I'm A Travelin' Man (Salem)

[Deleted]

Backdated to July 4, 2014

Well, this was a heartbreak trip if he'd ever had one. He'd never had one, but that must be what this was. A trip to heal his heart after screwing up royally in the first relationship he'd ever been in. And probably the last one too, because Anthony was definitely feeling the whole "I'll never love again" vibe and wanting to do nothing but play breakup songs on the radio. Expect breakup songs were usually sung by women...about men who cheated on them. Which was not going to make this cheater feel any better.

Dammit, he hated that label. Anthony needed to get rid of it somehow.

Either way, he and Salem had simply jumped into his car and started driving with naught but the clothes on their backs and wind in their hair. Well, it would've been cooler like that, but the truth is they did do some preparation. His dad made sure he had some money for gas, his mom made sure he had money for food, and his little brother encouraged him to go to a strip bar...which actually wasn't a bad idea except for the fact that his best friend and wingman was underage...and oh, wait, GAY. So it really only would've been fun for one of them, no matter which way they decided to go.

Anyway, Anthony had a plan, well sort of a plan, but a plan nonetheless. Which was why they were currently heading south on the I-91 towards Massachusetts, to hook a right on the I-90 straight to Buffalo, NY. Or, better put, Niagara Falls.

Yes, this was a good plan. "You doing alight?" he asked his blonde counterpart. "Need a pitstop yet?" They'd been driving for nearly three hours already and were just about to hit Chicopee, MA.

[Salem Hirch]

This was supposed to be a trip he was looking forward to, something to take his mind off his own issues. A time to just be with his best friend and forget about the year all together, but no. Anthony had to go and be a guy and ruin things. "Calm down Salem...he's not the one that hurt you." That was the one thought the blonde guy kept repeating over and over in his head. It was Carter, not Anthony. "No Anthony just hurt your other best friend." The little voice in his head was starting to bug Salem. He hated this feeling, the confusion he felt from anger and sadness. To make matters worse, he had never told Tony about the whole Carter issue and it was bound to come out sooner or later.

So, he was doing his damnedest to be quiet and be nice and happy and pretend. He didn't want to be mad. Salem made a noise to himself as he lit his cigarette and rolled down his window. For the most part even Anthony had been quiet, but he knew that wouldn't last. Sure enough it didn't, for mere seconds after Salem's second puff, his friend spoke. Oh yes, he was mad, but he still loved Tony deeply so he would always think "friend" even if he didn't say it. "Yeah, I'm good....kinda." He overly beamed the first two words with a bright smile before turning back to the window and whispering the last word. Then he kicked himself internally. This wasn't him, this was not Salem. Being snarky and sarcastic? 

After a few more moments of silence Salem spoke again. "So, we gonna talk about the big pink elephant in the ..." He almost said room but changed his mind. "In the car? Or stay in uncomfortable silence for the whole trip?" Also something not very Salem like. Then again, to anyone who knew him it would be obvious something was wrong. He sort of doubted that Tony would notice right now anyway.

[Deleted]

Anthony didn’t know about the drama that had been going on in Salem’s personal life. He assumed that Salem’s apparent bad mood was entirely his own fault, for messing things up so badly with Kailin. And Anthony was just waiting for Salem to start hounding on him for it. To demand some sort of explanation. But nothing had come. They’ barely said anything to each other in the three hours since they’d left Pilot Ridge. And while that worried Anthony, he was a little bit thankful for it. Because he didn’t have a good explanation.

When the silence was finally broken, Salem’s response to such a simple question was unsatisfactory. Well, guess they should probably stop in the next town anyway. Grab some gas and maybe some extra snacks or sodas or something…

Anthony was prepared to go into another long binge of silence when Salem spoke up again. “There’s a pink elephant?” he asked, playing dumb. “I thought it was purple.” Totally not taking it seriously. Anthony sighed. “…I don’t know what you expect me to say,” he finally said honestly. Though Salem was right. Anthony was a little too caught up in his own issues to notice that there was something extra wrong with Salem, something more than just his obvious disappointment in his best friend.

[Salem Hirch]

There was really nothing to say after Salem's first response. He just felt sort of numb about everything in that particular moment, but then, when Anthony spoke again it sparked something inside him. His eyes widened a little at his friends joke, that spark was turning into a flame, and the blonde boy didn't know if he could hold it in much longer. For a few minutes after Tony said something, Salem just watched him. It was an intense look to say the least. One the boy had never given anyone before, let alone with Tony.

Salem had yelled before, and always had good reason. This, this was a good reason. He was upset, though the person he was about to yell at was not the cause of it. An internal struggling was building and the force holding the words back suddenly lost. "I'm not expecting you to say ANYTHING, I mean...I guess I was." He sighs after shouting a bit, trying to control his voice. "Like, how the fuck you could that? " Salem never cursed at all, let alone go straight for the 'f' bomb. "And I swear to god, if you say boobs, I will hurt you." He pauses to take a drag off his cigarette then flicks it out the window.

"Maybe all guys are just stupid..." Salem grumbled and brushed a hand through his hair. "I mean. even I freaking hate us..." He seemed a bit more calm, but definitely still on the edge of explosion. However, it seemed to be waning from his intended target.

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Anthony had a right to be a little defensive, didn’t he? He’d already beaten himself up over what happened with Kailin and he was sure he deserved to be verbally beaten up by hid best friend as well, but…he just didn’t feel like it today. Besides, if Salem wanted to know something, then he should be more specific instead of using dumb metaphors that could mean anything. Anthony just wanted to have a good time on this trip.

But Anthony didn’t expect it to trigger such an intense response from Salem. Well, maybe he deserved to be yelled at, but it was just surprising to hear such intensity from Salem. Though even after the outburst, Anthony still didn’t know what to say. “Sorry,” he said, keeping his eyes focused on the road. “Fine, I won’t.” Because that was basically the truth, wasn’t it? It surprised Anthony himself how incredibly weak-willed he was in the face of…boobs. And an extremely attractive woman who was practically throwing herself at him.

Anthony let out an exasperated breath. “Well, it would fit the facts, wouldn’t it?” He shook his head. “We’re idiots, we think we know what we want, and then turn around, do something stupid, then act surprised when it all blows up in our face. I wish it wasn’t that way, Salem. But between me and every other guy who’s been dumped for doing something stupid, it seems like it’s pretty engrained in our genes.” And Anthony had thought Reece was an idiot for screwing things up with Olivia. Then there was that guy Cameron who seemed to go through girls(and guys) like candy. Not to mention a few other names out there in the school. “I thought I was better than those guys…” he muttered under his breath.

[Salem Hirch]

Okay, maybe Salem overreacted a little bit. Deep down, he knew Anthony did not go out of his way to hurt Kales. Though, he knew that to be true, it still bothered him. Far more than it really should have and no where in his mind did that make sense. "Sorry?" He shot back at him and calmed himself quickly. Salem wanted to say more, but he just couldn't figure out how to say it without screaming. "Good." Was all he could think of to say to Tony's short reply about the boobs. Okay, the blonde may have somewhat understood though. After all, he had been taken in by a nice body himself, right?

There was more awkward silence as he let his friend talk, turning his head to stare out the window as he did. He heard every word Tony said, but something stirred in his brain. A thought that had been lingering there for awhile now, but was just rearing it's ugly head. Now, he understood who he was really mad at, himself..and Carter. Trying his best to keep quiet, he bit his own lip as the tears started to flow. Salem had never cried around Anthony and wasn't sure he wanted to, but the tears were coming and he couldn't hold them back. Then he heard the muttered words, and it almost broke his heart.

Not caring about his tears, Salem turned to look at him. "Tony, you ARE better than those guys. I..I'm sorry..I.." Turning he looked out the front window now and took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to be so angry with you..it's just... I let myself get hurt... twice.." Word vomit was coming and there was no chance that Salem could stop it. " First, Cameron...kissing me.. and getting with Matty." That stung, but he was happy for Cam. "Then...then." He almost didn't want to say what happened, he could almost hold that back, but it too came out. "Then Carter.. I didn't want to believe the rumors... Kales even tried to warn me... but..but " The blonde paused and wiped his eyes with another deep breath. "I fell for him Tony, and he did what he always does...apparently." A nervous little chuckle seeped in between the tears.

"I'm so sorry for flipping out on you..I shouldn't have."

[Deleted]

Well, this conversation was going well. He didn’t know what else Salem wanted him to say. Anthony hadn’t done any of it on purpose. As in, he didn’t do it with the intention of hurting Kales. He wasn’t vindictive like that. He didn’t do it because Kailin wasn’t enough for him or because he was dissatisfied with the relationship…maybe he did want to try and take it to the next level sometime soon, what guy wouldn’t want that? But he thought he could wait. Anthony supposed that the worst part of it, however, was that he knew he was doing wrong at the time he was doing it, he knew that it would hurt Kailin, and yet did it anyway. It didn’t mean he loved Kailin any less…it just meant…probably that Anthony was just a jerk. And he definitely deserved all the grief that was coming to him, from every single direction it came from. Even if he was doing plenty to beat himself up about it.

So…Anthony decided right then that whatever Salem had to dish out at him, he’d just go ahead and take it, without complaint. Best to get it over with, let him get it out, and then maybe they could go back to trying to have a good time on this trip.

What he wasn’t expecting…holy shit! Was Salem…why was he crying, was he that upset with Anthony??

Anthony was panicking a little as he darted his gaze from the road to his best friend and back again over and over, not sure what he should do or say now. When Salem finally choked his heart out to Anthony, Anthony’s own heart sank.

Oh. So…that’s what happened.

When he hear the names of the guys who were involved….Anthony felt a swell of his own rage starting to well up inside him. He knew those guys were…not exactly the picture of fidelity. And he hated that someone as good as person as Salem ended up getting wrapped up in their…whatever you called it. And then, he was angry at himself, again, for letting down his best friend by having done essentially the same thing to someone they were both incredibly close to. Anthony flattened his lips together and refocused on the road, shaking his head gently. “No…I’m sorry…I’m sorry that happened to you….and that I let you down by….fuck, Salem! I don’t know what to—“ Anthony shifted in his seat and switched hands on the wheel, resting his elbow on the car door and scratching his eyebrow nervously. “…..we need to get really drunk,” he announced.

[Salem Hirch]

Salem set back and watched Anthony's reaction to the string of heartbreak that came from his mouth, he even saw the tinge of anger in his friend and somehow...it made him feel a little better. In no way possible was he trying to make his best friend angry, no, but the reason for said anger did. It was an old familiar feeling, Tony sticking up for Salem. At least that was always the feeling the younger blonde boy got and it made him feel better. It was one of the many reasons he loved having the other around. Then, Tony started to apologize again and without a second thought, he reached out and clasped a hand on the driver's shoulder. 

"Tony, it's okay. You didn't let me down, you didn't know what happened. And I'm Sorry for judging you, or at least sounding like I was." He paused a moment to sniffle and then laugh softly when Anthony suggested they get drunk. "I see a problem there, how on earth would we manage to?" Honestly though, if that was what the other boy needed, then Salem was all for getting a little wasted. "Might do me some good actually." The illusionist thought to himself as he released his friends shoulder and settled into his seat again. This time, he didn't sit fully still, he took out his cigarettes and lit one, rolling the window down all the way. As he took his first drag, a gnawing feeling pulled at his gut.

"Okay, last apology..." He sighed heavily as he watched the smoke billow out the window. "Sorry for ruining the first part of the trip. I really shouldn't have been so mad at you. Forgive me?" 

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It was without a thought that Anthony got angry for Salem’s sake. He was his best friend, after all. A very close best friend. He knew how awkward he could be. He knew how sensitive he was. He knew secrets that Salem had only dared to share with Anthony. He knew how deeply he felt things, especially something as painful as loss. Rejection. Uncertainty. Anthony hadn’t decided to be Salem’s friend on some sort of whim. Hell, if Anthony were gay and not straight as a fucking arrow, his first choice of boyfriends would be Salem, hands down. In Anthony’s opinion, he had every right to be angry in Salem’s place over dicks who treated him like dirt.

“No, that’s fine. I was a jerk and I deserve the criticism. Maybe it’ll teach me a lesson for next time.” Anthony could learn from his mistakes. He was sure of it. He smiled back at Salem. “What? Can’t you just…I don’t know, make an illusion that my ID say’s I’m old enough? That would work, right?” Though it was probably horrible of him to expect Salem to go through with it. And he didn’t. There were other ways he could utilize as well. “My man, Salem,” he started, returning the shoulder pat. “It would definitely do you some good.” It would help him relax, release some stress - Lord knows they both had a ton of that right now - and when it was all over and they were aching from hangovers, they could spend the day groaning about it and laughing at their own stupidity.

He smiled, watching Salem light up from the corner of his eye, and sighed lightly at the blonde’s apology. “Of course. And you haven’t ruined anything,” he assured him. “I’m sorry too, though. And hey, we’re gonna have a great time this weekend, okay? Make you forget all about that shit.” He laughed. That had just become the point of this little road trip. To take their minds off of the bad things that had happened lately and just clear their heads. Then, they could go back to Pilot Ridge, ready to take on whatever came at them next.

[Salem Hirch]

Salem made a fake smug face as Tony made note of all this, "teaching him a lesson". Rolling his eyes he chuckled softly, "Yeah, and you better not forget it either. Mainly because I couldn't stand being mean to you." In the whole time they had known each other, Salem had never once took a hurtful tone. He was so nice to Anthony that some had suggested he had a crush on him, which was far from the case. Sure, there was a time when the blonde felt a little flutter in his stomach, but that was just the bond he felt toward the other. That did not mean however that Salem had not let the thought slip through his mind. Instantly bursting into laughter at thought, and trying not to laugh now as he thought about it. Sure it was a joke, but not something he wanted to explain.

Instead, he let himself chuckle at Anthony's suggestion of making an "illusion" of an ID. "Well, I think that would work for about two point five seconds. Ya know, with my eyes glowing like headlights....iiiiit might give it away." Sure he was still stressed and bothered a bit by all the things he had been through lately, but the mood was definitely easing up now. "Yeah, it would do us both some good, but.." Salem paused a moment to take a long drag off his cigarette. "Well, I mean...come on. You know me Tony, smoking is as 'bad' as I get." This time he turned fulling in his seat, his legs tucked under him, the seatbelt still tight around him. "Not saying no though." Another little laugh. Oh, he meant it, but he was letting his friend know he was nervous about being caught. Truth be told, he was thinking it would be a very good think to get drunk and just forget, the more he thought, the better the idea seemed.

Another little moment of silence from the blonde as the mood went serious again for a moment. Being forgiven and being able to forgiven yourself are two different things, and Salem still felt horrible for his silent treatment for the first few hours. "Ya know I forgive you man. You're like...my brother..." This would be the first time Salem said that out loud, but he didn't stop or feel embarrassed. "And Hells Yeah, we're gonna have fun! In fact..." His attention turned to the backseat and his guitar, which he grabbed and pulled in front of himself, adjusting in the seat again. "How's about we have a little jam session until we need to stop?" The old Salem's bright smile peeked on his lips as he started to play.

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“You know how to be mean?” Anthony asked incredulously. “I might forget it if just to see you do that.” Mean. Not angry. People got angry for reasons, because they were hurt or slighted or something. Mean was for spite. At least, that’s how Anthony saw it. It was because you wanted the other person to hurt. Anthony didn’t understand that mentality, honestly. He may have hurt people in the past, but it was never intentional.

Anthony laughed at that image. “You don’t know that! What makes you think he’ll be looking at your eyes anyway?” Anthony still thought it could work somehow. They just had to plan it better. Maybe put a bag over his head to hide it? No, that wouldn’t work. Anthony smiled, shaking his head. “I keep telling you you should quit already.” But Anthony wasn’t going to force him. He laughed again. “Don’t worry, I’ll think of something.” If nothing else, he’d just go in and buy it and hope the clerk didn’t card him. The thought of just grabbing a pack and walking out with it did cross his mind, though. Then there was always the idea of offering some old guy $10 to buy them a 12 pack of Bud. Or they could bribe the store clerk. Man, all these ideas were just awful!

Was it really so horrible that he wanted to try?

Anthony turned his head at the confession Salem uttered out to him, his eyes serious and a little sad. But mostly touched. He knew how Salem was…with his brother… “Thanks,” he said with a soft smile, turning his attention back to the road. They were almost to the next city, maybe ten minutes? “Sounds good to me!” he said with some excitement in his voice finally. They were going to be just fine, right? Anthony bobbed his head as Salem played his guitar, and he sang. Nothing great, but definitely decent. And they did that the whole way there, until Anthony pulled into a gas station. “Time for a pit stop,” he announced, putting the car into park.