Epic Fail and then Redemption (Open)

[Brilliance Gideon]

The scene started with an elderly lady being mugged in front of a television store. She was standing there in awe and amazement while her purse was being snatched away. She wasn't amazed at the fact she was being robbed. No, instead, she was amazed at what she was seeing on television in front of window in the store. Not a care was given to all of her money now being carted away by a running purse snatcher. Twelve men were robbing a bank. That hasn't happened in a while. The number of men pulling this off was amazing itself.

"This is channel five news with our latest report. Whitley police officials have informed channel five that there is a bank robbery in progress at the Bank of America in downtown Whitley. Our on the screen reporter, Jeff Motley, is at the scene. Take it away Jeff.

As if the eyes of god himself or herself were watching the scene snapped to the Bank of America in question. Cop cars, ambulances, the fire department and even some random school children dressed up like Ghost Busters were standing around doing nothing. The cops were eating donuts, the firemen were having sexual intercourse in the back of their trucks with random prostitutes they had just paid and the paramedics were too busy updating their facebook statuses to assist in the emergency. This was a royal fuck job if one could ever be viewed. Three hostages were already killed in this robbery, two more were wounded and nobody could come up with a way inside of the bank because the men doing this were trained ex-special forces material.

Walking up to the scene came a man dressed in all purple. He wore a yellow cape and a black mask. The words, "The Masked Spanker" were on his chest in bright yellow. Another man came from behind this hideously dressed super hero who was dressed in a cowboy get up and a black mask. Yet another one of these goof balls appeared except out of the manhole covering next to his two super hero counterparts. This whack job was decked out in a costume that could only be accurately described as a worm costume. For the last trick of embarrassment the last man appeared with an I-Phone and a Japanese school child dress up costume.

One of the policemen looked up at the rather ridiculous looking super hero clan.

"The fuck you bozos supposed to be? The YMCA? Gay club's down the street," said the officer before going back to the jelly filled, rich and creamy goodness of a Krispy Kreme donut.

The four men looked at one another and all of them sighed. They were so used to that kind of response to their presence. It wasn't as if anyone heard of them or something. That didn't mean they couldn't go to work. The Masked Spanker stepped forward and assumed an actiony type of post with his arms extended above his head, a leg lifted in the classic crane style Kung Fu fighting position and his butt extended out in the back so that the spandex covering his butt cheeks could be readily viewed by the public yet the public behind him were school children who all threw up into their lunch boxes upon seeing this horrific sight. The other three men lifted their legs as well and all three of them farted.

In unison, they shouted, "Super Duper and MORRRRRE Super Team Non-Japanese, Correction, One Token and Random Japanese Dude Who Doesn't Care and Does This Just for Fame and Vagina Points Team ALPHA! Huzzah!"

Everybody watching, even some of the gay men who might have once liked these guys, laughed. The team of four rushed into the bank without any kind of guns or back up and entered to quickly take cover behind trash cans because they were instantly fired upon by AK-47 rifles. In the bank there were over twenty hostages who were all blind folded so none of them could see a damn thing.

"We need a plan. We must over react immediately!" shouted Masked Spanker.

The Japanese man saw an imaginary light bulb appear over his head. Of course, that's nothing like the little green space alien that only he can see that appears randomly while he was stalking women. He said he isn't crazy. That was his story and he'll be sticking to it. "Hey! Robbers! I dare ya to say 'OH NO!' three times! Come on! Don't be pussy washers! Be braaaaaave! Like 50 Cent when he got shot all those times! What's wrong with you people?" shouted the Japanese man.

A black man who was blind folded and a hostage stood up and said, "What do you mean 'you people'?"

Randomly, a cheap and generic knock off of said 50 Cent rapper came out of the darkness and into the light. He had a rolled up joint of weed in his mouth and puffed on it with a bottle of Colt 45 in his hand and a wad of fake dollar bills hanging out of his back pocket. His name was 24 Cents and Half a Penny.

He started...rapping?

"Yeaaaah! Well okay! What?! I said...YEAAAAAH! WELL OKAY! WHAT?! We be up in this bank and we gonna get robbed. By some men who be broke and ain't got no jobs. Wait...they just Americans in a recession. Now let me kick a dope choke rhyme and teach ya a lesson! Woke up this morning with no job. I'm a broke rapper. Yeah, ya'll just sob. I got the leash, I got the kibbles and kits. Strapped it up to my homie 'cause he is the shit. Yeeeeeeah! Walkin' my dog. I be walkin' my dog. I'm walkin' my dog. Fo' shizzle! Be walkin' my dog. I be walkin' said dog. I be walkin' that dog. It was like a yo-yo trick. WALKIN' MY DOG! He ain't a he so she is my bitch! Shiiiit! I watched her takin' a piss. It's a sick fetish so I was rubbin' my----"

If Jesus was available he'd probably thank the robber that shot this guy in the crotch at close range with a pump action shotgun. Next to the now dead rapper sat a woman dressed in a full body suit that was yellow and indicative of Bruce Lee's yellow jumpsuit costume that he made famous. One of the robbers noticed that this woman had ear rings in her ears that were gold. Those were probably expensive. So, the robber removed an ear ring.

Big mistake.

Inside this woman's head there were voices present. She argued with herself. Nobody else was talking to her. People wondered just who the hell she was fussing with.

"Panteneeeee is the best!"[/b]

"NO IT IS NOT! Fructose is the best!"

"Panteneeeeeee..."

"FRUCTOSE! YOU DIE! I'mma gonna beat yo' bitch ass like you stole my stimulus check! I'mma beat your face in with the penis of destruction, justice and a whole lotta ass whoopin'! I'mma dig in yo' bitch ass with a SHOVEL! GRRRRRWAAARRRR!"

"The hell's going on?" asked the Masked Spanker to his team.

"I dunno..." said Japanese man as he made it to the fourth level on the game he was playing on his phone.

The robbers shouted in unison. "OH NO!" That was more than three times. Bursting through the front door came a man who was actually like the boy in the bubble. He had Kool-Aid mixed in the bubble. He was Kool-Aid Man, ghetto action hero.

"ALRIGHT! Time's up! Lets do this! LEROY JENKINSSSSSS!" shouted Kool-Aid.

As the red and delicious tasting hero ran forward the woman who just had her ear ring stolen stood up, grabbed a cash register with strength that simply wasn't human and crashed it into the charging super hero.

Chaos came afterwards as the woman stood up and materialized what appeared to be a lego man. The sounds that came out of that bank were nothing short of horrible and desperate.

Twenty minutes later...

The heroes were outside holding their hands up in victory while munching down on the goodness that was the ice cream bars. One of the cops approached them with a smile.

"Thanks Super Duper team! You saved the day. So, uh, where's the robbers and hostages? I'm interested in interviewing all of them. This is going to be stuff of legend! You guys gonna be famous. Most times you come around here with borderline homosexual lines and stupid actions that never help but you guys actually came through or you wouldn't be out here with ice cream bars...soooo...uh, where are all the people?" inquired the officer.

The teammates looked at and shrugged shoulders at one another. Masked Spanker responded with, "Dunno what the hell you're talking about. We kinda left. They gave up Klondike bars for god sakes. Come on man. You're busting my balls here. And those balls are nice, velvety to the touch and smell of roses and grape juice. Would you bust balls of that description? No, you would not."

With a lowered head all the police officer could respond with was, "Epic...fail...with a vengeance..."

Inside the bank the robbers were being massacred. One of them was drowned to death in a fish tank, another beaten to death with a bag of nickels taken from the now dead rapper, and yet another man was dead, not from the golden woman's violence and brutality, but because he randomly died from lung cancer. It was at that point in the realization that one of the hostages took off a blind fold and help up a cardboard sign that read, "Truth."

Out from the roof one of the robbers had the golden woman's foot up his butt hole whilst she used his body like a peg leg and the other robber was dangling from the roof while having the woman's bra wrapped around his neck like a noose.

"SAY IT! I said say it damnit!"

The robbers didn't know what the woman wanted them to say at first. But then they remembered. It was a conversation they had while the super heroes were busy screwing off outside. They said, both of them together, "Pantene is the best!"

"That's what I thought! NOW DIE!"

It was at that point where Bri started to wake up from her dream. That's right. She dreamed this whole ordeal. None of this would have really happened for real. If it had then the world was a far more screwed up place than one could have originally imagined. Then again, Brilliance was kind of crazy. Her part in the dream might have actually happened.

"Miss Gideon, while I appreciate your urge to get your proper rest I will not stay on without a screen saver depicting hamsters, gerbils and naked mole rats dancing around in tiny yet comfortable underwear," said a robotic voice from a laptop.

Brilliance work up to hear her computer speak to her. It's a modification to her laptop that allows her laptop to speak to her in order to make her research typing a little easier to do and more effective. Instantly, she went back to work. Before she fell asleep she was working on creating a machine that could, in theory, identify abilities, classify said abilities and create a database in which to identify every ability with a simple eye scan. Something like this already existed but Brilliance wanted her own version of it that was faster, could keep DNA records and upload files through fingerprints. That was a lot for one machine to do but if anybody could build it Brilliance could.

There was a knock at the door. Recently, Brilliance had gotten some attention due to her research or what she called research. Unfortunately, there would be hell to pay if this woman screwed things up and did something illegal. People with abilities were already being given hell. Hammel didn't need a foul up on top of that. That was why Brilliance invited someone who might give her some advice on what to and what not to do with the machine she was building.

[Tabitha Bishop]

More often than not, the thought of the research laboratory in the basement would give Tabitha a raging head ache. Well, not so much the laboratories in themselves, but mostly the thought of having Brilliance Gideon in them. It was like having some sort of calm chemical concoction simmering peacefully along in its pietri dish, and then adding the one wrong ingredient that could make it all blow up in your face. While Tabitha Bishop had no problems understanding the need for scientific research in a field as unexplored as the meta-human, she was still in charge of whatever circumstances could cause the Institute to be held legally liable when experiments went from benevolent liquids to exploding supernovas.

Normally she just tried to push the matter out of her head. It was like worrying about global warming or the general sad state of the human kind. In the end it accomplished nothing except ruining her sleep. After having taken up the position as Hammel's official Attorney she had more than enough other problems to worry her on a day to day basis in any case. Having a school filled to the brim with hormonal teenagers who could potentially set fired to their dorm rooms or run through walls if they got a little overly excited tended to throw up a surprising amount of original legal questions.

Right at this moment willful ignorance was no longer an option, however. Miss Gideon had called her office directly and asked her to come down to the basement for a legal consult, and when the mad scientist living in your basement asks that, the lawyer has little options but to answer the call. Walking down the hallways of Hammel Institute at her normal quick pace Tabitha frowned thoughtfully wondering what the strange woman could have thought of now, hardly noticing as the few students still gracing the main building's halls scattered to the sides to let her pass.

Striding down the last flight of stairs Tabitha came to a halt outside the metal door that marked the entrance of the Institutes research facility and paused. She had never liked the laboratories. There were far too many unknown factors buzzing along on crowded work stations and scarlet liquids dripping in their glass containers for her liking. Having wings in a place like this was practically asking for a tragic fire, and the sooner she got out of there the better.

Steeling herself she knocked on the door and opened it whiteout waiting for a reply. Brilliance Gideon was already facing her from behind a computer screen and Tabitha wasted no time in crossing the floor over to the young scientist.

"Miss Gideon," she said shortly, "I believe you required my assistance?" The smell of the room made her want to pinch her nose, and she tried not to think of what could be boiling in the various contraptions spread out around her. People always thought the idea of having enhanced senses was cool. Tabitha didn't even fall into the "super-human" category of the field, and she could still vouch for the fact that being able to smell every single odor filling up a given space was much more of an inconvenience than it was an advantage.

[Brilliance Gideon]

"You know, Tabitha, I was almost unsure about inviting you here. You seemed like more of the type of woman that would enjoy being in the sky versus coming down here to fool around with me. But at the same time you never cease to honor anyone's wishes. That is a good and bad quality at the same time," Brilliance said after hearing the woman's entrance. There she goes again. Bri loved to give someone some kind of a deep lecture about their own personality when in all truthfulness Brilliance deserved a lecture about how crazy she could be. In any case, she figured the talking and the lecturing actually intrigued and lured people in to her. Rarely did it work out that way. So it's only a wonder why Brilliance continued to do this.

"Don't be confused by my words. I say it is good because you are an attorney. But it is bad because people can feel like you're a good doggy that they can call and you'll come running as long as you get the treat of satisfaction in assisting others. Then of course your question does become why would I call you when I share these feelings," the scientist went on to say before pushing her swivel chair over to a synthesis calibrator. Brilliance was making a small embryo while trying to complete the work order for the welding required for her machine.

Finally, she stopped, turned and stared at the person who came to help her with advice. A smile went across the crazy woman's face, she crossed her legs, removed her glasses and then folded her arms. "The answer to that question is fairly obvious. As much as I needed your words of wisdom and whatnot I much prefer your company. You, for the lack of better description, are a living notepad. Could talk to you about anything and you'll digest it. After all, it's apart of your job description. And boy do I need someone to transcribe some of the things that I think abo--" She stopped herself. "Er, I mean, about my research! Yeah, that's it!" she corrected herself. She wouldn't dare tell Tabitha about the stuff that went through her mind. Goodness that wouldn't turn out well.

"Let us get down to business, shall we?" Brilliance rolled over the new non-human identification machine on a rolling car, a pamphlet on how to use the machine and another pamphlet on another creation.

"I already told you about this little baby and how it can identify those with powers. But, uh, the other one? Well, it's a pheromone confuser. Sorry, couldn't come up with a better name. It...well, you put a blood sample into it and press the red button. It's supposed to send out radio waves that attracts the opposite or same gender towards you. It doesn't work yet but I'll try to have it finished in the next ten years," she explained. Brilliance laid the reading materials on the table next to Tabitha and lowered her head. She whispered, "I pray I can have it finished..." It was clear that something else was wrong. She couldn't just called Tabitha. Why did she need this woman here?

As Brilliance walked over to her personal desk and took a seat with her back turned to the attorney the mountains of letters that she wrote to herself and the countless journal entries made it clear. This woman was very lonely. She felt like Tabitha was obligated to talked to her. Otherwise, she felt as if nobody would ever speak to her in fear of everybody thinking of her as some kind of weirdo and freak.

[Tabitha Bishop]

Anyone watching Tabitha would not have noticed much outwardly change in her expression as she quietly listened to Gideon's meaningless stream of jabber, most of which was an ill-preformed psycho analysis of herself. Then again, anyone knowing her would have noticed her suddenly raised eyebrow and the general coldness seeping out from her very presence. They would have known to interpret it as a bad omen.

On the other hand, this was not a woman Tabitha had spent much time with. As it were, her job often required her to travel, something she had always seen as a small mercy. Had she really been meant to keep her position behind her desk in the office here at the Institute at all times, chances were that she wouldn't have held the position for long.

Perhaps it was a remnant of her semi-nomadic upbringing, something so ingrained in her very being from the time she was just a baby that she was unable to free herself from it, but Tabitha had never fully been able to settle anywhere. If she spent too much time in any given place, she'd feel the walls close in on her. Come to think of it, that feeling bore a sticking resemblance to being forced down into these musky old basements. Her own apartment in Pilot Ridge was at the top floor with a huge balcony and was sparsely furnished.

Waiting until the woman in front of her had to stop her babbling for a breath of air, Tabitha smiled. It was not a friendly gesture. "Miss Gideon," she interrupted, her voice as calm and controlled as ever, "I realize that we have not have the opportunity to spend much time in each others' company up until now, and while a well-functioning being might have taken this as a hint, let me just enlighten you on a few things."

Pausing she took a few steps to the left of the desk, so that the odd machine of which Gideon's last ramblings had concerned, came into view. They said there was a thin line between insanity and healthy creativity. Personally Tabitha suspected this was a line Gideon crossed quite often. "I am not here in Hammel to act as your friend or your psychologist. There are a number of well-trained people here who can deal with your delusions should you ever decide that you want to address them. I will applaud you if you do. I, however, am here as the Institutes Attorney. That means that when your little laboratory explodes into a million pieces because you just wanted to test something, people will be pointing the finger at me."

She couldn't exactly blame them either. Miss Gideon wouldn't even have to file an insanity plead to be granted the status. "That, and that alone is the only reason I venture down here when you called, because as you so accurately pointed out earlier, I prefer the open sky to the closed in walls of your smelly basement."

Stepping all the way over to the strange looking machine Gideon had bent over Tabitha frowned slightly, trying to determine the chance of it all suddenly and unexpectedly blowing sky-wise. Silently she listened to the researcher's explanation to what the newly developed machine was supposed to do. When the younger woman stopped talking Tabitha looked at her thoughtfully.

"In what way does it attract people?" she asked, "because I can tell you straight away that if it works in a way that manipulates peoples will or ability to make conscious free choices you, or rather I, will have a hard time getting it approved by the public institutions." In fact, even making sure that the civil rights of meta-humans with abilities such as telepathy or empathy were not "legally" violated was a daily struggle. People didn't like the thought of having other people potentially having access to their thoughts and memories, and certainly not the ability to control their actions.

While Tabitha might somehow sympathize with these semtiments on an objective level, all such feelings tended to vanish when she ended up in a debate about which precautions should be taken to ensure the safety of the so called general public. So far these suggestions had never even reached the legislators offices, but Tabitha sometimes worried what would happen when they did.

[Brilliance Gideon]

Brilliance's expression went to sadness fast, quick and in a hurry. She wanted so badly to befriend this woman because she felt like, perhaps, someone like Tabitha might find her to be pleasing to the soul. After all, Tabitha stood out with her wings even if she did find a way to conceal them. People at the institution and even some humans knew that Tabitha had said wings. Brilliance was the same. Sure, she didn't have wings or any other meta-human adaptation but what she did have was the kind of personality that made her into a freak. At least, that was what some called her. She needed someone in her life besides a lab rat and a computer that talked to her. She wanted to cry so badly but she didn't. She couldn't show weakness. Perhaps there was a chance to make friends with Tabitha but crying certainly wouldn't help that chance at all.

"I-I-I'm sorry. That was unprofessional of me. Come on, I mean, I had the urge to get to know you some. The great Tabitha Bishop has to have a personality besides going into a court room. People like you are the reason why people like me can exist. There's no reason why we can't be friends. If nothing else, I owe you a coffee at Starbucks or something to thank you. Without you--" Brilliance stopped and picked up a lab creation of hers. She was embarking on things that clearly shouldn't have been created. Human cloning wasn't even legal so giving a guinea pig the ability to view meta-human abilities couldn't possibly be legal in any state in the United States. "None of my research would see the light of day," she finished her statement with. Her research shouldn't have seen the light of day as far as the law was concerned but thanks to the concealment efforts of Hammel Brilliance could work in peace.

Her ears perked up upon the questioning of how her pheromone machine worked. She happily pranced over to her computer and brought up the electrical schematic and chemical schematic of the device. "Well, works like this. By itself, it's nothing. It needs a subject in which to sample. Therefore, if you can get a hair sample of the person you want to attract and synthesize it with a hair sample of yourself then you can create a liquid that could easily be contained in a squirt bottle and used as perfume. Spray it on yourself and the person will go crazy about you once they smell you. Of course, you don't need hair. Most you need is just DNA itself. Just a simple smudge of skin, blood or even spit will do. We're talking about a break through!" she exclaimed.

Brilliance's idea was to eliminate stalking, rape and perverted people by just getting the people said crazy person wanted to like them without having to break the law to do it. Of course, this was highly illegal. Tabitha would have to be completely out of her mind to approve this. This was why Tabitha had to be around for people like Brilliance. If she wasn't then all hell would break loose. It's a wonder how the hell did Brilliance get this job to begin with. She's clearly not well in the head if she thought anyone would believe that this machine was a great invention more so than a lawsuit just waiting to happen. Congress would have a field day with Hammel if they didn't destroy this thing immediately.

"I know it sounds a little crazy but I like it. I made it because some people have a hard time finding a special person. I figured I'd give those people some help. I know what it's like to be alone," she said. And boy was she not lying. She hadn't had a significant other in years. Still a virgin at her age and it's no wonder why with her crazy mind scaring every person who might've dated away. Her intentions were good. She just didn't want people to be alone like she was. Brilliance realized that she probably won't find anyone who'll put up with her antics. At least, not a whole lot of people that is. At least other people wouldn't have to live like she does if Tabitha thought that this was a good idea.

"So, whatcha think? Million dollar idea? I got a million things to show you but I know you're a busy bee and stuff," Bri went on to say. A loud "dinging" noise sounded off. The young scientist scurried over to a cappuccino machine and pulled out two cups. She prepared two of the drinks, grabbed them both, turned and held one out to the attorney while walking over her to guest. "Here, it's fresh," she offered.