Give me something more [Karalie]

[Lucas Blacke]

He couldn't really describe how happy he was when he finally got a text message from her. It was later than she had said but better late than never right? And to him this meant she wasn't done caring, which was good because neither was he. So when she agreed to a meetup Luke was pleasantly surprised. She was either willing to talk things out or just hang out like acquaintances, either way it was a step he was wanting to take as it was in the right direction.

When he got to the agreed upon place it was already evening and the lounge was dead empty. The setting was fun but he didn't think Karalie was going for the right setting for now. He parked down on the couch and sighed as he grabbed the remote to the television and sat back on the couch while turning it on to kill the time until she came around. At this point he wasn't even sure she was going to, but in any case tonight would be a night well spent. It'd be spent either talking to her or having the night for himself.

When flicking through the channels he stumbled upon several romantic scenes and caught himself fantasizing about holding Karalie like the guy on tv did, how good it felt for him to touch her even if she couldn't and wouldn't touch him back. He knew they'd need time to get back to that point in their relationship if there was even one to mention at the moment. He'd messed up but at least Karalie was willing to listen, even if she was a bit temperamental at times, though this was nothing unexpected. He just needed to live through that if he wanted a shot at redemption, though he had to admit he didn't think he'd be getting any. As far as he was concerned and dared to think she had just agreed to meet him there to get some closure.

He flicked through the channels some more and ended up looking at a story about the crusades, something that always interested him. It was ancient and tied to religion, he wasn't religious himself but he always liked hearing why other people did and what they'd do to protect it.

[Karalie Heise]

Karalie wasn't exactly keen on meeting up with Luke.  She didn't want to see his face, didn't want to sit and talk to him, didn't want to text with him and rehash everything.. She missed him and wanted him, but even simply looking at him made her stomach twist uncomfortably.  That hurt just kept sneaking back up, no matter how desperately she tried to push it down.  Their relationship had been brief, but so much had happened in that short amount of time, and as hard as she tried to hate him, she couldn't.  She hated what he'd done to her, hated how he'd made her feel, but she just couldn't hate the idiot. She also couldn't really forgive him.  She'd done a fine job of holding in her urge to sleep with some random person, knowing she would be hurting herself more than anyone else, but now that Luke had been with someone she knew that intimacy would not only be difficult, he would expect it if she were to forgive him.  She didn't like the idea of him going astray again, and she didn't want to give in simply because he couldn't keep his pants on.

She'd agreed to meet up with him, but she was guarded.  She'd kept her hands to herself all day, not wanting her mind to be bogged down by the many memories of the things she touched, even though she'd gotten significantly better at controlling herself lately.  She'd figured out a way to push back, and sometimes she could stop the memory as it was coming into her mind, pushing it away with a mental force, but there were times she wasn't fast enough, and it didn't always work.  It depended a lot on her mood

When she got to the lounge, she found Luke was already sitting there, alone, watching TV.  She stayed back a minute, mostly around the corner, peeking at him.  Her heart was beating hard in her chest, as it had been the entire walk there.  She felt jittery and unsure, a sick lump settled at the bottom of her stomach.  Would he always make her feel this way? So weak and defeated? She was stronger than this, or at least she pretended to be.  Karalie swallowed hard, urging herself to go in there, to sit with him.  Maybe not right next to him.. maybe near him.. maybe they could just watch TV and that would be it.  What was he even watching? A show about the Crusades? The hell was he watching that for?

Finally Karalie worked up the courage to put one foot in front of the next, making her way towards him.  She took a deep breath, slowly blowing it out as she took a seat at the far end of the couch he was sitting on, which wasn't terribly far from him considering it wasn't exactly a large couch.  "What're yah watchin'?" She asked in an even tone as if she hadn't been spying for the last three or four minutes, an easy way to start conversation.

[Lucas Blacke]

The people on the television were just about done introducing Richard Lionheart when he felt someone taking place on the couch beside him. He was sure about it being Karalie even without watching, who else would go into the lounge at this time? And even then, who else would sit on the same couch as him? He could think of only three people, and two of them he hadn't seen in quite some time so he was down to expecting Karalie, the one he knew was around even if she had been avoiding him.

He smiled as she sat down when he turned his head at her simple question. What was he watching? It was a harmless one, and a good way to start a conversation even now when things were still awkward between the two. He had taken a while to respond as he confirmed it was really her by looking her up and down, instantly remembering himself of one of the reasons why he missed her so much, her accent being the second reason that was revealed as she opened her mouth. He didn't want to reveal to her just yet she was the reason he began letting people know he had one too, she had been the one drawing him out of his shell. Part of him was scared by that, in the short time they had been seeing each other she got to know more about him than most other people.

''Nothin' really.'' He replied. ''Just zappin' back an' forth, just so happens this is on right now on this channel. Ya know I like stuff like this right? I might not be religious but I do like knowin' what I'm missin' out on.'' He was sure she knew this. And he was fifty percent sure she knew about the crusades, he would mention it to most people and especially religious people. He liked the fact he could just talk to her about that without her forcing religion on him, he loved her because.. just because.

And the realization came after the question had been answered. The moment she sat down he began feeling hollow inside, like there was something missing. But instead of not knowing what, it was staring him right in the face. The level of awkward was apparent between the two, even if they both tried their best not to show the other.

''So..'' He said as he turned down the volume of the television and turned to face Karalie, only to be slightly disappointed by the space she put between them. She deserved to act like that, but it still hurt.

''How's yer day been?''

[Karalie Heise]

She had nothing really to add, finding it difficult to start a conversation with the boy.  Finally he turned down the television, turning himself to look at her, those blue eyes penetrating her and looking straight through her.  She hated how much she loved those baby blues of his.  

She only looked at him briefly before pulling her gaze away, looking down at her hands and picking at her nails as he asked how her day had been.  "Fine." She drawled, her voice soft but guarded.  She knew she needed to add more, needed to draw out the conversation, but she felt so strange talking to him so casually.  It felt wrong.  She wanted to know what she was doing there, why they were hanging out.  She couldn't just be his friend, she couldn't stand by idly watching him hooking up with girls.  The very thought made bile burn in her throat.

"Sent my last college app in tuh Ole Miss."  It was where her daddy went and of course he wanted her to go there.  It's all he'd talked about while she was home, and she knew she'd probably be a shoe in.  Daddy would make sure of that.  She was sure Luke had failed to send any college applications in.  It was she who had wanted him to strive for something greater, and now that she wasn't in his life.. Karalie seriously doubted he would do anything after Hammel.

"How was yers?"  She looked up again, just barely, her own dark eyes watching him closely as he spoke up.  How many girls had kissed those lips since she last had?

[Lucas Blacke]

When she looked at him, as briefly as it might have been, he felt happy. He'd missed her even if she didn't miss him, he felt enormous guilt about letting things get this far but at least they were both showing signs that there was a second chance. Or in Luke's case, multiple chances. Her first answer wasn't all that long. It was what he figured, they wouldn't be all sunshine and rainbows in just one go he assumed as he took in that one word and took it to mean she either wasn't interested anymore and was just doing this because she was just being nice or she didn't know what to add. Which he himself had to admit was to be expected, he had felt it was difficult to start talking to her even if he didn't show it.

She looked down at her hands and Luke did the same, being drawn to her picking at her own nails. Not only did that irk him but it saddened him as he hesitantly moved his hands towards her arm and made sure to grab her wrist gently instead of her hand. As if he'd forgotten what touching her hand could do to her, and while it could have been used to generate a topic to talk about he didn't want to risk it at the moment. Maybe in due time.

He shook his head as he slightly shoved closer to her when his hand touched her wrist. ''Don't..'' He was going to add more but just looking at how even her hands were the pinnacle of perfection to him made him rue not being able to touch them without actually throwing some of his memories around even if they had been practicing before they had broken up.

He took back his hand, brushing the top of his index finger over her wrist. Lingering only for a moment before propping his arm back on the couch cushion behind her.

''My day..'' He repeated, totally ignoring the stuff she said about colleges and applications. ''It's been goin' quite good actually. Finally got 'round to findin' some stuff for my car.'' He wondered how she'd respond to that one, since the last date they had had pretty much required one and now he had one, even if that meant complications for her with her ability if she was ever going to ride in it.

[Karalie Heise]

Karalie tensed when Luke grabbed her wrist.  It was a gentle gesture, but it was one she didn't want.  What she wanted to do was rip her arm free of him.  He didn't get to touch her like this anymore, but truth be told she missed it.  Who had touched her recently? Lucy?  The thought made her want to vomit as she recalled her interaction with the other girl.  Luke had made that confrontation all the worse by giving Lucy an endless supply of ammo, making her even more resentful towards him as he tried to play nice now.  

Finally he took his hand back and she felt like she could breathe again.  Karalie pulled her arms in towards her lap, hugging them to her body as if trying to stave him off as he scooted closer.  He talked about his day and brought up how he had gotten stuff for his car.  She knew he planted that tidbit in there for her, trying to show he was capable of taking care of her on some level now that he had transportation.  Karalie was hoping for a car for Christmas.  Over Thanksgiving her parents talk about what she might like and that was all she said, other than maybe some clothes.  One could never have enough clothes, and she would never say no to a new purse, but a car, that's what she wanted.  Something sporty and cute, fuel efficient and maybe green.  Green was the way to be these days.  Daddy pushed the idea off, but she could see the gears turning in his eyes.  It was what made her not ruin Thanksgiving by outing herself.  As much as she wanted to tell her extended family, finally, what she was she wanted that car more and she wasn't going to get it with her daddy having a dying duck fit.

"Congratulations on gettin' uh car." She offered gently, not sounding too enthusiastic but being polite at least.  She tucked some stray hairs behind her ears and forced a little smile over at him before looking back up at the tv.  Karalie pulled her legs up, folding them in front of her and resting her hands there in her lap, keeping a bit of distance by making herself smaller.  "Must be nice tuh get out when yah wantah. Make life uh bit easier, hm?"

[Lucas Blacke]

Her body language had said enough, she didn't want him touching her and he wasn't going to blame her for thinking that despite it making him sad. She needed space and she was taking it, whether through words or movement she was standing up for herself, it told him she wasn't ready to forgive him just yet, she was merely tolerating his presence and being nice about it. Not counting the fact she had agreed to meet him when he asked she was pretty clear about not wanting to forgive him yet, even if she didn't say it. She didn't have to because any moron could see that, and it just so happened that any moron sat next to her. He wished she'd just forgive him, but it took time and he knew that. There was nothing more he wanted to do than to brush against her hand and make her see how much he had missed her.

Missed. That was the only thing going through his mind right then, and not even the 'love' kind of miss. He just missed her. Things were difficult without her, she always used to brighten up his day even if she was a bit of a tease at times. But she could always see that, she was just having fun and so was he. He missed that. She knew her limit and he was pretty sure she also knew his, but the truth was that for her his limit would have to take a backseat, he'd do anything for her. Anything for a friend.

This was what they were at heart, this was what he hoped they still were at heart. He oobviously wanted to go back to being more than just friends, but he'd understand it if she needed time. He'd wait for her, and wouldn't get distracted. Not this time.

''Thanks.'' He said with a smile as he saw her pull her legs up. Possibly to maintain some distance between them. ''Truth be told, I haven't gone out all that much yet. I've gone to the mall a few times, but other than that I've never really had the chance to drive anywhere.''

[Karalie Heise]

Karalie shifted a little uneasily in her seat, watching the television instead of the boy next to her as he spoke about the car.  He didn't bother going into details on what kind it was or where he got it or even why, but instead explained how he barely used it.  What was the point of having it then? It wasn't like there weren't places to drive to around here.  Not like he couldn't take that car and bring other girls on dates or something..

"Too busy?" She asked trying not to sound like she was mocking him.  What had he been doing that was taking up so much of his time? She knew it wasn't school work, no way had he cleaned his act up.  He wouldn't do it for her, no way he was doing it for himself.  He didn't so sports, not that she knew of, and his band didn't take up much time, if he was even in it.  She hadn't talked to Matt in a while.  Maybe flirting with other girls was taking up his time. She got tense at the thought, her hands curling into tight fists as if to instinctively protect herself from accidentally catching a glimpse of him talking with another female.  She couldn't handle that..

[Lucas Blacke]

She hadn't been talking all that much, granted that he hadn't been giving her much to work with. He figured it was because of the wedge between them. Once more he'd hide behind the fact he'd wronged her and she would need some time to heal, they'd both need some time to heal as well as the situation. The wounds were still bare, and though she had more she wasn't the only one hurting even if it seemed like it at times, Luke had his fair share of issues. He had been going through shifts in his moods for a while, from happy to moody and flirty and right out depressed. He had even taken to finding someone to check up on him from time to time. As down as he was at times, the happy periods in between were happy enough for him to see he needed help, and while not from officials he'd go for help in his own circle of friends, small as that was at the time.

''Not too busy.'' He admitted after a moment of silence, mulling over what she exactly meant with her words, if she was mocking him or not. Mocking him at this moment was one of the worst things she could do because he would surely get defensive of it by mentioning he'd worked for it or that he actually had a car, or worse if he could find anything that stung more than those two comments, but luckily for her he decided to assume she wasn't mocking him. Besides, he wasn't in the mood for defensive jabs at the time. A joke or two and that would be it for him.

''Just busy wallowin' in self-pity, ya know the deal with lil' useless me. Always doin' somethin' Ill regret later on.'' He offered with a feint smile.

[Karalie Heise]

His last comment gave her pause.  Was she supposed to care that he was wallowing in his own self pity? Or that he thought he was useless because he couldn't make intelligent decisions?  Her lips tightened into a thin line at the little smile he did, as though she should actually feel sorry for him.  Luke made his bed and now he had to lie in it, and that was not her fault. He had no one to blame but himself and she resented him for bringing it up, resented him for being such an impulsive idiot.

"Well maybe ya'll should start actually thinkin' b'fore yah do somethin'." She commented, unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice.  She was suddenly regretting agreeing to meet him.  She didn't want to deal with this, she wanted to be showered with apologies and gifts and promises he'd never dream of hurting her, that it had been a one time thing, he didn't know what he was thinking.. Instead he was admitting he was just going to keep screwing up, because that was just Luke.  Who wanted to forgive someone who admitted to knowing he'd screw up everything again and again?  

"Then ya'll wouldn' need tuh pity yerself so damn much."

[Lucas Blacke]

He had scooted back to his own end of the couch when she had said her thing. She had a point and he knew it, he had known about his ability to do first and think later and most of the time this would end him up in situations like.. well, like this. He wasn't broken and beaten but nine out of ten times he wouldn't know what to say or think and instead mostly blabbered on about being sorry instead of trying to fix what was wrong. He knew for a long time there was going to come a time where simply being sorry didn't help, or bashing himself into the ground wouldn't make it right, if he was to correct things he needed to come up with ideas, plans and not just empty words.

In a world of promises, right?

He'd made that mistake one too many times and boy did he regret it. ''So what d'ya want me to say?'' He finally replied after hunching over in his own little corner, elbows on his knees and eyes looking at the girl. ''Want me to make more promises I'm not gonna keep? 'Cause I'm not in the mood.''

He broke his stare and began looking at the tv, watching as it had gone to a commercial about some rediculous program about aliens. ''Want me to say I'm not gonna sleep around no more? That I'm gonna ignore everythin' female except you?'' He said sternly without breaking eyecontact with the television. '''Cause I can do that, just not right now.. I want to, I want nothing more than to be able to call ya my girlfriend and be happy again.. it's just.. I dunno..''

He paused momentarily as her turned his head to her and gathered his words.

''Yer tellin' me to stop wallowin' in self pity, I can do that. Yer tellin' me to think 'fore I do somethin', I can do that. But what I can't do, is promise ya it'll happen overnight. I want it to, but I've been wantin' that for a few months now. No matter what I do, I fuck up.''

''But yer right, I need to man up and stop hidin' behind excuses.'' He'd almost take up a mocking tone. ''Kiss and make up, right?''

[Karalie Heise]

It felt like one of their old fights brewing, the kind they had when they were actually an item.  Karalie and Luke had always bickered a little, not seeing eye to eye on stupid stuff, and this was starting to seem all too familiar to the young retrocog.  It wasn't her job to tell him how to fix this.  He wanted things to get better, he'd sought her out, after all.

As soon as he began his torrent of bullshit, she decided this wasn't going to work out.  He couldn't promise not to look at other girls yet? Until when? Until she was willing to put out? Until he'd had his fill of other girls? Did he seriously expect her to just wait around for him forever? To be his friend and maybe something will happen to work out? Was he really so delusional? Was she?

"I'll tell yah what." Her voice was calm but cool as her eyes narrowed slightly in his direction.  She was done playing this game, and was starting to wonder why she even bothered meeting him there in the first place.  He'd practically gotten on his hands and knees and begged for another chance, and now this? "When ya'll are done fixin' yerself, gimme uh call.  Until then? I don' wanna hear it, Luke.  I don' wan' empty promises, but I don' wanna wait around for uh wishy washy child neither.  It's all or nothin' baby, an' ya'll already admitted yah can't offer that so.." She shrugged dramatically before getting to her feet.  "So this ain't gon' work." Her hands went to her hips, her eyes moist as her voice cracked slightly, desperate to hide her emotion.  Why had she even bothered trying? He wasn't worth it.  She'd known from the beginning he wasn't good enough, but she gave him a chance because he saw her for her, he didn't care about the rest, and she liked that about him.  Plus, those eyes.. Who wasn't a sucker for those boys eyes?

"I can't play these games with yah, Luke, I just can't."

[Lucas Blacke]

He inhaled deeply as he thought about her words, it seemed like she was done waiting for him if she even did that to begin with. It was obvious what needed to be done and he knew that, the easiest way to make her see he was okay was to just live hiis life, yet he hadn't done so out of fear there would be girls other than Karalie he could fall in love with. And now that that had happened.. it was unfair really, he was beginning to think he was stringing her along even if he did love her, but as his luck would have it she wasn't the only one. It wasn't fair to make her wait on something that would maybe happen someday. She had made him happy, but was that enough to cling to her? Was she like Marnie in the sense that he had gone for the first girl to pass? What if he had options, but went with the first one out of fear of fucking it up?

And now, he had.

''I get that. I really do...'' He said with a sigh and a deep exhale to keep his voice steady. He'd only just responded but her saying it wasn't going to work really turned everythiing upside down. ''But..-'' She didn't want to hear it, he'd known how to show her he changed so why was he trying to make it right by talking and getting stuck in the same cycle again and again?

He finally nodded his head in agreement. ''This ain't gonna work.'' He repeated with yet another sigh. ''Yer right.'' He got up to his feet and looked at Karalie.

''Glad to know ya see it as nothin' more than a game.''

[Karalie Heise]

Karalie was flabbergasted at Luke's last statement.  She thought this was a game? Was he serious? Judging by the look on his smug face she wagered he was.  He was dead.  Serious.  Her jaw dropped and she scoffed at him.  How could she have ever been so stupid as to give him a first chance let alone a second?

"Right." She said with a nod, folding her arms.  "I'm th'one who thinks this is uh game.  I'm th'one who practically begged for uh second chance.  I'm th'one who sought ya'll out after avoidin' yah fer two months.  Yeah, okay Luke, ya'll just keep tellin' yerself that."  Karalie shook her head.  "Yah know what? On secon' thought? Whenever yah figure out whatever the hell it is ya'll want? Don't come knockin' on my door, 'cause I don' wanna hear it.  Not now, not ever.  You just destroyed any chance ya'll had uh fixin' this."

She turned and started walking towards the exit of the lounge.  She didn't need this from him or anyone.  Karalie took a deep breath, then another.  She wouldn't cry.. Even as her eyes welled, she told herself she wouldn't cry.  Not over Luke.  Not anymore.