The Divine Comedy

[Lucas Blacke]

He nodded as she asked for water. Bit of an odd request, but who was he to judge? The guy who basically couldn't eat anything else than carrots and apples for snacks? Stupid ass snacks, sometimes he really loathed his ability, mainly when he saw other people eating things he couldn't. Maybe the girl knew this, and that was why she was asking for water? Though he knew that wasn't it he could still entertain the thought.

Lucas walked over to one of the cabinets and took out a glass, looking over his shoulder as he did so. He had no need to pay any attention to the glass, really. He knew the glasses well and knew where the tap was, when to stop at an acceptable amount of water. ''Lots is new.'' He replied. ''Mainly 'cause ya have no real need checkin' up on me, aye?'' He smiled at her jokingly as he turned around and brought her the glass of water, picking up a carrot as he walked past his 'storage'.

''Carrot?'' He offered her, answering before she even had a chance to say anything and clenching the thing between his jaws as he handed her the glass. ''No? Good. More for me.'' He joked.

''Anywhy,'' He continued as he took a bite and thought about his words carefully. He crossed his legs as he had seen much people do and swallowed. ''I have been good. Gett'n the band back togeth'r an' shit, ya know.'' He hesitantly told her as he wasn't too sure if he had told her that before, or if he even had mentioned a band to her. ''Gots me a girl, an' though things go swimmingly at times I think things are kinda endin' between us.'' He told her, suddenly his eyes widening and his legs unfurling. ''This has nuffin' to do with me askin' ya in!''

[Karalie Heise]

She smiled politely back as he made his joke, not as amused as he was but not wanting to be off putting.  Truth was she wasn't entirely comfortable hanging around him.  She'd been hurt and was finally getting over it and being around him like this only reminded her of why she'd fallen in love with him in the first place.  "No thanks." She said to the carrot, taking the water instead and simply holding it in her hands.  She could feel the cool liquid through the glass chilling her fingers, the budding condensation damp against her hand.

The band..  She felt her teeth grit as she thought of Marcus.  Was he in the band? She knew Matt had been briefly, but was he still?  She had a soft spot for the young southerner; in a different time she might have considered dating him.  But he was young and busy.  Plus, there was Carter.. no one held a flame to him.  "That's cool." She offered too show she was listening and maybe even cared somewhat about what he was saying.  It wasn't that she didn't care, she just had a hard time being overly happy for him.  


Somehow things going south with his current girl made her feel better.  She hated hearing that he was with someone new, hated knowing one more notch was placed on his bedpost, but she reminded herself that she had to be the bigger person.  Hell, she invited him to tell her these things simply by agreeing to come in for a visit.  Then she wondered if maybe he was telling her because he thought she might want to take his girlfriends place.  She felt her grip tightening on the cup at the very idea of it.  He wouldn't dare have the nerve.. would he?

He seemed to sense what she'd been thinking, insisting immediately that his relationship woes had nothing to do with why he asked her in.  "O..kay?"  She sipped the water just barely, the cold liquid sliding easily down her throat.  She felt it cool its way down to her stomach, looking at her feet instead of the boy she thought she had a future with not so terribly long ago.  "So.. why're ya'll gonna break up?" She asked politely, not sure she wanted to know.

[Lucas Blacke]

That question. Luke felt his stomach turn a bit, his brain slaving away to find a suitable answer, his mouth opened to hopefully out the words to keep her busy. But nothing came and instead he propped up his index finger as he got up abruptly and went into his room without a word. Karalie no doubt wondering what in the name of hell was going on, she'd asked him why he was going to break up with Zoelle and he just up and left. He quickly returned though and with a piece of paper with some names scribbled upon it. Karalie, Zoelle, Anthy, Marnie, Danni, Kate.

''One of those.'' He said briskly, putting down the note on the table in front of her. She'd no doubt get what the list was about instantly; girls he liked, some of them even loved, though he assured her she wasn't the one he was breaking up for. Maybe he wanted to at first, but hearing she was taken made him reconsider. But that would be wrong, he hadn't even thought of her when he decided they needed to break up. ''Gotta find my Beatrice.'' If she'd really read The divine comedy she'd know what he meant; the woman who would show him paradise.

It wasn't what she would undoubtedly turn it into, it wasn't him getting tired of one girl and jumping to the next. No. He felt it was unfair to keep stringing someone along. Whether Karalie got that or not, he felt it made total sense. ''So yeah, any words?'' He asked with a smile, half expecting something hurtful.

[Karalie Heise]

She watched him curiously as he got to his feet, making his way into the other room.  What on earth was he up to?  A sick feeling settled in her stomach.  Sure, he said she wasn't the reason, but who knew what he was doing? Who knew if she was or not.  He returned quickly, a piece of paper nestled between his fingers.

She looked down at the names scribbled onto the paper after he handed it to her, finding her own quickly.  She knew only Marnie from the list and it hit her; these were all the women he'd been with.  Maybe not intimately, but these were the girls he'd either been with or was interested in.  Why would her name be on the list?  She felt herself heat with annoyance, the paper crinkling as her grip tightened, looking back up at him as he explained vaguelly that the reason he was breaking up with his girlfriend was for one of those women.

She supposed it was better than him cheating on them, but still.. whoever the poor girl might not see it coming.  He hadn't really changed.  He was simply playing by the rules now, that didn't mean what he did was right though.  As for the Beatrice comment, she assumed she should know what he was talking about but it went over her head, and she didn't care enough to ask.

"Why're you showin' me this?" She asked, clenching her jaw.  She had asked a question, but instead he gave her a list of names that meant nothing.  "Or is this just yer answer.  You gonna break up with her in th'hopes maybe someone on this list'll give you uh shot?" She raised a brow, already knowing this was going to end badly.  This whole conversation.. She shouldn't have asked.  She should have left well enough alone.  

Stupid girl, she thought, won'tchu ever learn?!

[Lucas Blacke]

Or maybe she didn't get it. Oh well. At least she gave him a chance to explain himself, though he wasn't really sure how he was going to do just that without upsetting her further. Assuming she already was upset to begin with, which Lucas was pretty sure she was, he'd given her a note with her name on the very top of it. ''Why?'' He repeated though, just to buy himself some time, though not all that much.

He looked away for a bit and wondered. Well, he didn't wonder as much as think how he was going to break up with Z- wait, she didn't address his reason for breaking up? Why..? Did she think it was a good enough reason? Or maybe she did have words to share but simply didn't because nearly everything Karalie said about the matter of him and girls was pretty hurtful. True but hurtful.

''Ya really think the worst of me don'tcha?'' Luke grinned stupidly as he scratched the back of his head. To illicit these kind of thoughts.. Had he fucked up this bad? ''That ain't it though.'' He said as he sat straight and looked at her, suddenly serious. ''That list is girls I love, an' one of 'em is my reason for breakin' up.'' He explained, somehow knowing that no matter what he said, it would be worse than he ever imagined it could be.

He sighed. ''Anthy, okay? Anthy.'' It felt good to get that out. ''When I'm with her I feel.. oddly like a person and less of a guy, ya know? Like, we 'avent suddenly started hangin' out, we've known each other since, well, a helluva long time ago. An' she's oblivious as fuck so no, I didn't play her.''

[Karalie Heise]

Of course she thought the worst of him. He'd lost his virginity to another girl while he was dating her! Was she supposed to think better of him only five months later? Just because she was at peace with what happened, mostly anyway, and with someone else didn't mean she didn't dismiss what had happened. He was still a jerk, and she she was certain in the time they had last spoken and now that he hadn't changed an awful lot. Besides, hadn't he told her he'd changed when they began dating? After talking to Marnie it was clear he'd changed very little, if at all, between the time they had broken up and she and him had started dating.

It was a long list of girls to love and she didn't like being on it. He had no right loving her, not after what he'd done. If he'd loved her he wouldn't have hurt her that way. She grit her teeth, frustrated with the entire situation.

Then his final answer. Anthy. She didn't know who the girl was or why he was interested and she didn't care. Poor little oblivious Anthy. She had no idea the what was waiting for her if he could convince her to come on board, because Karalie was almost certain that even though Lucas hadn't played her yet, that he inevitably would.

"Nice tuh know someone can make you act more like uh human." She grumbled, placing the water down and getting to her feet. "Look, I don' really care about yer love interests, okay? It was yer love interests that tore us apart, remember?" Had he been in love with Anthy the entire time he was claiming he loved her? "So maybe ya'll can understand how I don't care that yer in love with, what, like six girls at th'same time." She pushed her hand on her hips and pointed an accusing finger at him. "But lemme give yah uh word've advice; ya'll want things tuh work with this girl? Quit lovin' so many others. How would'ja feel if she was in love with five other guys, huh? Fastest way tuh fuck up another relationship."

[Lucas Blacke]

Lucas felt himself sitting there with an open mouth as she just got to her feet and spoke to him. She accused him. Obviously, Luke knew he had been the cause of their break up, he also knew why and love had nothing to do with it, he wanted to assure her of that. Contemplating interrupting her to show the other side of the story for a moment, he ended up staying silent and closing up his mouth once more. She didn't need his words, not now that he had somehow gotten her to speak up against him, her finger finding him as his eyes shot from place to place, trying to find a place to settle.

Stay calm. Calm. Calm. Calm. It took serious effort not to do exactly what she had predicted; bicker with her by disagreeing and showing her his own side of the story. He knew better by now, she would ignore his side completely or worse, find a way to turn it against him. Moments like this agitated him, grinded his gears and it only added to what it did to him by making the choice not to speak up. Not in the way he wanted anyway.

He watched her as she talked and felt a wave of relief rushing through him; she wasn't yelling, just talking. No, the yelling would have come from Lucas speaking up and if he did it would no doubt end in a fight, something he had told her would not happen and something he would do his best not to let happen. But what coould he say not to upset her further? Not responding in the slightest would annoy her and defending his cause would also enable her to yell at him, how he hadn't learned. And if that wasn't enough she'd gotten the biggest nuke of all; Anthy.

He'd mentioned Anthy stupidly enough and now she had mentioned her as well. Taking shots at him, okay, but mentioning her in any way was a big no-no. Still, it came from someone he loved, so it kind of tore him apart.

''As long as she don't act on it, aye?'' Something he had done himself. ''An' as long as she tells me 'fore anythin' happens.'' He hadn't done that before. ''An' as long as she's happy I'll pull through, aye?'' He wouldn't. He'd hurt immensely, like with Karalie. Why did everything he say act like a double edged sword?

He looked up at her and smiled. ''She finds someone better, that's fine, I guess. You did.'' His smile faded then. ''I'll hurt, sure, but I'll live.''

''Hell, ya hurt me, but I still live. An' yer undoubtedly gonna use the whole cheatin' argument again, an' ya can say how I hurt ya all day long an' how I fucked up, but yer not the only one hurtin'.''

He got to his feet. Smile gone from his face, his brows low as was his demeanor, his arms limp, body in a small slouch; he didn't want this, didn't want things to end in them fighting every. damn. time.

''I fucked up, I get that an' I'm sorry.. but.. can't we be happy livin' our own lives?'' His eyes trailed off slightly. ''I know what I did wrong, an' I wish I never did. If ya even knew the things I did 'cause of it.. I..'' He swallowed. That time with Anthy a while ago.. he'd texted her to come over.

''I texted Anthy. Asked her to come over.'' He dropped down in the chair he was using and took the carrot from his mouth. ''I asked her.. to-'' He hesitated. If he told her this, would she say it was what he needed to do? Carry on with it still? Would she see it as a trick to get her back, or simply as what it was meant as, a way to show how much it hurt him? ''-to.. help me get back. It hurt, Kar, an' I only saw one way to stop the pain.''

''I needed her to.. stop me...''

[Karalie Heise]

Karalie scoffed and rolled her eyes.  As long as she didn't act on it like he had? Something told her that if he were in the situation he would feel a whole lot differently.  Someone with violent tendencies like Lucas wouldn't sit idly knowing the girl he loved was in love with another.  He was saying that so she would be wrong, but in her mind she was still right because she didn't think he was being truthful.  Karalie was always right.  It didn't matter who was right, though; Luke would have a hard time pulling through because she knew how much he actually cared about things, how different things affected him.  She'd been in his head, she held his memories, and there was more to that boy than what was on the surface; and he was full of it.

She scoffed again more softly when he went on about how she'd hurt him.  She would use the whole cheating argument if he didn't throw it in her face that she would, but she kept silent, knowing if she opened her mouth now it would only make things harder, making them blow up in both their faces when it seemed neither really wanted that.  It only seemed inevitable.  She didn't think he would be hurting so much from it, though.  He seemed to move on quickly enough, what with having a girlfriend now and for pining for that Anthy chick.. there were five other girls on that list he was probably pining over, what made her special? She wasn't the only one that hurt him if he loved all those girls.


His apology eased her tension some as he continued on.  She was happy living her own life, which was why she had steered clear of him for so long.  He would inevitably ruin it, but she was over him.. wasn't she?  Of course.  She liked Carter! She didn't love Carter, though.  She knew she loved the idea of him more than he himself, but that didn't mean she completely forgave Lucas, or thought that he didn't deserve everything he got. Except when he started talking about the things he did because of their breakup.

Karalie was confused at first as he started beating around the bush.  Something about Anthy, how she came over.  How he'd asked her something and she immediately felt herself bristle.  What could he ask her for that Karalie would care to know about?! When he gave his subtle answer she found herself floored.  No, he couldn't mean what she thought he meant.

Had Lucas tried to kill himself?

It suddenly hit her how selfish she'd been in this situation.  He'd screwed up royally.  He ruined a good thing.  Not a great thing, not the best thing by any means, but she knew on some level she was a catch.  Sure, she wasn't easy, and she could be stubborn and argumentative and the whole touching thing was inconvenient, but she was kind and loyal and doting.. She had loved Lucas, and Lucas had loved her. Lucas, it seemed, still loved her and on some level she felt the same for him.  She should have known losing her would hurt, even if he'd done it to himself.  He had fought with her after not because he hated her, but because he was angry she wouldn't forgive him, angry at himself and taking it out on her because she was an easy target to aim his frustrations against, especially when the ill feelings were based around her not wanting him, her not forgiving his infidelity.  

She folded her arms low over her torso and glowered at the ground, unsure how to process all this new information.  He was human, and he was hurting.  She knew she should ease off a bit, not be so hard on him.  She left him, after all, wasn't that punishment enough?  "I'm glad'ja didn' do it."  She offered softly, sighing and looking back up at him with hooded eyes.  "Nothin's so bad yah need tuh.. yah know.."  She licked her lips, deciding against telling him how it was a major sin and how he'd find himself in hell with the queers for eternity.  She knew that wouldn't fare well with him.

[Lucas Blacke]

''Well atleast I-'' He started raising the volume of his voice slightly, using his defensive tones for a mere moment as it occured to him that she wasn't attacking him. Did she finally get it? He was in no way using that dark moment of his to get her to regret anything, but if it made her less prone to rubbing his face in what he'd obviously done wrong.. well, it still was a hard thing to say.

He had mixed feelings as he stopped mid-sentence, his eyes slowly searching out hers as he sat back, defeated in a chair. Deep down he knew he would have to relive that moment time and time again for as long as he lived, doomed to try to get girls to like him. And he knew why he did this to himself, how he knew he would inevitably break up with even Anthy.. He wasn't in love with the six girls on there, he was, deep down, still in love with Karalie and he knew it, knew that she knew. Still she was unable to act upon it, she would stay with that other guy even if she desired Luke, for he'd hung around her enough to know her. Not as good as she knew him and would beyond a doubt know anyone else, but he knew she was religious.

He had, being truthful, admired this though failed to understand. Some greater being out there handling them as puppets? As long as Lucas was suffering as he was he knew it was all a lie. He wanted to join Karalie in being convinced there was someone out there, looking out for him; to know there was a plan for him would mean he was doing this to himself only to be rewarded greatly, he wished for that belief. But he couldn't.

''I dunno..'' Her replied finally. He should know better than to discuss religion with anyone, but with Karalie.. once had to be the first time, right? ''Shit 's a pretty big sin, aye?'' He asked her, casually joking with his patented fake smile plastered on. ''But how can that be a sin when all he makes me do is hurt meself? It ain't fair, really. To know there's some bein' up there capable of makin' or breakin' a person.. knowin' he has plans for all of us.. 's pretty much to take in, aye?''

He sighed deeply, leaning forward and weaving his hands together before placing them on his knees, looking at Karalie. ''How do ya do it? Believe? Believe in somethin' ya can't see, can't hear or feel when out of everyone I know yer the one with the most difficult life. To know people without wanting to, to see, to hear, to feel without them tellin'..'' Suddenly he realized something.

''..'cause ya feel the pain of it, ain't it?''

[Karalie Heise]

Her brows began to furrow slightly at the start of his defense, but he backed down before he could manage anything he would regret.  Neither of them wanted this to turn into a full blow argument, because they both knew it would end poorly.  Neither would walk away happy, and there was a good chance one or both would do something stupid.

Silence took the boy she had once devoted herself to.  For a long moment he was quiet and she waited silently in return for him to gather his thoughts.  When he spoke again he was more calm, more rational, if not somewhat more defeated.  He mentioned how it was a sin and she nipped the inside of her bottom lip.  He'd always known how strong her religious morals ran, but he seldom spoke of religion with her.  He didn't want to go to church with her, he didn't have pleasant conversations about the bible or any of that.  He barely believed at all, and she was alright with that, for he was with her and she would introduce him slowly to the word of God and she knew one day, with her aid, he would acknowledge his heavenly father with the love and respect due him.  That is until he'd ruined it all..


"Jesus don' make yah hurt yerself." She replied softly.  It was a misconception so many believed, that they lacked any free will at all, that whatever happened to them, whatever actions they did, were predetermined by the Lord. Karalie sighed, sitting back down; if he wanted this conversation, she would have it.  He needed it, and who knew.. maybe she could bring him over to the light side.  Lord knew he could use it.

"It gives me comfort tuh believe."  She knew it wasn't that simple; it wasn't a choice for her as it was for others.  She'd grown up with it, religion was a part of her very being.  "I do feel him with me, everyday, in everythin' I do.  I've had uh blessed life, sure, not everythin's perfect, an' I've got a rougher go of it than some others, but I'm grateful for what I've got.  I'm grateful for everythin' that's been given tuh me, an' th'Lord gives me strength tuh get through those tough times."  She didn't need to point out he'd been the reason for a lot of her rough times though.  As angry as she was that he'd hurt her, she was grateful to have met him.  He'd done a lot of good for her, even if he'd hurt her deeply in the end.  Relationships could be like that, and it was a hard lesson she had to learn, like it or not.  Not every relationship was perfect, and they both had a lot of growing up to do.  

"I make my own choices. You do, too.  Th'Lord has uh path for us an' we have tuh follow it.  Sometimes we go astray, but he's th'shephard that brings us back. If I don' believe.. what do I have tuh keep me on th'right track? If I don' believe He's lookin' out for me, who can I believe is?"  She sighed and shook  her head slowly.  "I know in my heart he's there. I don' need tuh see him tuh know, I feel him.  Everyday.."  She had no idea if she made any sense to him at all, but that would be for him to figure out, and she was there for questions.

[Lucas Blacke]

Why did he even start this conversation with her? She'd known he didn't believe and knew for certain he never would. But that was what he was saying that very moment, but it was in that same moment he started his questions about religion to her. Maybe it was because he merely needed someone to talk to, and as such he felt relief when she sat back down though it was odd for Luke to get someone to stay with him through talking to something which he admittedly was interested in, but never spoke about. He knew he would end even a conversation about religion badly, explaining why he didn't in detail and surrendering him to discussion fully.

There was a truth to her words though.. like his uncle had always told him that religion was nothing but a lawbook, rules to adhere to like the laws and customs of current times. Like the NSA watching you, perhaps believing God was doing the same thing made some kind of sense. Made things easier to handle. ''So, if ya make yer own choices an' we 'ave to follow a path laid out for us, how do we know when to follow what? Like..'' He gulped and took a moment, letting the words form sentences in his mind.

''Those girls.. Anthy to be precise, I know in my heart that's just a temporary thing. I foolishly harbor hope for, well, you, but also for somethin' I won't fuck up, somethin'- someone I'll stay with. How can I believe when He fixes nothin' for me? I'm still as broken as when..'' He grew silent, mentally nodding at Karalie, hopefully she knew what he meant. ''An' I'm waitin' for a fix. Meanwhile I just know I'm makin' all the wrong choices. Momentary bliss only to fall right down when things look up. The moment I started realising this was the moment I said yes to what tore us apart. I was once again makin' th' wrong choice, an' I s'pose our continued bickerin' is my attonement or somethin'.''

He turned his head to her and his eyes found hers. ''If he does everythin' for a reason, why'd He take my uncle away? Why'd he take my parents away? Why'd he make me what I am?''

''Why did he make me drive you away?''

[Karalie Heise]

"We don't." She pointed out before he continued.  No one knew the right path to take, you made the best choices you could given the options you're provided with.  She wanted to explain it all to him but when he brought it back to that girl Anthy she found herself fuming again.  She couldn't blame him for fearing he would fuck it all up.  It's what he did best; screw up relationships.  She had witnessed theirs and heard all about the destruction of himself and Marnie.  Now he was talking about all the girls he wanted to be with, and whoever the poor sucker was who was with him now would find themselves in the crossfire.  He was lost, but mostly he was selfish and flaky.  

She didn't miss him slipping his desire to be back with her into the conversation, and she held back hr agitation best she could.  He told her it was Anthy he wanted, not her, but if he got with Anthy would he turn around and want her all over again? She knew it was likely.  He was never happy with what he had, always looking for the next best thing, when whatever that was wouldn't make him any happier.


"It's not always clear why th'Lord does what he does.  There's uh greater purpose for everythin'.  People die, Luke.  Babies an' children die, people who don' deserve tuh lose their loved ones find they do.  It happens, that's life.  Everythin's interlocked.  There's uh plan for us all, an' in the end we can't control it anymore than th'weather, but we just have tuh trust it was meant tuh be that way.  We draw strength from our hardships an' that's what makes us strong enough tuh get through th'next.  Nothin's perfect." She explained.

She could see he was struggling, see he was hurting, see he wanted her back, but she wasn't willing.  Not yet.  Not with knowing what he was capable of and certainly not with knowing if she even considered the idea and gave him a chance he would quickly find she wasn't what he wanted.  She was what he wanted in theory, but in action it would be short lived.  They bickered too much and he wasn't mature enough to stop himself from hurting her.  Hell, he was blaming God for his own poor decision making.

"He didn't." She offered softly.  "Luke, ya'll did that on yer own."  She sighed and looked down at her lap, not scolding him, but simply pointing out the facts.  "No one made you do whatchu did with Sawyer." She gave him a hard look, the first time either of them dared utter her name, but she knew about Sawyer.  She knew because Lucy had told her.  "Don' go blamin' God for yer poor choices.  It was a choice on yer path and yah took it.  Ya'll were lead astray.  It happens tuh everyone but now yah need to atone for that, an' bickerin' with me or anyone else won't do it."

[Lucas Blacke]

Oddly enough he didn't feel annoyed, hearing about all this. He had no need getting all defensive, no urge to tell her that was not how he saw things. Maybe.. maybe he even agreed with her on some level. ''I..-'' He began but stopped his mouth immediately, he didn't quite know what he wanted to say, nor how to interpret what she had told him. It registered and sounded pretty simple as it came out of her mouth, but maybe part of him didn't want to understand, maybe he wanted to wallow in self-pity with momentary lapses of false bliss.

There is no greater sorrow than to be mindful of the happy time in misery.

''The divine comedy..'''He finally said, trying to look at her but failing at it, his gaze falling upon that same book in front of him. ''It is just a book, but it holds plenty to take as sound advice, to link to th' truth. I'm by no means perfect, but that doesn't mean I don't feel anythin', aye?'' Especially pain.

He stopped talking once more, nodding as she spoke how people died, that Gods will was unclear, that it had a greater purpose. Lucas chuckled. ''Fuck greater purposes.'' He stated, halfway to being angry. ''What purpose did me havin' grown up without parents have? Purpose not clear? Lets just keep it vague so religious people will worship it, right?''

''..sorry.'' He added after a short moment of silence. He hadn't meant to say that and actually found himself tensing his hands around ther armrests of the chair. Seemed like it all hurt him more than he wanted to admit. Truth be told, he wanted to cry about his own life pretty bad there. Mentioning that single dark moment in his life, thinking about what he had done to the one he still loved and was nearly certain was the one for him, thinking about what he needed to do, his words and remainder of his thoughts.

That was when she used that name, that name Luke had only heard once before, not counting the actual person being called that. His gaze shifted up to her instantly and knew she was right. But his reaction to that name was not what he expected at all; he did nothing upon the mention, which was weird given it came from the mouth of the one who felt it the most. He didn't even stop to wonder how she knew the name, he just didn't care.

His head slumped then. His forehead was starting to hurt due to the attempts to keep emotions from rushing out.

[Karalie Heise]

She never accused him of not feeling anything, but she certainly had to wonder what was going on in his mind when he did stupid things like cheat on her, or fight with her, or.. any of the other dumb things Lucas tended to do.  Of course she could turn around and say the same for herself; she was no saint, but perhaps she was a bit closer than Lucas was.  How that related to the book she didn't know, and now she wondered if perhaps she should read it.  Who would have thought; Karalie interested in a book recommended by one Lucas Blacke.

His outburst made her tense and her brows furrowed.  She could understand his anger at God for what he'd have to go through, but it was times like this that one had to look at all the wonderful things given; Lucas was fortunate to have an uncle who cared, one who had been good to him.  The memory of him at the piano with his uncle surged forward, but she thought it wise not to throw it at him.

She said nothing, letting the silence envelope them.  What good would fighting with him over this do? Karalie had learned long ago it wasn't worth getting into discussions with people who weren't interested in the Lord's embrace.  Her parents would tell her it was important to spread the word of God, but when someone was adamant enough to hate Jesus, it wasn't worth it.  She knew nothing she said could sway Luke's view on the subject, not with the mood he was in.  It was wisest to stay silent if she was interested in maintaining some semblance of peace between them.

"I dunno whatchu expect me tuh say, Luke.."  Her voice was soft, hardly above a whisper as she looked at him.  It was clear she wasn't ready to forgive and forget, clear she didn't feel she could save him, even from himself.  She didn't know what he wanted from her..

[Lucas Blacke]

Did he hate Jesus? No, not at all, he had no reason to. He tried to understand the why behind it all, what it was that drove belief. Perhaps it was the idea of knowing someone out there had everything under control, to enable yourself to take a load off. Or maybe it was sloth that drove it, for he thought that God would abolish all sins at the end, so why not let Him take the wheel if it meant for an easier life? Sounded a lot like school now that he gave it some thought.

Though he had a very rudimentary understanding of the bible he wondered what exactly it meant to believe, what it would change for him if he did. Anger and lust and many more things Lucas knew haunted him were sins, and he knew for a fact Karalie did have some anger towards nim, and maybe some pride toward herself which was also a sin. He wondered if believers got a free sinning pass or something? Like that thing in Egypt with the goat blood, pretty goth if you asked him.

He knew solely focusing on the bad around him was not a good thing, the positive things in his life did make him who he was now, though they were always temporary. He wanted to know when that specific streak was over, he needed something good that stuck for once.

''To say it'll all turn out for th' best, I guess.'' He finally replied as his head was raised and he faced her. ''That somethin', sometime will finally make everythin' okay.''

''It's just..'' He sighed. ''I'm tired of waitin', ya know?''