A Cat's Study

[Catherine Novella]

Cat walked down on the path to the research laboratory. She was being summoned and had no idea why. Cat began to look around memorizing the way in case she got lost again. She was new here and it did not help the she was directionally challenged, if anything it made it worse. Cat began to contemplate why she was being summoned, she much rather be at home reading or at the library working. Nothing was going according to plan. This was going to be the first person she had met, other than the recruiter that was. Cat wanted to make a good impression but was almost scared to see who this was. Cat put away her worries and walked into the building, trying her best to figure out why she was here. All she could think of was that it was some sort of introduction, but the recruiter had done that already. “Oh well I guess I just have to wait and see” Cat said to herself.

[Conrad Manne]

Conrad liked the lab, yeah, but there were so many other interesting parts of the school, it wasn't unusual to see him wandering around somewhere else, just exploring like he used to when he was a student there himself.

Unfortunately, that meant that he was running a little late. (It didn't help that he'd wandered past a time manipulator and had his timestream speed up for about fifteen minutes or so.) But it was only a few minutes after his scheduled appointment that he burst into the basement laboratory, already pulling off his gloves and overcoat. "Oh, Catherine, right? Sorry I'm late, I was coming across campus. I'm Conrad Manne." He hung up his coat and scarf on a hook by the door, then replaced it with a white lab coat and headed to his desk to pick up his file on psychometry.

"I've got a couple of tests for you to run. If you will just sit at that table over there..." Conrad gestured with his pen, "Then we can get started. Now, I'm just doing a visual report, all observation. I'm going to give you several writing samples, and I just want to tell me what you get from each of them." He had another thick file next to him, of a mixture of typed and hand-written school papers. "If you want to stop at any time, you just let me know, and it's okay. There's water if you need it, and if you want to ask me something, just ask away."

[Catherine Novella]

Ah so that was why she was being called down here. To be analyzed. Well, I may not like it and I don’t really know the extent of my powers myself. Maybe it’s a good thing. Cat not really knowing what to do went up to the man and sat down at the table next to him. In front of her there were many papers, all of them different. Some had sloppy handwriting and others were typed. The man, a mister Conrad Manne, had introduced himself.

Mr. Manne looked rushed, almost disorganized. Cat began to size the man up. He was obviously a teacher as he gave off the teacher vibe. Cat was fine with most teachers but some just rubbed Cat the wrong way. Apparently he was fine. Cat refocused on the task at hand. This impossible task set before her. She didn’t even know anything about her powers, and he wanted to observe her? Maybe this would get some of the questions Cat had answered. She just sat there and waited for Mr. Manne to continue. Cat had a feeling that this was going to last quite a long time.

Sighing Cat looked at the file of papers in his hands and the file next to him. She wondered which was which. One was significantly larger than the other. She hoped it was the smaller one. Cat began looking at the files, almost staring, trying to urge the man on to hand it over. She was trying her hardest to make the man give them to her without actually speaking to him. Maybe he wanted an introduction? “I’m Catherine Novella. Cat.” Cat waited for the man to reply, anxious to get this over with.

[Conrad Manne]

After laying out the samples on the desk, Conrad smiled at her. The poor girl looked nervous, and he could remember all about being young and nervous during his first year at Hammel, and having to make calculations and measurements over and over until his trainer had been satisfied that his accuracy was as good as it was going to get for the day. "I know that, Cat. You can call me Conrad, if you want, you know. I have a brother your age. RC? Maybe you've met him?" He didn't mind chatting, anything to make her more comfortable.

He went and grabbed a digital recorder from his own desk and returned with it, putting it by his side. "I'm going to record the actual test, then transcribe it later, if that's okay with you. All I would like you to do is look over these papers. Tell me what you pick up from them. They're all samples of writing from various students through the years. They're just essays, nothing incredibly personal." That was part of the point of the experiment, after all, to gauge her accuracy. He'd collected papers written after significant things had happened, like a younger sister being born, someone losing his virginity, being rejected from her first choice college, that kind of thing. Mixed in, on one of the printed sheets, was an essay on Teddy Roosevelt, written the same night his girlfriend had broken up with him. Yes, it was one of Conrad's, and she'd broken it off three days before prom, because he hadn't told her he was HIV-positive, even though they hadn't been anywhere close to having sex.

He still remembered that night perfectly. What better control could there be? "Whenever something registers with you, just say it aloud for the recorder, okay?"

[Catherine Novella]

Cat contemplated what the man had said. He had a younger brother. Well that was nice for him. Cat wondered what it would be like to have a younger sibling. While she was doing this Cat noticed the man passing out the papers. Some of them were lengthy others short. There were six in total. Cat decided to start with a longer one. She began reading; the first was about the comparison of Chemistry and Physics. It was odd and extremely boring but, there was something edging on the edge of her mind. Something about a feeling of sadness, of losing oneself. Cat began to read it over again. There was something else there it was just that she didn’t have it yet. Maybe that grammar was affecting her so called ability. There was one particular mistake. It was right at the beginning. They did not put an apostrophe in the word can’t. It was really bugging her. “Can I have a pen? Cat was hesitant to ask but it was not an unnecessary request right? She looked at the man expectantly.

While she was waiting for the pen Cat went on to the next paper, it was shorter and was did not look like it had any grammar or spelling errors. Cat felt the words flow off of the page and into her brain. This was easy somehow it just came to her. The author had just found out that they were going to be going overseas to visit their great-grandmother. Cat felt happy for the person and was thinking about how awesome it would be to go to Europe also. Though knowing herself she would get lost somewhere in a country where they wouldn’t speak English. Remembering that Mr. Manne was there Cat told him all about how the author was glad to be going overseas and was feeling enthusiastic about it. She told him about how the author hadn’t seen her great-grandmother since she was born but they had often chatted via Facebook. Cat looked at the teacher still waiting for the pen and put the short essay into the finished pile. The first one.

[Conrad Manne]

Conrad didn't get up to get the pen right away, preferring to sit and listed to what Cat had to say about the other essay. He nodded and smiled at her, knowing that sample no: 2 was written by someone who later wrote about that specific visit. That gave her a 50% accuracy rate so far, though she didn't say anything about the first one....

With a shrug, Conrad pulled a pen from the pocket of his lab coat and handed it over. "Please say as much as you can get from each of these. It will help with my report, later. How are you enjoying Hammel, so far?" The researcher still thought she seemed a bit tense. "Don't worry about this, okay? It isn't a test or anything. Just research."

[Catherine Novella]

“Yes sir.” Satisfied with her pen Cat began to read through the first essay again. This time she corrected all of the mistakes and started read through her finished project. There that was better. She hated bad grammar. Cat began the process of painstakingly reading the essay over, taking in each detail, each feeling of sadness and regret. Even a feeling of anger. “This person is feeling sadness and regret, even anger. This person is harboring all of these feelings, not directly letting them out. The person had maybe lost something or they had found out bad news. I don’t know what the thing is I’m missing but I’m missing something. ” Finally Cat gave up on that paper and moved on to the next one. This really was extremely frustrating to Cat.

This one was a paper on how Shakespeare was still influencing the minds of the children that read him today. Cat found it to be incredibly interesting and started to read it as if it were for enjoyment. Once her power did whatever it was supposed to do Cat told the teacher, “The author is obviously rejoicing. Yet there is a bit of him that is scaring him too.” A feeling of over protectiveness washed over Cat, It was very strong. As if a baby was being born. No, wait that was it. “An elder brother just had a baby sister born. At least that was what he was thinking about when he wrote it. He is going to give any guy that comes within a few feet of her hell when she’s a teenager.” Cat heard through the writing that he had vowed to protect his little sister with all his might. This was beautiful.

Cat began to cry, this was amazing, and the ability to feel it as the author, this random person poured out their feelings into a paper. And Cat was able to feel them. She looked at the man sitting next to her. Had he felt this way when his brothers were born? With tears streaming down her face Cat began to read the next essay.

[Conrad Manne]

"The 'Sir' isn't necessary, Cat. You can call me Conrad. I'm not that much older than you." And he wasn't. Yeah, he'd started college at seventeen, but that was just because he had a late-ish birthday and his parents had pushed for him to start kindergarten earlier as opposed to the year later. And with the help of his ability, he'd been able to get his degree in three years and change. He was barely twenty one.

"That's good, Cat. That's really good." He had an older sister, yes, but not just an older one, "I feel the same way about my baby sister." Conrad gave her a small smile, then pulled a box of tissues out of his desk drawer. "Take as many as you need."

But he was quiet and observant when the girl picked up the next essay. It was the one he had written himself, age seventeen, when his first girlfriend ever broke up with him just before prom. He'd put it in without thinking, or even realizing, how severe her reaction would be. Conrad had been really emotional at the time, and he was worried that he wouldn't be able to keep his face impassive while she read it out.

[Catherine Novella]

Cat looked at the teacher sitting next to her. He was so open. How could he afford to be? The way that Cat was raised was to call an elder sir or ma’am , he didn’t look that much older but still. Cat watched as the man put the tissues on the desk next to her. She took one and blew her nose, all right Cat no more crying! Silently Cat picked up the next article, it was on Teddy Roosevelt. Cat was studying him in history at her previous school. She knew a lot about him but apparently this person had done a lot of research and was one of the experts on the subject. Cat found this president to be interesting. How could one person win so much support? He was just one man.

The report covered every ounce of the man. It was as if the person writing it was extremely good at finding things. Cat felt very insecure all of the sudden. She felt devastated. Cat looked to the man sitting next to her. He seemed different from before. Silent. Cat felt the tears well up in her eyes. NO she thought I have to read this first. Cat got to the third page before she burst out crying. It was a while since she had felt this much pain, suffering and anger. It was all inside the author, bottled up. “This.. This… This.. Person was extremely.. Extremely sad. Extremely angry, extremely grieved. Whatever happened almost drove them to be destroyed forever.” Cat scowled. She was angry for this person,. Angry at what had happened to them, angry for them. Cat felt the words coming into her mind, “Let’s break up.” The immediate pain and almost denial washed over Cat. “Why?” Cat looked pained at this next statement. “You know why.”

“The boy was rejected. He was feeling pain, anger, regret, denial. And heartbreak. I feel his pain, his anger, his regret, his sadness, his denial, I feel it. What do I do?” Cat felt herself start to breakdown, her last nerves beginning to fray. “Why do I feel this? Am I a monster? How can it go so wrong, one moment feeling such a beautiful thing then this happens, feeling so utterly awful and on the verge of a crash?” Cat began to cry again. “Now Cat you said you were done crying. Stop it. ” Cat mumbled this to herself, hoping that she wasn’t going to embarrass herself in front of the teacher anymore.

[Conrad Manne]

Conrad had few nervous habits, but he felt like he developed seven of them as he watched the student start in on his old essay. He had to consciously think about stopping his fingers from drumming on the table, and his teeth from gnawing on the inside of his lip, waiting, waiting for the reaction.

Now that a few years had passed, he understood what had happened that day. Amber had been scared, and she'd done what had made the most sense to her at the time. He'd moved on, dated other girls in college. It was okay.

But now that Cat was talking about it, he remembered exactly how it had felt at the time. He tried to remain impassive as she spoke, to hide that he had been the one rejected. Finally, as she started to cry, he reached out and gently tugged the paper away. "Yes, Cat. You're right. That's what happened."

He'd made a teenage girl cry. None of his labs had prepared him for this.

Quickly, he stood, and gathered up the papers that were still on the desk. "That's enough for today. You don't have to do any more." He put them into the folder, then reached over and turned off the recorder. This part was not relevant to his study.

"You're not a monster." He nudged the box of tissues towards her again, and speaking softly, the same way he did when one of his little siblings was upset. "You're no more a monster than anyone else here. You've just have a way to pick up on emotions. I picked papers that had strong feelings attached to them, so it might be easier for you to get them. But trust me, even the worst emotions you felt, things get better." He gently reached out and covered her hand with his own. "I promise, everything gets better."

[Catherine Novella]

Cat Began to full out cry. Her mind was not winning over her heart this time. She felt the eyes of the teacher on her. Slowly taking in all of her emotions and her feelings. The feelings of this person lingered within cat. Cat shuddered. Who ever this person was she hoped they would feel better, but feeling their emotions, their thoughts, Cat found this to be unchanging. How could someone ever recover from that? Was it even possible?

Cat felt Mr.Manne tug the paper out from her. She looked up to him, tears streaming down her face, and silently cried. “Are they ok?” Cat was beginning to think that is was not the best thing for her to do, being herself, asking this. If they were not ok then Cat would feel horrible. She knew that it was not the emotions that mattered, it was the person.

When Mr.Manne told her she was done cat put her head on the desk and tried to calm herself. No more her body screamed. NO more! But Cat’s brain had to know the answer. IT had to find out the truth. She looked at Mr. Manne, “Why? Why would this happen? The author was kind, he was diligent, and then this happened. It broke him? Why?”

Cat watched as Mr. Manne turned off the recorder. She looked at him in wonder? Was she really done? That was it? Cat felt a relief, she would not have to do this again, and she would not have to be the one to cry. Cat listened to his monster comment. Cat did not believe it. She was one. That was a fact. Mr. Manne came up to her again. She watched silently was he put his hand over hers. His explanation made sense in a weird sort of way but it did not fill in the gaps, why was this happening? Why was this happening to her, who only wanted to hide, be lost in books, let herself be free.

When Mr.Manne mentioned that he had intentionally chosen papers that had great and significant emotional stress and feelings attached Cat stared. She thought Hammel was supposed to help her? How was this helping her? If anything it made her realize that she was a monster. “You don’t have these emotions. You don’t have to be the one to experience them. Can you feel what I am feeling now, the pain, the hatred, the pure raw emotion of this boy? I would never want to go through this. And the worse thing is that I can not do anything about this. I don’t know what happened to this person, if they survived? I don’t know. And I feel terrible for not knowing.” Cat looked down at her bag. “I will learn to deal with this if it is the last thing I do.”

Cat started to get up but looked at Mr. Manne once again. “Can you at least tell me if he survived?”

[Conrad Manne]

Conrad had sisters, so he wasn't completely out of his depths when Cat began to cry. But he didn't know what he should do in this case, because he was staff and he was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to give students hugs. He didn't answer her first question, because he had to figure out the right way to word it.

The researcher wasn't going to tell Cat that he was the one who had written the essay. He didn't know her, and most of the students at Hammel didn't know about his status, and he didn't want that to become gossip. It wasn't that he didn't think she was trustworthy, but it was bad enough that the people who did know because they were supposed to know could accidentally leak it to a telepath.

But he had to shake his head when she accused him of not knowing what it felt like. "They're emotions, Cat. Everyone has them. Yes, it's different for you because you get them amplified, but I've felt betrayed. I've been hurt." He leaned forward, trying to get her to look him in the eye. "You'll learn how to manage your power here, but you have to remember that you're not the only one with emotions. That's where you're getting this, other people. You are not alone."

When she got up, he nodded to her, but his face fell when she asked again. After a moment, when he carefully arranged he thoughts, Conrad spoke again. "Yes, he survived. He was dumped by his high school girlfriend, and it sucked at the time, but he's moved on." Was that cryptic enough? "You need to remember that you get a small glimpse of people. You don't know what happens after, but I promise you, good or bad, everything eventually passes."

[Catherine Novella]

Cat calmed herself. Well as much as she could. She was positive that she would always remember this. She may not want to but she felt she had too. Cat was counting backwards from ten to calm herself, hey it had always worked in the past. As she looked at Mr. Manne and when he started talking again she sighed. “ we have all been betrayed. We have all been hurt. I know I am not the only one with emotions.” Cat looked down. She was contemplating saying more but it seemed he still had something to say.

Looking at Mr. Manne Cat made her way to the door. As she stood she heard Mr. Manne reply to her question. She smiled with his answer. She was glad he had survived. If Mr. Manne as not going to tell her that was fine, but she was sad that his girlfriend had dumped him. Cat looked down at her shoes before she left. “ If everything eventually passes what is the use of even trying?” With that Cat walked out and made her way back to her room to reside herself in the sanctuary of the words.