Time Warp: How the Tables Have Turned (Jesse)

[Zebadiah Hayes]

2025

Zeb had always been the hero. He loved being the hero.

It was one of the reasons he had wanted to work at Hammel so much. As a student there he hadn't been the hero, but his teachers had. In a time in his life when the world seemed destine to label him a freak forever, they took him under their wings and showed him that he could have a life. And so after graduation he had taken his turn and grown into being the hero. He did everything he could for the students, for his co-workers. Anybody who needed anything, not matter how big, he was the one to help. Always. And he loved it.

There was just one problem. He didn't let anyone help him anymore. Whether it was pride, fear of becoming that scared little boy, or even possibly loosing his job because he wasn't in control enough, Zeb hid everything. He hid the sleepless nights. He hid the hallucinations. He hid the fear. Or at least he tried to. He didn't want anyone to know. He wanted to be the hero. And heroes don't need any help.

But everything caught up to him. His work started to falter. He just couldn't keep it together anymore. And finally the day came when his ability to do the job came into question. And still he couldn't tell them. He couldn't bring himself to admit that it was his power, the side-effects. What he really needed was to train, to get things under control, to learn to manage, and not just drown himself in caffeine.

He'd come to the lake to think things over. And he looked a complete mess sitting on one of the benches by the path. He hadn't shaved or even showered in days. He must have really looked horrible because someone came by and put a dollar into his empty coffee cup.

"I don't need help," Zeb said, looking up to the kind stranger to return the dollar. He was surprised to see that he knew the man.

"Jesse...?"

[Jesse Adams]

Jesse had rarely been the hero. Even when he thought he’d been helping and doing good, it had turned out badly. Okay, he’d been led blindly by someone he’d thought he’d loved, and had been misguided the whole time because of that perceived love... but he had been little more than a pawn in a much bigger plan. It had hurt at the time of realization, but now that was all water under the bridge. Buried far, far back in his past, and he had spent most of his life since running away from it.

Since graduating Hammel he had gone through four years of University, earning his master’s in Social Work. He’d gotten a good job working for child services, he and Clement had their own place, they were married, and were expecting their first child in just a few months via a combination of an egg donor and a surrogate mother that both of them were endlessly grateful to. In just a few months he’d be a father, and he had ever intention of being a better damn father than his own. Not that it would be difficult, but that was his driving goal.

He’d had the afternoon off, and with Clement working on a translation job at home, Jesse had decided to stay out of his hair for a bit and head down to the lake for a while. It was always pretty out there this time of year, and the walk would do him good. Though he’d gotten back into running almost as soon as his knee had healed in his twenties, he sometimes had a hard time actually making time to do it. At least walking was better than sitting at home streaming Netflix or something.

In all of his time running from his past, he’d also tried his best to become a much better person. Some days were harder than others, when he had to keep his temper in check dealing with idiot parents and dishing out warnings left right and centre, but others were easier. Clement had had a remarkable effect on him since they’d first been together, and he honestly gave the younger man a lot of the credit for how he was now.

As such, when he came upon someone who looked like they were having a rough time in life, he didn’t think twice before pulling out a bill from his pocket and tucking it into the cup. The protest struck his as odd, though, and he turned back to address it when he heard his name. It took him a moment, but the man’s identity slid into place fast enough. ”Zeb?” He looked... God, he looked rough. “Zeb, what happened? Jesus.” When he’d last seen his dorm monitor, it had been at graduation. Zeb had oddly become... not quite a mentor, and not exactly a friend, but someone he’d come to trust. He’d needed that, especially as he’d struggled through his final year to graduation. Zeb had done a lot for him in that regard, and now he looked like this. Jesse had no idea what to do about it, either.

[Zebadiah Hayes]

Zeb wished he could crawl under the bench and hide. He didn't like people seeing him like this. Especially his old students. He was supposed to be strong for them. He was supposed to be strong for everyone. And look how much he had failed.

He glanced up at Jesse, for a moment wondering if the young man was just another hallucination. These days he was having difficulty telling the difference. Some days it seemed reality was slipping trough his fingers. And trying to grasp at it only led to him overthinking everything he saw and tiring himself out. It was an endless cycle. One that he couldn't seem to pull himself out of.

"Jesse...I..." Zeb said, looking around as if the perfect lie or the strength to act like everything was okay would be standing behind the young man. With a sigh, he gave up the brief fight. "I'm just...so tired."

Zeb's shoulder's shook a little as he breathed in, hiding a sob. There was no way he was going to let himself cry in front of his old student. But it was a hard fight. And he was so tired of fighting. "My ability...it's..." Zeb sighed again. He wanted to slap himself for complaining. He shook his head as if trying to clear away a thought.

"I'll be...okay." he lied.

[Jesse Adams]

Jesse knew a thing or two about being at the end of a rope. Or down as far as you could go so that there was no other way but up. Yet he’d seemed to almost make a career at Hammel of finding rock bottom and digging down, not up. There had been several points in his life where he’d honestly not thought he could go any deeper, only to find that yes, he could, and he would.

So he knew. He knew it wasn’t a good place to be, and he felt for Zeb.

Cautiously, he approached and perched on the bench beside him. “Powers suck,” he said quietly. He too knew what it was like to be an insomniac, trading sleep for sanity as he avoided the hell out of his dreams. Mainlining coffee and energy drinks one night after another. It wasn’t healthy. Not by a long shot. He knew it more than most.

“This doesn’t look okay to me, Zeb. Come on. Tell me what I can do.” He hated seeing his former dorm monitor like this.

[Zebadiah Hayes]

Zeb hated himself for thinking this. After all, he liked to see the best in everyone. But something about Jesse being so nice made Zeb again wonder if he was hallucinating the young man. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes a bit, trying to make sure. Though he had seen Jesse now and then over the years, he couldn't help but remember him as the defiant young teen with the weight of the world and so much teenage angst on his shoulders.

Still, even though he was uncertain about whether he was dreaming, awake, hallucinating he couldn't bring himself to open it. It was physically painful. He had spent so long trying to convince everyone that he was okay. He needed to be okay. He needed to be the strong one. Because he needed to take care of everyone else. Why couldn't he be strong?

Zeb was a bit startled when Jesse actually sat down. Mostly because he realized he was actually glad the young man had. "I'm sorry," he blurted out. It felt wrong to even need someone to sit beside him. Wrong. And weak.

"I'm not sure there is anything you can do Mr. ....Jesse. Everything is just...falling apart," Zeb admitted, hanging is head low. He couldn't bring himself to look Jesse in the eye.

[Jesse Adams]

Much as Zeb remembered Jesse at his worst, Jesse remembered Zeb at his best. Being someone to talk to, even if it was just griping about powers and side effects, or helping him sleep by crashing in the dorm monitor’s apartment, trusting him to help keep bad dreams at bay. Zeb had become oddly important to him – something he couldn’t have predicted in a million years.

Zeb had seen Jesse at his lowest, that the blond knew. Especially the night he’d gotten himself drunk before returning to campus, only to have Zeb intercept him on the way to his dorms. It had been a bit of a turning point for him when it came to trusting Zeb. So seeing him like... well, like this... it was tough. Zeb was the strong one, always. He was the one people ran to with a problem.

Well, he had done a lot for Jesse. Perhaps it was time to return the favor. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Don’t be sorry.” He may have learned a lot when it came to his classes and his job, but this seemed almost beyond what he felt qualified to do. But he had to try. “I know what that’s like,” he reminded him. “When I came back to Hammel, it felt like I was at the end of my rope, and I was still fighting everyone trying to help, even though I knew I shouldn’t.” He sighed softly, knowing that Zeb would know what he was talking about. Zeb had seen his dreams, like it or not. “Gabriel was dead, the whole group was disbanded... I almost died, and for a long time, I felt like I should have. Everyone would have been better off if I did. It took running away from someone that actually seemed to start caring about me and running into an old comrade to really hit rock bottom. It’s what made me come back. It took a lot of time, but... things got better. You helped that happen.” But reminders of the past could only do so much. Turning slightly to see Zeb better, Jesse eyed him.

“Tell me what happened, Zeb. You helped me once. The least I can do is return that favor as best I can.”

[Zebadiah Hayes]

Zeb kept his head hung, avoiding looking at Jesse. He knew that Jesse was no longer a boy, no longer a student. But Zeb still felt he was breaking his number one rule of letting the kids at Hammel see him in a bad way. Even when he'd been up for days or was hallucinating, he'd always managed to keep it at bay when a student needed him. Or do his best to shove it all away and ignore it. He was good at it. Well, he had been good at it.

Still there was something nice about having Jesse there. He knew Jesse understood rock bottom. He'd seen it through the young man's dreams on more than on occasion. Though Zeb tried his best to stay out of other's heads unless asked, sometimes he couldn't help it. And Zeb was often drawn to Jesse's dreams. Either because of their similar powers, his worry of Jesse's well-being, or just the fact that they had gotten close.

And it was amazing hearing that Zeb had helped back then. Of course anyone could see that Jesse had improved, but hearing that he had played a part made Zeb smiled (slightly) for the first time in days.

Still he kept his head down. Maybe if he didn't look at Jesse he could actually talk about it.

"I'm...I think...I think I'm loosing it. Going crazy," Zeb said, his voice cracking a little. He swallowed hard. He might admit defeat, but he was not going to let Jesse see him cry.

[Jesse Adams]

Jesse knew what it was like to hide your real feelings. So long he’d spent swallowing them and pretending things were okay that for a while, he’d been temporarily convinced that things were okay. His dreams always betrayed that, though. He’d started to learn as he got older that the more he swallowed his feelings, the worse his dreams became. It had taken a shamefully long time to come to terms with that fact, but now he had, things were better when it came to his dreams.

He was also too well acquainted with rock bottom. He’d been there, and he didn’t want to revisit it. Seeing someone else in it, though, someone he’d looked up to in a way, someone that was so strong normally... it was... odd. And a little scary.

The blond man frowned slightly at Zeb’s admission. He wasn’t a psychiatrist. Sure, he knew the basics to help counsel kids, but this was beyond his skill set in a massive way. “What do you mean ‘going crazy’?” God, he wanted to help, but he was at a loss for what to do.

[Zebadiah Hayes]

Zeb kept his head down, afraid to actually look at Jesse. First, because he was ashamed. Secondly, because he didn't want to see the reaction on the young man's face. There were only one or two other people in the world who had heard him make an admission about his worry for his sanity before. He worked so hard to make sure that the only side of himself that other people saw was the big, tough guy. Always ready to help, to take on the troubles of everyone around him. But never under the weight of any of his own.

"I...I can't keep in straight anymore," Zeb said, holding his head in his hands and pressing on his temples with the palms of his hands as if he was trying to hold in head together.

He sighed. Knowing he needed to explain more or Jesse would have no idea what he was talking about. Zeb wanted to run. He wanted to hide. And at the same time he wanted to talk, he wanted to unload everything he'd been hiding. But this was Jesse. This was one of his kids. True the boy had become a man now. But he felt horrible putting this weight on Jesse.

Maybe it was just a hallucination and Jesse wasn't really there? Did that mean he should keep talking? It wasn't like he had anything to lose if someone saw him rambling to himself on a park bench now.

"It's not just the nightmares at night. It's the ones in the day. I can't keep it straight. I'm so...scared. All. The. Time," he said, his voice cracking again. "I don't know what to do. I don't even know if this is real."

[Jesse Adams]

Jesse didn’t know what to do in situations like this. For so long he’d been the one being looked after, no matter how much he wanted to resist it. Comforting didn’t come naturally to him, beyond the insane compulsions that Clement drew out of him to be protective. But that was different. This... this was Zeb. And seeing him like this was a real shock.

As he spoke, Jesse started to realize just how bad this was. As if looks alone weren’t enough, the actual words made him nervous. Everything about this screamed at him that it was wrong, but he couldn’t just leave Zeb. Not like this.

Jesse had unloaded on Zeb more than once. Topics ranging from his father to how much he missed Gabriel to being scared about being with Clement. Each time had been like a bit of therapy, much like he got from Dr Neville, but different because Zeb was... kind of a friend. He’d never thought about the burden that his problems would place on Zeb at the time, which was why he was ready to listen now. Zeb needed him like he’d needed Zeb, though he hadn’t really known it at the time.

The blond man inhaled slowly as he realized just how deep this was. Worry kicked in, and he frowned as he looked over his former dorm monitor. “Zeb, I...” How in the hell did he fix this? This was beyond anything he’d ever been prepared to deal with. Swallowing, he tentatively approached at least one possible solution. “It’s real, I promise. Or we’re both hallucinating. Um... have you tried talking to Dr Neville at all? I mean... he helped me, of all people. He could help you, too.” It was worth a shot, if nothing else.

[Zebadiah Hayes]

Zeb wanted to run. And hide. And hope that Jesse forgot this entire conversation. But he didn't have the energy. He was physically and mentally exhausted. At the same time, he was grasping at the straws that maybe Jesse really did have all of the answers. Maybe it would be okay.

Zeb nodded once at Jesse's saying that this was real. He took a deep shuddering breath trying to let the truth of it sink it. Trying be the key word. On some level, the logical side of his brain, he knew that the young man was right. And yet, there was the nagging doubt that had plagued him lately.

"Dr. Neville..." Zeb said slowly, like he was trying to form a stable thought. Truthfully he hadn't even thought about it. Zeb spent most of his time talking about the students whenever he talked with Dr. Neville. And tended to watch his thoughts even then. Of course there was no hiding completely from a telepath. And the staff new he'd had issues, but Zeb hadn't wanted anyone to know. Now everyone knew. Even Dr. Neville. Maybe there was nothing to loose now. But maybe he would never get his job back if the doctor saw him in this state.

"If he sees me...like this..." Of course, he had. Though Zeb had gotten a bit worse since he'd been...dismissed. He had been holding it together a little better when he still had a job. Still had a purpose.

"What will I do now?" He turned to look Jesse in the eye for a moment, before turning back to stare at the ground again, afraid he might cry.

[Jesse Adams]

Jesse knew what it was to want to run and hide. He’d spent a long time either lashing out at people trying to help him, or hiding away depending on the situation. Both had had their benefits, or so he’d thought at the time, but the more he resisted, the worse things seemed to get. Hell, he’d butted heads with Dr. Neville for almost a year before he’d really started to come around and open up about the things he needed to. Yes, it had hurt, but without it he couldn’t imagine being where he was now. He’d still be hung up on Gabriel, and couldn’t have possibly moved forward with Clement. It hadn’t been easy, but being where he was now and looking back... he wouldn’t have traded it for anything.

“Yeah,” he said gently, waiting to see if Zeb needed any further information about him. With the state he was in, he honestly wasn’t sure. When Zeb continued, Jesse frowned. Dr Neville had seen him in many different states over the years, from sullen and uncooperative teenager to his careful mask put in place by Gabriel, and from a young man trying hard to get his life together to a Hammel graduate with his life finally falling into place.

“Hey,” he said softly, feeling more like he was talking to one of the kids at work than he was someone older than him. “Dr. Neville has seen a lot of shit. And dealt with it too. Look at me, Zeb. He worked with me for years, and I threw just about every kind of hurdle at him I could. Hell, I ran away from a session and didn’t look back until I came back with my tail between my legs, and he still helped me. He’d help you, too.” He’d never ever foreseen himself in this kind of position, and it honestly scared him. Zeb was in such a state, and now he felt responsible for getting him out of it. He just didn’t know how. He knew how to comfort the kids at work, but this was so vastly different. “… I don’t know, Zeb.” He had to be honest. “I’m not the best person to ask. You know that. You watched me grow up. But… if I was you… even though it’s scary… I’d ask Dr. Neville for help. He won’t turn you away. He never turned me away despite having every reason to. He’d never turn his back on you.” He swallowed, debating how sensible his next move was going to be. “I… I have some time.” He could text Clement and let him know he was going to be late. He’d understand. “I could go with you? I have my car… or we could just talk, too. Whatever you want to do.”

[Zebadiah Hayes]

It made sense that Jesse felt like he was talking to a child. Zeb felt like a child. He felt like the scared little boy who had arrived at Hammel. Only then it had been better. He'd had his sister beside him. He'd had the whole of Hammel's staff there for him, ready to help. And he'd had his whole life, sure it was a scary and changing life, ahead of him.

Now...now he was just scared. Scared and alone. And under the weight of the added guilt that he was a grown-up and people depended on him. He should be the strong one. He needed to be the strong one. He should be able to handle this. And he couldn't.

Zeb tried to hold Jesse's gaze, but he had to break away. He couldn't stand looking into the young man's eyes. They were just so kind. And Zeb really didn't want to start weeping on top of everything else.

"What if...what if...he can't help me? What if I never get my job back? What if this is it...forever?" Zeb said, his voice shaking with emotion. He really wondered if maybe he had just finally cracked. He couldn't imagine the pieces fitting back together. And he was just so tired on top of everything.

"I'm scared Jesse. And I'm scared of how scared I am."

And then Zeb processed what Jesse had offered. "You will. You'll come with me?" He felt like a child asking. Heck, he sounded like a child asking, all quaking voice and puppy dog eyes. But he couldn't help it.

[Jesse Adams]

Jesse could attest to just how scary adulthood could be. His whole time at Hammel, regardless of what he had done, he’d had support from teachers, from other students… Yet in the ‘real world’… he had Clement, sure. And his mother, and Sasha. But otherwise he was on his own. It had been scary during college, and even scarier when he’d first taken on his job. But now things were settling it felt like he could actually do it.

He was lucky to have support like Clement. Anytime he thought he was slipping, or that he couldn’t do something, Clement was beside him, sometimes encouraging, sometimes giving some tough love to remind him that he could do it. But Zeb… Jesse knew he had a sister, and parents that actually cared about him. But how close were they to him now? He didn’t know.

“Hey,” he said softly. “The Dr. Neville I know can fix anything. He fixed me, Zeb. He can help you, too.” He didn’t care if he was repeating himself. Zeb needed to know that there was help out there. “You’ll get help, and then you’ll get your job back.” That, he was sure of.

“I know it’s scary, Zeb. Hell, you’ve seen my dreams. They weren’t always pretty. But if anyone can do this, it’s you.” And if he needed reassurance, he would give it. “Yes. I’ll go with you. I promise.” He wouldn’t feel right about leaving. Not one bit.

[Zebadiah Hayes]

Zeb relied on himself a lot. The only person he ever really opened up to was his sister. But lately she had been busy with her own life. And Zeb had hidden his life from her in an effort to let her stay happy. He knew if she knew she would drop everything. And he couldn't stand that idea even more than the idea of breaking down in front of Dr. Neville.

It was true that Zeb had seen Dr. Neville work wonders with some of the students, not just Jesse. He was a wise man. And still, keeping that truth in his head while he was struggling to keep reality in his head was hard enough. It was helping to have Jesse repeating it to him.

Zeb took a deep shuddering breath, trying to let the truth settle in him and stay there. He hated feeling like this. Hating looking like this in front of Jesse. In front of anyone.

Hated needed him.

And hated how much he wanted to reach out and take Jesse's hand, just to remind him the young man was really there.