He's Climbin' in Yo Windows... (Oriel)

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((Continued from Here))

Phoenix hadn't really tried this sort of thing before.... And he wouldn't have tried now, if he wasn't desperate. He shivered as he popped open his window, having just taken off his sweatshirt so he could let his wings out. It wasn't cold outside, but there was a cool enough breeze to make him get goosebumps as he eased out the window. Phen tried not to look down as he took a deep, shaky breath and started fluttering his wings. After a moment, he was airborne.

He stayed close to the side of the building as he hovered unstably over to where he thought Oriel's window was. Phen dropped a few inches a couple times, making him squeak in fear, but he eventually managed to pinpoint the right window and made a beeline for it.

In his haste, he misjudged the distance and size, and rammed himself into the windowsill.

"Oriel!" he cried as he tumbled, clinging onto the edge of the window for dear life as his wings fluttered desperately behind him. "Help!"

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Oriel wasn’t sure if Phoenix would actually do it. Oriel was certain that he might’ve done it. Climbing in and out of windows, up and down and side to side across buildings, was what Oriel did best. Well, it was what he did enough back in NYC. He didn’t climb in through the window these days as much as he did when he first came to Hammel, but some skills you never lose with the passage of time.

Oriel would have done it himself. He could have done it himself. Oriel wasn’t so sure that Phoenix could. He knew that Phoenix didn’t have a lot of ability when it came to flying, and there was the risk that he could end up dousing himself and whomever was around him in his hallucinogenic pixie dust. And besides that….they were on the second floor. Oriel was afraid the pixie was going to fall and break himself.

Still, he opened his window when he didn’t get another text back from Phoenix, suddenly scared that he was actually going to do it. Oriel blinked when he saw those wings fluttering and that skinny form attempting to stay airborne, dipping and rising and trying to maintain balance like he was a tightrope walker….only there was no rope.

Then he came in like a bullet, at exactly the wrong angle, like a bird who just didn’t pull up in time and slammed into the side of the building.

He darted to the window and leaned out over the sill. “Phoenix!” he said in a hushed voice. “I told you not to—“ Ugh…never mind. Oriel bent down and grabbed onto Phoenix’s hands, pulling him up by his arms like a parent does to a child. Phoenix was one overgrown child.

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Phoenix wouldn't have let Oriel try. The walls were too smooth, and it was too far, he'd fall and hurt himself for sure! Of course, Oriel scampered around up and down trees like a monkey, but still, that was different...

He was starting to think this was a bad idea, though, as he scrabbled his feet against the wall to try to keep from falling. Fortunately, with his light weight and still beating wings, he managed to hang on until Oriel got to him.

Phoenix whimpered with relief as he was pulled up into the room, and collapsed onto the floor in an exhausted heap. His wings twitched behind him. Before too long, though, he staggered to his feet and fell into Oriel's arms, wrapping his scrawny, half-clothed body around his lover. Phen was still shivering.

"OhmyGodImissedyouIcan'tbelieveIdidthatIloveyouIloveyouIcan'tdothismuchlonger," he chattered out rapidly, burying his face into Oriel's chest for a moment before peeking up at the taller boy. He still had faded bruising around his eye, but the swelling was pretty much gone by now. "How are you doin'? Are you bein' treated okay? Fuck, I just wanna..." And Phoenix squeezed Oriel tighter and buried his face again. A small sob wracked his trembling body.

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It was easy enough to pull Phoenix in through the window, but he wondered if maybe anyone noticed what he did? It wasn’t even 8 o’clock yet. The sun was just barely starting to go down, someone might’ve seen Phoenix flying around, right?

He hoped not, they didn’t need to get into any more trouble. Maybe Oriel should have tried harder to stop Phoenix from coming?

But when Phoenix practically fell into Oriel’s arms and buried his face into his chest as he rattled out a stream of nonsense….Oriel couldn’t help but wrap his arms around that thin, frail, shivering body and pull Phoenix in tight. Fuck….fuck he missed this. A lot more than he let himself admit.

No, he wasn’t going to cry…

Oriel looked down on Phoenix with tired eyes, tracing the faint marks he’d made around his lover’s eye with delicate fingers. How could he…? A wave of guilt washed over him and Oriel pulled Phoenix in again if only to hide his face. “I’m alright,” he lied. Oriel was far from it. Just prior to Phoenix coming over, Oriel had been moping, stagnant, in his usual corner, cradling his phone against his knees like it was his only lifeline to salvation. The only reason he’d gotten up was because Phoenix didn’t answer his last text and Oriel got worried.

Oriel didn’t want to move from this position. Couldn’t they just stay there, embracing each other like this forever? “I shouldn’ta done that…” he mumbled into Phoenix’s shoulder. “Why don’t you….how do you not hate me…?”

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Phoenix didn't care if anyone'd seen him crash, as long as they didn't come and take him away. Which, he figured, was a possibility, but... Nooo, he wouldn't be able to stand it, not when he was here and they were together again...!

The feeling of Oriel's arms around him was like Heaven. Phoenix hadn't realized how much he'd taken it for granted when he had it all the time; now, it was like a forbidden fruit that he couldn't tear himself away from. It felt like home.

Phen blinked as Oriel's finger trailed over his darkened skin, looking down self-consciously. "S'nothin'," he mumbled, gladly burying himself against his lover once again. "Alright?" he repeated, not believing it for a moment. "Y... Y'don't look alright, Squish. H-has this been as hard on you as it's been on me?" Oriel was so strong, and so unreadable, even Phoenix had a hard time knowing how he was feeling sometimes.

His fingers crawled up to Oriel's lower back and stayed there, gently kneading the firm, familiar skin. "It's okay," he mumbled, even though it really wasn't and they both knew it. "You weren't thinkin' straight. You'd been drinkin'. It wasn't you." Phoenix pulled away enough so he could look up at his boyfriend again. "I could never hate you," he said softly, reaching up to tract his fingers over Oriel's scruffy jawline. "Never. I don't care what you do, I'm not gonna stop lovin' you until the day I die." Phoenix paused and reconsidered,"Actually, I'll probably love you even after that."

He gripped Oriel's hands and pulled him over to the bed, gradually pulling in his wings with a slight wince until they were safely tucked away. "You look like you need t'sleep," he murmured. Well, Phoenix did too; he'd hardly been sleeping at all lately.

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Oriel would keep insisting he was alright, even up until the point where tears would pour down his face. If he ever let himself get that far. He would never admit to not being alright, because….what would it matter if he wasn’t? Was it going to change what just happened? Would it going to do anything other than make people either feel a needless amount of pity or to just scorn him for being such a pussy?

It didn’t matter if he was alright or not. People were going to do and think what they wanted anyway….

Besides…after what he did to Phoenix, Oriel didn’t have the right to be distressed over being separated from him.

Even so, Oriel took what comfort he could from being able to hold Phoenix like this. Just this was enough to make Oriel feel like he could finally breath again. Like he could relax. Like his head wasn’t going to explode from all the depreciating thoughts collected in it. Oriel tightened his embrace. “s’not okay…” he muttered.

And there Phoenix went…making excuses for Oriel. Why did he keep doing that? Oriel knew better than to be drinking, and he did anyway. He lowered his gaze, feeling like he couldn’t look Phoenix in the eye. “You’re…a million times better person than I am…” Oriel had always thought so. Phoenix would never have done the shit Oriel had. To anyone.

Oriel didn’t resist when Phoenix guided him up to the bed. He shook his head. “I’m fine.” Oriel was exhausted, both physically and mentally. He’d barely slept. He’d barely done anything. Mostly just sit in his room and stare at the wall. When he wasn't in classes he wasn't even paying attention to. At lease Phoenix had his jobs to go to to keep him occupied. “….are you hungry?” he asked. Phoenix had said he “kinda” was eating…which Oriel could immediately interpret as “not at all”. Was there anything in the fridge? Oriel tried to remember.

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Phoenix's hand found Oriel's back and began slowly rubbing up and down his spine, finally managing to calm himself down enough to try to comfort his lover. He knew Oriel needed it; after all that had happened, didn't the people keeping them apart know what they needed most was each other!?

He didn't care about what had happened. Phen should, but he didn't. It was in the past now, and they were going to work on making this better.

At Oriel's comment, Phoenix huffed out a chuckle and shook his head. "You just gotta believe in yourself, Squish," he told him with a cheeky, cheesy smile, though his eyes were still sad. "You're gonna get through this. We.... We both are. And everyone's gonna see you how I see you. You're the best thing that's ever happened t'me. No stupid adult is gonna keep us apart." Tears fell down his cheeks as he sniffled and buried his face again.

He pulled Oriel down to sit beside him once they reached the bed and nuzzled into the boy's neck, planting soft kisses against the scruffy skin. They were both in pretty bad shape, but Phoenix didn't really want to sleep yet because he wanted to be awake with his Squishy while he could. "I... I'm kinda hungry," he admitted, holding a hand against his hollow stomach. He'd lost a few pounds that he really needed. "Mmm... Wanna get somethin'? W... We can feed each other." Phoenix looked up and gave a tiny smile. "If you want."

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What kind of sense did this make? Phoenix was the one who was hurt, and yet he was the one who felt like he had to comfort Oriel? Oriel, the one who hurt him? The one who deserved the least amount of sympathy? It was always like that, wasn’t it? Whenever Phoenix was in need, whenever he was suffering, Oriel somehow always suffered more, especially if it was because of Oriel that Phoenix was hurting. Why did he always do that? Just another thing for Oriel to hate himself for. And another reason for him to pretend like the hurt wasn’t there. Because Phoenix was the one who needed someone to be there for him…and nobody else was going to do that except Oriel.

Oriel, the one who hurt him in the first place.

Fuck this shit…

“What are you, the ‘feel good’ police?” Oriel tried to snark, but his words had lost the bite they use to have. He just didn’t have it in him and it was obvious. “Think most people’d say the opposite.” That Oriel, the shit that he was, was the worst thing to happen to the pixie. After all…what kind of freak enjoyed doing the shit he did to Phoenix all the time? And what kind of monster beat their lover like he did…?

Just one more thing for Oriel to hate himself over….what else was new?

“Yeah…I can get something.” There was probably something out there he could get for the two of them. Oriel took a moment to center himself before standing with weak knees. He felt like an old man, but still, Oriel tried to hide it and stepped forward with the same swagger he always did. He didn’t even let himself drop it once he’d gotten out of the room, Oriel just plowed forward quickly, nabbed something from the fridge, something from the cabinets, and returned to the room.

His spoils were a package of deli meat, some sliced cheese, and a box of Ritz crackers. It’d have to do. Oriel set them on the bed. “Ain’t much,” he said quietly.

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In all honesty, the distraction of comforting and being there for Oriel helped Phoenix get over his own problems. It wasn't particularly healthy, and it didn't help him actually deal with them, but it was one of the ways he got along as much as he did. It was probably something he should work on but... He just didn't know how.

"I can try t'be," he retorted with another sniffle. "Just lemme pretend that everything's okay. Okay?" Phoenix tried to smile again, but he had his limits to how much he could pretend to be strong. "Well... Well, fuck what other people think," he mumbled. "They don't get it. They don't know. I'd probably be dead from an overdose by now if it wasn't for you." Or maybe someone else would have tried to help, but who knows? Phoenix was of the firm belief that Oriel had saved his life, and nothing would change that.

"Okay," he murmured softly, letting his lover ease away from him. Phoenix reached out to clutch a pillow until he returned, watching Oriel from behind until he left the room. He was still shaking a bit, both from the adrenaline rush of almost falling from the window and just... Being overwhelmed with everything.

He had to force himself not to leap back on the younger boy when he returned. Phoenix released the pillow and snuggled over to see what he'd found. "Looks good t'me," he replied, snatching a couple crackers and other bits. He quickly stacked them into a tiny sandwich before lifting it up against Oriel's mouth. "Open up," he cooed, a hint of a smile returning to his face. "You can feed me all you want in a minute. I just wanna... Enjoy this."

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Oriel felt like such a crybaby sometimes. No, all the time. It’s why he tried so hard to hide his negative feelings. To pretend he was okay. Because there were just too many things that would make him break down that he thought were just silly. Not like from stubbing his toe, nothing like that. But like from….shit, he didn’t know.

“Right…” he muttered. “It…it is okay. We’re going to be just fine.” Oriel didn’t know how many times he had to say it before it would become true…but he’d probably never stop no matter how bad it got. Just keep pretending like it was okay. Just keep… “Yeah…” Oriel didn’t know if that was true for Phoenix. Maybe Oriel was just fooling himself into thinking it was because of him that Phoenix got as far as he did? Maybe Phoenix would have found someone else to help him get through things? Someone better than Oriel. Like his ex, what was his name?

Fuck it.

Oriel managed a quick smile upon his return and seeing Phoenix eagerly put together something like a mini-sandwhich. That was entirely what he had in mind. It wasn’t much but it’d be enough. “What, you going to feed me first?” Oriel wasn’t the one with the tendency to not eat…though his appetite might also have dwindled over the past several days. “Fine,” he relented with a short laugh. Oriel opened his mouth, prepared to take in the treat, and closed his eyes.

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"Yep," Phoenix told him firmly. He was trying to do the same thing - pretend something was true until it was. That was probably something he'd picked up from Oriel, because in the past he'd lived in a haze of not knowing what was real and what was fake.

And his ex, Rue, had been the one who'd left him in that dust-crazed part of his life. Not intentionally, but still. Phoenix sometimes wondered how he was doing anyway...

He nodded to Oriel's question, his tiny smile widening a little. "You look like you're skin and bones," he told the younger boy, which wasn't true - Oriel was still beautiful and muscled and perfect. It was Phoenix that had probably dropped back down into an unhealthy weight range. But still, he wanted to do this. Phen gave a faint giggle as Oriel opened his mouth, popping the mini sandwich into his lover's mouth and sealing it with a kiss. "S'it good?" he asked, hovering close to Oriel's face. He just... Needed to be close. After all the time they'd had to spend apart lately, Phoenix was desperate for intimacy.

Which was why his lip started quivering again as he gazed upon his lover, and his eyes glazed over with moisture. "I can't do this much longer," he whimpered out of the blue. "Bein' forced t'be apart. I c-can try t'come over like this when I can, but it's not..." Phoenix took a deep, shaky breath. "It's not the same..." All this sneaking and carefulness. It made it feel like some forbidden romance, but it felt a lot worse than he'd imagine something like that would feel. He just wanted to sleep in Oriel's arms again. "It isn't fair," he complained. "This shouldn't involve anyone else. We're the only ones that matter, and I'm already over what happened." Apart from the still faint bruises that he hardly noticed.

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Living in the foster system, running amok on the streets of New York, it had become a habit for Oriel to pretend like nothing was wrong. Because back then, if you showed weakness….there just wasn’t any other choice. Everyone there did it. They knew there was something wrong, they all had that ‘sympathy’ for each other, hell, they even encouraged each other to tell ‘war stories’….but you damn well better not cry about it. Because that wasn’t going to fix anything and just made you look weak. And somebody was definitely looking for a reason to exploit that.

Being with Phoenix had helped Oriel learn to open up more. To not hide everything behind a smile or a stoic face of ‘toughness’. But there were still so many things that Oriel hid from Phoenix. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to tell him.

Fuck, the last time Oriel tried opening up and talking about his problems, he’d gotten drunk and hit his boyfriend. That kind of association kind of deters one from doing it again.

Oriel smirked as a laugh came out his nose. “I’ve been through worse.” He had. It was another thing he wouldn’t ever elaborate on. “You look worse,” he followed up with. Oriel took in the small sandwich and downed it all at once, chewed twice, and swallowed. “Mmm,” he confirmed. It was definitely good. Nothing special, but…the company made it better.

As foolish as it was for Phoenix to come here, Oriel was starting to feel better now that he was with his lover, privately, and not in front of scrutinizing eyes. Everyone else could just go suck themselves. But once Phoenix started to break apart…Oriel’s heart sank as he forced himself not to fall himself. “I know. I’m just…” Sorry…he should just say it. Why couldn’t he? “There’s nothing we can do,” he said finally after a long pause.

Oriel tried to smile, to reassure the pixie. “We’ll just have to…make the most of it. When we can meet like this.” But Oriel…he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. To keep Phoenix away because he’d be better off, or to keep him close to indulge his own selfishness. Oriel’s hand searched for Phoenix’s and clasped around it tightly. “We’re going to be okay.”

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Phoenix used to be like Oriel, at least to some degree, but a large part of it had been the drugs and dust that had gotten him to be apathetic and oblivious to his surroundings and emotions so he didn't risk letting himself open up to anyone again. That hadn't worked well, had it? As soon as he'd found someone who was as fucked up as he was and didn't scorn him for being shit at life, Phoenix had glomped on and this is where they'd ended up. Now Phoenix got emotional far easier than most and was incredibly sensitive to even the mildest of remarks. He wondered if Oriel would have rather he'd have stayed more closed up and stoic, but... There was no going back to that now unless he relapsed again.

And he hoped that wouldn't happen, but with the recent events, he couldn't make any promises he wouldn't panic.

"Doesn't make this any easier..." Phoenix mumbled, bumping his forehead against Oriel's neck. He glanced down at himself and blushed, hanging his head in shame. "... I'm sorry..." he whispered. "I wish I could look better for you..." Because that was what he cared about more than actually being healthy. It was messed up. If Phen had been wearing one of his over-sized sweatshirts, he could have at least hid how much his bones were starting to protrude, how ragged his breaths were becoming; but since he'd flown over without a shirt on, it was all too visible.

He did feel better, now that Phoenix could see Oriel, but there was a looming sense of dread that he would have to leave again eventually. Could he risk spending the night? "We can run away," he rasped, only half-joking. "Run away and get out of town. I can find a job somewhere, and we... We could survive like that..." Hardly. If they didn't get caught almost immediately, they would likely both starve, because Phoenix wasn't in any shape to try to find new jobs. He was lucky his current managers hadn't had a talking to him yet; as long as he got the work done, he supposed.

Phoenix nodded a tiny nod when Oriel tried to reassure him. "I'll c-come over every day if I can," he whimpered. As long as he didn't get caught. Couldn't be too hard, right? Maybe? He squeezed Oriel's hand in response and, eyes closed, blindly searched for Oriel's lips. When he found them, he molded their mouths gently but insistently together, never wanting to leave this room. "I want t'marry you someday," he gasped as they broke apart. His eyes shone with devotion. "We're gonna... We're gonna get married and have a dozen cats, and... And adopt a little girl when we're ready t'have kids." Painting this imagery in his head was kinda helping Phoenix. He hoped it wasn't too much.

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Oriel didn’t know if he would have been better staying the bottled up person he was, but he did know that it was a liberating thing to be with someone who said they loved you and stayed with you through thick and thing, while at the same time being the most anxiety inducing reality he’d ever had to deal with.

Every other day, every other second, Oriel was faced with the fear that maybe he was delusional and only perceiving a love that wasn’t really there. He was terrified that Phoenix was going to suddenly get too close and decide he finally had seen too much and decide to leave Oriel behind. He was paranoid that every other word coming out of Phoenix’s mouth was a lie, something said only to placate the easily angered boy. And maybe Oriel would end up getting worse, be even more unreasonable, freak out even more, just to see how much shit Phoenix could take before it finally became too much. And then Oriel would again feel like the scum of the earth for putting the person he was supposed to love through such an undeserved and distressing series of tests, just to prove to himself that Phoenix loved as much as he claimed.

Oriel hated himself for doing such things. He didn’t understand why people continued to even bother with him. And at the same time, Oriel didn’t want a single one of them to leave.

“You haven’t been eating like I told you,” he scolded Phoenix lightly. “I love you, no matter what. But I don’t want all this shit to be keeping you from taking care of yourself.” Because Oriel couldn’t do it himself. Phoenix needed to be taken care of, and he couldn’t depend on anybody else to make sure that happened. But while the staff was keeping them apart, there was nothing else to do than to continue ordering Phoenix to take care of himself all by himself.

If only Oriel could take his own advice.

Well, that was different. Oriel and Phoenix were different. Oriel was stronger. Phoenix was as frail as a feather. It was completely different.

Oriel smiled at the suggestion to run away. “I’d like that,” Oriel said in a low voice. He wondered if they could actually get away with it. Probably not, not with the dumb-fucking meta-detectors they had out there. Oriel had been found once or twice by them during his earlier Hammel years. It’s why he considered this place like a prison for so long.

“Or I can come see you,” he said as he too searched for Phoenix’s lips. “I’m still…and expert…at climbing walls, you know.” Oriel hadn’t done much climbing lately, but he didn’t think those skills had dwindled much. Phoenix’s admission, what he saw in their future, pierced Oriel’s heart with an aching want. So Oriel wasn’t the only one thinking that? Oriel kissed him again. And again. “Only…a dozen?” he asked, his lips curling into a small smile. It was all so beautiful, the picture of their future. Oriel couldn’t keep the tears away. “I want that…” he said in a voice that broke. “…with you….” Oriel held Phoenix’s face in his hands and kissed him again. He was so hungry…but not for the crackers anymore.

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How much closer could Phoenix get? Was it even possible for him to see something else in Oriel that he hadn't seen already, let alone something that would make him want to leave his lover? He thought that was impossible. Phen had been through this much already, he wasn't going to back out for any reason now. That's what he told himself.

He would do anything to prove his love for the younger boy. He'd tried to get right back in and help Oriel after his boyfriend had hit him, hadn't he? Phoenix was too obsessed, and too dependent, to let something like that change his mind.

"Sorry," he rasped, lip quivering. "I tried, I really did, I just... It makes me sick t'my stomach even thinkin' about it." Phoenix didn't understand it, didn't understand it was likely some form of an eating disorder he wasn't aware of. All he knew was he didn't feel hungry and could only force down what his knotted stomach would allow, which wasn't much. "I don't know how t'take care of myself," he croaked. "I'm useless and pathetic." Phoenix knew he was.

He smiled very faintly when Oriel responded. "Let's do it," he mumbled half-heartedly. "We... We can ele.... Elo.... Eleph... Elope?" Or was it something about elephants... Whatever. "If... If we do that, then no one can say anything!" he cried quietly. "Because it's like, legal... And stuff...." Or something. Phoenix had no idea how that worked. But wouldn't it make sense that no one would be allowed to keep them apart if they were married? They were practically engaged already, with the promise tattoos and everything... Right?

"I... I don't want you t'fall and get hurt..." Phoenix replied worriedly. "What if you... Mmm.... Slipped..." The pixie's words trailed off as they kissed, again and again. Phen's hands clutched with desperation onto Oriel's shirt, thinking if someone tried to tear them apart now, they wouldn't be able to, with how tightly they were clinging to each other. "Well... Maybe more... If you let me," he breathed, his own tiny smile appearing. Phen pressed his lips to Oriel's cheek, tasting the salt of his tears. "I never want anyone else," he whispered, hands slipping up under Oriel's shirt to grasp onto his hips. "I'd.... I'd rather die than be without you..." He let Oriel lift his face and take his lips once more, eyelids fluttering shut at the extended kissing session. "I'm gonna... I'm gonna eat you," he mumbled, hungrily and greedily latching onto Oriel's neck, his hands sliding further up the boy's shirt.