Awkward Shakespeare

[Eugene O'Neill]

It was a Monday. Mondays were always slow. The students at Hammel were in class during the day, and Eugene didn't have very many classes to prepare for until that evening. He checked the clock - it was only 4:00. At least another hour until his small group of sixth graders would arrive for their weekly Greek theater lessons, which he had already gone over a dozen times. The subject was on Antigone, and he had perfected his impersonation of the heroine quiet well by studying Julien Beck and Mira Furlan. But he was at The Globe, and he had nothing more to do.

Most of the time he loved his job. Being able to teach a younger generation (sometimes even people his own age) about the fun of drama and theater was brilliant, even if he made a very low salary because of it. But some days, like today, were very slow. He was pretty good at keeping himself entertained, fortunately, and he was currently dashing around corners in the small stadium, ducking into dark spaces and keeping as quiet as possible. He had his hands clasped together with index fingers extended in the normal hand-gun position, and his brown eyes were intense with concentration. He leaped into a small opening behind a row of chairs and paused, listening.

Very faintly, he could hear a scratching around the row of chairs. Moving slowly and carefully, he inched closer to the spot until he could sense whatever it was that was making the noise, before leaping out of his hiding place and pointing his finger-gun at his opponent.

"Oh, you are mocking me! Why me—
by our fathers’ gods—why do you all,
my own city and the richest men of Thebes,
insult me now right to my face,
without waiting for my death?"

When he spoke, it was not that of a man, but rather what one would expect from a woman - a very strange noise to come out of the tall, lanky, dark-haired young man standing before his pet ferret, Morgan. The small animal peered up at him, unimpressed, and continued to scratch at the chair it sat upon.

Eugene shook his head, then lowered his gun. "Oi, what did I tell you about messing up the furniture, you fiend?" He easily scooped up the animal with one arm and deposited him on the ground, his voice now sounding more as one would expect from a 30-year-old male. "I had to pay for these myself - if you ruin them, it's coming out of your salary!" He glared pointedly at his pet for a moment, but it continued to go about its ignorant way, and he sighed. "Fine then, foul beast. Be gone." He turned and loped back to the back of the theater, his hands stuffed down into his pockets and almost all trace of his strange game disappeared. Yes, it was a normal day for Eugene O'Neill.

[Kateri Rivera]

Kateri blamed her meteorologist brother for this particular half-baked scheme. He’d decided she didn’t get out enough. Encouraging her roommate to date and meeting people because her car broke down, he told her, was a bad sign for her social life. She should get out. So why not the theater?

There was, of course, an obvious problem. She couldn’t act at all. So he’d acquired a phone number, told her to go to the theater, and had suggested that she go ask for lessons. Preferably, with all the kids who couldn’t act either.

She hadn’t glared too much. Besides, like there was a point in glaring. He was safely in Ireland.

She’d gotten out of work, had hosted a couple of meetings with students, and then had gone to the theater, slinging her bag over her shoulder and entering it when she found the door open. She wasn’t the kind of person who moved loudly. Too small for that. So she paused at the door as she saw a tall, lanky man running around the theater, seeming to play…what? Bemused, she leaned against the wall as he began creeping through again. What was he doing? Her brows climbed higher as he began speaking with a woman’s voice. Now that was something she hadn’t expected. And then he picked up an animal, and she realized that he wasn’t crazy.

Just hilarious. Her lips spread into a grin, and by the time he’d loped to the theater, she had her hand pressed to her lips and her shoulders were shaking with laughter. Her eyes widened as he headed in her direction, and she hastily straightened up, tugging her shirt straight but unable to stop the smile curving her lips upwards.

“Glad to see you caught such a foul creature,” she said, unable to stop herself. Then she cleared her throat. That was mean. “Was he very difficult to track?”

Damn it. She was supposed to be nice. She offered an apologetic smile and extended her hand. “Sorry. I’m Kateri Rivera. I was coming here about acting lessons?”

[Brendan James]

Brendan was always on the prowl for new, fun, and exciting projects for his students. It was like some sort of weird hunt that he got a high out of. Wondering if they’d like it, trying to predict what kind of things the students would make, and guessing just how Vincent could manage to make it dirty… And how quickly. Their recent woodworking project had been much too easy. And not only for Vincent, but the entire class.

And that’s what he was doing in town now. He’d liked the idea of getting the kids involved with set building. And the local theater would be an amazing place to do that. Maybe if they really enjoyed it, it could become a regular thing. Maybe extra credit or something? Because set design didn’t really give the students the freedom that he often gave. But still… He thought it’d be fun all the same.

So while he was creeping through the theater, he was looking for somebody to talk to about that. Having heard noises come near, and never being one to pass up a chance to pass up a chance to make an impression no matter how poor it might be, Brendan hurried himself onto the stage, behind the curtain.

Of course, he couldn’t help but to peek out a very little to watch. Only to catch him doing the most ridiculously awesome thing. Ever! Honestly, that just filled Brendan with so much glee just to spy on somebody when they thought they were all alone and to see what crazy stuff they did. And based on what this guy had been doing, Bren pretty much knew that he wanted to hang out with Mystery Man at some point.

And in all of Brendan’s excitement and giddiness, he had completely missed that Mystery Woman had entered the scene. Oh he was nearly jumping with excitement. Ooooh this was gonna be fun. He wanted it to be great timing. But they were talking. STOP TALKING SO I CAN MAKE MY ENTRANCE! Yes, Brendan often yelled within his own head. And yes, he often had headaches because of said yelling. Alas that is what you get for being like Bren though.

Finally! A lull! Now was his chance!

Jumping through the curtains, Brendan screeched a battle cry. “AHHHhhhhHHHHHHhhh!” About to land on the stage, he ducked and rolled, jumping back up just before he fell off it entirely. But his balance on the edge of the stage wavered. After guaranteeing he was safe from falling, he turned to the other two, making a gun with each hand, aiming one at each of the Mysteries! “FREEZE! I have you right where I want you!”

[Eugene O'Neill]

Eugene froze, panicked, as he realized he wasn't alone. Then a woman spoke, and he became even more embarrassed as he realized she had probably been watching his entire imaginary ordeal. How had he not noticed she was there? He turned until he caught sight of the woman, a short, red-haired gal that he could tell was trying very hard not to laugh, if her grin and shaking shoulders were anything to go by. She was pretty, too. Eugene felt his cheeks flush.

"Oh, um." He was speechless for a moment, feeling very much like a deer caught in the headlights. He tried frantically to think of some excuse for his odd behavior, but when nothing came to mind, he sighed and scuffed a shoe on the floor. "It... Gets boring when I'm here by myself," he admitted. Well, it was the truth. And it wasn't really like he had any normal hobbies to keep himself occupied... There was nothing like a good game of pretending to be a spy that made him feel light-hearted and happy. At least he was managing to keep his voice under control; often, when he was surprised or nervous, he reverted to a different personality, such as Lea Michelle or Johnny Depp. And that was always awkward...

"Yes, well, Morgan here does like to cause destruction to my belongings," he nodded, motioning towards the innocent-looking creature that peered up at Kat with interest. "Someone has to make sure he's not furthering his criminal career." His eyebrows rose as she explained why she was here, and he returned her handshake. "Eugene. I mean, I'm Eugene. Eugene O'Neill, owner of this theater." He let out a nervous chuckle, which to his horror, sounded much like a giggle Taylor Swift would give in an interview. He covered his mouth, as though that would erase the sound from existence. "Er.... Excuse me," he mumbled awkwardly. "I sound like a woman when I'm nervous." Oh, great job Eugene. That sounded totally normal.

Before he could respond to her again, hopefully with something less weird, he heard what appeared to be a battle cry coming from the stage. Already on edge, the sound totally unbalanced him, and he let out a yelp and whirled around towards the sound, only to fall promptly on his rear end. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Who the heck was on his stage!?

He squinted down towards the theater, trying to make sense of the person's behavior. "What...?" He held up double 'guns', one in each hand, mimicking Eugene's earlier behavior. Great, someone else had been watching as well? He would have to make sure he was alone before he did it again from now on... But for now, he decided to play along.

"You cruel, sneaky vermin!" he called back, humoring the man. "You caught us unawares... It won't happen again." Giving Kateri an apologetic smile, he loped his way back down to the stage, trying to get a glimpse of the man's face. As soon as he did, he felt at first a jolt of surprise, and then a wide, goofy grin crossed his face. "Well well well, if it isn't my old nemesis, Brendan James! What are you doing here, you rascal?" He leaped up onto the stage and put his hands on his hips, giving him his best suspicious glare. "Trying to usurp me, are you?" He turned back to Kateri. "Kat, this is Brendan." He had no idea if Kateri was a meta-human or not (though he mostly got meta-human customers, as he was one himself), so he thought he'd introduce them in case they didn't know one another. The situation was just getting weirder by the minute...

[Jaythen McKay]

Let’s face it, a bum like Jaythen had nothing better to do on a Monday than on any other day of the week. His schedule was lack lustre and so he decided to pay a visit to his favourite place on earth, aside from his own home. The Globe made him feel like he was doing something important, even though he wasn’t getting paid for it. He had told Eugene that any time a play was going on, he would be up for the acting bits. He could play anyone, literally. And if anyone knew how to advertise upcoming plays, it was JT.

Going through the back entrance, JT walked around the stage to the seats, where all the action was being held. No one really seemed to notice the frail, unassuming old man he had morphed himself into. He had a plan. He had only heard the last bits of what was going on. Eugene was never very smooth with women. It was a character thing. Jaythen thought it was strange that for someone who could act so professionally, he couldn’t muster up the knight in shining armour role when confronting women. It was sort of adorable, if you were into that whole nerd persona. Today JT would play hero.

Sitting with Morgan in his lap, a fond friend of his, JT grinned broadly, before wiping it away and switching it for a sterner expression. “More pout, less pose!” He said, a thoughtful hand to his face. “This is terrible, I say terrible acting!” He rose with the ferret in his arms, who was happily playing at his long, grey locks. The creature knew who he was, despite what he looked like. Sense of smell or something like that. Hopefully no human could detect that, otherwise he was in desperate need of a shower.

“An actor should always stay in character! Brendan James is a terrible name for an antagonist.” He announced as though this were the key ingredient to good acting. He was standing at the foot of the stage, trying his best not to laugh. Really all he was missing as a clipboard for taking notes. “I demand to see the owner of this theatre at once, and will be holding this fuzz ball hostage until I see some proper acting! We cannot have a play with this tomfoolery!” The strange old man (JT) in a new pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, made his way to sit in the front row, observing them carefully. He seemed to look like a modern Shakespeare. That was who he was dopplganging after all.

[Kateri Rivera]

Well, this fellow was certainly interesting, wasn’t he? She didn’t seem to know what to make of it. He seemed to be speaking as a…woman. Or giggling as a girl. What insanity was this? But she knew meta abilities, and she supposed this was just another one of them. “Nice to meet you, Eugene O’Neill. Nice Irish name, that. Where’s your family from, if I may?” Meta and possibly Irish? Well, this wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. “I was just here to ask about—” She spun as Brendan entered, neatly missing Eugene falling over backwards. She stared at him, then, recognizing him, grinned and put her hands up as ordered.

“You evil varmint!” she yelled back, doing her best imitation of a Southern accent and largely failing. “How dare you threaten us so!” But she hopped down to follow Eugene over, coming to stand by Brendan—whom she knew and she also knew she couldn’t make nervous, which wasn’t how Eugene seemed to be. “Oh, I know him,” she told Eugene. “He works with me. I’m a math teacher Hammel. What are you doing here, you git?” She nudged Brendan and grinned up at him, then looked back at Eugene. “Should I leave you two alone, then? If you have things to…discuss?” What? She might’ve been Irish but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t imply, could she? Besides, she was willing to bet that Eugene had the best blush, and she already knew there was little she could say to phase Brendan.

She glanced up as yet another player entered the scene, and she couldn’t help grinning. So many men! And so many to flirt with—mostly innocently, mind, and to make Eugene squirm because Kateri wasn’t above doing that.

Mind, this one was a little old to go any farther than the innocent flirting young women did with older men. No, she was going to focus. That was her goal—to get acting lessons and to get out more. But when she’d said that she was going to get out she really hadn’t expected THIS. She felt like a kid in the candy—no! Focus, definitely focus.

“Not the poor ferret!” she chimed. “What a cruel thing to do to an animal. Eugene, had I known you were going to be this busy I would’ve come back later. But who are you?” And she smiled at JT. Yup, focus gone. Well, it wasn't going to last anyways

((I am SO SORRY this took so long.>>))

[Brendan James]

Brendan kept his arms outstretched with his ‘guns’ as the man and woman approached him. “Easy now… We don’t want any blood shed.” Because, even in performance, Bren thought avoiding violence was best. Not that any blood would (or even could) be spilled. After all, his only defense was his fingers. Perhaps a poking war would ensue, he wondered.

In all his excitement to make his wondrous entry, the art teacher had failed to recognize either of their voices. Though, it’d been years since he’d last seen Eugene. He’d still been in high school. So that was… what?… Ten years ago at least. And he left old with that realization. His only excuse for Kat was that he was just THAT excited. But with them standing in front of him, he realized he’d been a bit of a dunce.

“Hot damn! It’s Eugene O’Neill!” And Brendan couldn’t help the immediate look of shock that covered his face. Which was quickly replaced by a smile. “I thought I banished you the day I pantsed you in front of the cheerleaders.” No, that hadn’t actually happened, but Bren was never one to let a story like this just end. And thinking about it now, Brendan would have loved to see the look on Eugene’s face back then if it had happened.

Smirking at Kat, he nudged her back. Then proceeded with a bow in her direction. “My dearest Kateri.” He took her hand and gave it a little kiss. Much like Kat, he changed his accent, but to sound what he described as ‘Shakespeare and junk’. “How lovely it is to see you again. Please, pardon my earlier behavior. If I had known it was you with whom Mr. O’Neill was conversing with, I would’ve saved you from the buffoon much quicker.”

Brendan liked to think of himself as a character. But he never wanted anybody to take him seriously. So he winked at both of them… Which inevitably turned out like an exaggerated blink. “Wait… Let me try that again.” One wink to Kat, then another to Eugene. Then he was satisfied with himself, which was obvious by his smile.

And he would never be able to express just how much he adored Kat right at that moment. She gave him something else to go off of. He loved making men uncomfortable. Stereotypically, men were supposed to avoid closeness. Especially with other men. With a devilish smirk in his coworkers direction, he stepped closer to Eugene, stroking his fingers over his old classmates arm. “Oh would you be a dear? We only need a minute or two…” And with that, his hand made it’s way into Eugene’s hand. “He might be fast, but he’s a keeper.” Bren added in a mock whisper.

But he was having much too fun and couldn’t contain the giggles that were coming in small bursts, originating in his chest.

Then to only add to his joy another entered the already entertaining group. It was a frail old man. And for a moment, Brendan was thrown off guard. Old people… Well they always reminded Bren of his own mortality, something he hated. That, and he could never get a really good read on them. Believe it or not, he tried to be respectful around the older folk. And he could never quite tell if they would appreciate his sense of humor or not.

But this older person seemed to be playing along. So, Brendan did as well. “Well I’ll have you know, Brendan James is not what I go by… Most call me…” But now he was drawing a blank and couldn’t think of a good, legitimate evil person name. “Dr. Horribly Awful. Dr. Ha for short.” Because that was really threatening.

“Don’t fret my darling…s.” He said to both behind him. “I shall save the rodent.” And he struck a typical kung-fu pose. Both arms raised above his head, arched, while one leg was bent as if he were sitting.

[Eugene O'Neill]

Eugene's grin turned to sputtering as Brendan mentioned an imaginary pantsing incident. "That never... You didn't..." He turned to Kat, distraught. "That didn't happen." He felt further embarrassed when he realized they knew each other. "Oh... You both work at Hammel?" His Adam's apple bobbed. "Apologies.... I haven't been there in a while, so I don't know who's working there anymore. I should visit sometime, I suppose...." His voice had gone up a few octaves, now sounding more like a pre-pubescent Justin Bieber more than his normal self. He cleared his throat and attempted to manage the situation.

Which Kat gave him absolutely no chance to do. Before he could respond to her horrendous question, Brendan had already begun stroking his hand like he was some... Some romantic interest. He yelped as he took his hand, instantly taking on the voice of Jane from Tarzan - he didn't know why it was the first person that popped to his mind, but at the moment he felt like an innocent being groped by a gorilla-man. "Oy, getcher hands off of me!" he squeaked, swiping away the grasp. "You know how I am about physical affection!" From the same gender, no less. He was bad enough with girls.

His face now flushing even more than before, and what came next was only more shocking. He was just about to reprimand the man some more before yet another voice caught his attention. Scowling now, he peered into the section of chairs before him, trying to make out the source of the voice. What he saw made no sense. "Shakespeare?!" he croaked, taking a few unconscious steps forward. He was so confused that he didn't pay attention to how far he was moving forward before suddenly there was only air under his feet and he went tumbling off the stage. Oh the horror.

He knew it made no sense - Shakespeare was long dead, after all - but he couldn't help but be awed by what appeared to be his presence. That was, until he realized who it was. It was obvious now that he knew, and it made him only the more ashamed and embarrassed. "JT!" he groaned, rubbing the back of his head where a dull pain was now forming from his fall. "You fiend. Give me back my ferret." Kat and Brendan were talking too, but he ignored them as he wallowed in his pit of self-pity and despair. A boring day had ended up turning dreadfully awful!

He eventually stood and glared at the lot of them, but he couldn't make it last. They were like children, all of them. And he couldn't be mean to children. He sighed. "It seems I have failed as a spy. You all caught me off guard, and I will now perish in misery." At least his voice had become normal again.

[Jaythen McKay]

If anyone was a terrible actor, it was the ferret. Stupid thing wasn’t playing along, looking at JT curiously, obviously confused. Why had a friend turned foe? It didn’t struggle in the slightest as Jaythen made his demands, trying to keep the grin off of his face. He hadn’t played a good prank in quite some time. “The ferret shall not be harmed if my suggestions are adhered to,” he said with a nod, still looking at the ferret. He wanted to give the animal a small shake, rile him up a bit, but he seemed to be relaxing in his pose.

JT glanced at Brendan in a bored manner. “You’ll have to do better than that Dr. Whatever Your Name Is, I’ve seen grandmothers more threatening that you,” he said, unable to stop grinning now. This was just too much fun. He knew he could keep a straight face, but he also knew that he wasn’t going to keep up this charade all day. Besides, it would probably put everyone to rest if they knew he wasn’t some creepy old dude, stalking the theatre in hopes of some young people to critique. Not yet though.

“Yes, it is I! The mighty Shakespeare, back from the dead...” Thunk. JT rose from his seat quickly, laughing outright now. He released the ferret, who also went scurrying to Eugene’s side. “Didn’t mean to fool you there bud,” he crouched down next to his sort of boss, “I must be quite the actor.” Jaythen slowly morphed back into his normal self, a young man who fit the t-shirt and jeans properly.

Helping Eugene up, JT patted his back, giving him a once over. “You’re not broken anywhere? Aside from your pride I mean?” He asked, looking back at the stage. “He’s a fine man this one, humble soul, something you need to run this place flawlessly.” JT said, always one to speak his mind and be honest about it. He glanced at Eugene, throwing his own pity party. “No no no, we’re not letting you get away so easily,” he said, “give us a play!”

JT looked up at the other two, grinning. “Sorry to burst your bubble but I’m not Shakespeare. Just Jaythen, nothing special.” He glanced back at Eugene. “You should’ve told me you were throwing a party, I would’ve shown up you know.” He winked at his boss. The man could use all the help he could get with the ladies.