Time Warp: A Smokey Screen [sean]

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean never went into greater detail regarding his relationship with Josh, because they were in a good place. He wouldn’t trade the years they had shared together, or his friendship with the attorney, for anything in the world. He cherished the memories, cherished the time they spent together, and took pride in the knowledge that they shared an emotional bond that many would envy. More than that, the younger man had moved up to Pilot Ridge a couple of months ago! Even with Josh crashing his car, he remained glad that they lived in the same town again, rather than separated by three hundred miles and several states.

Sean had already promised himself only to tell her the truth in this situation. He knew she had a difficult minefield to navigate, and he did not want to provide her with false expectations, either by being too optimistic or by erring on the side of unnecessary pessimism. “It did. To their credit, after they took the time to get used to the idea, they tried.”

The psychiatrist considered his words for a moment, choosing the way to say this tactfully. “Something that men who are involved with other men experience, and which you’ll be less likely to experience as you go through life, is that the moment we bring up our relationships or our orientations, people tend to think immediately about anal sex. I’m more acutely aware of that than most people are.” If people kept their thoughts to themselves, the average non-telepath would never know that, invariably, the people in question were imagining (and most likely disgusted by their thoughts of) what he did with his male partners.

As a telepath, Sean did not have that luxury, and it had been the background noise after coming out to his parents.

Uncomfortable for everyone involved. “It took my parents some time to get over that initial reaction, but, to their credit, they never stopped loving me.”

[Anjali Kedar]

The pause told her he had to really think about what to say, which meant she wouldn't like it.  There was no clear cut cookie cutter sort of answer she supposed, but she had been hoping for more reassurance right off the bat.  

When he did finally talk she found herself confused at first until he got to his point.  Her cheeks flamed burning hot at the mention of anal sex and she looked down at her feet.  She understood why it mattered, why he thought to say it, but she never would have imagined it was what he'd say and being a mostly sheltered sixteen year old, it was the farthest thing from her mind.  She certainly hadn't thought about anal sex when she found out he was batting for the same time, but she sure as hell thought about it now, which made it all the more awkward for her.  

When he'd finished mortifying her, he finally explained his parents needed time to come to terms with it all, but they still loved him.  That didn't mean they weren't still disappointed though.  She was sure her parents would love her regardless, but she wanted to keep their respect.

"I'll have to think about the whole parent thing." She finally said, because she had no answer now.  For now, she needed to come to terms with her own sexual orientation and once that was handled she would consider what to do in regards to her parents.  At this point though she didn't know what else she wanted to know from Sean.  Certainly not what he did in bed with his partners..

"I guess I have a bit of soul searching to do..?" She asked weakly.  She'd never been with either man or woman, and she supposed until she did something with either she couldn't know for sure, though attraction was probably a large factor on what she would do with whom.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean had not intended to embarrass her, but he spoke frankly about sex without veering into vulgarity. That came part and parcel with teaching his annual sexual education seminar, and with his general philosophy of wanting to be honest with children and teenagers in age-appropriate ways. He had been raised Catholic in the 1960s; what he had learned was so useless and yet so destructive that he would have been better off learning nothing at all. His telepathy had saved him from some of those more dangerous misconceptions, obliterating them with his manifestation; not everyone was that fortunate, and so he had much work to do.

However, he moved from that quickly, because this was not a discussion about harmful gay male stereotypes. This was advice to help Anjali come to terms with her sexual orientation, whatever it happened to be.

“You have as much time to think about what to tell your parents, if anything. Nobody will force your hand.” By which the psychiatrist meant that he would not force her hand, and that what she said to him would not leave this office. “That’s your decision to make, in your own time.”

He nodded, agreeing that she had some introspection ahead of her, just as nearly every other person in her position had before her. Then, he added, “You’re under no obligation to accept this, but have you been to the LGBT Youth Center on the edge of town? They have confidential meeting groups, and also some social activities. I can give you the contact information if you’d like.”

[Anjali Kedar]

It was comforting that no one would force her to do something she wasn't ready to, but she didn't expect that from Dr. Neville.  He wasn't like that.  It was a relief she had time to really work it all out, but most importantly it was nice that she had someone to talk to about it, and that it was all okay.  No matter what, she knew it would work out in the end, one way or another.  She might end up being secretive for most of, if not all of her life, but it would get sorted out eventually.

"I haven't."  She didn't even know it existed until he mentioned it.  She wasn't ready to make that step yet, but she knew at some point she might and when she was it would be nice to have the information readily available at her fingertips.  "I'd like that."  She wasn't ready to explore that far just yet.  For now she needed to really figure herself out and didn't want to be swayed one way or another, not until she felt more sure of her decision.  She feared someone recognizing her and outing her before she had outed herself fully to herself yet.

"I can go, like.. whenever though, right? Like if I didn't want to go soon or anything.." She licked her lips, not wanting her opportunity to end before she accepted.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean had never outed a student before, and he would not start with Anjali. Aside from the fact that he considered doing so to be immoral, he also had an ethical obligation that would prevent him from doing so, if he ever had the urge. And also the “safe zone” sticker on the outside of his office, which meant something as far as he was concerned.

“Let me get you the brochure.” One perk of volunteering at the Center came in the form of unlimited access to materials for the organization. He kept a stack of brochures in his desk, for situations just like this one. He pulled one out of the drawer, holding it across his desk towards her. It looked like a school brochure, but with specific language about inclusion, and a small pride flag in one corner. The inside listed the resources, the various groups offered, the drop in hours, a list of some social activities they did, and a list of further references, including the website.

He nodded and smiled. “They’re open seven days a week and the hours are listed there,” he tapped the brochure with his thumb. “You’re under no obligation to come this week, or even this year, if you don’t want to. But the address and phone number is there, if you do decide you want to give it a try.”

[Anjali Kedar]

She reached to accept the brochure he offered her, looking down on it and seeing the main information printed right there on the front; an address and phone number and insides was some basic information about what they were about and the different programs available.  It looked harmless enough.  

She nodded along with what he said about how she didn't need to go anytime soon, but whenever she decided to.  "I'll think about it." She promised, not quite ready for that step, but still certain it would come up sometime down the road.  It was nice she had the information available for when she was ready, though.  

"Thanks for.. yah know, this.. and talking and stuff." She offered, seeing their session was coming to a close.  She had mixed feelings about it all, just as confused as when she'd walked in but not in the same way.  Now it was a matter of how to discover herself instead of not really knowing who she was or what she should be doing.  He'd given her food for thought and tools to work with and for that she was appreciative.  She knew he wouldn't be able to solve all her problems, only she was capable of that.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

“The Youth Center always welcomes new people.” The Director and the volunteers (including Sean himself) did everything they could to create a welcoming and open environment. She might not choose to visit, but if she did, he hoped that she would gain something meaningful: community or support. But he would not further force the subject. She had the brochure and thus had the knowledge and ability to get there if she chose to do so.

“That’s why I’m here,” the psychiatrist replied with a gentle smile and an encouraging voice. He had taken the position those decades ago specifically to help the students work through their problems and to act as a sounding board for their thoughts and feelings. As such, while he appreciated gratitude, he did not require it. “If you want to talk about this, or anything else, in the future, my door is always open.”

He would be happy to talk about anything she wished. From a personal perspective, he would also like an update, about whether she chose to go to the LGBT Youth Center (although he might see her there), about what terms she might apply to her sexual orientation after introspection, and about if and how she chose to come out to her parents.

Time would tell.