A Chill to Help You Feel (Lucas)

[Lucas Blacke]

What she said had made perfect sense, and her question was what Luke had dreaded; he couldn't prove to her he could be trusted right now, he couldn't show her. He could only tell her and without her trusting him in the first place there'd be no reason to take his word for it. But even if he was to show her he could be trusted he wasn't sure how aside from hanging out, which she didn't want until he proved to her he could be trusted. She wasn't toying with him, she wasn't breaking him, she was just letting him down easy. He didn't blame her, his issues were too much to accept, he couldn't be friends with anyone, let alone more and he knew that from the start it wa just a ticking timebomb. This didn't mean he was going to give up on her, far from it. He'd fight his way back into her life, on good terms, even if it took years to do. He knew that though he wouldn't have realized right away that, even if it hurt, he'd try.

When she finally got up and was looking away from him Luke felt his stomach make a sudden plunge as his eyes instantly gave in to what he was feeling but refusing to let out. He kept his seated place on the bench as his hand slid forward hesitantly, shaking all over the place. Don't leave me, don't make me go through what I have been stupid enough to put you through, his eyes screamed as his mouth failed to produce a single sound. This couldn't be it, he refused to let it be. But.. why did he feel so empty inside when the girl he undeniably loved stood mere inches away from him?

Why did he ever betray her? Did he not see what he had? Was he so blinded by his own madness that he missed what he wanted, what he needed? He had always known, and prepared for him to fuck up everything that happened to him, but this was something he couldn't prepare for, didn't want to prepare for. He didn't want her to go, he didn't! He wanted to be with her, do anything a couple should do together. He didn't want to be Lucas, he wanted to be Lucas and Karalie.

Thoughts about it all shot through his mind as she stood before him, her back still turned to him. A tear slid down his face as his hand hesitantly slid forward on the bench some more as he tried to figure out ways to show her he could be trusted, though she had said that it didn't have to be right now. But to Luke, it did have to be right now. This all felt too definitive and he couldn't handle it.

If only he could tell her which memories to see, his hand had been sliding forward with the intention of grabbing her hand and letting her see all the good things they had gone through. But he figured that being touched right now was the last thing she wanted.

''How..-'' He started in a creaky voice but suddenly stopped short of breaking his own mind. Right now, the mere utterance of any word would release all the pent up negativity he had been storing.

Instead, without uttering anything he let the tears flow down his face silently, letting emotion slip out of him as he sat on the bench.

[Karalie Heise]

Luke stopped her with one word.  One stupid, infuriating word that she didn't want to here coming from his stupid mouth.  How.  HOW!! How was he going to do the impossible? She had no idea, that wasn't her job to figure out, that was his.  When she turned she saw the tears in his eyes which only made her angrier.  He had no reason to cry! He didn't get to cry about this, she did!

"No!" She snapped, pointing an accusing finger at him.  "Dontchu ask me how, you gotta figure that out all on yer own!" Karalie demanded, huffing as the tears streaked down her cool face, dripping onto her sweater and disappearing as new tears welled in her dark eyes.  "Think about it an' get back tuh me!"  Her arm came up and swiped over her eyes.  She couldn't stand to look at him anymore, because even though she was furious with him, she wanted him to just hold her.  She yearned for his touch, for his warmth.  What she would give to have it, but the thought of him touching her equally sent chills down her spine, and not in the good way.  

"I'm goin'." She told him, her voice cracking under her emotion, her body trembling gently.  "I can't.. I can't do this right now. I gotta go."  Karalie huffed and walked off, not sure what she even expected from him.  Knowing Luke he'd give up.  All that talk of him sticking around.. no way.  He'd keep avoiding her.  She wasn't making this easy on him, but that was the point.  Maybe if he kept trying, maybe if he showed he was truly remorseful, she would consider spending more time with him.  Until then.. until he put out any actual effort, she would stand her ground and keep her distance emotionally.  She wouldn't let Luke hurt again so easily.

[Lucas Blacke]

She snapped at him, both with and without words. She told him to figure out what to do on his own, tell her when he had an answer. Problem was, he didn't want to think about what she wanted to know, not right now anyway. For him it wasn't about trust right then, but about talking things out and talking away the sadness and anger. He knew this wouldn't happen overnight and would possibly be slightly impossible without trust, but that wouldn't keep him from being by her side. He wouldn't leave her even if she wanted him to, he didn't want to risk being cut out of her life because if that happened he'd be stuck with her in his mind and this as his last thought of her.

Think about it and get back to her... he didn't want to think about it, and didn't want to get back to her because that would mean leaving. He wasn't going to, not again. ''Ya don't gotta go.'' He finally said with a slight crack in his voice. He managed to get that one sentence out without drowning in bottled up tears and got up from the bench, moving his arm forward and loosely gripping her arm.

''We're gonna talk this out. And now. Ready or not, I'm here and so are ya, so before we spend 'nother month avoidin' each other we should at least try to talk it over.'' He hesitated momentarily as his bottom lip quivered. Right now he was pretty much ignoring what his ability could do and let his body move freely.

''I at least owe it ta myself to try instead of doin' what I'm good at an' runnin' away..''

[Karalie Heise]

He insisted that she didn't have to go which made her eyes narrow.  He was right, she didn't have to, but she sure as hell wanted to.  She needed time to process what he was asking, and truth be told he couldn't fix everything right now and she didn't want to give him the opportunity to try.  Then he had the gall to inform her they would be talking about this now, like it or not, since they were already near each other.  He was only digging a hole deeper.  She didn't like being told what she was or wasn't going to be doing and he had some nerve trying to do that after all he had already done to her.

"Yer not runnin' away, Luke.  I'm walkin' away.  There's a pretty big difference there." She snarled at him, another breeze catching her, making the small hairs on her arm stand on edge as a chill swept down her spine.  It was too cold out to have this discussion, it would take to long and she wasn't about to go anywhere public with him when she was in this sort of mood, and she most definitely wasn't going to go anywhere private.  No way was she going to get tempted when she was this angry with him.

"For a change, I'm callin' th'shots here, got it?" She informed him sternly, reaching her covered hand up and wiping at her damp face now that the tears had momentarily stopped flowing. "You screwed this up, so yer playin' by my rules now.  This ain't happenin'.  Ya'll need tuh let me go figure things out, and honestly you've got a lotta figurin' out tuh do yerself."  She was standing tall, even though he still had several inches on her.  "So here's what we're gon'do.  Yer gonna go do somethin' else, an' I'm gonna go do somethin' else, an' maybe, maaaybe, we can get together an' talk tomorrow or somethin'. But for today I'm done.  Got it?"

[Lucas Blacke]

''Yer done, I get it.'' He answered her only being there for half of what she said. Seeing her crying and all made him want to hug her, comfort her and hope for her pain to go away. If he could bear her burden he would do so without a doubt. But part of him knew that wasn't an achievable feat right now, and truth be told he wasn't even sure it was achievable in the future either. The reason he wanted to fix it now, impossible as it might have seemed, was because he had Anthy. Well, didn't have her, but they were good friends to say the least. He needed to know where this left Karalie. Because as of now his mind was mixed up, he didn't know what to expect or what was going to happen, and normally he would take not knowing the future as a general fact of life, but right now the uncertainty killed him. Never before had he realized that his own mind was capable of this.

But back on point. She said she was done for today, that he had to figure his own stuff out and on his own. Those words rang in his ears, taking him back in time a bit. If it wasn't for her saying they'd maybe get together and talk the next day he would've dropped into pieces right then and there. The words might have not felt the same, but the way she said it remembered him of the first time he was denied a second chance and, though he caused it with his own words, sniffled at the mere thought of it despite being too hung-up in the moment to really think back on it. Maybe the what-if of this being definite got to him.

He wanted to just wrap his arms around her and ignore this whole thing, but that was not an option, not today. ''Message received, Kar.'' He said as he crossed his arms over his chest and instantly turned the look on his face to an annoyed one with the help of his ability. ''Yer done. Yer tellin' me I'm done. I guess this means we're done? If talkin' is not an option tell me why I should start figurin' things out? Ya think I haven't been doing just that? Ya think I haven't looked around fer help?!''

He shook his head at her. ''No. Yer smarter than that, ya know I was tryin' to change and fuckin' up with you was nothing but a slip. Granted it was a major slip an' probably my biggest mistake so far but not seein' you anymore did nothing to change me wantin' to change! I tried an' tried. With the help of people who looked past my flaws I was able ta work on this. And now yer asking me to figure shit out?! No, Kar, you are the one in need of figurin' shit out and you know it!''

[Karalie Heise]

For a moment Luke looked like he actually got it, like he would just let her go swallow this new information and come up with a game plan.  She had of course considered them getting back together a million times, but it had never been an option because he hadn't really tried and she certainly wasn't going to crawl back to him, so now that he was there, practically begging her to just talk with him, she needed time to sort it all out.  Is it what she really wanted? Was he worth it now that he was tainted?

The moment came and went fast as Luke opened his mouth again and started spewing his bullshit, going on about knowing how she was done, how they were done, and if talking wasn't an option then what was the point of thinking things over.  The anger almost made her shake.  Had he listened to a SINGLE word she'd said? Just one?! In that moment she was sure things wouldn't work.  Not only wasn't he incapable of giving her space when she requested it, but he couldn't even listen to her, too smug and arrogant to see that he was in fact pushing her further away by insisting she stay close.

"Uh course I need tuh figure shit out yah idiot, I just told'ja that!" She snapped angrily, her hands tightened into fists beneath that over sized sweater she was wearing.  "An' if ya'll even want uh chance tuh work things out you'll turn that stupid li'l brain on an' start listenin' tuh me, cause if yah don't, well then this just ain't gon' work, you got that?" Her face was flushed with her anger and she resented him for putting her in this position in the first place. But even through it, she wanted to kiss him.  She hated how much she yearned for his lips, the stupid prick. "I'm goin' now.  Don'chu dare follow me.  I'll text yah t'morrow." She wasn't sure if she would or not, but she needed to get away before her hormones went into overdrive.  As it was she was in for a rough night unless she kept her hands completely to herself.  She was bound to pull dozens of memories in a mood like this one.