World of promises [Zo]

[Zoelle Heroux]

She felt raw at this point. It was an awful feeling and yet... in a way it felt nice to not be numb with anger. She had lived that way for... for way too long really. It was exhausting. But once you shut off those emotions, it wasn't easy to just turn them back on. It took something like this to shock them back into existence. Maybe it was for the best.

Still, that didn't do much to ease the confusion she felt.

She bit her lip as he stammered a response. I dunno. She didn't even know what to make of that. But that quickly changed as he suddenly shouted, standing up. Her head snapped up to look at him and for a moment she was stunned until something clicked into place in her mind.

What would she normally do in this situation? She'd push a person away. Yell. Get angry. Anything to chase them away so that she wouldn't get hurt.

She looked closer and saw the light reflecting off the tears in his eyes. She was right. She knew that she was.

"No." Her voice was deceptively soft, but somehow stronger than it had been before. "No, you don't get to do this." She found herself moving forward, closing the distance between them so she stood right in front of him. "You don't get to start all of this and then push me away." Her index finger lightly jabbed his chest and held there. She ignored the tears that were beginning to form in her own eyes, refusing to let them fall. She was such a damn hypocrite, but right now, she just didn't care.

"Don't you dare pull this bullshit and lie to me, because I can see straight through that. I've been nothing but honest with you here. You owe me that much, Luke."

[Lucas Blacke]

No. No. No. Nononononono. She.. no. Luke was ready to crumble right then and there despite wanting to come across as angry, so ready to do that and throw everything he didn't want her to see right in her face that even through his tears he smiled nervously as if his mouth didn't know what to do anymore. He let out a massively nervous chuckle as she stepped at him and poked him in the chest. Nonono. This couldn't happen. She was in the same situation as him right now, he didn't dare blinking or say anything as it would break down the dam even faster, but he saw that she was attempting to hold in some of her own tears. This meant she felt something, but what? Was she angry or sad with him? He said one thing and did the other so was she now angry at that fact, or did she want to say something she, like Luke, couldn't?

Was she.. was she really that scared of people that she wanted to push him away? Was he really that fucked up that he saw no other option than to push her away? It seemed that the realization had come too late, the realization that they were going to be pushing each other away and that it would ultimately cancel each other out. That as much as he wanted to keep a clear mind, he missed the most obvious fact. And so did she, though not the most prominent fact.

But she had just gotten that fact, as did he. It was no use because they would both stay there as long as needed to push the other away. The cards were on the table and there was no reason for either of them to just bail on the other.

She wanted the truth. ''Ya want the truth, Zo?'' He exclaimed, trying his hardest not to let his tears out even though his forehead was beginning to hurt because of it.

''I'm a fuckin' wreck!'' He said as the first tear slid over his face. ''I can't stand people 'cause they just leave everytime I try anythin'. Everyone is the same so I keep them at bay except for a handful of people, an' everytime they remind me of what people can do. I'm not lyin' when I say I thought ya were different, wasn't lyin' when I said I would want ya to stay, didn't lie when I didn't push ya away. An' I'm not lyin' when I tell ya this.''

''I don't want ya to leave.''

[Zoelle Heroux]

Zo wasn't sure how he would react, but anything would be better than for him to just hide away until she left. She didn't know what to expect, but she waited because anything had to be better than that. She was already invested in seeing this conversation through at least.

When he spoke, her hand dropped, her frustration fading as he spoke. She understood - she understood far too well.

In that moment though, something else began to make sense to her. Whether she pushed him away or let him push her away... she would end up being no better than the people who had made her this way. She didn't want that to happen. That was why she didn't let people get close in the first place. She never let it get to a point where anyone - she or them - cared enough for her absence to matter. How had that changed so quickly.

She was boxed into a corner, and either way, this was going to hurt.

Zo just stared at him for a long moment, trying to piece together a coherent thought. But as she always did, she just said the first thing that came to mind.

"Then I won't."

She bit her lip as her mind raced at the implications of her words. Finally she looked up at him again. "Look. I'm a fuckin' wreck too, okay? I get it. Why do you think this scares me so much? I don't feel - I don't let myself feel. Because no one ever stays. No one ever gives a shit about me." She couldn't get into the details, but it was the closest she had ever come with talking about her past with someone since she came to Hammel. She wanted to reach out to him, needed that contact but she didn't know how. She wasn't the affectionate sort.

"I don't know what any of this means, okay? But... I'm not leaving. Whatever that's worth."

[Lucas Blacke]

At least she didn't run, but sadly enough she didn't run. He'd been holding on to that thought a damn long time and it still hadn't set in that he didn't want her to run, so why did he keep wondering why she remained in his presence? Why did he think about what she did more than what he did himself? Was she so important, had she become one of those people he let close? They hadn't even known each other a day and he still felt like they'd known each other for months despite knowing nothing beside her name. He didn't even doubt it was her real name despite that having done stuff like this before would warrant giving people a fake name.

Still, having been able to speak his mind and not being left alone made him feel better than he'd expected, but if he had anything to say about it he wouldn't do it again, not to anyone, not ever. He did it to her, this was enough. He'd never let anyone go through it again, he knew he hurt people because of it and he knew that. It was obvious she was hurting because of him, or maybe that was what he wanted to see, have a reason to feel less about himself. A reason to tell less and lead an invisible life, getting everyone to get hurt by him so he wouldn't have to explain anything.

''That's worth more than ya know.'' He replied finally as she said she'd stay, giving him what she felt and thought. He moved closer to her and leaned in for a hug. He needed one, and whether she did, or how she felt, she had taught him one thing; if anyone knew his reasons, it would be her.

''Teach me to see that people can be different.''

[Zoelle Heroux]

He was quiet for a long moment. Enough that she started to wonder if he was already changing his mind. This was never how she had planned it to go. It could have so easily turned out so differently. If he hadn't tried so hard to distance himself, hadn't made her feel rejected... would she have stayed? She definitely wouldn't have even been open to being more - not in the slightest.

It was amazing how one little thing could change absolutely anything.

Of course, it was terrifying as well. She was still scared of what all this might mean. She wasn't ready to label this just yet, but she was willing to let it happen and see where it went. That was a huge step in and of itself. She hoped he'd understand. If anyone would, she thought it would be him.

His response brought a small, tentative smile to her lips. He leaned down to hug her then, and she didn't fight it, instead sinking into his embrace. It felt odd still, and yet... not bad. She wasn't used to affection. Sex was one thing, but she kept that impersonal. This... this didn't have any of that heat to it - more like a gentle warmth. It was different but it felt nice. She loosely wrapped her arms around him too. It made her feel a little better about things, if just for the moment.

Zo pulled back slightly as he spoke, just enough to look at him. "I'll try," she said softly. "But only if you teach me that too." She didn't really know what she was getting herself into, but she wanted to feel more than that pain and anger so was so used to. Even if it was just for a moment. But what if she fucked up? Would he understand that too or would he just use that as proof that this whole thing had been a mistake?

She swallowed hard, afraid to ask the next question. "So... what does this mean exactly?"

[Lucas Blacke]

It took himm that long to realize it wasn't just him, even when she said she got it he'd shrugged it off like she didn't. Like she could be fucked up all she wanted, but his life would always be worse. But maybe, he realized, this was his problem. He was always comparing to how bad his life was when put next to someone elses and making a habit out of seeing everything from and always expecting the most negative perpective. Maybe she could change this, as he would try to for her.

So when she asked if he would teach her as she would try to teach him to give people chances and not expecting the worst he broke out in a smile and nodded. He looked at her as she looked at him, probably a disgusting sight as he still had the remnants of a tear on his face despite being done crying, having accomplished not letting all that much out. ''Ain't ya lettin' me close, Zo?'' He said. ''I think I'm on the right track.'' He halfheartedly winked at her as she suddenly paused a moment.

What did this mean for them? Luke didn't know, he knew what it meant for him but not for them. ''I dunno..'' He answered just as hesitantly as she had asked.

''We've seen each other at our lowest, an' now we can work on seeing each other at our best..?''

[Zoelle Heroux]

She gave a soft chuckle. "You do have a point," she agreed. As he looked at her though, she found herself wondering if her mascara had started to run at all. She did always wear waterproof, but she hoped she didn't look too awful. He was luckier - aside from a little redness and a hint of wetness still on his face, he didn't really look much different.

Honestly, Zo was a little relieved when he seemed just as hesitant about what this meant for them. Even thinking of them as a them was foreign-level weird to her. At least they were still on the same page, that was something, right?

"Well, I think we've had a glimpse at our best," she said, unable to resist the tease as her gaze shifted pointedly to the bed behind them. She even cracked a smile.

Her expression turned a bit more serious then. "But yeah, that sounds about right. Let's just... give this a little time, see what happens from here, okay?" She didn't need a definition of them right now. She just needed to know that they were in agreement that they were going to try to be more and just let it be. She couldn't go from being miss no commitment to someone's girlfriend in the course of an hour after all. She needed time to adjust to what was happening between them first. She hoped he understood that.

Zo studied him, hoping he would truly be honest with her about if he was okay with that. After all, she wasn't saying no to more.

Her hands settled at his hips, her thumbs hooking around his belt loops, though she didn't pull away from him. A mixture of this new closeness between them and the familiar, though there was no seduction in the movement. "So... since I'm staying... what now?" she asked, feeling oddly timid. This was entirely new territory for her so she was trusting him to help guide her through it.

[Lucas Blacke]

So, they were a them, or on the way to being a them. Luke liked that and it showed as he threw her another smile even as he held her, his hands dropping down to her hips if only to copy what she did. ''Yeah, we are pretty good, ain't we?'' He said back in what he hoped was a joking tone. He wasn't quite sure he could do that yet but he tried. She did, so he could at least try.

But he nodded as his expression lost the smile and he turned serious like she had when she said that they should give it time. It wasn't what he wanted originally, but he couldn't deny it was probably the best thing to do given what they'd just gone through. ''As long as it takes. I'll be 'ere. Always.'' And this time he would make sure he wouldn't fuck up. He wouldn't make promises he knew he couldn't keep and stop flirting around, even if harmless. Even though she would in all honesty not mind all that much, not yet at least. Maybe she would later on, but he wouldn't blame her doing the same as she seemed to be the type that enjoyed a good flirt.

''I dunno.'' He replied as she asked him what they could do next even as she hooked into his belt loops again. It reminded him.. ''Maybe.. right now is my time to stay.'' He said with a smile as he held her a bit tighter.

''What 'bout we go over to yer room?''

[Zoelle Heroux]

She chuckled at his response. "You know it," she answered with a wink. "At least we know we can do one thing right," she teased back though, slowly feeling more and more comfortable again. Enough to joke at least a little. Things were serious now, at least more so than they had started, but it couldn't hurt to lighten the mood a little. Or at least try to. She didn't like him still seeming kinda down. Of course, a burst of emotions like that was pretty exhausting, so she couldn't exactly blame him.

Always. That word had her face growing warm, a soft blush appearing on her pale skin. Sheepishly, she bowed her head forward, her forehead resting on his chest even as a smile spread across her lips. She didn't know if she could believe in an always just yet, but the thought made her happy nonetheless. It could be nice to have someone to turn to. She just really hoped that she didn't fuck it up. But she pushed that thought aside for the moment. She just wanted to feel the good right now. There would be plenty of time for all the bad later on when she was alone.

Her nose rubbed lightly on his chest before looking up at him, one eyebrow raised as he suggested it was his turn to stay, wondering what exactly that meant. He held her a bit tighter and to her surprise the gesture felt reassuring rather than suffocating. Maybe she really could change.

"And what would we do over there?" she asked, smirking slightly.

[Lucas Blacke]

He shot a grin her way as she joked and teased simultaneously, bringing him back from the brink step by step, just as he hoped he was doing with her, assuming she was at the edge to begin with. Things between them had started to settle though, and Luke was now finding it difficult to think about how he wanted her to leave in the first place. Right now, he didn't want her going anywhere if he wasn't there. Though he realized he would have to let her go at some point, it wasn't like they would go from sleeping together to sleeping together. That wouldn't be giving it time, would it? ''We can do more than one thing right. Ya did it twice even, remember?'' He joked back at her. ''Which reminds me, ya still owe me one. An' I'd like the same treatment.'' He tried to make it sound like a joke, but was it..?

As she rested her head on his chest he held one hand against the back of her head, gently brushing his thumb over it. He broke out a smile, which she obviously couldn't see from her position and closed his eyes slowly, taking in the moment of them, despite them not being in existence yet. He rocked with her slightly and suddenly laughed. ''I'm so glad I took the step.'' He said without build up or segue or anything else that could have warranted it. He opened his eyes and threw his gaze to the ceiling. ''So glad.''

his gaze turned down though as he felt her moving her head to face his in confusion. He wondered why? Was he being too sensitive? Sappy? He'd stop in a jiffy if that was the case. But it turned out it wasn't, or was one of those ignored comments he still owed her.

''We could.. be our best again??''

[Zoelle Heroux]

It was still a little weird for her, being so genuine with someone. She hadn't really been Zoelle in... well, too long. Everything she did was all part of the act, until now at least. But it was also the first time she had felt calm in practically forever. That ball of anger that seemed to constantly fill her and fuel her... for the moment she didn't feel it much to her relief.

She laughed at his reference. "You're not wrong," she agreed. She laughed even more at his not so joking suggestion. "You're hopeless," she teased, rolling her eyes, though her voice and expression conveyed she wasn't really complaining. This sort of banter was easy, comfortable even. Not to mention it really had been good - certainly worth repeating.

Zo rested against him, smiling as she felt his hand at the back of her head, holding her close and lightly stroking her hair. It was enough to make her linger there, soaking it all up for even longer. Maybe this wasn't a mistake. Maybe it would be worth the risk for once. She had certainly never felt like this before. He spoke suddenly, taking her by surprise, but she didn't react to it, aside from a widening smile that he couldn't see. It was ridiculous really - the whole situation - but not in a bad way. It just didn't seem like something that could really be happening to her.

She shook her head even as a smirk spread across her lips. "You really are hopeless," she muttered. Her eyes met his again. "But that is certainly an idea," she said. It was a good sort of reassurance really, that even after all the emotions, they could find their way back to this common ground. "Let's go even the score then."

[Lucas Blacke]

''I ain't hopeless.'' He joked right back at her quip. He knew she wasn't serious, so he wouldn't be either. ''Hopeless would mean I wouldn't even get laid, an' I got ya by my side so.. yeah..'' He rolled his eyes before sticking out his tongue jokingly, almost wanting to lick her but not doing that for the moment. Not yet anyway.

He was glad they had come to agree, or even just simply die down on the whole ''not wanting to leave'' issue. But somewhere he was still afraid he was going a bit too fast, she had said she wanted to take it slow and here he was, not taking it slow at all but merely mixing common ground with whatever he wanted to do. Which happened to be what their common ground was. Win/win.

As the moment lasted on that they just stood in the middle of his room amidst all the jokes and lost tension he couldn't help but smile at the situation once more. Never had he figured he'd ever meet a girl as fun as her, not afraid to put out, making him lose his fear of even asking in the first place. This definitelty earned her a place up there with the rest of the elite.

''Again, not hopeless, Zo.'' He returned the smirk as she addressed his suggestion, not refusing it in the least and even telling him it was a good idea. It was fun that after all their hardship they could still joke, or not joke, about stuff like what they were obviously meaning. ''Even the score?'' He asked with a chuckle. ''That'd mean I'd just get some. I ain't that kinda guy.''

''Not in the least.'' He winked.

[Zoelle Heroux]

Zo rolled her eyes. "That's a different kind of hopeless. I'm talkin' the sort where you have one thing on your mind," she quipped back, sticking her own tongue back out at him and wrinkling her nose. She quickly dissolved into laughter. Damn, it felt good to actually laugh like that.

For now she had put aside thoughts of what they were and what that meant and all of that. She didn't have any answers anyway, so she just wasn't going to think of it. Instead, she was going to do what she did best. Act impulsively and just enjoy the moment without thinking of the consequences. She had fun with him, and that was all that mattered to her at this precise moment.

"Not true," she argued. "Mutuals count too," she pointed out with a playful nudge. Still, she wasn't about to complain. In her experience, most guys were pretty selfish with that sort of stuff, so she sure as hell wasn't going to be upset that he seemed more focused on her than himself half the time.

Zo stood on her tip toes to kiss him, grinning even so. "Besides, are you seriously going to complain about getting some extra attention?"

[Lucas Blacke]

''One thing? I have plenty of things on my mind.'' He joked again, trying to turn his defense ito a mere plaything for them to ''enjoy'' as the recuperated from what they had expended with that entire emotional play. ''You, for one. Sex. Workin' out. Music.'' He began listing all the things he had on his mind. Well, most. ''You. Money. Games. You. An' music.'' He added jokingly.

He was enjoying this. Enjoying them in their infancy. Common interests surely keeping them close, common personalities being the thing they could potentially bond over. He couldn't help but look at her from time to time, noticing for himself that even though they talked about going to her room they were still in his, and neither of them seemed to care or undergo any action to move.

He nudged her back playfully as he shot her a wink and slighlty shrugged. ''If yer gonna decide for us both that those count I take it ya just want me to lie there or somethin'?'' A smile and a joke as he once more looked at her as she offered him a kiss. A slight shiver went down his spine as she stood on her tip toes to reach him and it took that action to really notice their difference in height.

He shook his head then. ''Naw.'' He leaned down a bit and returned the kiss, keeping his face close to hers as he ran his tongue across her lips. ''As long as it's extra, an' not all.''

[Zoelle Heroux]

Zo caught herself grinning again as he began to list all the things on his mind, trying to prove her wrong. It was still strange to her that someone could make her smile so much. Though not half as strange as the thought that someone was so interested in her. That slight color tinged her pale skin again as he listed her as a thought on his mind not once but three times. She was so used to being disregarded and cast off that anything to the contrary seemed impossible. As much effort as she put into getting attention, those fleeting moments had never been enough, but now that she was actually being focused on, it was different than she had imagined.

"Hmm... there seemed to be a repeating thought on that list," she teased. "So music, huh?" Her grin widened since they both knew that wasn't the most repeated thought in the least. "What sort do you like then?" She wondered if that would end up being something in common between them too.

If this is what it was like being a them, maybe it wouldn't be as scary as she had thought it would be. She rather liked this sort of comfortable banter.

"Oh don't you dare!" she exclaimed as he joked about just laying there. Still, she knew he wasn't serious so she wasn't all that concerned. As she kissed him, for the first time she really noticed the height difference between them. Of course, being barefoot meant that she was a good 3 inches shorter than she had been when they first kissed in the classroom, which was extremely hard to miss really.

She couldn't help but smile as he leaned down to kiss her again, staying close as he answered her. "Well then don't you worry, I'm not that selfless," she assured him, her arms wrapping around his neck as she kissed him again, this time a little deeper and longer than before.