Whoops. Don't Worry About It, Really... (Karalie)

[Karalie Heise]

She felt mixed feelings swirling around her head.  On the one hand she hated Marcus for the role she played in her and Luke's demise.  Didn't she realize he had a girlfriend?! On the other hand, why hadn't Luke been forthcoming with what was going on? Why had he been such a jerk? He said he loved her.  Did he want her to come across those memories.  Did he think it would be an interesting experiment to have his girlfriend discover his infidelity by touching him and seeing for herself? It would make it easier than telling her!  But he did eventually come clean.. either way, how many girls had he kissed?

Karalie glowered at her hands, not sure if she should do it to Marcus still.  Should she hate her.. him? It was hard not to blame the other on some level. Even with her explanation and apology it just made Karalie feel angry and hollow.  She hated being reminded of Lucas, hated what he'd done to her, how he'd treated her.. None of this was fair.  She supposed Marcus was sort of a victim on some level too, not knowing about Karalie and being put in the position to become an accomplice of sorts.  Then again, she was still friends with him, so..


"He's only yer friend 'cause he wants tuh get in yer pants."  She didn't bother adding a gay joke though one simmered below the surface.  It was inappropriate and she'd come to learn unacceptable in the progressive state she resided in.  "He thinks he's got uh chance." Again she looked Marcus over and wondered.  Karalie supposed she wasn't a bad looking girl, even if she dressed.. it all made sense now, the way she dressed.  She dressed like a boy because part of her was a boy.  But wasn't Karalie prettier? Did Luke think so? Did she really care if Luke thought she was prettier anymore?

In her mind beauty was everything.  You didn't run the pageant circuit without that bit getting ingrained into your mind.  Beauty was everything, smarts were second best.  Ugly, dumpy women never made it very far in life.  

"Yer better off without the lyin', cheatin' fool in yer life." It was her own bitterness shining through.  Lucas had plenty of redeeming qualities, but non of them mattered now.  "An' if you think associatin' with him's gonna do anythin' for yuh, yer uh fool."

[Deleted]

Marcus felt guilty now, though she wasn’t sure if it was more for that accidental kiss that went un-reported, or because she had brought it up now to Karalie when she probably didn’t want or need to know in the first place. She was just here to get a cup of coffee, not to be told, apparently, more information about her ex that would make her more upset with him. All Marcus could think to do was apologize…again.

To get in her….? Marcus laughed. “Well….he is a boy, after all.” As if that explained everything. “As a…” She wasn’t quite sure if she should say this, but it was a perspective that was unique to her, she supposed. “…One who is one half the time and the other…the other half, I can say that…well…boys really will go after anything that even slightly resembles female so….actually, now that I think of it, some girls are just as bad towards boys, so….” Now she wasn’t sure what was the point she’d been getting at. “Well….the point is, I’m not interested in him that way, so it doesn’t even matter. Besides…” she continued, looking down with a light blush. “I already got a girl I like….” Now if only that girl wasn’t a scary man-hater.

Wow….girls were also really, uh….what was the word…spiteful. Marcus wondered if she ever sounded like that when she was a girl and let her emotions get the better of her. Grudges were…not something she did. “Uhh…..okay.” She didn’t know how to respond to that. Why so much hate? she wanted to ask, but Marcus supposed she had a good reason. Cheating was pretty low for someone to do….but did that mean that he wasn’t allowed to have friends too? “I’m sorry for what he did to you….that was really stupid of him to do, but….I’m not going to stop being his friend just because someone else has a beef with him.” That was a pretty low thing to do too, wasn’t it? Actually….that was something that girls did, she noticed. Marcus wasn’t a girl.

[Karalie Heise]

He's a boy, after all. Like it was an excuse.  So because he had a piece of flesh dangling from between his legs he got a free pass to do something so absolutely loathsome?  Karalie seethed as she sat across from Marcus.  Now she was a true southern girl, and down where she was from a man ran the house.  He had power, he had control, and he had an obligation to lead his family with a firm hand in order to keep it working the way it was intended to.  He also had an obligation to be an outstanding man of the law, both by the government and by the Lord.  Neither condoned adulterous behavior.  What did his gender have to do with anything? Did he have a right to because he couldn't help himself? Was that an actual excuse? He's just a boy, it's understandable. No.  She refused to believe that was acceptable behavior for anyone, including a boy. Especially a boy!

She had a hard time concentrating on what she had to say.  Something about liking a girl which somehow seemed more repulsive since she was currently in her female form.  Karalie tried not to think about it, a girl with a girl.. it was sinful and disgusting.  Marcus was digging his hole a lot deeper, at least in Karalie's eyes.

Then the icing was spread all over the cake.  Marcus knew what a terrible person Luke was, and still he was fine being friends with him.  Maybe because they were 'boys' and boys stuck together.  He'd probably high five him for cheating on Karalie, isn't that what guys did? Congratulated each other on their sexual conquests as if it were some sort of contest that needed to be won?  They were disgusting.

"That's yer problem, then." She snarled and though she tried not to be petty (though often failed at it), she certainly hoped Lucas hurt her the way she'd been hurt by him.  Anyone who allows themselves to knowingly get close to someone capable of hurting others without a care in the world deserved what they got from that individual, and she wasn't convinced Lucas wasn't a conniving asshole just yet.  That would take time.

She stood then, grabbing her coffee though she didn't even want it now.  "An' for th'record, just cause someone has uh dick doesn' mean they have tuh act like one."

[Deleted]

Karalie had completely misunderstood, though Marcus hadn’t exactly worded it properly either. What she’d mean to say was…Lucas was a boy. As in a child. An adolescent teen. Expecting him to have the same control over his hormones and sexual desires(and, incidentally, relationship judgment) as an adult man was expecting too much. Many adults(regardless of gender) didn’t have that control, so how could someone expect a 17-year-old boy to? It wasn’t an excuse, and didn’t make his behavior right by a long shot, but did offer some room in the way of understanding.

After all, Marcus used to be a 17-year-old boy herself once.

“O…kay…” Marcus wasn’t completely understanding where this…hostile air was coming from. Was it because Marcus was Lucas’ friend? Was it because she thought there was something going on between Luke and Marcus? Marcus never even considered the homophobia(but was it really homosexuality, considering Marcus was really a boy?). So Marcus could only conclude that it was because of the mere reminder of how much of an ass Lucas had been to her…which Marcus didn’t blame her at all for.

Marcus looked down at the table, feeling very guilty for stirring up such turbulence in Karalie so unsuspectingly, but also a bit irritated for the expectation that she shouldn’t be Lucas’ friend because Karalie said so. If only Marcus was better at keeping his/her cool, then Karalie could probably be enjoying a blissful walk with her coffee right now, she never would have known about those incidents, and Marcus wouldn’t be plagued by so many mixed feelings either. Marcus looked up at the girl when she stood and spoke, her eyebrows pressed forward, appalled by that statement. Did she assume that that’s what Marcus thought? “Having a dick – well, just having a dick - has nothing to do with it.” Marcus scowled. “And just because you have a cunt, doesn’t mean you have to act like one either,” Marcus snapped. “Or do you not know how to be the better person?” Marcus shouldn’t have said that and she knew it….but this girl’s attitude was getting to her. “Sorry…” she said after a short pause, looking away. Her heart was beating furiously against her chest, now embarrassed…ashamed…of what she’d said, and afraid of what might happen because of it. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

[Karalie Heise]

Having a dick had everything to do with it, at least that's what Karalie thought until Marcus opened her mouth again.  The words that poured out made her nostrils flare with anger, her eyes widening as both her jaw and fists clenched tight at her side.  Did she just call her a cunt!?  The absolute nerve!  Marcus had been out of line, and the apology that followed did very little to ease her mind.  It wasn't like she had singled him/her out for being a dick.  She had never insinuated that Marcus even was a dick and she couldn't help but feel the insult was uncalled for.  

Karalie huffed. Had she been less of a person she would have flipped out, screamed and likely poured the rest of that damn hot chocolate over the stupid girl.  She didn't feel bad about her nasty clothes getting stained anymore.  In fact, she hoped she got burned when it spilled over her earlier.  She didn't want to draw anymore attention to herself than necessary though.  Gripping her coffee maybe a little too tight, she narrowed her eyes at the shim.

"Better tuh be uh cunt than a freak've nature." She growled back, wanting to cause more harm in that moment than step back to be the bigger person.  One day Karalie hoped to master the art of maturity, but for now, in her eighteen year old mind, she was still quite the novice.  "You an' Lucas deserve each other." And with that she turned to head to the door.  She didn't need to be bothered any more by such a rude, disgusting person.  Not when she had better things to do, like go cry in her room.

[Deleted]

Nope, Marcus certainly shouldn’t have called her that. It was completely out of line. But then, why did it feel so good? Why did Marcus somehow think that the girl Karalie, the one who had been cheated on by Lucas and treated horribly by him, the one who was suddenly faced with a person like Marcus who had unintentionally turned her world upside down….why did Marcus think that she deserved it?

It was something in the way she said it, that ‘dick’ comment. That’s what Marcus would tell herself. It was the way she said it. It was the way she said everything. It was the way she carried herself and spoke to other people as if she were inherently better than them just because she was her. None of that made a lick of sense, honestly, but Marcus just got that vibe from her.

And then it hit her. She and Lucas were both the same kind of person who thought that everyone else owed them the world. Marcus remembered thinking the same thing in all of her fights with Lucas. None of it made any sense, they were both sexist to a fault(as proved by Karalie’s last few statements before departing from the table), and they both thought they themselves were god’s gift to the world.

That last comment, though…. yeah it hurt. Because it was something she’d been told before by her own family. “I’m sorry…” she muttered softly, dipping her head with shame. Why…why did Marcs always have to be made to feel bad about being what she was? She had no control over what her power was, so why did people(like Karalie and Lucas) find the need to put her down for it and make it her fault? Marcus was silent for a good few minutes after Karalie left the coffee shop. She was silent as she stood from the table and threw away what remained of her now cold beverage. She didn’t speak nor look up again for the whole walk back to the Hammel dorms.