Contemplating Cinnamon Rolls (Sean)

[Percie Hobbes]

Percie sat listlessly at a small table near the window of the bakery with a cooling up of coffee in front of her. Even though Piper had been approved to have a foster child, none had come her way. After what had happened to her last year she was hoping that the approval would have seen a little joy in her life. Now she was thinking that perhaps she had to take a bit MORE control of the situation. Which meant adoption. So now she had another issue to occupy her time when she wasn't working, but since she was always working she hadn't given it the proper attention it needed. So here she was, making herself think about it and it was frustrating and just a little heartbreaking and exciting all at once.

She rocked herself to her feet and ordered a cinnamon roll at the counter, stuffing her hands into her jeans after tugging at the bottom of her multicolored sweater. She imagined doing PTA things, all the firsts she would get to see as she raised a child. She sighed deeply, collected her sweet treat and shuffled back to the table where she sat down and stared at it. Was she REALLY ready for a child? She worked so much and things were going well with her business but she needed more help if she was going to actually shut down at a certain time and take care of a child. She should probably look into that secretary position again.

Heaving another tortured sigh as she heard the door open again, Percie continued to stare but not see her coffee or her food, mind running around in circles as she tried to figure out if she was ready or not to take this humongous step she'd erected in front of her.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean had four life principles which boiled down to the “never the wrong time quadrilogy”: there was never a wrong time for introspection, there was never a wrong time for telepathy (even if he didn’t articulate this to those around him), there was never a wrong time for heart-to-heart conversations, and there was never a wrong time for baked goods.

The fourth principle brought him to the bakery that day. Likewise, that principle, spurred on by his sweet tooth and the holiday money in his pocket, led him to order a French twist and a blueberry muffin, in addition to a cup of coffee.

He wasn’t the only person who’d had the idea to come out to this particular bakery today, something made evident by the fact that nearly every table had an occupant. While seeking out a place to sit, he spied Percie alone at a table.

Actually, she appeared to be wrestling with her thoughts. That meant that the third life principle might also apply today.

He approached her table and gestured, without putting down his paper bag or his coffee cup. “Do you mind company?”

He didn’t want to impose, but she had the look about her that led him to believe she might appreciate a distraction.

[Percie Hobbes]

Percie jumped and looked up at the man who'd addressed her and smiled when she realized it was Dr. Neville addressing her. "Yes, I mean no, please sit!" she said quickly as she moved her things around and indicated that he should take the seat across from her. "It's pretty crowded in here isn't it? I didn't even notice..." she commented offhand, as she realized how absorbed she'd been in her own problems. Not a bad thing, she knew it wasn't a bad thing, she had taken time specifically to think about this. She'd even cleared her work docket and put up an out of office notification.

"Happy New Year, even though it's a bit late," she smiled at the older man as she reached out and picked up her coffee to take a sip, grimacing when she realized she'd let it get cold as she stared at it. Which probably meant she should eat her cinnamon roll soon too. "How was your holiday season?" she asked politely, picking up her fork and finally cutting into the sugary confection she'd been staring at for who knew how long.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean offered her a smile of gratitude, before he set down his bag and his coffee. He removed his coat and hung it on the back of his chair, and then made himself comfortable, complete with pushing his chair out a bit to make room for his legs.

“It is,” he agreed with a nod. Reaching for his bag, he pulled out his muffin. “I think everyone decided they needed a pick me up.” Between the sugar and the caffeine, there was more than enough to get even the biggest drudge through the day.

At the well wish, he lifted his muffin as though in toast. “Happy New Year,” he echoed. Pulling back the paper, he took a bite, and he smiled around the skirt. There was nothing quite like a freshly baked muffin, and, no matter how hard he and Josh tried, they could never quite get the recipe right to match what they bought at bakeries.

He chewed and swallowed, rinsing the bite down with a sip of his coffee before answering, “It was nice. I spend it the same way every year. Chanukah with my partner and his family, and then Christmas with a friend and his family.” Josh had learned to put up with a very Campbell Christmas. And Sean didn’t have a preference for which holiday he celebrated, since Christmas hadn’t held special significance to him in over three decades. He enjoyed Chanukah because Josh enjoyed it, and because it was important to the other man.

“How about you?”

[Percie Hobbes]

"That makes sense," Percie agreed with a smile after she finished her own bite. She sipped her cold coffee again and set the cup down with a gentle "clink". "With my family. My brother came home with his girlfriend, I guess they're pretty serious which is good. Mom seems really happy, I think she thought he'd be a bachelor forever. OH! But my sister got engaged recently so she spent Christmas with us and flew out over New Years to spend it with her fiance's family." she explained. She was incredibly happy for her siblings, and her happiness for their situation had also had it's own hand in poking her towards this decision.

She fidgeted a bit and looked out the window for a second, "Anyway things are good, everyone is healthy, fine...happy," she said the last word softly before sighing...again. "Can I ask you a question?" she said suddenly. "You've known me for a long time, you pretty much know me as well as anyone can. I think I want to adopt...but I'm worried about if this is a good decision and if I'm making it for the right reasons..." she blurted out suddenly. She covered her mouth as if to stop herself (even though she'd said everything that needed saying), and looked slightly panicked that she'd suddenly said that. "Sorry, it's a weird thing to ask..." she amended, embarrassed.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean broke off pieces of his muffin, popping them in his mouth while he listened. All of that sounded positive, and the telepath was glad that Percie’s family was doing so well. Moreover, he was happy that she’d had happy holidays. Not everyone was so fortunate.

However, something unsaid hung heavily in the air, until she asked her question.

She was right; it was unexpected, but he wouldn’t call it weird. In part because he never called anything weird, and in part because she was at an age when life decisions, and family planning, tended to weigh profoundly on one’s mind. He had been there himself, spurred on by similar considerations, of everyone in his family turning towards families of their own while he remained a perpetual bachelor.

He’d considered adoption multiple times. He had the information in his study at home still. He and Josh had taken in a foster daughter, only to lose her to her own blood family, but he didn’t regret doing so. He had cherished the time the three of them had spent together.

“Before I can say anything about your reasons, you’d have to tell me what they are,” he said gently. She’d revealed nothing of her motivations, only announcing right now that she desired to adopt at all.

[Percie Hobbes]

Percie took a deep breath and knew that the only way she'd be able to make a decision as large as this was to talk it out with someone. As she was currently dangerously low on friends her own age or in a position to listen to her or understand what she was going through, she decided to take the opportunity and run with it. "After I learned I couldn't have children last year, I thought that perhaps being able to foster a child would help heal that. But, I haven't been given that responsibility yet and I feel like even if I had been I would still want something more?" she stared at her coffee cup again, not embarrassed but hesitant. She took another fortifying breath.

"I think adopting a child, perhaps a baby or a toddler would help me heal that empty place inside of me where I always thought I wanted to have children. I really want to be a mother and I can give a child a loving family and a good life, but it also feels very selfish to bring a child into my life to fill a void that simply opened up one day. I guess I'm a bit concerned that I'm not taking this situation seriously or that I AM being very selfish and that once I get what I want I will be terrible at parenting. Do you think it sounds selfish? What should I consider when I try to think about if this is a good idea or not?" she wondered out loud, finally looking up at Sean again, fidgeting in her seat.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean listened to her explanation with an expression of open compassion on his face. He had been in a similar situation – not the same, for a variety of factors. Cisgender male physiology was as it was, and barring a testicular problem, he would be virile for life, or close to it; certainly, men twenty years older than him had sired children before. But he was fifty-eight, and his partner was fifty-five, and they were both cisegender men. They had no ability to produce biological children together, and they had aged out of the preferred range for adoptive parents. As it was, they were on the cusp of acceptability for foster parenting.

Still, he had the folder of information in his study; he was too sentimental to discard it.

He thought about what he would want to hear if their positions were reverse, and about what he would need to hear if he were on the receiving end of a similar conversation with Robert. He focused on her face and asked gently, “Do you consider yourself the type of person who thinks of parenting as a highlight reel of the fun parts? Rather than a life-changing event followed by a lasting relationship and responsibilities?”

Sean didn’t think that of Percie, but she knew herself. Moreover, if she could frame the difference and see how ahead of the curve she was, then perhaps that would settle her thoughts a bit.

[Percie Hobbes]

Percie took her time and thought about it. She knew that Sean wasn't waiting for a fast answer. She thought about her parents raising her and her siblings, she thought about her brother and sister and all the kids she'd gone to school with. She thought about the children she'd seen through her work, the people she'd arrested, trailed, interrogated. They were all someone's children too. "No," she said softly as she began to answer. Percie then realized that she'd never thought that about child-rearing. She wanted to be a mother because she wanted to raise a responsible human being that could effect change in their world weather it be small or large. "No, I've never thought that!" she said a little more strongly as a tentative smile broke out over her face.

She took a deep breath and thought about it some more with that idea driving her questions and the different scenario's in her mind. She was never about to bring a child into her life to fill a void but rather because she felt that it was just part of who she'd always been. Her dream after being a police officer, a detective as to be a mother. There was no void in that. Just because nature took away her ability to have children didn't mean that it took her choice. She could give a child a good life, and sometimes it would be hard but she would still love them because they would be hers and she would be theirs. "I think...I know my answer," she murmured quietly with another smile. "Thanks for helping me focus," she said sincerely. "Everything's going to change after this..." she realized and instead of feeling dread and anxious her smile grew until it hurt on her face. "This year is going to be amazing."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean waited for her to answer the question, a gentle expression on his features. Despite the fact that he believed he knew the answers already, he wouldn’t prompt her. He had asked the question to prompt her to think about her own motivations for having children, her views of children and parent-child relationships, her views of parenting as a whole, and, finally, in order to have her do a self-assessment of her strengths and weaknesses. All of that could take a few minutes, and it wasn’t as though either of them was on the clock; they were in a café drinking coffee and eating muffins.

He wasn’t surprised by her response, and his smile widened. The telepath nodded towards her, as though she had proved his point; in fact, she had. “Then I wouldn’t worry about being selfish. You know what parenting entails; you view it the right way.” She didn’t plan on having a child to buoy her through a depressive bout, or because other people had them and she viewed parenthood as a rite of passage; she wouldn’t treat a child as an accessory.

He thought she would make a good mother.

Sean returned her smile and sipped his coffee. “That’s the best thing about having children; everything changes.” Ideally, for the better. One of the benefits of adoption is that it necessarily involved waiting periods, investigation, and hoops through which to jump, which helped to weed out people who wanted children impulsively. Nobody could adopt by accident in the United States, which helped towards stable, healthy, happy homes. While not a guarantee, it did increase the odds by orders of magnitude in the right direction.