkening. No wonder Jackson had seemed so upset when they saw Oriel. “… Well… I’m glad he’s not anymore…” Rue just wished it wasn’t because the kid was probably afraid Rue was going to come hunt him down and kill him, or something. But now Rue’s mind was wandering to other things as the blonde answered his question, and the aura reader couldn’t help but smile a little. “… Good,” he murmured. His hand, which had cupped Jackson’s jaw again, tenderly slid down the boy’s shirt, unintentionally brushing against something underneath. “… What would you like to do? I’ll do whatever you want. Anything at all.” He finally leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on the boy’s lips.

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Rue would know better of what could be done, and if there was anything, Jackson was sure Rue would figure it out. “Okay,” he said, apparently satisfied with that answer. Somewhat. He was still nervous though, but he didn’t want to dwell on that anymore. “I know,” he giggled. “I’ll come over anything you want, okay?” Hopefully, they could just find a solution quickly and put this all behind them. Jackson nodded when Rue explained briefly about his anger issues. He was….surprised, honestly. Rue always seemed so gentle. “You do a good job, y’know, at keeping it cool. I couldn’t tell at all.” Not until it was right smack in front of his face.

Jackson hoped he was making sense and getting across that, no, he wasn’t afraid of Rue. He was afraid of….the situation, he supposed. The event. The memory itself. Seeing it happen when he’d never seen something like that so up close and personal. It was shocking and terrifying and upsetting, and Jackson didn’t know how to deal with it at the time. He ended up staying out all night and doing some pretty radical things, some of which he wasn’t sure Rue would approve of, but…well, Jackson was still proud of his art, so whatever. He nodded in agreement. “Yeah. Good memories,” he repeated like a dork, grinning a little bit brighter. “Okay, I’ll let you know…I think I’ll be okay though, I’m pretty much over it.” And that was the truth. There were more important things to concentrate on than something that happened a whole month ago. Jackson’s breath hitched slightly when Rue came in close, thinking he was going to kiss him, and he felt a tingle of comfort when their cheeks touched. “I…I know you did….thank you….I care….a lot…about you too.” He couldn’t say it was more than that, though. He knew he cared…he just wasn’t sure if he was comfortable with admitting it as something more. Sorry, Rue…

Jackson knew he shouldn’t be so spiteful…but that’s just….he couldn’t help it, that other guy was a big meanie and Jackson didn’t like him! He nodded at Rue’s inquiry. “Yeah….” And the worst part was that Jackson couldn’t even say anything against that boy, Oriel. Because nothing he said wasn’t true, it was just Jackson being self-conscious and ashamed that made it so disturbing.

He pushed those thoughts aside and tried to refocus them on Rue and his tender touch. Yeah…even after seeing those horrible things, Jackson still couldn’t see Rue as anything other than a gentle person. The boy rubbed his cheek into his hand then raised his chin to let Rue’s fingers slide down his neck and over his collar and down his shirt. When they brushed past his chest, he flinched and shirked away slightly. He wouldn’t go far though, as Rue’s lips soon captured his own and Jackson found it hard to part from them. “I….I don’t know,” he breathed when they parted. His hands had unconsciously raised up and crossed over his torso to protect those sore nubbins that Rue accidentally brushed against a moment ago. “W-what do…what do /you/….w-wanna do…?” he asked in a diminishing voice, his eyes meekly falling downward again. This time, though, his cheeks were flushed with color and heat was radiating from his face.

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“Okay,” Rue concluded with a nod. He was looking forward to the next few weeks, now, knowing that Jackson wanted to see him even after everything, and that he wouldn’t be busy with school for a while, so that meant they could see each other more often. He smiled a little when Jackson responded to his admission, glancing over at his Kermode bear, which was sleeping curled up to Jackson’s puppy on the bed. It didn’t look quite so grey at the moment. “That’s because I do a lot of therapy and meditation,” he replied with a small, dry chuckle. “I’m really glad you never saw me when I was your age.” He was much worse back then.

Once Rue found out what Jackson had done after the incident, he would feel even guiltier for not making sure the younger boy got home alright. Even if the blonde didn’t regret what he did, Rue would still take responsibility for his illegal and rash actions. “If you’re sure,” he said quietly. The aura reader wanted to move past this too, though, so if Jackson didn’t want to talk about it, he was totally fine with that. He smiled softly at the boy’s words, feeling a little comforted by what he was saying. “Thank you,” he murmured back, nuzzling Jackson’s cheek.

Rue still had no idea about Jackson’s own ‘other’ persona. Sure, the boy was being a little spiteful at the moment, but he didn’t think that was out of the ordinary, considering what had happened. Besides, Rue wanted to focus on other things now. His brow furrowed slightly once he realized the response that Jackson had to his touch, and Rue looked up at him with concern. “Are you hurt?” he asked worriedly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize… Are you okay?” He glanced down at his chest, thinking of all sorts of things that could have happened to make him hurt (none of them were right). Rue gently took Jackson’s hands in his and pulled them carefully down into his lap, giving them a squeeze. “I want to make sure you’re alright,” he replied, still concerned. His attention was distracted for the moment, and he wouldn’t be satisfied until he saw that Jackson was okay. His own needs and desires could wait.