Lottery Winner (Ivy)

[Ashley Engel]

Tap, tap, tap.
Ashley wasn’t sure where she’d gotten it from but for as long as she’d even written on anything she’d had the habit of tapping on it. Her pen left small dots against the lined paper as she stared at it in frustration.

She’d come to the library as a sort of compromise. It was somewhere quiet, generally less stressful than open halls or crowded rooms. But it wasn’t as secluded as her room. There were a few people, reading and studying, and overall their company was hushed background noise. Ashley could stand this place, she reasoned. Despite that conclusion, she still felt bothered.

It was the sensation of not doing enough. Wasting time.
She tapped against the paper a few more times before pointedly setting her pen down. Any noise in repetition was annoying, and if she didn’t want to hear any more tapping she didn’t think anyone else would appreciate it. (It was less a sentiment of empathy and more of assumption and projection.)

Of course with the pen down her hands were unoccupied, and the irritation in her festered worse. She was here to learn. Not so much in the way of standard academics, but in people and power. It was self-improvement this term, and so far she felt all at once proud and disappointed. It was only her second day on campus but she’d talked to people. People being a psychiatrist and one of her dormmates, but the point still stood. It was better than her last school term already, at least.

Despite those strong facts she couldn’t bring herself to feel complacent in her situation. It wasn’t good enough. She knew for a fact she could do more, but she wasn’t. And for all the parts of her saying it was fine to just let decent be decent, it wasn’t working.

Slowly she moved to shut the book she had open and slide the papers left out away. She had one page of written notes on what she’d been reading. Shadowrun was not a book relating to any of her classes. It was a tabletop game, which seemed to be her skill interest for the week as she was delving into the system in her spare time. However this attempt to retain more about it had ended in very little, unless a piece of paper covered in small ink dots counted.

Packing her things back into the messenger bag beside her at the small table, Ashley stood. She’d planned on outright leaving, maybe seeking some louder distraction to her uneasy feeling. But once on her feet she froze. The problem itself was.. guilt. Yes, that sensation was guilt. Maybe. It might have been shame, though the two were fairly close in nature. She wasn’t sure precisely, but in fact the issue was simple. She wasn’t applying herself to her goals as much as she could have been. Solution? Talk to people.

It was uncomfortable and boring and all around as much an irritating option as doing nothing. But she’d been trying the “do nothing” route and it wasn’t treating her well. So, with a very dull sense of determination, she looked around. No one person particularly stood out as interesting. They were all people- bland background pieces to a quiet setting. None of them were spectacular and none of them made her any more compelled to talk to them than the lamps and tables did.

All the same she drew the strap of her messenger bag over her shoulder and moved in a short-legged stride to the nearest unlucky soul. The lottery winner was a girl- typical hair, typical eyes. General posture and unassuming thoughts. Nothing outstanding. Ashley didn’t aim to waste time. She marched straight over, with not so much as a hello, and stared. And hesitated.

What did people even talk about? Her other conversations thus far had been prompted by schedule and arachnid threat. Initiating any kind of exchange was a bit beyond her. While she stood there, staring at the girl with a flat expression, her mind grasped at straws. Who were people she talked to regularly? Cain and Benjamin. How did she talk to them? Well, Benjamin was a sort of work-relationship, generally their words were the bare minimum needed to accomplish a task. Cain was more casual, but in the moment Ash couldn’t think of a single time she’d started their conversations with anything that was currently applicable. She fumbled mentally for a moment before forcing her mouth open and ushering out the first thing to crawl up her throat.

“You.. I am attempting to start a conversation with you.”
Yes Ashley, very good. That was the way to make friends. While her face didn’t look terribly embarrassed (or much of any emotion, really) the feeling of nervousness and regret tumbled around in her stomach painfully. Her legs desperately wanted to blaze a path in the opposite direction of the strange moment, but no other part of her would move to facilitate the retreat. Instead she just stood there, forced to soak up the awkwardness of herself and the misfortune of her chosen company.

[Ivy Rose]

Despite her desire to drag her sister to another study session, the elder twin had received nothing more than blatant disregard to the request. The younger twin was dyslexic, and though she had been getting years of help, it didn't make her any more eager to delve into a world of study sessions and homework. So with a simple shrug, she had left her sister to her own bidding.

Math had always been her poorest subject, and the equations sitting in front of her were nothing more than just Greek. Unintelligible and unnecessarily complicated, and it began to give the brunette a bit of a headache; as if she hadn't had those enough!

Her attention was averted, gratefully, when she felt the presence of another hovering above her. A girl, thin much like her and hair resembling Fi's, stood with her eyes blank and the Hispanic twitched a brow up in confusion. Finally, she spoke.

“You.. I am attempting to start a conversation with you.”

That's what she called it?

"Well, generally a conversation begins with Hi, but since you clearly don't know what you're doing, I'll accept that as a starter." Ivy wasn't the most personable person to speak with, so it could be almost hypocritical to say such a thing, but the girl couldn't care any less than she did right then; this girl gave her an excuse to stop the homework and do something else.

"Hi."

[Ashley Engel]

Her jaw tensed and her lips twitched slightly.
The only thing worse than failing miserably at something was having someone point it out less than gracefully. Ash stared down at the girl seated by herself, trying not to flash a temper. She was indeed very, very bad at talking to people. She also had a bit of a sore spot about it, thanks.

Still, the exercise was what it was, and Ash hadn’t gone into it expecting a pleasant experience. So, after a slow breath in to keep more snide thoughts from becoming words, she tried to smile. It was fairly horrible. Ash’s idea of a smile was muscle movement. A pull here, curving there. It didn’t reach her eyes and that fact made it a more unsettling expression than it should have been. She could smile, when the impulse came naturally. But trying to falsify the motion just made everything even more mechanical and clearly awkward.

Again, she came back to the point of not knowing what to say.
The girl had said hi. That was a start. But where to go after that? Another moment passed, bordering between a pause and the sort of silence that went on for long enough to be truly uncomfortable. Quickly, understanding time was sensitive in these sort of things, she cleared her throat softly.

“Math.” She stated. Her eyes trailed off the girl, down to her books.
Ash nodded towards them, eyes lingering on the exposed content. It was more interesting to her than present company, if only because it was the one between them she understood to any degree. Logical reasoning meant math in a library was a result of studying or enjoyment, and nothing in the stranger’s mind sounded like a tone of joy or ease. There was a tension in her that Ash could hear, even if she didn’t fully grasp it. (Math was easy, after all, so a rightful source for displeasure seemed absent.) But if it wasn’t material present for pleasure, then that left studying. She’d had every intention of trying to hodge-podge a comment together about the displayed formulas and ease of execution therein, before she paused.

“That one there isn’t right.” She didn’t dare reach out physically to point out the mistake, but instead nodded again and kept her hands carefully to herself in her jacket pockets.
“If you’re starting with four-x minus two-y minus five equals zero then the next stage should be negative two-y equals negative four-x plus five. When you move everything right of the equals sign the minus operation before the four-x leaves it a negative on the left side.”

It might have been all well and good help until she tacked on “What do you even do in class?” With an honestly confused stare lifted up towards the girl’s face.

[Ivy Rose]

The girl in front of her had noticed she was working on some math homework, and she bit her tongue. What a clever girl, Ivy thought, the urge to roll her eyes was even more prominent than to speak those out loud. What made things worse, though she didn't take it to heart -she rarely did-, was the fact that she essentially called Ivy an idiot.

And Ivy was not an idiot.

"Clearly not listen. I pay attention to more important things, like my cuticles" Ivy said bitterly, and for a moment, the brunette wanted to just get up and walk away... but what she didn't want to admit was the fact that this girl was right. With a reluctant sigh, she fixed the equation, and then everything started to make sense. She finished quickly, and placed her pencil back down on the paper.

"Thank you," The eldest Rose twin said through gritted teeth. "This isn't my best subject. I'm a writer." Why was she even saying this, telling this, to this girl? Ivy had a feeling she likely didn't care about that, mainly because if someone had said that to her, she'd feel the same indifference.

Ugh.

[Ashley Engel]

Cuticles?
Ash squinted slightly. She knew what those were, but their importance was lost on her. Why on earth would anyone focus on something like that in class? Especially in math class? Sure, it was easy, but ignoring a lesson entirely was a little much. Doubly so if you weren’t that good at the subject to begin with..

The idea of sarcasm didn’t occur to her at all.
Luckily, her mind didn’t stay on the topic long enough to ask about it. As soon as Ivy said writer Ash’s eyebrows rose and her mouth opened just enough to let a soft ‘Oh’ out.

To say she read books wasn’t accurate. She ate books, spine and all. At least one a day, though often many more during the summer or free time. In all her years of reading she had never once put the obvious together. People wrote books. Books were written by people. She knew that, but in the vague not-thought-about way people knew lots of things. It struck her fairly hard in that exact moment that the things she loved were made by things she didn’t care for.

People created books. Ivy created books.
Ash gradually wrapped her head around the idea while staring at the other. Suddenly the cuticle girl got infinitely more interesting.

“What kinds of books do you write? Do you have anything published?”
Her tone was clearly different. She wasn’t driven by obligation to speak, but by honest interest. Without being fully aware of it Ash was reaching out, pulling a chair out from the girl’s table and seating herself. The way she leaned in, staring intently, were signs of full captivation. Ivy was just about to get a new fan, it looked like.

[Ivy Rose]

Surprisingly, Ivy was wrong. The girl clearly cared about her desired occupation as a professional writer, and wasn't afraid of showing her piqued intrigue. The girl sat with eyes trained on the elder twin, which to say made her uncomfortable was an understatement. But to go from barely paying attention to having this girl's full attention with questions was something the hispanic girl never had happen to her before.

"Uh, no." Ivy said carefully, her head tilting to the side in mild discomfort. But as she continued to look at this girl, the more she was reminded of her sister, and with that thought on her mind, Ivy was able to continue. "Science Fiction and Dystopian fiction. Short stories mainly. But I'm planning a trilogy, or series. Not sure."

"You know, the next step to a conversation is usually giving your name. I'm Ivy."

[Ashley Engel]

Ash’s lips twitched at first.
No was not the answer she’d wanted, if only because she was hoping there would be something in print she could look into getting her hands on. Still, the girl’s response wasn’t all bad. Fiction was wonderful, and science and dystopian themes rarely left Ash disappointed. She smiled while listening to Ivy, though proper introduction had her faltering. For a moment her face went flat and she looked almost startled. Truth be told, she’d forgotten about names. It wasn’t a habit she really indulged in, since often she didn't’ care about other people’s names, and they didn’t care about hers. Or, more commonly, her company already knew who she was and she didn’t care about who they were. This, it seemed, was a special occasion. Ash shifted, betraying her usual policy of physical boundaries just enough to offer one hand to Ivy to shake. She liked this writer girl, so special privileges could be allowed for the time being.

“I’m Ashley Engel. But I’d prefer if you just called me Ash.”
Her words were formal and measured. Benjamin had suggested she practice a formal introduction after he’d learned just how poor her social manners were.

“Ivy is a good name. In plant symbology it represents strong affectionate attachment, and sometimes immortality.”
Despite the lifted sound of her tone, less mechanical and awkward and more at ease, her smile didn’t return. Her expression stayed blank, though her eyes remained locked on Ivy with rapt interest.
“So science and dystopian, hm? Impressive interests. I wish you the best with your series work. Those kinds of genres are never simplistic creations.”

[Ivy Rose]

The girl's lack of knowledge on how to properly interact with people was almost... refreshing. Ash wasn't walking on thin ice, and just said as she felt. People always wanted to sugar coat and hide from her, and every time she figured out they were, she would get angry. Why? Because she had been through too much shit for people to sit there and hide things from her.

When the girl commented on her name, the eldest twin's lips twitched upward briefly. Ivy had a strong affectionate attachment to only one, but it was a strong affectionate attachment regardless.

"I never was one to take the easy way out of things," The brunette said, closing her notebook without a single glance at it. She was tired of dealing with the Greek that was Algebra 2. The final was near, but Ivy wasn't afraid of failing. She would probably get a C, at worst, because that's how it always turned out.

"How about you? I'm sure you have your own passions." Ivy said, fiddling with the pencil in her hand.

[Ashley Engel]

Ever so slightly, she nodded.
Hearing Ivy disown the easy road was charming in a way. Too many people went for the simplest path. Sometimes such was efficient. More often than not though, Ash just saw it as lazy. People who were openly willing to challenge themselves were more interesting than those who just slid through things. Especially in terms of writing. Effort always paid off in that field.

Ivy’s question caught her off guard.
Partly because she wasn’t used to questions being turned on her, and partly because she wasn’t sure how to answer. For a moment, she thought about the appropriate thing to say (even if it were a lie) but she was fast to give up on the idea. Ashley was not one in the habit of lying. It seemed a fruitless, stressful habit to get into. She’d yet to see a situation in life where it benefited anyone involved.

“Not really.” She shrugged, looking away for the first time since sitting down.
“I like to learn things, but not so much use them. Outside reading I’ve yet to find anything.. compelling.” Briefly her face twisted up in mild bitterness. It was a point of contention with her parents, and though he never said it she suspected it frustrated her grandfather as well.

“Everything I do just seems easy and boring. So I’m unfortunately void of any real hobbies, unless book hoarding counts.” She tried to smile. It wasn’t quite as rigid but it was still awkward and forced. She gave up quickly.

[Ivy Rose]

It didn't take a body language specialist to know that throwing the question back to Ash had confused her more than anything. Well, Ivy supposed, it was a good thing because obviously this girl had, even in the tiniest fraction, wanted to interact with someone. She definitely wasn't good at the skill of speaking with people, but then again, Ivy wasn't an expert and really, shouldn't even be commenting on Ash's inability. Hypocritical was what it was, but Ivy couldn't help herself.

"Well you have to be actively searching in order to find something you deem worthy and enjoyable." There wasn't much that made Ivy happy, but things that did were found over years of trying and searching next to her twin sister, Sofia.

Her mouth shut for a moment as she tried to determine what to say next; this girl wasn't very inviting with her conversation, and so she was stuck on where to take the conversation. But at the smile, she shook her head.

"Don't feel obligated," She said, pointing the tip of her pencil at her lips. "One thing about me is I'm not one to hold people to social normalities, so if you don't want to smile, you really don't have to." She placed the eraser on her cheek and looked up at the girl in front of her.