Pass Me The Oreo - Cobalt

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt’s sheepish grin widened as he waved his hands around vaguely, “…Well, okay we didn’t blow up the car. We just accidentally…set off… you know what? Never mind. I was younger and liked to go looking for trouble under the guise of fighting crime or something.” Cobalt shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant.

He rolled his eyes, “However will you survive. You’re not a baby bird. You will manage. I promise.”

Honestly, Cobalt had no idea Ben would even be remotely jealous; he hadn’t even understood it the first time. Danny was different, and Cobalt assumed that Ben knew that if Cobalt wanted to be with Danny, he would have asked Danny, not Ben. As such, he had no idea he might have been acting a little insensitive.

When Ben began his confession, Cobalt froze, looking at Ben with anxious blue eyes. He supposed Ben was being perfectly reasonable; his emotional issues were daunting, and he hadn’t even shared everything with Ben. And a tiny, treacherous part of his brain whispered that if Ben couldn’t even handle his awkwardness around displays of affection and mild internalized homophobia, then there was no way he was going to stick around for the worse things.

But then Ben pulled him close and continued to talk. Talked about familiar things like bad experiences and keeping things from him so as not to scare him away. Cobalt understood that. Cobalt listened to what Ben was saying, and what he wasn’t saying. Finally, Cobalt looked up at him, and smiled.

“Okay. Thank you, then. For being honest with me. I…you know. I am working things out. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but you can tell me anything.” He chuckled briefly, “I think we’re both keeping things from each other. And maybe…someday…we should talk about them? But I don’t want to now.” Now wasn’t the right time. They were happy again.

So when Ben leaned forward to kiss him, Cobalt pushed himself forward and up, catching Ben’s lips with his own and looping an arm around his neck, keeping him there. He didn’t always know how to articulate things, and for all his pride in his job, words sometimes escaped him. So he tried to communicate what he wanted to say into that kiss.

I understand, I like you too, try not to rip me in half. I’ll try not to break you either.

[Benjamin Rhodes]

"Let me get this straight, you were a vigilante? How much younger were you?" Ben chuckled, still in disbelief. Cobalt's blase exterior did not stop Ben's incredulous bark of laughter from erupting from his throat. This was just a gold mine!

Ben didn't know if Cobalt's silence in all of his babble was a good thing or not because Ben personally took silence as an agreement. But this was Cobalt. Cobalt operated on another different level. His silence might mean he was upset. Or worst disappointment. Of all things Ben didn't want to do was disappoint the older man.

In general, Ben hated disappointing anybody at all but Cobalt's approval somehow meant more to him than anybody else's.

But then he smiled. God, that smile.

"I don't want to now either." He laughed, cupping the other man's cheeks in his hands, glad to find that the shadow manipulator was allowing him this small favour. Ben tilted his head slightly, running one hand through Cobalt's hair, pulling him close.

Ben didn't know what it was but the kiss held something more than a simple touch of the lips. He could feel himself getting lost in the emotions behind the kiss and not knowing whether it was coming from him or from Cobalt. But he knew this, the kiss, it held his joy right then and there.

Please God don't make me screw this up. I don't want to lose him.

[Cobalt Weaver]

“No, no, no!” Cobalt laughed, “I was never a vigilante. I would make a terrible vigilante. No, see…I was interning at a law firm at the time, and my roommate, Sam, was a rookie cop. We lived in Chicago at the time, and we somehow just managed to get into a lot of shit. And mostly not on purpose.” Mostly.

He was grateful that they were able to talk about this, however obliquely. He was grateful that they could be close again. That all the weirdness was washing away. Cobalt hummed slightly, scooting forward, wrapping his free arm around Ben’s waist. The angle was a little awkward, and he didn’t really know what to do, but he wanted something. He pushed himself forward slightly, tilting his head. Maybe if he could—

BLAM.

The sound of a gunshot startled him away from the kiss, looking around wildly for a moment before realizing that there was some manner of gunfight going on in the movie. He glanced over at Ben and started to laugh, flushed and slightly out of breath.

“Well. Um.” Cobalt turned to look at the movie, “Anyways.” He grinned a little to himself, rubbing the back of his neck, “Good movie.”

[Benjamin Rhodes]

Ben laughed at Cobalt's attempt at explaining. "Sure," he shot the older man a look of disbelief before laughing again.

He was about to adjust himself under Cobalt when the TV suddenly exploded and Ben blinked dreamily up at Cobalt as he moved away. His laughter made Ben grin lazily and they were back to sitting away from each other.

Which was a shame. Ben wanted to continue but if Cobalt wanted to stop well, he was willing to stop. He didn't want Cobalt to give himself any reason to pull away again.

"I would believe you if we had been concentrating on the movie at all." Ben smirked before dunking an Oreo into his milk and eating it. "Hey, Jules has been quiet the whole time." Ben looked over his shoulder to see Jules curled up around the chewtoy in a corner. The psychologist chuckled before turning to the screen and leaning against Cobalt.

He did a cheap ass move by yawning and slinging an arm around Cobalt, basically hanging off the poor older man. "So you free for dinner tonight?"

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt blinked at him, his head still fuzzy and his pulse thudding in his ears. He didn’t want to stop, but he didn’t quite know how to articulate that he wanted to keep doing this. He wanted a lot of things that he didn’t know how to ask for, because that creeping, insidious voice in the back of his head reminded him that this was still risky business, and he should tread lightly on the subject of desires, because it is far too easy to ruin everything that way. If Ben didn’t want it, he certainly wasn’t going to press.

…But goddamn.

His timing was terrible as ever, because this was meant to be a reconciliatory date, and they were supposed to be talking and enjoying each other’s company. And all Cobalt could think of was how he wanted to enjoy Ben’s company in another way. Really, really badly. Cobalt shifted in his seat, pulling his knee back up to his chest. Admittedly, it had been a while since he’d been in a relationship, and there were certain desires that went with that, but he had been in his twenties, and he hadn’t really been effective at communicating his desires then. Now, he was simply a lost cause.

Taking a deep breath, Cobalt told himself to get a grip and proceeded to jump all but a foot in the air when Ben’s arm fell on his shoulders. Once he realized what actually happened, Cobalt shot Ben and incredulous look. “Did you really just do that?” He laughed, “You’re absurd. And potentially fifteen.” He made a show of shoving Ben’s arm back on him, “And I may be free, but not if you’re going to continue like that.”

[Benjamin Rhodes]

Had Ben known what Cobalt was thinking, the psychologist would have killed any doubt Cobalt ever had about him not wanting the same. Because Ben had wanted the same thing from day one even. He just didn't want to come on too strong to drive Cobalt away.

Oh how he misinterpreted everything.

As expected, his move had caught Cobalt's attention and he laughed as his arm was shoved back at him. "Oh come on, that was pure gold." He teased, trying to pull Cobalt back into his arms once more, feeling a little overwhelmed by how empty his arms felt without Cobalt in it.

He pushed those thoughts of his head and wrapped his arm around Cobalt, trapping the other man by his side. "Well, make yourself free anyway. I've got this stupid huge craving for Chinese food and you're the only one who would appreciate it with me." Ben squeezed Cobalt against his side before grabbing another Oreo and shoving it in his mouth, leaning against Cobalt and nuzzling the side of the man's head.

[Cobalt Weaver]

“That most certainly was not.” Cobalt laughed, flailing out of Ben’s grasp for the moment, writhing away and then making a strangled half-noise when Ben wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him back in. Okay. Well that was… This wasn’t helping his current state. At all.

Cobalt wasn’t sensitive per se, but he was always hyperaware that he was being touched at any given moment, because he wasn’t used to it. He didn’t get touched very often, and therefore he was always very, very aware it was happening. And this wasn’t the useful someone-is-trying-to-hurt-you awareness. This was a more unhelpful but infinitely more pleasant feeling. His skin prickled under his T-shirt, and he simply didn’t know what to do.

“Oh, well, it’s a good thing I like Chinese food—ack!” Cobalt was not expecting Ben to bury his face in Cobalt’s head and he could feel the vibrations of Ben chewing his food loud against his ear. Not helping.

“Eugh, Ben, off, you’re getting crumbs on me.” Did he sound a little breathless? Possibly. But Ben was only interested in snuggling at this point, and he didn’t think it would be in good form to even try to instigate something else. As if he would know how.

Cobalt always kept a firm handle on how he felt. He usually was aware of why he was feeling what he was, or at least was aware of what he was feeling, denial as a defense mechanism notwithstanding. He knew what he wanted, and he knew what he felt. But this was dangerous, and certainly not worth disrupting the balance they had. A million things could go wrong, and any of them could be disastrous.

[Benjamin Rhodes]

"You, Mr. Weaver, have no appreciation whatsoever for subtlety." Ben teased, firmly holding on to Cobalt's side, still unaware of how the other man was feeling. He just wanted the other man close, whatever way possible. Of course, there was one way he really wanted Cobalt in but if the shadow manipulator still had trouble not jumping every time Ben touched him, what would he do if Ben asked for more?

At Cobalt's words, Ben laughed and picked off bits of crumbs on Cobalt's shoulder with his hand before using his mouth near Cobalt's neck. "But they taste so delicious on you." He continued to nibble on Cobalt's neck, pressing his hand firmly on the other man's waist.

He wanted more than this, Ben knew that. Part of him was screaming for it even. But another part was telling him to back off. Cobalt might not want this. Had they not discussed this before? Hadn't Cobalt been the one to break the hold earlier? Ben was pushing too hard, too fast. He didn't want to give Cobalt an excuse to bolt. Out of his own house.

But damn it. He wanted this.

[Cobalt Weaver]

“Oh, right, and you’re definitely the master of that.” Cobalt mumbled, his words starting to pile up under his tongue. He was starting to feel flushed and slightly claustrophobic and brimming with slightly panicked energy. Goosebumps pricked at his skin under his shirt and he used up all his not-inconsiderable self control to not shiver as Ben’s warm arms anchored him in place. He was torn between run and give in and both options seemed deadly in consequences. It was entirely possible that Cobalt overthought everything.

“They…? Ben, get—” Cobalt’s protestations were violently and abruptly cut off as Ben began to lightly bite at the skin of his neck. Cobalt’s entire body froze, and perhaps it wasn’t quite true that Cobalt wasn’t sensitive, and there was a reason he didn’t like wearing scarves or high collared shirts besides the fact he thought they kind of looked ridiculous and hadn’t that been a surprise when he’d first started dating, that there was a place on his person that could illicit such a reaction from his skin.

There was a millisecond of pause before Cobalt instinctually jumped, jerking away when that was actually the exact opposite from what he wanted to do. He stared at Ben with wide, blue eyes. And while please do that again was on his tongue, what ended up coming out was:

“I am not an Oreo, Ben.”

…He hated everything.

[Benjamin Rhodes]

"Please, I'm a ninja." Ben ridiculously pouted and dusted imaginary dust off his shoulder. He didn't know what was it with Cobalt that was making him extremely antsy. Not bad antsy but he just couldn't stop moving. Against Cobalt. He just wanted to be on top of the man, just...touching him. There was seriously something terribly wrong in thinking about a man in this way, just after a reconciliation.

As he tried to further his ministrations, he was cut off by the other man's jumping and ridiculous remark that he was, indeed, not an Oreo. What Ben wanted to say and what Ben was about to do didn't coincide but clearly, Cobalt did not need to hear Ben's thoughts on how much more delicious Cobalt was to him than a sandwich cookie.

With a smirk and shrug, he ignored the screaming coming from his belly downwards as he scooted away from Cobalt, leaning against the arm of the couch, settling his eyes on the TV. He wasn't watching it really, he was just trying to calm himself down enough to not draw attention to parts of is body that sorely needed attention.

Once he was sure he was calm enough, he reached out to grab the last two pieces of Oreo, handing one to Cobalt and nibbling on the other himself. "So Chinese tonight?" He asked, not looking at Cobalt.

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt didn’t want him to stop. He really, really didn’t. But he had already made the mistake of jumping away, and such a rejection, however inadvertent, was probably not immediately forgivable. If it was even an advance in the first place. Ben might just have felt like flirting, and nothing beyond that, and that it was just Cobalt who was interested in things beyond that. Which…was a first, since people either were interested in everything or in nothing at all. He wasn’t used to this in-between and he didn’t quite know what to do with it. He didn’t know the rules anymore, and what was too early and what was just fine.

And secretly, he wondered if Ben was being passive because he didn’t want to scare Cobalt off. And that wouldn’t be the first time. It aggravated Cobalt; he didn’t want to be treated like a skittish animal, and if nothing else, he thought it would help more to be treated like nothing was wrong with him even if that wasn’t precisely true.

But Ben casually shrugged and scooted away, which was, again, the exact opposite of what he wanted. But he said nothing. But Ben wouldn’t even look at him now, and that stress was at least distracting him from certain other personal problems he was having. He was getting too old for this.

Drawing up one knee to protectively tuck under his chin, Cobalt took the proffered cookie slightly sheepishly. He didn’t really want it, so he just stared at it morosely. He started slightly when Ben asked about dinner. “Oh. Um. Yeah, that sounds great.” Cobalt nodded, slightly frustrated with himself, and this situation, and he didn’t have anywhere to put this frustration. But he didn’t want to give it to Ben, so he leaned his head against Ben’s shoulder and wished he could function better.

“Um.” There was so much Cobalt actually wanted to say. He wanted to tell Ben that he hoped the other man wasn’t trying to walk on eggshells around issues he hadn’t even began to share with him. He wanted to tell Ben that when he jerked away, he actually wanted to do the exact opposite. He wanted to say that he wanted Ben. And that was probably the hardest to even think, because if he said that, then it was all at Ben’s mercy and he wasn’t sure he could handle the risk.

So instead, Cobalt backed away, something he never did in any other situation except for situations like these. Situations where he actually stood to lose something. “Good movie,” He nodded towards the screen. He didn’t actually know what was going on onscreen, “Even if we probably missed some important bits.”

[Benjamin Rhodes]

If only Ben had a way of knowing exactly what Cobalt was thinking about and what he wanted. It would definitely make things so much easier. Ben was so used to having his partners actually push for more, not take a step back. He was giving Cobalt so much space because it was only fair for Cobalt to take the reins on this relationship. At least that was what Ben thought.

Ben looked down when Cobalt leaned against his shoulder and a smile slowly lit his face. No matter that the same man had [mistakenly; although by now, it really was Ben's fault] blue-balled him more than once, the feeling of Cobalt in his arms more than made up for everything else.

How seriously whipped you are, Benjamin Rhodes.

Ben laughed lightly when Cobalt commented on the movie again. "Yeah. Some." He pulled Cobalt close, pressing his lips on his boyfriend's head. He wanted to thank the man for forgiving him but the words stuck in his throat so he kept quiet about it. He also didn't want to jinx this. Not anymore.

"Shall I call for Chinese now or finish the movie first? We've got like...two more hours till dinner time."

[Cobalt Weaver]

If the two of them didn’t completely fail at communication, then they probably would have been happier all around. As it was, Cobalt didn’t know how to articulate his needs, and Ben didn’t know how to read him. Which led to infinite frustrations all around. If Cobalt were aware of everything, he would have found it utterly ridiculous. Because it was. As it stood, Cobalt was just irritated. Irritated with himself, irritated with Ben, and irritated with the situation. He leaned closer into Ben’s shoulder, trying to keep his irritation to himself; this wasn’t Ben’s fault. He didn’t even know what this was enough to place blame on anyone. And that was disconcerting in and of itself.

Cobalt didn’t know the first thing about recognizing someone being “whipped”, and if he knew what was going on, he would have been a little embarrassed. Relationships were supposed to be equal, and anything else would be unfair and thus Not Okay.

He was really partially content to sit with Ben and be close. Just that was novelty enough.

“Umm…” Cobalt shrugged against Ben’s shoulder, “I dunno. We can wait, I guess. I’m not all that hungry.” He tilted his head up to look at Ben, “What about you?”

[Benjamin Rhodes]

Even Ben was frustrated. For so many reasons he couldn't quite articulate. It would have made things much easier if he had though. He would have found it ridiculous if it turned out that the only reason he wasn't with his boyfriend the way he wanted to be was because they couldn't just say "I want to sex you up".

Had Ben known he was whipped, he would have backed the hell out of this relationship...maybe. But he was just as oblivious to the term as Cobalt was so he had no reason to be alarmed at his behaviour. He was just well aware that no matter what Cobalt did, he was willing to accept the man and forgive him anything.

So yes, he enjoyed just wrapping his arm around the older man. He was content with just this. He wanted this. Badly. Tilting his face towards Cobalt's just as he looked up, Ben smiled and shook his head. "I'm alright with waiting." He replied after a beat. He should let his cookies settle anyway.

"Movie's almost over...wanna pop in another? And we still have like two packets of Oreo to go through." He chuckled, not really wanting to move away. He let his hand rest on Cobalt's stomach while the other hand pulled back Cobalt's hair to rest his own chin on top of Cobalt's head.

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt nodded quietly, uncomfortable with the amount of tension palpable in the room and with his inability to do anything about it. He figured he had blundered some more, and that eventually, this would just get too tiring to continue, but he didn’t want to think about that now. And Ben didn’t seem too upset, just…tense. Weirdly tense. Because Cobalt had seen Ben hurt, and he had seen Ben all shades of upset from vaguely miffed to incredibly furious. He’d even been the cause of the most of it. This wasn’t anything like any of those times. His posture was different, and the set of his shoulders and the line of his jaw were unfamiliar, and Cobalt didn’t quite know how to ask what was wrong. So he didn’t.

“Movie sounds fine,” Cobalt replied, “I’m not hungry for more cookies though. Your appetite much surpasses mine.” He leaned into Ben’s touch, “And maybe this time we should actually pay attention to whatever we’re watching.” The joke fell a little flat, though, when Cobalt looked up at Ben and was struck by the re-realization that just a few hours ago, Cobalt had been sure that Ben was disengaging for good. And it had been alarming how much that had hurt.

“I, uh.” Once again, words stopped up in the back of Cobalt’s throat; everything he wanted to say, every truth he ever thought or felt about Ben piling up behind his tongue, the familiar fear of potential rejection silencing him. He sighed, “I’m glad we cleared everything up.” Which was as good as he was going to get.