Trying to Blow Out The Flame (Sean)

[Serena Varsair]

To be perfectly honest, Serena didn't want to be here. She couldn't remember the last time she was so tensed up. Wearing a white long sleeve dress jacket over a green t-shirt and black pants (with black dress shoes supported by small heels to finish off her 'I'm a serious, professional girl' outfit), she couldn't help but play with the cuff of her jacket, so unused to its feel on her skin.

Probably the most important part of her clothing ensemble, she was wearing her glasses. She didn't do contacts well when stressed, and she was feeling about as much right now as she possibly could. This was only the second day in the time she had been at the school that she had decided to where them. Maybe part of her was hoping she could just hide behind them or that they'd help protect her from any psycho-magic Dr. Neville may have had planned.

As she sat in the chair in his office, waiting for when she had garnered up enough courage to say something, her thoughts turned to when she was younger. Psycho-magic was unfair to refer to (even mentally) for Dr. Neville, but when she was young, the family doctor had tried to get her to go to a psychiatrist at a young age because she had been being an annoying kid and they thought it was because she had recently had her father's death explained to her. (It wasn't, she was just going through the annoying kid phase that many kids go through) The psychiatrist had kinda weirded her out, and though she had never gone to him again, she still felt uncomfortable around them.

But, after all, she was the one who had come to Dr. Neville, so really, she knew that she needed to say something and stop acting like he was gonna kill her with eyes. She hadn't even looked at him since he opened the door, so she finally took a breath then looked at him and said, "So, hi, I'm Serena, and I've got a problem."

Yep, blunt, to the point. She hated herself right now.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean knew who she was.

That was one of the perks of his position as the school psychiatrist and a higher-level official. He had access to all of the student files, and he reviewed the file for each new student either before they arrived after being recruited, or as soon after arrival as possible.

Serena was difficult to miss; not many students had gray hair, even with the myriad hair dyes available for sale at the local pharmacy.

However, the psychiatrist wouldn’t have lasted long in this field without keeping information to himself. He excelled at that, an outgrowth of his decades spent with telepathy. Omission and tact were his tools.

Sean took no offense to the fact that she had yet to speak since arriving at his office. He took no offense to the thoughts he overheard, the association with her former psychiatrist who had been unnecessary and had made her uncomfortable. Sean wouldn’t be much of a psychiatrist with a fragile ego or an inability to separate himself from clearly different individuals that the students had encountered in the past.

Finally, she spoke. He could work with that.

He extended his hand across the desk for a handshake. “It’s nice to meet you Serena. I’m Doctor Neville.” Which she knew already, but that made them even. “Why don’t you tell me about your problem?”

[Serena Varsair]

Serena shook his hand in return, with a sincerity that she hoped conveyed that she wanted to be there despite her hate for the situation. Deep down, Serena hoped that he could help her, but she didn't know if he would be able to.

"I have an issue with my powers..." Serena began with before quickly realizing that isn't how she wanted to start. "My powers are working fine, what I mean is that they don't agree with me." Try again. "I don't agree with them?" You're legitimately asking yourself out loud in the front of the psychiatrist? "I don't really know what it is." Well, that was honest at least, if likely unhelpful.

Serena sank away from Dr. Neville and into her seat. She wondered what kind of psychiatrist he was. Did he believe in Freud and that everything had to do with sex? If so, she was gonna have a hell of time breaking through that barrier to him. Or maybe he was a quiet type that just waited until they heard everything and then said a sentence.

All of these thoughts ran through her head quickly, the hyper-focus she could experience from her enhanced stamina running right through without her looking away from Dr. Neville or seeming like she was daydreaming. Just quiet. She hadn't said anything. It had only been a minute, but it still probably wasn't a good sign, she should say something, "I think a lot. My powers allow me to focus on something I want to focus on easier, I guess. Or maybe I'm just that way from birth. But, Dr. Neville the reason I need...well, I need help with this problem is...when I get focused on too many things, I think about too much and it gets me...upset. Or if I exercise or compete in sports, if I think too much, I think the adrenaline gets built up or accelerates my brain or something...but, I...just I..."

The stammering came at the end of a set of sentences that she spoke with little to know pause. Her body was calling up for oxygen to respond to her nervousness and she was breathing way too quickly at this point to sustain normal conversation (not like any more words were ready to come out anyway).

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Powers was a common enough topic in this office, although Sean wasn’t a trainer, and so his assistance was limited to emotional support, assistance in getting accommodations for side effects or power slips, and giving guidance to the psychic students. The psychiatrist knew who all of the psychic students were; he had their files tagged when they first came to Hammel upon recruitment, and he kept tabs on them, in case they needed a bit of additional support, just as he had as a student decades ago.

Unfortunately, if memory served, Serena’s powers were physical, and thus beyond his expertise, such as it was. He could still listen and offer support or accommodations, but the psychiatrist wasn’t sure he would be able to help her with the underlying side effects; that was more in the realm of her trainer’s abilities.

Until she specified that part of what bothered her was the psychological response to what was likely a neurological side effect, or neurological working of her powers. That he couldn’t fix either, but it was more in the realm of what he could discuss with her.

He nodded along as she spoke, demonstrating that he was actively listening to what she had to say. When she finished, he asked the first question that came to mind, “Have you spoken to the Side Effects Specialist about any of this yet?”

That wouldn’t preclude him from speaking to her, but he wanted to know what avenues, if any, had been explored already.

[Serena Varsair]

Well, Dr. Neville at least didn't seem all that bad. He clearly was listening to her disastrous rambling on (and on). And that's all that really mattered to her. Quite honestly, she was sick of her powers sometimes, and the anger issue most of all. The worst times she had had at Kocher was when she got on an anger track ABOUT her powers. It made her a steaming hot mess because she couldn't blame anything on it and she just became a hateful bitch for a week or two. (And that wasn't when she was on her period)

Side Effects Specialist? Well...yeah...kinda, "I did. When I was at Kocher, anyway. It helped, we worked through some methods to try and get me thinking about something else. I had a cute little stress ball for awhile..." Serena bit her lip, "I may or may not have torn it apart one afternoon."

Serena looked down awkwardly, before adding the only other thing they had worked out at Kocher, "We more or less determined that it'd get better as I get older and that keeping busy with other things helps...but I...don't..." She breathed a bit with nervousness.

"Sometimes I just really hate my powers, and it just...it," Serena felt her eyeline moisten slightly. She wasn't currently going to cry, but it probably looked it. Taking a deep breath, she added, "It's been hard for me to keep my mind busy lately. I don't..." Her breathing interrupted her speech again, "I don't really have any goals and once I get all my schoolwork done, I've just kinda been wandering and..."

Man, her eyeline was getting moist.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean’s general modesty prevented him from bragging to students, but, if he were to set aside modesty for a moment, he would agree that he wasn’t all that bad. He was dedicated to his job, he was dedicated to the students, and he was emotionally invested in their well-being. He was also patient and engaged, which was how he could listen to all of her descriptions (he wouldn’t call them ramblings) without judging or growing board.

The psychiatrist nodded along as Serena described her work with the Side Effects Specialist at Kocher. Having some familiarity with the office went far, although, by her admission, she had yet to make an appointment with the Hammel counterpart. “I can get you a new stress ball,” he promised her. He could even get her a novelty one with colors or shaped like a face or with a sports team logo. That, of course, was secondary to the lack of a relationship with the specialist. “I can also make an appointment for you.”

That would be easy enough.

He nodded again to show his understanding. “Side effects typically get easier to manage as you get older, but that doesn’t make them less overwhelming in the present.”

He empathized. He had suffered so much as a student with his side effects.

He had also struggled with his powers. He understood those complex relationship with powers more than many other people, even many other meta-humans.

“It can be very hard,” he replied sympathetically. He knew that. “We could talk about that more, if you’d like,” he offered.

Then, he added, “Or we can talk about goals.” Since she had mentioned that she didn’t have any.