Veins of glass [Jocelyn]

[Jayson Kline]

It was a relatively quiet day. He, for some reason, hadn't heard from Jen since she had stormed off like she did or her brother. Maybe she hadn't told him.. That'd be quite awkward he figured, Caelum suddenly finding out and confronting him. About what, he wasn't sure. He'd just told her the truth and then she mentioned Rayne and.. well, he told her not to in a way he knew she'd understand. Other than that he saw no issue with what he did, he did what he would do with most people, aside from those he was really close with, though one of them was living in Russia now. Though she was no longer there, she'd left him some stuff that belonged to her, like the jar of vodka that she used as 'medicine'.

He'd need to refill that, and soon. Somehow it had been emptied the night they had a party, and he didn't attend it and the only one who knew he had it and attended the party was Jen. He'd need to confront either her or her brother on the matter sooner or later. 

But that was of no matter now, he was caught in the moment, walking down the streets of Pilot Ridge aimlessly. He had no need to buy anything; he still had plenty of books he needed to read and schoolwork.. while he was ahgead on every class he had it wouldn't hurt to go through the stuff again. Why else did he get the books if he wasn't supposed to read them? Besides, he still had that tutoring job that could keep him busy, though lately there hadn't been any tutoring to do. He shrugged. Maybe in due time.

He walked down the street some more and a window caught his eye, but it didn't show a book like he would have gone for normally. No, this one showed a sign. Apparently it was a liquor store that had some kind of sale. Maybe he could get a cheap refill on his vodka there and make Jen or Caelum pay for it later.

He entered the store and looked around.

''Do excuse me, miss. Mind if I pass?''

[Jocelyn Freeman]

Originally, she had only come for some beer. She knew that she owed her brothers for letting her crash with them, so it seemed only fair to try and do something to show her appreciation. What better way than restocking the fridge for them? After all, they both worked hard, they deserved the relaxation.

That mission was what had gotten her to the liquor store in the first place, but now that she was here, it was hard not to notice the sale sign and think about the fact that it had been a long time since she'd gotten to relax herself. She had been a total party girl when she was younger. Maybe it wasn't too late to get that feeling back.

Jocelyn had come to learn that as much as people talked about getting out of bad relationships as being a freeing experience, she had yet to really experience that sense of freedom. Sure, she didn't have to deal with being controlled all the time anymore, but it had just left her jobless, unable to get hired anywhere else, and really just as frustrated as ever.

A voice forced her attention outside her own thoughts just then. She glanced up at him, though he was only a few inches taller than herself. Were she not dressed casually in sneakers, they'd likely be eye to eye, but as it was, he still had a slight advantage. He was attractive too, young, probably around her own age or so. It was a pity she was caught just wearing an old t-shirt and jeans though. Still, she knew that both were quite figure flattering, so maybe it wasn't a lost cause after all. It was just her nature to try to capture the notice of all the hot guys she met.

"Oh no, not at all," she responded with a smile. "Though I was just trying to make up my own mind. Maybe if we're lucky, we'll end up traveling the same directon," she added, her voice turning playful and flirty. "So which way are you heading?"

[Jayson Kline]

The person, a girl he assumed was his age, turned around and saying that maybe they'd go in the same direction, asking where he was going. Jay sighed internally yet forced a smile as always, no use telling her off or acting any different than normal, right. Just.. the way she spoke reminded him of Jen, even if she barely spoke, but she seemed to be trying for something right off the bat and that was what he didn't like about Jen. She tried. This one seemed to be trying something. Jayson hated trying.

He came to a halt as she spoke to him. ''I am here to purchase vodka. I am out. Someone who now hates me drank it all.'' Jayson knew which way he wanted to go and had not really counted on anyone keeping him talking, but yet she did. The same direction.. that'd be unlikely. And he wasn't sure he wanted to. He'd done his deal with Jen, and she ended up hating him, and with this one reminding him of her.. well, he was sure she'd get burned the same as Jen did.

But his decency be damned if he didn't react to her like he did to everyone else he just met; a bit closed off, but never turning his back. He commented on the rest she said with a smile while explaining as little as possible because, if what he said didn't hold logic, what did? ''The direction of vodka.'' He knew the store, knew what kinds of vodka they sold and where, so the sale didn't do all that much for him. He knew the store, Rayne had shopped there, and now he did. He kept telling people he wasn't thinking about her, but what happened with Jen was an eye opener; he did.

His eyes were upon hers, seeing nothing but her face. He knew she probably wanted him to look at her body or so her voice said, but she'd be in for disappointment: he didn't care about body, he cared about the person inside. And that was what he told Jen, who in the end, couldn't handle it.

..travelling in the same direction? He shook his head.

''Doubt it.''

[Jocelyn Freeman]

Jocelyn gave a sympathetic grimace as he mentioned that someone who hated him drank all his vodka. "Yikes, that's no fun. Scorned lover or something?" she asked, her tone losing it's flirty overtone. "I can understand that. Just got out of a pretty rough relationship myself, which is why I was just thinking I should treat myself to something nice." She flushed slightly as she realized that that had likely been an overshare. "Sorry. I'm sure you don't want to hear about all that mess," she said with a sheepish chuckle.

The matter of fact way that he repeated he was heading towards the vodka made her laugh, a soft, shy sound. It faltered though, almost as if she had been caught doing something she shouldn't, as though laughing were a crime. Of course, in her last home, it nearly had been. Sometimes it was hard to remember that she was really free of him now. That she could live as she wanted rather than how he dictated.

It was hard not to notice the way that his gaze never left her face - almost as though he was pointedly not checking her out, which really made no sense at all to Jocelyn at least. Guys always checked her own. Usually they didn't even need encouragement from her to notice either. Yet she could hardly be annoyed. The way he looked at her though made her feel as though he was seeing through her somehow - or trying to. It was unsettling, but it also made her curious.

Even more so when he added that he doubted they were heading the same direction.

She paused, considering. "Vodka does sound pretty good actually... I haven't had any in far too long." Mike had always been a beer and whiskey kind of guy. She hated whiskey more now than she had to begin with. "See? It's a good thing you came along or it might have taken me all day to decide what I wanted," she added with a wry grin.

[Jayson Kline]

Lover? Someone who hated him was a lover? What was this logic? Jen had said he could get anyone he wanted, and yes, he was into her, but in the end she couldn't take what he offered so she bailed. She hadn't done anything besides drink his alcohol and make him buy food for her, and those things did not constitute a lover. Scorned? Obviously, but he blamed her for not being able to handle his answers, all he did was be honest. Yes, maybe brutally so, but how else would you get the point across to someone? She dressed up for him, adapted to what he liked.. she changed for him so he told her he didn't like that. Big deal. She wanted him, she had him.

But she was no longer there, it was a shame but ultimately her loss. He'd get over everything she'd said, sadly she didn't get over everything he'd said. Somehow he doubted this one was any different. ''Correct. Your mess is your own.'' He replied with a nod. ''And I am single.'' Since that was so very obviously (to him) what she was trying to find out. He'd give her a chance, but he gavve her no longer than an hour before she would run out on him, like Jen had.

He didn't like that thought, but in the end not everyone could like him. And to top it off he didn't think he would warm to her like he did with Jen, not in such a short period anyway. ''Easy to influence.'' He said as she told him he helped her decide. He was a mere stranger to her and she made up her mind because of him? Whatever she was trying to do, she went about it the wrong way.

Jayson shrugged. He supposed it was fine for now, maybe he really had helped her decide and that was that. ''Indecisive.''

''Quality traits.''

[Jocelyn Freeman]

To say she was a bit taken aback by his bluntness would be an understatement, but as with most things, the only person she felt any negativity towards was herself. "Right, sorry. That was dumb of me," she murmured, looking down for a moment. How could she be so stupid? Of course he didn't want to hear what a trainwreck her life was. As always, she seemed to find a way to ruin things.

She did raise an eyebrow though as he added that he was single. Ironically, she actually hadn't been fishing for that information - not that she was sad to hear it all the same - she had simply empathized, or at least that's what she had attempted to do. Apparently it hadn't gone over so well.

His sudden judgement made her feel uneasy though, and that showed in her posture. Her arms crossed under her chest and her gaze faltered, feeling oddly vulnerable. "Where do you think ideas come from exactly? Because there is pretty much always some sort of outside influence. Call it inspiration." Of course, he wasn't wrong about her, but she wasn't wrong in this case either. "Some people happen to like spontaneity, you know," she added.

"Are you always so honest?" she asked finally. "Or is this some sort of mind game?" She'd seen that before. Guys who try to get a girl to sleep with them by making them feel like crap first so they'd crave the attention. Contrary to popular belief, despite her tendency to end up with assholes, she didn't actually seek them out. Besides, in her experience, people were rarely honest, though that seldom stopped her from hoping they were. Still, this guy... well he was strange. Different, and she didn't know yet what that meant.

[Jayson Kline]

Ignoring the fact she agreed with him that it was a dumb move to try and shoehorn her own problems in there was actually one of the first times he felt something with this woman, it was.. a tinge of guilt, almost. It wasn't because of what she said, but how she acted. He was honest, sure, but no one had ever been so visibly down over it. ''Do not linger too long.'' He said, obviously talking about what she was thinking right then and not staying in that mindset longer than needed. It destroyed people, and though this was a random stranger, he felt no need to have that happen to her.

Still, he had nothing left to say, not even nods to give or smiles to offer as he simply stood there as she conversed with him. Were Jayson any less social he would have gone right then, leaving her to wade in her own issues, words and other bile. But he just stood there and listened, even if what she said wasn't constructive at all. Yes she had a point with the idea thing, but that did not mean Jayson was not right.

He finally nodded as he crossed his arms over his chest. ''Honest.'' He really was, the ones who stayed with him could attest to that. He'd opened up to them a bit more and even joked from time to time, but he remained as serious as ever. He was a great listener, but not so good with offering solutions.

''Do not change.''

[Jocelyn Freeman]

When he spoke again, she felt more confused than ever. He told her not to linger and yet, his tone didn't seem like he was telling her to go away the way his words did. She didn't really know what he meant but it did distract her from the negative thoughts that had begun to gather. Little did she know that was his intention.

But he didn't react to anything else she said which only made this whole thing more confusing. Sure, she was more long-winded than he was, but then again so were most people it seemed. At this point she didn't know if he wanted to talk to her or not.

He maintained that he was honest though and she couldn't help but mutter somewhat cynically in reply. "Well, that's certainly a rarity." Of course, in her experience it was. Even the men she thought were honest initially, always turned out to not be what they had let her think they were. Yet somehow she kept falling for it anyway.

What she didn't expect though was the words that followed and quite frankly she had no idea what he was saying. There was no obvious meaning or natural intuitive leap to make. Yet it seemed positive... Which only made all this more confusing. He seemed entirely disinterested, but then he'd say things that seemed like encouragements... So it was that her stubbornness kicked in. She was going to see this through - or at least attempt to.

"Well, no need to worry about that. Trust me, I never do." Of course, in her case, this wasn't necessarily a good thing. She kept making the same mistakes over and over. So no, change was not something to worry about. Even when she tried for it, she always seemed to wind up in the same situation all over again.

"You're not exactly a man of many words, are you?"

[Jayson Kline]

Honesty a rarity? Everyone was honest in some way, but merely sugarcoated their words in a way people could understand and yet walk away from unscathed. Multiple times Jayson was told he was not one of these people, and he knew he wasn't; he didn't want to be. He wanted people to know what was on his mind and wanted people to actually be around him. The way he went around trying to achieve this meant he pushed lots of people away, but those who stuck it out were the ones he would start to open up to. He was even living with a few of his best friends, and he got those back when he was way worse, people would say, at being social.

Honesty wasn't rare, and that had been covered. Too many times people around him had been hurt by people being dishonest, or people keeping things from him. Like his parents, or Rayne, or Caelum. Even Jen, he knew she had been hurt by people being dishonest. He hurt her too, he knew that, but he didn't hurt he by being dishonest. Hurting people by being dishonest.. that was the kind of hurt that could tear a person down the fastest. Whether it was about just staying friends with someone and denying them, or keeping the fact you were required to take pills. It hurt. It tore into you. No, he wasn't dishonest.

That she never changed was a good thing, people knew what to expect. Though he realized he had made a mistake. ''Do not change for other people. Change only for you.'' He had never added the context in which he had meant this, he meant Jen, that she dressed up for him and played in on his interests. This was why he didn't really like her; she came across as fake instead of just wanting to please people. Yes he wanted to please people too, but he was not going to change the way he clothed for them or play in on their interests. He wanted people to like him for the same reason he liked other people. ''Just be you.''

''And no.'' He was not a man of many words, though what he said he was sure made sense, it did to him, anyway. He didn't need to be a man of many words, he answered what was asked and often did so without straying from the subject. ''I am not.''

[Jocelyn Freeman]

Thankfully, he didn't comment on her muttered remark. She hadn't entirely meant to say it aloud anyway. That didn't mean that she didn't believe it though. Maybe it was a slightly cynical, but it was the reality of her life at least.

He barely reacted, but she couldn't help but think he approved of her response. She wasn't sure why she thought that, it was just a feeling she had. She was surprised when he added more though. He didn't seem like the type. Still, she nodded. "Yeah, that's true. Not all change is bad. Not if it's for the right reasons."

One thing Jocelyn could certainly say, was that she had never changed for someone else. Perhaps she had adapted to make the best of a situation, but she was always her. All she wanted was to be loved, accepted, by somebody. That couldn't happen if she wasn't herself. Besides... after what had happened with Mike, she would sure as hell never change to please someone else. That was the worst part of a situation like that. It happened so slowly... she'd barely noticed at first. It was just little things. He'd comment how he liked one dress better than another. Little things that barely mattered. But those little things added up until he controlled everything. To lose that much... Never again.

She smiled a little as he concluded, telling her to just be herself. "Yeah, that's the general idea," she said, her smile growing shyly wider. "Not always appreciated though," she added with a shrug and a wry chuckle. "But I guess that's the challenge of it."

Jocelyn grinned slightly as he confirmed what she already knew. "So is that a choice or just how you are?" she asked. Considering his bluntness, she hoped he appreciated it in others. Besides, she was curious. Some people were just like that, but sometimes they purposefully kept things bottled up. She was the latter. Much as she might talk, she didn't let many people in. Besides, other than her family, all her choices tended to be a mistake anyway.

[Jayson Kline]

Maybe it was the alcohol hanging in the air that did something to him, but he didn't particularly dislike talking to this one. She wasn't as talkative as people he had met before, she was still more talkative than Jayson was, but even a parrot was more talkative than he was.

He looked at her when she responded to what he said, and instead of being windy and giving examples she just reacted to what he said and added on something that 'normal' people might have been commenting about. He agreed fully. Changing yourself was usually bad unless for the right reasons, like having someone around who deserved a bit more. But change wasn't something Jayson did, he just showed more of himself as time went along, he held himself back when he met someone for the first time, to make sure they were worth the full package. And with Jen, with Jen he had learned not to show too much too fast, he could very well scare people off by doing that and that was not something he wanted to do.

Still, he agreed on a level beyond that, in his past he had been stuck in a rut that left him without friends and little to no social life. He only broke out of that rut because he had people around him who had taken the time to get to know him and stuck around even through the hard times, from that point on he knew something needed to be altered, though he also knew it didn't mean being social all the time, for they had also shown him that the people who would actually take the time to get to know him were keepers. But aside from the people he was living with he didn't have any of those. And those were running thin, with one of them moving to another country and one having a sister who was mad at him.

He nodded. ''But what is a right reason?'' He asked.

''Appreciated or not,'' Jayson responded suddenly as she said that being herself wasn't always appreciated. ''you should not change.'' He shook his head. ''People should like you for you.''

''I know I do.''

[Jocelyn Freeman]

Jocelyn considered his question silently for a moment, seriously thinking about it. Thinking about all the times she had been pressured to change, and the one time she actually had. The only reason Mike had been able to manipulate her as much as he had was because she had thought she was still making the choices, at least in the beginning. That relationship had certainly been an eyeopener for her. She was still recovering from the fallout of that.

"I think it probably depends on the person, what matters most to them. But the right reason... it has to be something you do for yourself. Even if it benefits other people too, they shouldn't be the reason you do it. You should only do it if its what you really want, if its what is best for you." It was only then that she looked up at him again. Somehow she felt like she was being tested. She hoped that she would pass. She was enjoying talking to him.

She nodded in agreement as he repeated that you shouldn't change. "Exactly. It's not real if you're not being real. Pretending to be someone else only backfires. Still, it can be pretty lonely sometimes," she said with a shrug. Still, her face flushed slightly as he remarked that he liked her for her. That was certainly promising. Perhaps the first real sign of encouragement he had given. That was enough for her to forget that he hadn't answered her question.

"You're not so bad yourself," she responded playfully. Her expression softened though, turning more serious as she offered him a smile. "You're interesting."

[Jayson Kline]

Well, he did bring that answer upon himself.. so much for short replies, he supposed. No matter if her answer was correct or if Jayson agreed, she still opened her mouth a bit too much for his taste. He asked what the right reason was, not if it was different per person or the reason why.. he just asked what. So despite her giving the right answer in the end, she did end up answering things he didn't ask, and he didn't like that. He still liked her though, she hadn't done anything to upset him or didn't talk herself down, negativity was such a downer in people.

Still, he brought it all upon himself, he had never before been known to ask questions like this. Perhaps he liked people talking to him, perhaps him not liking when they said too much was just pretend, maybe he asked nnot because he wanted to know, but because he wanted to hear. And she did that, so she was both capable of swift answers and serious answers with explanations. Perhaps this meant she was worth opening up to, if only slightly to begin with.

''You're a talker.'' He said, not liking nor disliking it. ''Silence bothers you?'' He bet it did, all those lengthy answers.. maybe she just liked hearing herself talk or was covering for her insecurities this way. It was quite obvious by how she initiated a conversation between them, about her life being a mess, that this was a good possibility.

He returned the smile though as she said he was interesting. He didn't shrug or otherwise move, he just smiled. ''I know.'' Multiple people had told him that, though he knew not always in a positive way. ''Thank you.''

[Jocelyn Freeman]

She was surprised by his sudden announcement that she was a talker. Then again, half of what he said seemed to surprise her. She'd never met anyone who talked like he did after all. Girls like her were a dime a dozen. Still, for some reason he was still talking to her, so apparently he didn't mind her talking so much... She hoped not at least.

"I guess so," she said after a moment's pause. "Silence can be too easily filled," she settled on. The longer a silence, the more time she had for doubt to set in, the more time she had to remember all her faults, all the reasons something could go wrong. All the things that had gone wrong. She gave a small shrug, not wanting to share those particular thoughts. At least if she filled those silences by talking, she had control over it.

Then he smiled and she realized that was the first time that he had done so. Perhaps this conversation was going better than it seemed. His tendency to say little left and show even less had her constantly wondering where she stood with him. She wondered if that would get better or worse with time. If she even would have the chance to find out. But his confidence was obvious, even if it was the quiet sort. She liked that about him. Despite her attitude, she didn't have any confidence of her own - it was all bravado - so it only made sense she was drawn to those who so obviously did.

"You're welcome," she said back, her voice soft, a small smile on her lips. Her mind was searching for something else to say, but part of her wondered if trying to make conversation would be the wrong thing to do. Perhaps it was better to wait and see what he might say. So she didn't speak, though she met his gaze, as though to assure him that it was purposeful.

[Jayson Kline]

''Silence is easily broken, not filled.'' He corrected her. She was allowed to see it her way, but Jayson saw it his way, that silence was golden. You simply didn't speak until spoken to, and the time for questions was when all else was said and done, no sooner and no later. She had not asked him all that much though, the conversation between them had been consisting mostly of reacting back and forth with very little in terms of questions. He liked that. It was a welcome change from what he knew back home, with people asking him questions because they knew they could, or with random sisters trying to figure him out by firing a barrage of questions. While he didn't mind answering a question here or there, a constant flow of them would quickly grow annoying.

In the moment that followed she didn't say much, she said he was welcome and stopped speaking, though it was obvious she wanted to say something. Perhaps she was testing him, see what he did in a situation like this, draw words from the silent one. He knew what she was up to, see if he turned away or stay, see if he liked talking to her enough. Little did she know Jayson wasn't rude enough to just walk away, not when she had started the conversation. It was hers to end it, not his. If she stopped talking, he was forced to see it as a small pause, maybe even as his turn to say something, to initiate conversation; the ball was in his court.

He had no qualms with this. She had said silence was easily filled, and Jayson replied it was easily broken, which one was true remained to be seen, though it had become obvious she wanted to avoid the silence. Perhaps because of what she had gone through prior. He had to admit he was slightly curious as to what could make a person react this way.

Furthermore, he wondered what she was doing there. She didn't look like a drinker, though he knew looks could deceive. But if she couldn't make up her mind it meant she loved an extremely wide variety of alcohol which seemed to not be the case because, she mentioned she was down, one had no use for a particular kind of drink, it just needed to get the job done. If she really was shopping for herself she was doing it wrong, Jayson felt. So he applied Occam's razor, she was not shopping for herself as she seemed to be thinking of what other people would like.

''You are silent.'' This didn't bode well. ''I thought silence bothered you.''