You're Not Real (Rue)

[Rue Zhao]

"I didn't know what to say." Rue replied. He knew he shouldn't have left without word, but he didn't know how to word what he'd needed to. It was strange for him not to have all the answers, and he knew that. "I didn't think there were enough words in the world to make it sound like the right decision."

As difficult as it was, Rue still met his eye anyway. He knew what Pheonix wanted to say. At least, he thought he knew. And he was almost glad the words hadn't left his mouth.

But it was clear from the shift in his aura that Pheonix was more than just emotionally unwell. He was taking a literal spiral into a different segmented colour. That worried the manipulator. Instinctively, his arms flew out and surrounded the boy, providing much needed stability. "I've got you, Pheonix." He said quietly, glancing around the space. "Here, let me help you." And with that, the older boy tried his best to lead the winged one to a nearby bench.

[Deleted]

Phen tried to accept what Rue was telling him, but it had just been something that had festered inside him for so long, he had spent so many countless hours losing sleep and making himself sick, it was going to take time for him to be able to get over it. "I... I know..." he mumbled. "But... Y-you're back now, so... We... We can...." What? He wasn't sure if they could mend the rift that had been made, especially now that Phoenix had screamed at Rue. He already felt bad about it. "I don't know," he finally sighed, clutching his head. "I'm... I'm sorry..."

What was he apologizing for? Yelling? Asking to try to mend their relationship? He didn't really know.

But then he was feeling faint and pathetic, and before he knew it, Rue's arms were around him, keeping him from slumping to the ground in the middle of the sidewalk. His hands gripped Rue's forearms, and they felt so strong and secure and familiar that he was nearly overwhelmed with memories again. "Nn..." he breathed, closing his eyes against the throbbing in his head as he pressed his forehead against Rue's chest, letting the stronger boy lead him somewhere to sit. Phen didn't want to let go; it was like Rue was a hallucination, and as soon as Phen lost physical contact with him, he would disappear again. "Please... Don't leave me..." he mumbled, twisting his fingers into the fabric of Rue's shirt as he struggled to look up at him. "I... I don't know why this is happening..." He was still just so overwhelmed.

[Rue Zhao]

It was hard to know what to say; Rue didn't want to be progressively forward. He had been the one to effectively break things off - did he even have a right to express what he was feeling? "It's okay." He said lightly, "I... I deserve it." And he meant it. He was almost surprised he didn't receive more harsh words.

Rue kept his arms secure around Phoenix even as they sat, trying to be the lifeline he always was. Or used to be. He felt his heart ache at the contact and the memories that came along with it; tender moments he shared with Phoenix in the past. How he found the courage to express the pain and difficulty he'd suffered through from childhood. Phoenix was the only person he'd ever been able to let his guard down with; the only person he'd ever been able to trust with everything.

And on some level, that had been scary.

"I won't leave. Not again." He reassured him, "I don't know how, but I know I'll prove that to you."

[Deleted]

Phen wished he could know what Rue was feeling. Although he himself still didn't quite know how to feel; and he had never been good at expressing them in the first place. "M-maybe, but..." he trailed off. Words. Words words words. Nothing that came out of his mouth seemed right, everything he was experiencing was just... Too complex to explain. "I'm still sorry," he finally mumbled weakly.

He was grateful and also ashamed that Rue was comforting him so much, especially after his outburst and the fact that he was so fucking pathetic in the first place. But he knew - or at least had known - Rue better than he had known anyone else, before and after their relationship. There was still something there between them, even after the time spent apart. Phen just wasn't quite sure what it was, or if he dared to believe the spark would relight once more.

He swallowed hard, dropping his hands from Rue's shirt to clasp lightly around his wrists as he rested his watery gaze on his ex. "I hope you do," he murmured, wanting desperately to believe it, but unsure if he should. The trust they had had together had shattered when Rue had left, and Phoenix didn't know what to believe anymore.

He sure as hell hoped, though. "Um," he cleared his throat, squeezing his eyes shut as his head throbbed painfully again. "Where... Where are you living?" he asked, wondering if it was alright to ask. "I mean, I'm... I'm still at Hammel, so..." If they could meet up again, preferably when Phoenix had a (somewhat) clearer head, maybe they could have a less.... Chaotic conversation.

[Rue Zhao]

"It's fine," Rue reassured him again. He knew there was likely more to come, and he was ready to be yelled at if that's what it took to try to fix things, "But, I accept your apology."

Otherwise they might tentatively banter on the subject for far too long.

Rue was acutely aware that he had so much to make up for. It was something he couldn't stop thinking of. Even in the time he'd been away, he hadn't really been able to completely close Phoenix out of his head. He always wondered how he was; if he'd graduated or if he'd kept up with how far he'd progressed. But he wanted the younger boy to know how to look after himself. And he didn't want to put him through the pain and suffering of a long distance relationship. Little did he really know the pain and suffering he'd caused because of that choice.

He wasn't sure how to prove himself to Phoenix now. It took so long to get him to open up in the first place, and now that was all gone. And then some. He wanted to explain himself better, but it wasn't the right time or place.

"A little place near the lake, actually. It's small, but it's just me." He shrugged his shoulders, glad he at least had his mother's support. It meant he could at least rent something as opposed to living on campus. If he left college, he'd definitely lose all support. "Honestly, I'd love it if you came by soon." He admitted, almost nervously; "Or, I can come to you if it's more comfortable for you."

[Deleted]

Phoenix let out a breath as Rue accepted the apology. He had been certain he would, but it still felt good to hear.

It was definitely going to take a lot for him to trust Rue again, especially to the level he had before. It might not happen again, even. As much as he wanted to, he just... Couldn't. Because, well, a lot had happened between then and now, most of it bad, and Phoenix had put a lot of the blame on the broken relationship that had never quite left his head.

But he would give Rue a chance to get back to that. If anyone could win him over again, it was him. And Phoenix really, really hoped things would get good again. Maybe, maybe he would finally be able to get on with his life...

"That.... Sounds nice," Phen murmured, imagining a little log house on the edge of the lake. It probably wasn't what it was, but it still sounded great. "I... I can come by anytime," he added, looking up again. His head was starting to get a little clearer, thankfully, but he definitely needed some time alone to wrap his mind around all that had happened. "Um, no need for you to come to Hammel." He bit his lip; Rue at Hammel again might be too much for him to handle. "Um... Can you... Text me the address?" He pulled out his phone and gave the boy his number, heart pounding as he placed it back in his pocket. "I'll, um... I'll come by in a couple days?" he offered, slowly standing on slightly less wobbly legs. "I should uh, go... For now." He still felt like he could break down any second, and he didn't want to do that again in front of Rue. "So um... I'll see you soon." He let his fingers trace against Rue's shoulder for one more moment before tearing himself away, forcing himself not to look back in case the whole thing had been a hallucination and Rue would be gone. He would get that text, right?