Not that strong ( Tag: Dean )

[Dean Rexford]

It was hard for Dean to not show the more positive emotions he was feeling because it definitely offset some of the more negative ones he had to take in on a daily basis. So laughs were genuine, smiles were almost never fake. And this business of talking down to kids was something he never got.

Frowning ever so slightly, Benny's weariness in talking about his past had Dean nodding. He didn't blame the younger meta, definitely not. Therapists were hard to talk to, despite their profession banking on that very aspect.

Detecting a hint of...was that shame? Or...guilt? No, it was a little more potent than that. It was almost tangible to the empath and he had to take deep breaths through his nose to stop it from giving him an even more massive headache.

"Well...that is quite true." Dean scratched his forehead as he ducked his head a bit before looking up at Benton with a sheepish grin. The grin dissolved slowly before a soft sigh of laughter escaped his throat. "I understand, Benny." He said simply. Dean had been lucky that his power hadn't hurt anybody but himself.

"Brilliant." The recruiter brightened up at Benny's acquiescence. He waved a dismissive hand as he went back to his cubicle to grab his coat and bag, swiping his cell phone off the desk to type out a quick message to Kateri informing her that he will be slightly late and to give butterfly kisses to Meg. Pocketing the phone, he patted Benny on his shoulder and walked out of the office, holding the door open for the other young man.

"I know for a fact that they always make the food exceptionally fresh at night. Dinners are almost never a letdown." Dean pointed out with a grin that had a boyish quality to it. "And don't worry about home. It's always gonna be there to go to."

[Benton Barrett]

“I’m crazy, and apparently kind of scary. But I’m not delusional… or at least not most days.” Okay, that was a total lie. He was mostly delusional – what fifteen year old wasn’t? But he wasn’t deluding himself about this. He couldn’t – because if he tried, reality would pull him back by the scruff of his neck – or worse.

He was glad, though, that Dean was sensible enough to take what he said ( after he no doubt unraveled the ball of words that made sense in some places ) and not press any further. He really didn’t want to get in to the discussion about how he might accidentally murder anyone he touches – or who touches him. It was something he didn’t understand, not fully. But it was also something he didn’t want to deal with right this instant, either.

Shoving his hands back into his hoodie pocket, he watched as the other guy collected his things, and texted out a message. Dean moved, after he was done, once again placing a comforting pat on his shoulder – that he had to steel himself against the flinch that was almost inevitable. He only tensed up a little bit! That was an improvement.

He followed him out, passing through the open door.

“I can do with a couple of dinners. Ever since I became… you know, different? I’m just stupidly hungry.” Thankfully it didn’t seem to be adding anything to his weight ( not that he was self-consciously weighing himself in the morning or anything ) so he just went with it. The second that started changing? Oh, send in the salads.

Dean’s grin was infections – he couldn’t help but mirror it back.

“That… was pretty deep.” He added, mostly because it was. Simultaneously addressing his own feelings of discomfort and reassuring him that they didn’t exist in Dean. He wasn’t sure if that had been intentional, or if it had simply been a well-executed double meaning, but he was glad of it nonetheless.

“You know, one thing I’ve noticed – food at a boarding school is way better than regular school food.” The commentary was easy, mostly because it was something simple – a small thing that he could focus his attention on, and not worry about the larger things that wanted to swamp him.

[Dean Rexford]

"Eh, who are we to kid ourselves, right?" Dean chuckled with a shrug. "I'm pretty sure being delusional is part of the package of being us."

The flinch from the other boy made Dean flinch too. It always felt uncomfortable when people were uncomfortable with him, intentionally or not. Mostly due to the fact that he could feel their discomfort even more than they did themselves. He pulled his hand away and slid them in his pants pocket, adjusting his bag strap over his shoulder.

"Yeah, I think that's a standard side effect. That and migraines." Dean frowned in thought. "I think it's got a lot to do with the fact that we exert ourselves whenever we use our abilities. Like...we've been baseline for so long that the shock is definitely changing our bodies, yeah?" He looked sideways at Benny with a crooked grin.

Dean chuckled and shrugged. It had been said carelessly and he didn't quite know how Benny thought it was but if it had meaning to it and it didn't look like it had negative connotations to him then Dean won't worry himself with it.

Chuckling, Dean nodded. "Yeah, I personally think it's because boarding schools pay good money to the staff. At least that's what I think." He shrugged and turned a corner, a smile widening on his face when he could already smell the beef lasagne waiting for him on the other side of the swinging door.

[Benton Barrett]

He couldn’t help but agree. Delusion was pretty much the normal thing.

Benny actually noticed that Dean flinched as he did – which was a little strange. Was it some sort of sympathy pang? He bit his lip uncertainly, and decided to explain: “It’s not you.” He offered, in the weirdest way possible. “What I do… it happens sometimes, when I touch people. I just don’t want to hurt you or anyone else, and I am trying to figure out how to explain that without explaining it to everyone.”

That would be terrible repayment. Hey, thanks for keeping me from having a breakdown. How do you feel about the glamorous life of a popsicle?

He rubbed the back of his head uncertainly with one hand, as he seemed thoughtful. “Thankfully, no migraines over here. But hey, I’ve only just changed. Maybe that’s not until later in this beautiful transition?” This was some sort of messed up butterfly metamorphosis thing. If this was his butterfly? He could totally do without the wings. The dramatic, heat-sucking wings.

The scent of the food was mouth-watering. He could definitely get in to anything with meat and pasta. Mostly there just needed to be meat, though.

“Well, that’s good. I’m glad they’re not skimping on the paychecks of the people meant to keep us sane. If they ever try and give you a pay cut, you just let me know.” His voice taking on a Godfather-style accent at the end. It was mostly a joke, one that lead into a small snicker from the boy, as he pressed open the door, and the warmer meal-zone encompassed them.

“Guh, you know that feeling where you’re hungry, but you don’t know how hungry until you’re just about to eat, and then you’re starving? Totally got that right now.” Again, rambling. Again, pointless. But pointless was easy. He was glad of the plate that he still only filled up one serving on ( he’d go back for more, but he wasn’t the kind of kid who’d waste food. )

“How long have you been doing the whole ‘catching the newbies’ thing?”

[Dean Rexford]

Benny noticing the flinch made Dean flinch even more. "Sorry...I uh...I'm sensitive to those kinds of things. It's nothing bad." He shrugged and grinned crookedly. "And I...understand I think? You could always tattoo Rogue on your forehead." He joked before shaking his head. "No no, don't do that. God, I am not a good adult."

"Oh you're lucky." Dean nodded. His migraines were the worst. Snorting indelicately at Benny's sarcasm, Dean nudged the younger boy lightly.

"Thank you Don Corleone." Dean responded with a grin as he let the warmth of the cafeteria engulf him. "Sometimes, I stay just to get dinner." He mumbled with a soft smile.

"Man, you just described my life right there." Dean groaned as he went to the server with his most charming smile, asking for two servings, confident that he could finish it in one sitting. And still ask for more.

Looking up with a grin at Benny's question, Dean shrugged. "Not too long. About two years at Kocher and then about a year here." He replied before shoveling the piping hot food into his mouth without hesitation. "Oh God so good."

[Benton Barrett]

Sensitive...?

"So, er, when I was talking about emotionally vomiting all over you - I was apparently being literal. Okay. Sorry." Yeah, that was only a tiny bit embarrassing. Of course, the more he spoke, the better Benny felt about it. The joke about Rogue, though? His eyes widened a little bit: "Hey! I am totally better than Rogue. I'm like... I don't know. But I am. Because I say so." Because that was an appropriate argument. "Terrible, terrible adult."

He didn't know who Don Corleone was, but he would assume that it was someone involving the preparation of the food they were about to destroy. 

As Dean sat down, answering Benny's nosy little question, Benny joined him in the delicious devouring of soul-- er, lasagna. It didn't burn at all, but it was perfectly delicious. Usually the student would prefer things to be as spicy as possible, but he wasn't exactly the most picky of eaters any more. Easing back in his seat, he pulled his legs up under him, so he could sit indian-style in the chair.

"Well, that's not so bad, then. You're not the newbie-newbie snatcher any more. You clearly know what you're doing, too." After all, Benny was no longer speeding off a mental cliff, so honestly, he couldn't complain at all. Milan was awesome, though, so he wasn't going to go all fanboy just yet. 

He forked another bit into his mouth, savoring the flavor again.

"So, what would have happened if I ran away or something?" Whoops. Back to serious-businessland.

[Dean Rexford]

Dean chuckled and nodded with a shrug. "It's fine. Really. No harm done." He hesitated patting the other boy on his back. He chuckled even more at Benny's indignation at being called Rogue. "Oh boy. Yes. Yes I suppose you're exactly like..." Dean teased.

Sensing the confusion after his little joke, Dean wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. What exactly was the boy confused about? Had he not done the Godfather voice?

He couldn't help but note how at ease Benny was beginning to look and he smiled. It was a good thing, seeing a child so relaxed.

"I have my moments." Dean shrugged modestly. "I've had some troublesome shapeshifters though. One could only change to amphibians and those are so very hard to catch." He shook his head, amused at the memories.

Chewing on the cheesy baked goodness, Dean looked at Benny sideways. "We'd be able to track you down." He answered simplistically. "We're not the best at tracking just yet, but we get by quite well. Milan was sent to you just a few days after you manifested, right?"

[Benton Barrett]

He blinked at that idea - shifters who could become amphibians. So... frogpeople. That probably would be kind of hard to catch. Not to mention just a bit slimy. He wrinkled his nose at the thought - though his wrinkled nose wasn't enough to stop him from taking another bite out of his delicious food. Nope, he wasn't about to go chasing frogpeople in... wherever it was that frogpeople hung out. 

Vaguely, Benny wondered if the other man got warts from that particular episode.

Of course, the serious-business conversation was surprisingly simple. He ran, they'd catch him. He didn't expect anything else, really... but that wouldn't change the fact that there had to be some people who wanted to run. He knew he had, but he made a valid point. Nodding, Benny swallowed a bite.

"Yeah, pretty much the day after I put my mom in the hosp--" Okay. More information than he'd really wanted to go. "It was fast." He amended, suddenly interested in how difficult it was to swirl the cheese in the lasagna. Oh, well, that was... surprisingly too close to home. 

"How did it start with you?" He asked, curiously. No doubt they had a file with his first and last name on it, and a picture he didn't remember taking. They could find out anything about him they wanted to - it was only fair he ask a question or ten. Maybe he was being a little more personal than he should be - so he added: "Sorry, if I ask a question that's too in-your-business, tell me so, and I'll back off."

[Dean Rexford]

Dean didn't need Benny to finish his sentence to know what he wanted to say. He had read Milan's paperwork on this boy. And it wasn't too hard to put two and two together.

When the question was directed at him, Dean's memory of that day flooded through his brain. God, had it already been thirteen years since that day?

Benny's apology was met with another dismissive wave of his hand. "We're going to be spending quite some time together, might as well get comfortable, yeah?" He grinned and leaned against his chair as he savoured the warm food.

"It was the night before my thirteenth birthday. It was a little overwhelming actually. My dad had left the family. But I don't think the overwhelming feelings were from that alone but it didn't help either." He shrugged. "It was just a mess of snot and screams back then. A high fever that landed me in the hospital and then a visit from a jolly old man who sent me to Kocher thereafter." A small smile spread across the recruiters face.

"I think I just got lucky."

[Benton Barrett]

It was hard to imagine how people weren’t immediately attracted to Dean. He was charming, good looking, and above all, he was a good person. He was making Benny feel so comfortable by simply being there, talking with him as he was doing now. Reaching a hand behind his neck, he rubbed gently.

Their stories were somewhat similar – at least as far as timing went. He wasn’t sure what to say about his dad having left the family – after getting rid of his biological father, the boy was completely endeared to his dad… going so far as to not recognizing the ‘step dad’ distinction. That was dishonest. The man had done more for him than his real dad ever had.

So to lose that influence? Benny couldn’t expect to understand what he went through.

“Lucky?” He asked, softly. Dean’s power didn’t seem too terrifying – sensing the way people felt, and helping steady them as he did? But it did sound like it could get overwhelming. Having something like Benny’s panic attack pressing in on him at all times? He was surprised the other man was able to stay sane, let alone dealing with something as minor as a migraine.

“None of us are lucky. It sounds like you had it pretty bad off, too.” After all – there were all sorts of rare diseases out there. None of the people who contracted them felt lucky because their brand of dying was not a normal brand of dying. Maybe he was reading too much in to it.

He hadn’t realized the way he’d been powering through his food. He put his fork down temporarily, so he could get something to drink, to wash it down.

[Dean Rexford]

"Lucky." He nodded determinedly. "I wasn't bullied, my recruiter was an extremely kind man and I managed to rustle up three lifelong friends along the way, even though I was awkward as hell back then." Chuckling, he took another spoonful of lasagne into his mouth.

"What was bad was not having a dad around to tell me that I wasn't going insane. But my mom was more than enough for me. And yeah, I think I was damn lucky." Dean grinned, genuinely free of doubts that he had led quite the charmed life during and after Kocher.

He smiled as memories of his childhood came rushing back. He took a sip of his own drink and leaned back on his chair. "So you're supposed to be in the...what ninth grade? I'm still a little confused with the system."

[Benton Barrett]

"You were awkward?" He asked, obviously just a little on the disbelieving side. Based on the way he composed himself now, Benny never would have guessed he'd ever had an 'awkward phase.' He seemed like the kind of guy who would have gotten just about whatever he wanted, between his ability and his charm. Not to mention that face... 

He looked down, focusing on the last bits of his food, because that thought was way off base. Finishing it off, he lifted his finger to signal that he'd be right back, and went for seconds. He came to a pause, as another guy walked by - and no, he couldn't help the fact that he looked. He was the kind of attractive that Benny thought of - just enough muscle to be visible, while not obnoxious. 

Again, he shook his head and resumed course. Nope. Because nope. He got a second helping of lasagna, and returned to his seat, absently. 

Benny was curious as to what happened with Dean's dad. He had his own daddy issues, so he would leave it alone - mostly because he didn't want to alienate Dean, or make him feel uncomfortable. Despite saying that they should get to know each other, it was a bit much for a 'first date' conversation. He pushed his food around a bit with his fork.

"Uh... tenth. I'd be a sophomore in regular high school." He replied, uncertain as to whether that particular title worked here. He was under the impression it might, because he would still be receiving a good ( probably better ) high school education. So for now, he would just go with the flow - take the classes he needed to take, and hopefully get good enough grades to do... something, once he was able to go to college.

If he ever became normal again.

Despite his resolve, his decision against it, he opened his mouth: "What happened with your dad?" The words tumbled out before he could stop them. Okay, maybe it was 'first date' conversation.

[Dean Rexford]

Benny's disbelief made Dean snort and laugh indelicately. Not thinking too highly of himself, the recruiter was always the first person to discredit himself. He rarely took to compliments well and if the other party insisted, he would have to return the favour while still standing in disbelief at the praise he was given. Which was why he couldn't believe that Benny couldn't believe that he was awkward back then. How could he not be, though? He was one of the very few people who could speak English in a pretty dominantly bilingual environment. Where neither languages were English, additionally.

"I spent most of my time with my three friends either playing video games, reading or going into the woods to camp out when things got a little too intense at the institute." He explained.

Sensing some rather odd emotions coming off of Benny, Dean shoved it at the back of his mind, not wanting to deal with or entertain the possibility that a student would feel that way for a school staff.

He nodded and smiled when Benny excused himself. As another boy walked past, the same emotions radiated off of Benny and Dean hit his forehead for being so self-absorbed. It wasn't directed at him, was it? It had been there all along. Oh Dean, fancy thinking a student would fancy you.

"Ah...then you're not far off from graduating. Then maybe after, you won't have to be here all the time, you just have to come back for training is all." Dean nodded with an encouraging smile.

The suddenness of the question brought a wide-eyed expression on the Englishmen, his fork hovering in between the plate and his mouth. "Uh..." Dean cleared his throat before shoveling the piece of lasagna into his mouth. "Em...well, he left the family. He uh...sort of explained to me that it was because we were the same. He has the same ability as me and...he didn't want to hurt us with his abilities."

The explanation left a bitter taste in Dean's mouth but he was glad to get it all out in one sitting though. Besides, he knew Benny wouldn't do anything with the information. At least he hoped not.

"You mentioned you had a sister and a mother..." Dean started with a small smile. "What about your dad?"

[Benton Barrett]

He grinned, clearly, at the thought. "Well, I'll have to hunt down someone - or someones - that play video games and soccer, then." Okay, so maybe he could see Dean being awkward in the past, especially if he only had three friends. But only having three friends was not the worst thing - they were probably far more reliable than a large group of 'acquaintances' at school. He'd have to call Robbie back home just to check on him - he was a friend like that. 

"It's not... being here all the time that bothers me. It's being away from everything else." He replied, because simply, that was the truth. He wasn't used to being on his own, and even though he's surrounded by people now, he couldn't help but feel a bit closed-off. But... if he was to judge by Dean's experience, eventually that would wear off. The wall he was imagining would crumble, and he'd be able to make friends. Just not with Kodi, probably, because that guy was freaking nuts.

He rubbed the back of his head uncertainly. "Hopefully I can just learn to turn it off, and then I can just... leave it off." Of course, that was probably most people's dream, so he wasn't going to hold his breath until it happened. 

Then he broke Dean.

Or at least, caught him off guard. Benny sheepishly focused on his food, because yeah, he knew how awkward he'd let things get because sometimes words got the better of him. He was about to open his mouth and tell him nicely that he didn't have to say anything, and apologize for bringing it up - but then he spoke. 

The explanation left the kid looking surprised - his dad left because they had the same ability? That wouldn't make much sense... he could have helped Dean. Made it so he didn't have to go to any school, because he had training right at home. Confusion remained in his mind, though he was careful not to point that out. He'd brought it up accidentally, and he was going to let the subject die intentionally. 

"I'm sorry." Was all he could manage. He needed to leave it alone. 

Of course - turn about was fair play - how had he not seen that question coming? It wouldn't be fair to leave Dean unsatisfied, not after he explained his own issues. He set his plate down, took another sip of his water, and put the words together in his mind. 

"My biological dad was a drunk, and he - I mean, he never hit us. But he never had to." He was old enough to remember several of those years. "Mom realized how bad he was, and packed me and my sister up. We got out of there, and thankfully haven't seen him since. Mom remarried, and I love my stepdad. He's a nurse, and he's just... a really good guy." Those conflicted feelings he had about his dad evaporated when thinking about his stepdad - though he rarely talked about him as a stepdad. 

He just wanted to be honest. 

"How do you stand being around people? I mean - what you do... being around people has to just be insane, right?"

[Dean Rexford]

"If it wasn't uncool to hang out with older school staff, I'd be more than happy to include you in my weekly friendlies with some of the locals in town." Dean offered with a small grin.

Nodding at Benny's assessment, Dean quietly agreed to that sentiment. Being away from what you've been comfortable with your whole life was definitely scary and it did need a lot of adjusting to. It does, however, eventually get a lot easier. He just hoped Benny would stick it out for the time being.

"Judging by the trainers that I know, I'm sure that wouldn't be a long-term problem. But...word of advice, make sure if you get Honor Sayers as your trainer, don't whine. I mean, I know you're not a whiner but try your hardest not to show how affected you are by anything and um...she's blind and she knows it so don't point that out." Dean gave Benny a sympathetic grin, hoping he didn't actually get Honor. That woman was insane.

The surprise and confusion coming off of Benny was manageable. He knew why he understood his father leaving his family because of his abilities. He knew what it would entail, having two empaths in the same room dealing with each other or with other people's emotions. It was daunting and Dean understood.

But it definitely didn't make it any easier.

"Hey, I did promise a get-to-know-each-other session." He grinned weakly, leaning forward and after a moment's hesitation, patted Benny's shoulder.

Benny's dad story left Dean a little upset. It was never a good thing when parents left their children, whatever the reason. But he was glad Benny found a replacement. It wasn't the same but it sounded and felt better, coming from the younger meta.

Tilting his head slightly, Dean hummed in thought, wondering how to answer the simple enough question. "Well, I figure, it'd be worst if I was closed off, cut off from the world, I mean. I just thought, hey, I've got control over this. Why the hell not." He shrugged and grinned good-naturedly. It was a sight, seeing how positive Dean could be. Which was a good thing, given his ability and the presence of Kateri's baby at home. She was always at ease because Dean rarely showed anything else other than his happy face.

It was tiring, for sure, but he couldn't fathom letting Meg grow up experiencing anything but happiness. At least until she was old enough to understand that that wasn't always the case. But even then, Dean wasn't going to let her feel emotional pain. At least not if he could help it. It was unhealthy but Dean was sure she would learn to adapt. Hopefully.