Talk To Me! (Ray)

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Naozumi sent Ray a soft smile and shook his head.  “No….maybe you did trip and push me into him, but that was an accident.”  And you couldn’t help accidents.  That’s why they were called accidents.  “It wasn’t intentional, was it?” he posed to the flyer.  That’s why it wasn’t Ray’s fault.  Naozumi on the other hand….it was for this he felt guilty over.  Letting the situation get to his head and making stupid decisions based on emotion. He was ashamed and it showed on his face.  

“I provoked him,” he said meekly, lowering his head.  “You were right. We should have just run away.”  Instead, Naozumi chose to stay and continue egging the guy on and got sucked into the fight.  His Shihan would be so disappointed.  The first rule of Aikido was ‘to protect yourself’.  Don’t engage unless you absolutely have to.  “I should have listened to you…I’m sorry…”  And because he didn't, it had resulted in a huge misunderstanding between the boys. “It’s…been a long time since I’ve been in a fight…” he said quietly. And he still had the same habit of getting swept up in them, it seemed.

Ray sounded troubled by his answer...or maybe it was just Nao's imagination? He couldn't tell. What was Ray thinking about? Maybe he was still feeling unsettled from the emotional quagmire they'd just been through. Naozumi nodded with a fairly absent smile. "Mmm," he hummed softly. "It's a relatively new martial art that was invented by a small woman about 80 or so years ago," he explained as if reason off from a textbook. "I've been practicing since I was eight...or was it nine...?" he wondered with a distant look. He remembered those days well. Nao was just as small as he'd always had been, even smaller in fact, and was even more meek and quiet than he was now.

He was glad to see Ray enjoying the sweets, though. It was a simple and childish thing, but food, especially sweets, always seemed to bring up his mood. Nao wanted to see Ray happy, not troubled and distressed like earlier. "Save some for me," he said with a soft giggle, reaching over to grab a couple sticks of the thin chocolate covered biscuits for himself. "I like those too!" If he didn't grab what he wanted now, there might not be more later!

Nao stuck one of the sticks between his lips and broke off the end, looking up as Ray posed his question. "Mmm.....uh-uh," he uttered with a shake of his head. "In movies, they mostly do karate, or kung-fu, or jujitsu." Although a lot of them had the same basic principles, their executions were what set them apart. "Karate is very power based. Jujitsu is about neutralizing armed opponents, and is closest to Aikido, but....they're both very offensive arts. Kung-fu is...I don't know much about it, honestly. It's a Chinese martial art. My friend Xun would know more than me." As he spoke, Naozumi munched on his pocky one nibble at a time, the stick steadily growing shorter as it disappeared into his mouth.  “Aikido is…” he continued, “It’s based on defense and redirection, as well as protecting both parties from injury." And while there were offensive strikes in the martial art which could cause severe injury, they were strongly discouraged. Though all martial arts promoted avoiding a fight rather than engaging in one.

Nao put another shrimp chip into his mouth and munched. Mm, those were good. He took another chip from the bag and held it out to Ray. “Here,” he said with a small smile. “Try this.” He didn’t know if Ray would like them, but he should at least try it once.

[Raylaigh Hawthorne]

Watching Nao, Ray seemed uncertain of Nao’s reasoning. His brows jumped and shook his head and found himself blurting. “No! I didn’t mean to! It was an accident!” He hung his head and forced himself to calm down. If this was how he was going to act every time he was accused of something he was going to have a hard time. “I’m sorry Nao, I just screw everything up,” he added, closing his eyes. Dammit why couldn’t he stop remembering this? Why couldn’t he stop thinking of himself so negatively. He didn’t think of himself as someone broke, but the more things like this kept happening the more he was starting to believe what Jack had said. The more mistakes he made the more certain he became. How could Nao care for someone like him?

“Huh?” He uttered looking up at Nao in confusion. “But…” He started and stopped when Nao explained and he shook his head again in confusion. True, they were both faster, or at least Nao was, Ray could fly. They could have gotten away. Raylaigh couldn’t let it go. “But why? Why do you have to fight?” He shook his head, he didn’t understand it. What happened if he angered Nao? Would Nao strike at him as well? He swallowed his fear but the thoughts wouldn’t stop coming. Would Nao hit him? Would Nao tell him that he deserved it? Ray felt suddenly sick again. What was he doing? Why was he still getting emotionally involved? Why wasn’t he the person that could just kiss someone and not be affected by it? Why couldn’t he do what Jack always thought he had?

Raylaigh struggled, grappled with his doubts and his fears and tried to toss them away. They didn’t go. So he tried to ignore them. He listened numbly to Nao describe the matrial arts that he did. Ray was surprised, when he was nine his mom had gotten him into basketball. He’d been good too. He gritted his teeth and looked down at the treats, eating another piece of pocky to calm his nerves. But like everything else, it seemed, it was taken away from him. He was too breakable. He often times wondered, if he was just a little more durable, would it have been so bad when Jack hit him? It must have only felt bad because he was weak. If he were stronger he could have withstood and he could have fought back. Nao’s reaching for the box called Ray’s thoughts back to the present and he couldn’t help but smile as Nao’s giggle and the way he snatched for the box. “You may have one,” he said winking at his friend before hugging the box like a hoarder. He giggled and set the box between them.

Raylaigh’s head was already swimming with all of the words. He tried to hold on and focus on the explanations. If anything it only pointed out to Ray how much he didn’t know about the world and that the movies he wanted were hardly a good proxy for living life and exploring. Hell, he had wings! He should just go explore the world. Well if that wouldn’t give his parents a heart attack. “Are they all different cultures?” He asked curious as to why Nao identified Kung-fu was Chinese. Was the one that Nao said… ah Aikido, he was reminded as Nao said the name. Was Aikido a Japanese specific one? “But… It looked like you really hurt that guy? And it looked like he really hurt you too,” Ray pointed out, his brows creasing. Honestly he hadn’t stayed to see the conclusion of the fight but it hadn’t looked good from his standpoint. He knocked his knuckles absently on his cast as he thought about it. He probably couldn’t even learn something like that. Damn his fragile bones!

“Kay,” he said and reached into the bag. He was like a human garbage can, he’d try anything at least once. He ate it and honestly it was just too strange. He wrinkled his nose and shook his head. “It tastes like shrimp!” He exclaimed, just in case Nao didn’t know. It wasn’t that it was bad, it was just strange to his taste buds. Something that was crunchy like a chip shouldn’t taste like shrimp, at least that was what his brain was telling him. “Sorry Nao,” he said shaking his head again and laughing, “You can have those.” He smiled, well it did exist, there was something out there that Ray didn’t like.

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It wasn’t meant as an accusation…just a confirmation. Nao knew it was an accident, though the way Ray was acting, he wasn’t certain that Ray knew it was an accident. Or that because it was an accident, that it wasn’t his fault. Nao shook his head. “No, accidents happen, no matter how careful we are. So don’t feel guilty for that anymore, okay?” he told the flyer. Because Ray wasn’t the one at fault. Nao already decided it was himself who had caused the situation to get as bad as it had when he could have prevented that or acted differently in response to the man’s extreme hostility.

Or just run away. There was no reason why he couldn’t have done that either. That’s why he was beating himself up over it. He’d been…foolish. And Ray’s question was an understandable one, and while Nao did have an answer for it, it was simply hard to say. There were many reasons why he fought. “Because…..Because people like that upset me,” he said firmly. Nao closed his eyes and his mouth fixed into a small frown as he dwelled back on those memories from elementary school and middle school. He opened his mouth, but hesitated. Why…why did it feel like he was admitting to something shameful? Something that would make Ray look down on him? Naozumi knew it didn’t make sense, it was the other guys’ fault… they were the ones who wouldn’t leave Nao alone. “I-I knew a lot of guys like that back home….bullies, basically. They would always…..always…find some reason to mess with me when I was a kid.” Naozumi opened his eyes and took a breath, trying to relax. “So….I really…really…can’t stand people like that.” Nao hung his head, feeling guilty. “So…sorry…”

Learning martial arts was supposed to help with his confidence. In a way it did. Nao wasn’t afraid to stand up to people, especially people who were physically hostile, because he knew that he could take care of himself if something went awry, like what happened with that fight. It was supposed to keep the bullies away from him. But apparently Naozumi showing off his backbone only brought about more trouble. Back then it did…and now it seemed to as well. Still…..he loved it. Practicing. Not necessarily the fighting, but knowing he had that behind him, doing well in it, feeling accomplished…he loved those parts.

“Only one?” Nao protested. But they were his to begin with! Nao pouted…and still took a good three or four for himself. “The only reason I’m letting you have most of it is because you haven’t had them before,” he explained. So Nao was being generous. Or he was just spoiling his best friend. The pout didn’t last long and he smiled as he put another one into his mouth. “Mmm….mmhmm!” he hummed out affirmatively. “A lot of people get them confused, but Chinese martial arts and Japanese are very different. Korean too.” Nao didn’t get offended when a person confused the the different cultures, but he knew a lot of asians did get upset when they were mistaken for one of the others. But if they didn’t know the cultures or anything about them, then why get upset for making an honest mistake. All that needed to be done was to correct them and move on.

Nao lowered his head and nodded slightly. “Mm…he did hurt me. I can’t do anything about that. If he hits me and intends to hurt me, it’s going to hurt.” Simple as that. He smiled sadly. “And yes…he probably did get hurt a little as well.” He closed his eyes again. “Anyone who takes a fall is going to get hurt to some degree. But if you know how to fall, or how to make others fall, then it lowers the risk of injury considerably.” That was how Nao was able to walk away with only scrapes and a couple bruises when he tripped and skid last year during their race.

Naozumi smiled as he watched Ray take the shrimp chip and pop it into his mouth. Then he covered his mouth to laugh. “Of course it does. They’re shrimp chips.” What else would they taste like? He continued to laugh softly as Ray refused any more. He tilted his head and smiled broadly at his friend. “It’s okay,” he reassured him with a tender gaze. “You don’t have to like everything.” That would be an unreasonable expectation.

[Raylaigh Hawthorne]

Ray chewed on his nails, agitated, but he couldn’t understand why Nao would have brought it up if there had been a doubt in his mind. Perhaps it would be best if Raylaigh stopped putting his own crazy spin on his life into other people’s minds. Swallowing, Ray tried to tell himself he was just on edge from everything that had happened and so he nodded uttering a small, “Okay.” It didn’t seem real, Ray was starting to wonder what it was about him that made things go wrong around him. It just wasn’t fair that he was such a klutz and that he had a tendency to take people down with him. He lifted his good hand and ran it through his hair and tried to make it seem like he wasn’t as jumpy as they both knew he was. “It wasn’t your fault either. That guy was looking for a fight.” Ray said firmly looking his friend in the eye.

Nao surprised Ray and he cocked his head as he listened to Nao and the admission he was making. It couldn’t be an easy thing for Nao to say and yet he was speaking. Raylaigh’s brow creased as he listened and his eyes softened. “I’m sorry, Nao,” he said understanding but also not. He couldn’t imagine how fighting would help. Sure it would give him courage to stand up for himself and know he wasn’t going to die, but going looking for a fight. That was what Ray didn’t understand. He reached across the space between them and squeezed Nao’s hand. “Don’t apologize. It just… it scared me to see you like that.” He lowered his gaze and thought for a long time. Nao had had the courage to say something, couldn’t he? His mouth was dry and he just knew Nao would think less of him. For staying with Jack as long as he did. He’d never told anyone about Jack before, no one had ever even known they were dating. He doubted people would believe him. “I knew someone like that too.” He finally said softly.

Ray could understand now why Nao started to learn how to fight. The desire to fight was still something Ray didn’t understand but if it helped Nao than it couldn’t be bad. In fact Ray was wondering if it might be a good thing for him to learn. Chances were like everything else he wouldn’t be able to. Any instructor would see Ray take one wrong fall and break his arm and immediately decide that combat wasn’t right for him. He wondered if anyone would be willing to teach him how to run away. Maybe if he took a self defense class. Hey, his greatest advantage was running and if he was grabbed and could get free he’d be safe. He shrugged it off, he’d probably never get around to it.

Giggling, Ray stuck his tongue out at Nao. “Only one,” he confirmed teasingly. He sobered a little wondering if his joke went a little too far for Nao. But Nao was smiling again and so Ray smiled in turn. “It’s really cool how all those different cultures learned different fighting styles but that they’re also very similar. I wonder if it’s kinda like how the knights and stuff learned in Europe.” He hadn’t paid attention in history, he didn’t know. Maybe they covered it but he had been too busy drawing a knight on his paper. “I’m sorry, I don’t know a lot about it. Your… uh… fighting, did your parents get you into it?” Yes, Ray had forgotten again what the name of the fighting style was. Nao would probably tell him over and over again and Ray still wouldn’t remember. Raylaigh looked back to the belts on the wall. “What makes you a black belt? Does that mean you can kick people butts?” He asked, because that was the thing that people always said. They were a black belt in something and that meant they could kick anyone’s butt.

Concern flashed across his face. “But… you…” He looked at Nao and felt a strong twinge of jealousy. Ray got hurt all the time, but if he had been in Nao’s place he probably would have been in the hospital, martial arts of no. He shook his head. Still not understanding. “I don’t get it. I mean even when I’m just roughhousing with my brothers and they don’t mean to hurt me they do. But that’s a whole lot different than fighting,” he said speaking as he thought, “I don’t know, Nao, I mean it’s really cool and stuff, but I’m gonna stick to me whole flying away thing.” He said and gave a laugh, meaning it as a joke, but even then the laugh seemed a little forced. Ray’s heart fluttered as Nao looked at him so warmly. He dropped his gaze and tried to fight against the emotions rising in his heart. “I’m sorry I was avoiding you Nao, but I’m really glad you found me.” He leaned forward and pecked Nao on the cheek.

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Maybe Ray was right, that it wasn’t Nao’s fault either. That guy really was looking for a fight…but Nao was used to bullies coming at him, looking for a fight. And he’d been told not to engage unless he had to. And yet, every time, Naozumi still did. Back then he never gave it any thought. They tried to beat him up, so he fought back. With Ray there, one would think he’d take a little bit more precaution and make the smart decision if only for his friend’s sake. It never really occurred to Nao that it was a real problem until now, when Ray was expressing so much concern over his behavior.

Nao looked down at the hand that Ray was holding with a small smile from the comfort it brought…but it faded when Ray admitted to his fear. “….I’m sorry,” he said softly, despite Ray having just told him to not apologize. His heart was heavy with guilt now. Nao took a breath and kept his eyes down as he continued speaking. “I…I used to get in a lot of fights, actually. Before I came to Hammel.” He smiled, sadly. “Learning to fight was supposed to get the bullies to leave me alone. It didn’t really work that way,” he explained. “I think I was supposed some sort of challenge to them, after that.” Nao had been in so many fights in middle school, he couldn’t even remember them all. But each one got him in trouble, a trip to the principal’s office, detention, a call to his parents(who didn’t believe the administration anyway). “I think a lot of people were scared of me….So I guess….I don’t blame you for thinking that too.” Naozumi took a breath and finally raised his head, a strained smile on his lips as he turned to face his friend. “I haven’t been in any fights since coming to Hammel, so…I guess I forgot how I could get during them….sorry.” Nao hadn’t told anybody about his history with fighting and bullies….and now he just dumped all that history onto his best friend unsolicited. He hoped he wasn’t being a bother in doing so, but by this point, he felt he owed Ray an explanation for it.

Nao blinked at the new information, not entirely expecting it nor where Ray was going with it. With knowing a person who was ‘like that’. Like who, exactly? Naozumi wasn’t sure. “Like who?” he asked curiously. “Like that guy?” Ray seemed hesitant to say anything more though. Nao covered Ray’s hand with his other hand, if only to let him know that he was still there and listening. “…what happened?” he asked, though he wasn’t sure if Ray was going to want to elaborate more on that. Though simply saying that much had gotten Nao curious.

Frankly, Aikido would probably be very good for Ray. Not for learning how to fight, per se, but for learning how to fall, as that is the primary thing they practice every single day and the most important. Injury could be minimized when one knew how to fall to avoid it, when one knew how to take hits, when one knew how to be thrown across a room and not get hurt….considering how fragile Ray’s bones were, and how clumsy he was, it would probably also assist in his coordination and distributing his weight so there was less stress on his bones when he landed after flying. As Nao said before, the point of Aikido was not to fight, but to prevent injury.

Nao smiled as they continued to discuss the different cultures and their fighting styles, nibbling on those pocky sticks one by one. “Mmm, maybe,” he said to Ray’s comment about knights in Europe. “I think it’s amazing too. I wish I knew more about Chinese culture and martial arts, but…well, right now I’m still struggling with the language.” It was one that had so much syntax to it, it was confusing just trying to say simple things. Not like Japanese or Korean or even French. He knew enough to read it, but speaking was a lot more difficult, though he was still considered fluent. Naozumi nodded. “My parents thought it would be good for me, and once I started….well, I really enjoyed the practice.” Not necessarily the fighting. His next question had Nao shaking his head though replying with a slightly more brightened face. “No…well, yes it does mean I can fight well, but that’s the point of it and fighting is always discouraged. But…” This was what Nao had been wanting to tell Ray back then, before they were interrupted by that hostile person. “It means that I’m skilled enough to teach,” he explained, an excited smile growing on his face. “I’m an instructor now.” HIs smile faded slightly. “I was going to tell you that day about it, but then we got distracted, and I forgot.”

Nao understood why Ray wouldn’t want to fight. Of course he had the fragility in his bones, but overall, Ray just wasn’t a fighter. “That’s okay,” he said with a smile. “There’s nothing wrong with that.” Just because Nao could fight didn’t mean he expected the same from Ray. Running away was a natural instinct when you were scared. It was a way of protecting oneself. Even when Ray ran away from Nao, it was understandable…even if it was over a misunderstanding. Even if it hurt Nao to see Ray run from him and avoid him. Nao’s cheeks turned a warm pink when Ray kissed him, and he giggled softly. “Don’t do that,” he warned Ray, scooting his chair closer to the bed. “Because then I’ll have to do this.” Nao leaned in and returned the kiss, though instead of on the cheek, he pressed their lips together briefly, but gently.

[Raylaigh Hawthorne]

Ray believed that if that man had been more reasonably all of this could have been avoided. Nao wouldn’t have had to fight and Ray’s wrist wouldn’t be broken. Raylaigh was afraid that Nao would become like that if he wasn’t careful and wanted to fight all the time. He was worried about Nao and this side of him that he’d never seen before. He shook his head at his friend and knew that he had hurt his friend. “Don’t be sorry, you were doing what you thought was right,” Ray said firmly, squeezing Nao’s hand. He didn’t want to think that Ray hated him because he was afraid of something that he did. He just wanted to be open and honest with his friend. Ray’s brows shot toward his hairline. “Really? You?” He never would have imagined that Nao would be much of a fighter. He was so little. Well, not so little anymore, but still! The flyer frowned and shook his head. “I don’t get it! Why do people have to be so mean?” His question cut deeper than the surface.

Raylaigh’s expression softened significantly and with his good hand occupied holding Nao’s he gently brushed the fingers of his casted hand over Nao’s cheek. “Oh Nao, I’m not afraid of you,” he hesitated struggling to find the right words, “I was scared you’d get yourself hurt. And I guess… I guess I was also afraid because you didn’t seem like yourself.” He peaked a glance at Nao’s expression now and knew he was just screwing this up left and right. Offering a smile in return he hoped he could help Nao know that he wasn’t afraid of him. Well, okay that wasn’t exactly all true, but Nao didn’t need to know that. That was Ray’s problem and he would deal with it. He love… His mind came to a screeching halt and his expression took on a briefly blank expression. Shaking it off, Ray decided to just move on like that never happened. Raylaigh mulled it over going back to the subject at hand and he looked up at Nao. “Don’t be sorry Nao, it’s not your fault, it’s just... it’s something I have to deal with. You were trying to protect us. And I didn’t realize that.”

The expression on Ray’s face could only be likened to a deer caught in headlights. He’d said too much! Like who? Uh… Raylaigh’s mind was not supplying anything particularly helpful at the moment. “Kinda,” Ray said then the more he thought about it the more he nodded. Not so up front about it but well, making a mistaken and blaming Ray was pretty much Jack’s thing. But there was something kind about Jack, kind and dangerous. It was the kindness that killed. That kindness that Jack so expertly twisted that made Raylaigh’s mouth go dry now and even as he opened his mouth he sat there with his eyes downcast staring at their hands, the words catching in his throat. His lips formed the words but no sound came and Ray felt that old fear come back. Ray’s heart hammered and he finally closed his mouth and gave Nao a sad smile, but couldn’t make his eyes meet Nao’s. “I..uh… he…” He struggled out and shook his head, “Well, he moved away, so it’s all good.” And I miss him.

He felt like a failure. A low failure. He was sure if Nao knew than he had allowed himself to be beat up by his boyfriend that Nao would think less of him. It was the questions that followed that terrified Ray. Why didn’t you leave? Why didn’t you ask for help? Why didn’t you say something? Why, why, why? And Raylaigh knew that his answer was wrong. Wrong, because he shouldn’t love Jack. He shouldn’t miss him all the time. Not after all that he had done, but Raylaigh loved him nonetheless. Ray was at fault, so how could he call Jack a bully? It was just him acting out, he had had a hard childhood. Ray was trying to help him and so what if Jack got a temper now and again. Jack loved him. At least Ray had thought so…

Raylaigh was glad the tone of the conversation changed and he wrinkled his nose at the sound. “I don’t blame you, I mean I find French hard enough, I can’t even imagine Chinese. You’ve got a gift, you know, Nao.” He listened with great interest to Nao’s history with the art. His parents had gotten him into it. Ray wondered if his parents would have done something like that, if they had known. Maybe not, he was too breakable for physical contact. If his parents had their way he would be locked in a bubble where he couldn’t hurt himself and no one could hurt him. That wasn’t how Ray wanted to live. He honestly loved playing rough and he loved playing sports and doing crazy things because it made him feel alive. He wanted to experience things and he wanted to have adventures. An idea flashed through Ray’s mind and his face brightened. “Hey! Maybe you could teach me. Maybe not the whole fighting things but those cool moves. I could be your first student!” Ray said excitedly, clearly not aware of what he was signing on for.

Ray couldn’t help but smile, Nao was too cute there, munching on the pocky sticks. Maybe, Ray thought, but what if that happened again. He would only be in the way. Or maybe Nao would feel the need to protect him. Or what if he ever ran into a hostile flyer and couldn’t just fly away. Rare, but it could happen. Ray was endlessly glad that they were friend and he didn’t need to ask if they were okay, Nao’s kiss said it all. It also triggered that same old fear and Ray bit his lip, smiling shyly as they parted. His good hand reached out and grabbed Nao’s shirt, keeping him from drifting away again. “I can’t say that would be a bad thing.” He pressed their lips back together, more firmly than Nao’s initial kiss had been. Nao had come a long way and now Ray communicated his love for his friend without words.

[Deleted]

He knew Ray was right, but that didn’t stop Nao from going over the scene in his head, thinking about what he could have done differently. It was pointless to do that, though. It was done and over with and no amount of blame or finger pointing was going to change what already happened. Though, he thought, it would at least make him more aware of how he should respond in the future. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to do something like that again…well, he didn’t think he would’ve had to do that here in Pilot Ridge in the first place. Perhaps that was what made it so easy to slip back that way and be so unaware of it? Maybe…. He nodded at Ray’s amazement. “Mmm,” he hummed affirmatively. Nao knew it didn’t quite fit his image…but maybe that’s what drew in all the challengers in the first place? They all couldn’t believe that this small, effeminate looking kid could beat up kids twice his size and so had to get a look-see for themselves. “I don’t know….” he said softly, thinking back on all the things those same kids would say even after Nao had put them on the floor. It was frustrating, that nothing he did seemed to make it stop.

Until Ray had said anything about it, the possibility that Ray might be afraid of him wasn’t even a glimmer of a thought in Nao’s mind. Once he had, that was when Nao was reminded of the past, and why it was so hard for him to connect with anyone back then. Changing schools to Hammel had been a chance to start over in that regards. Nobody knew him or of his reputation, so there was no reason for people to actively avoid him.

Nao hadn’t even realized how much that mattered to him before. Of course he didn’t though, the absent-minded boy barely put any thought into things like the dynamics of socializing. Nao smiled softly at Ray’s words. “Okay…” he said. He wasn’t sure if he believed those words himself…but all he could do was believe them, if that’s what Ray said. He wasn’t scared. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t either of them’s fault. He was just trying to protect them. Ray would deal with it, somehow. “Okay…” he said again. “I’m….” Nao stopped himself and smiled, feeling foolish that he was automatically going to come out with yet another ‘I’m sorry’, after Ray had just told him not to be. “Okay,” he tried again. “Thank you.” For being….wonderful, was what came to mind. He wondered if he’d ever be able to tell Ray that? One day.

Kinda? This person Ray knew was ‘kinda’ like that guy. And that only made Nao want to know more, of course. Especially since Ray seemed to dismiss it so quickly after mentioning it. And Ray’s expressions seemed very…complicated as he tried to speak…and then ended up not. “Ray….” he started. Nao reached out his hand, much like Ray had done moments before, and cupped one over Ray’s cheek, stroking his thumb gently over his skin. What was he supposed to say? “I….I don’t know what happened…” And he couldn’t if Ray didn’t tell him. “But…it’s….it’s okay to be upset, if it hurt you. Just because….it seems like it did…” Though Nao might just be seeing things or being presumptuous.

As much as he was glad for the chance to talk about some of these things, and to clear up some of these misunderstandings and emotions, they were heavy topics that Nao was just as glad to leave behind in favor of something lighter. Like food. And school. And martial arts. Nao couldn’t hold back a blush at Ray’s praise. “I don’t know about that…I just like learning it.” And that made it easier to work hard at learning those things. It didn’t make the subjects easier, at least he didn’t think. And now, he had enough qualifications to be allowed to teach one of the things he loved most, officially. Ray’s excitement over the possibility of being Nao’s first student had Nao giggling, though, and he shook his head. “I guess I could, but…it doesn’t really work that way. I mean, I’m only a first level black-belt, so that makes me an assistant instructor now. At the local dojo.” Specializing in his particular art, because Muller-sensei actually taught a variety of them, and his own specialty was karate, he believed. Nao perked up his head at a thought. “Maybe you can come and watch one of the classes. Then you can decide if it’s something you want to learn.” It wasn’t uncommon for prospective students to do such a thing. And maybe Nao was just being selfish. He wanted Ray to come watch him, rather.

Nao pulled away after his initial kiss only to be pulled right back in for another one. Warmth spread out from the core of his body as he sank into it. Quite literally, in fact, as Nao had allowed his weight to shift and fall forward onto the bed, his hands gripping onto Ray’s shirt to hopefully take the flyer with him. He’d giggle as they bounced and steal another one from his friend before resting his head into Ray’s and down against his shoulder. “No…not a bad thing at all,” he said quietly, his voice warm and content. Was he crazy, for not wanting to move from this spot? Probably. He didn’t care.

[Raylaigh Hawthorne]

It gave him a different way to look at Nao. Not in a bad way, or in a good way. Just different. An understanding had grown between them. Nao had defended himself in the only way that he knew how to and Raylaigh would try not to look at that as something scary. On the opposite hand, it made him look at Nao, not as the small boy he had met, but as he was now. Tall and strong and courageous. “Well, it’s a good thing they have you to protect them,” Ray said his smile warming as he squeezed Nao’s hand. Ray would certainly always want to have Nao on his side in a conflict. The flyer knew that he had to do some reevaluation. Look back into his memories and see it all through Nao’s eyes. He wasn’t good at putting himself into other people’s shoes but this was one of those times when understanding Nao’s position would make all the difference. After all, hadn’t Nao just tried to understand what it was like for Ray? Ray would return the favor.

Sad as it was to say, if Ray had known Nao’s reputation before he probably would have been very wary of him. Even having known Nao for a while, it had almost broken their friendship. Ray would have to try harder, he would have to be understanding. Nao was his friend and Ray was unspeakably ashamed that he had almost thrown all of that away. All because he refused to get caught up in another violent and destructive relationship. But that wasn’t what this was. They were friends. Nao had never hurt him before and now Raylaigh was sure he never would. Watching Nao’s mind work made Ray’s heart lurch. It wasn’t what he had meant to happen. He’d started a story without finishing it and now poor Nao was doubting himself. Ray smiled knowingly at his friend, but Nao corrected himself, but not in the way Ray expected. He shook his head. “I’m sorry I started this in the first place…” he started but quickly realizing that that was going to put them right back into the cycle of apologizing to each other he laughed, “How about we just agree that we both made mistakes and are sorry, eh?”

Realizing too late that he’d said too much Ray realized he couldn’t back himself out of it. Panic started rising in his heart and he just stared without seeing. Nao would start asking questions. Asking question… but he wasn’t. The gentle touch was such an antithesis to what he was used to that new tears started forming in his eyes. Damn. He thought and leaned his head into Nao’s hand. Hearing Nao’s encouragement he nodded and he looked up at Nao and with a heartbreaking smile he shrugged and after a few tries he dropped his eyes. He looked at their hands and then at his cast. “He did… he hurt me a lot,” Ray admitted. He swallowed, his fear overpowered his desire and he looked back up at Nao. “Thank you.” He’d tell Nao, just… later. Yes, he’d tell Nao. He promised himself. Just not today. Today everything was still too fresh and Jack was starting to fade from the back of his mind. “I just wish I was able to stand up for myself like you.”

“Ew, learning,” Ray said quickly, his whole demeanor changing, he didn’t want to talk about it anymore and that was that. He laughed wiping at his eyes then realizing his cast was not going to be very good at that so instead he bent his head and wiped his residual tears on his sleeves. “Just admit it, Nao, you’ve got a gift, and you’re really smart. There’s nothing wrong with that.” He knew a lot of smart people who acted like they didn’t understand. Ray on the other hand wished he could pretend he didn’t understand. Honestly, he thought people dumbing down to be cool was the stupidest thing ever. “Oh…” Ray said blushing a little. Well, maybe not. He brightened again. “I’d love to!” He nodded his head and imagined his mother’s face when he told her that he was going to learn karate. Well, not karate but his mother wouldn’t know. Well… on second thought, maybe he wouldn’t tell her. He laughed at the thought and turned back to Nao.

Nao pressed into the kiss and Ray pressed against him for a moment until Nao’s forward momentum took them both down. Ray’s arms went around Nao’s waist and pulled him closer, encouraging this behavior. Nao’s giggling brought happy smiles and giggles out of Ray as well. Laying with Nao on his bed, Ray felt stirrings. Very strong emotions mingled with strong desire and there was most certainly something stirring. “No,” Ray agreed and relished the feeling of Nao pressed against him and he tightened his hold on Nao. He inhaled the smell of his shampoo. But he didn’t find the contentment that Nao was experiencing. Instead he was craving more of Nao. The emotional situation and the talk had left Ray feeling vulnerable and in need of contact. Jack had always made his move when Raylaigh was beaten and vulnerable, but this was different. Ray didn’t feel terrible about himself, instead Nao left him feeling uplifted and joyful. He snuggled with the speedster and he didn’t even mind that Nao was half laying on him. He maneuvered and captured Nao’s lips with his again. His mind was up in the clouds and he was vaguely aware that his wings were beating against the side of the bed. He didn’t care, his good hand ventured down Nao’s back. His cast was making it very awkward, but he wanted so badly to touch Nao.

[Deleted]

Such a roller coaster of emotions had raced through the two boys in the span of such a short time. Had it really been less than an hour ago that Nao was chasing Ray through the halls of the dormitory, and then raced to the roof to catch him in the sky? They had retreated back to Nao’s room to calm down from all that drama, but sitting here talking, sharing things that he’d never gone in depth with with anyone, hearing the concerns that Ray had, and then transitioning to enjoying a couple of snacks together….those emotions were rolling up and down all over again. It was…exhausting.

And yet, at the same time, Nao was elated that they could talk like this. Nao felt like he’d taken an important step in sharing what he did about his past and why he behaved the way he did in the face of such an adverse person. And from Ray, hearing what he had to say about the situation. Nao smiled softly, shifting his hand under Ray’s to grip around the flyer’s casted hand and holding tight to draw encouragement from his touch. Ray was right. It was no good for them to argue about who was more at fault than the other. They both made mistakes and would use the experience to learn from those mistakes. “Okay,” he said, his smile brightening just a little bit more.

It was hard to keep that lighter feeling, however, when Ray was so obviously feeling desolate about this person whose memory was causing him to freeze up. Naozumi did wonder what happened between them, but…more than wanting to know, Nao just couldn’t stand seeing Ray look so pained. The hurt in his eyes that caused tears to fall from them made Nao’s chest tighten and ache in his want to ease that pain and feeling unable to do so. “I know,” he said softly, despite not knowing the whole of the situation. “It’s…It’s hard.” Nao wished he could say more than that, but…anything else he could think of just sounded like he was comparing them and their circumstances. And that wasn’t right, was it? “….I think….it’s a lot easier to stand up for other people than it is for yourself, so….don’t….you shouldn’t punish yourself for that.” Did that make any sense?

He wondered if he should mention that how standing up for himself had caused more problems than he expected it would too? And that it didn’t stop the unkind words thrown at the adolescent boy, as if there was something wrong with the labels they gave him. But then, he’d have to go into that other thing he wasn’t prepared to talk about yet, and Nao wasn’t sure he could handle it. So he left it at that and continued onto more enjoyable topics.

Naozumi blushed at Ray’s praise. “I really don’t think so. I’m just good at school.” Smart in academics and smart in…well, everything else, were two completely different things, and Nao often failed in the latter of those two. Especially when it came to social situations. People were weird and didn’t make sense half the time. At least a math problem had a right answer. This whole time with Ray today….Nao wasn’t sure what was the right thing to do and he was surprised that he’d made it this far without saying something completely wrong. When it came to people, being straightforward and honest was usually the route he took, because he simply didn’t think fast or creative enough to manage much else. He was glad that Ray seemed to be so excited at the prospect of coming to one of his classes, just to see if it was something he’d like to learn or not. Nao’s smile spread wide, pinching up his cheeks into two little balls of mirth. “Okay, I’ll let you know when the next class is and…well, we can go together, okay?” Yes, Nao was excited about this, visibly so. It made him giddy and it felt like there was a flock of butterflies dancing around in his stomach.

Feeling like this, it was easy for the boy to essentially fling himself at Ray in his excitement when they started their little kissing exchange. He clung to his best friend, meshing their lips together as his weight as balanced somewhere between the bed and off the side of Ray’s torso and their slightly entangled legs. Ray was….very warm, and Nao closed his eyes to bask in that warmth and enjoy the tickles he got in his belly. Laying like this, Nao was reminded of one(or rather several) of the dreams he’d had of the two of them in a similar position. Ray would arch himself into Nao’s lips again and their tongues would entwine, as they did right now. His hands would smooth themselves over Nao’s shoulders, and arms, and down his back….Nao shivered from the tickle of anticipation that accompanied that movement. He was caught up in the moment, feeling very much like he did last year, when they kissed with just as much heat while shoulder-deep in the school pond. He pulled back slightly to catch a quick breath , then he gently dove right back in, sliding the hand that was gripping Ray’s shirt up to instead cup around the back of his neck. “Ray…” he breathed, confusion coloring his voice for a moment before he was wrapped into yet another dizzying kiss.

[Raylaigh Hawthorne]

Enjoying snacks together was the best part of this day for Ray. He might seem like a person that doesn’t have a secret bone in his body but opening up to people was surprisingly hard for him. He was so aware of people judging him and so afraid that they wouldn’t like him if they knew that he held it in. Talking a lot didn’t necessarily translate into being an open book. Rather, it was as Ray had learned, a way to disarm people and make them think that there was nothing hidden to be looked for. Even coming this close to telling Nao about Jack had been a huge step for Ray. Even if he had balked in the end, he had made the first step. It was extremely hard for him to talk about what bothered him, especially when because of Jack, doing so would have lead to a fight. Jack had known exactly what to do and say to get Ray to break.

Seeing Nao’s smile brightened Raylaigh’s mood and further solidified his decision not to ruin it with talk of Jack. He nodded affirmatively, glad their apologizes were mutually accepted and their friendship was mended. Thanks to Nao. Shame still lingered, Raylaigh had been ready to throw all of this away. Because of a stupid fight, and one that he’d blown up in his head. Ray did his best to grip Nao’s hand with his casted one, it was awkward but not impossible. He hated casts, he couldn’t wait to get this one off. Seeing how Nao reacted when he thought Ray could get hurt made him hesitant to say how he got hurt. It technically wasn’t the other guys fault, but also, technically if he hadn’t crushed Ray’s wrist the bones wouldn’t have been on the brink of breaking anyways. He smiled and patted Nao’s hand with his good hand.

Ray wiped his eyes and looked up at Nao as he spoke. The emotions were so frayed in his heart that the acceptance was almost enough to make him start crying for a whole new reason. It wasn’t about comparison but even now knowing the whole details, just hearing Nao say that it was okay meant the world to him. He reached out and took Nao in a hug. “Thank you, Nao.” Maybe Nao was right. Maybe he should stop blaming himself for what happened between himself and Jack. Maybe it was time to finally let those hurts go to rest. But it wasn’t so easy, for the flyer’s heart had been so intermingled with love and hurt that he didn’t know how to disassociate the two. Maybe this was the first step. Maybe the next would be talking to someone about what happened. Maybe it was time to stop being ashamed of getting beaten by his lover?

A smile grew on Ray’s face as Nao blushed and he shrugged his shoulders. “Good in school is what gets you places. I think I’ve just accepted that I’m not good at school,” he said with a shrug. That didn’t mean he’d give up, just put his attentions in a different direction. He beamed at the expression on Nao’s face. Wishing he could take a picture and tuck it away for whenever he was feeling blue. “Great!” He declared with a large smile, his eyes turning up. Meeting Nao with a kiss after that just seemed right. Nao’s kissing had improved dramatically and Ray found himself feeling strangely jealous, hoping that Nao wasn’t ‘practicing’ with anyone else.

Shifting slightly, Ray felt heat rising through his body and his real brain was giving into the direction of desire. He pushed himself up against Nao, feeling the contours of Nao’s body with his fingers and losing himself in Nao’s kisses. Oh he had certainly been practicing. He wrapped his casted arm around Nao and with his good arm tried to pull himself more onto the bed so his legs were awkwardly hanging off. His wings helped a little as he pulled Nao with him, barely separating their lips for a moment. Something in the back of his mind nagged at him, he knew what he wanted at this moment, but… what if Nao wasn’t sure? What if? Nao broke off for a breath and when he heard his name he thought Nao might tell him to stop but instead he dove back in, pulling Ray closer and closer. The underlying confusion though gave Ray pause. He couldn’t, wouldn’t do this to Nao.

So he leaned back and relaxed his hold on Nao. “Nao,” his voice husked with desire, but he forced himself to stop when all he wanted to do was dive back in and go all the way with Nao. He was deeply in need of contact, but he couldn’t force this upon Nao. “Nao, is this what you really want?” He looked into Nao’s eyes, desire clearly written, but also the love of a friend, a promise that if Nao didn’t want this, Ray would stop. He hated stopping the mood but he wouldn’t take advantage of Nao. He moved his hand and gently brushed Nao’s hair. Maybe it would freak Nao out but it was time he knew. “I… I’ve known for a long time… and I… I just don’t… I don’t want to take advantage of you,” he admitted to Nao. He didn’t want this to be a friendship where Nao did thing because he thought it was what Ray wanted. Sure kissing had been one thing, innocent. Ray was only human and Nao inflamed his desire.

[Deleted]

They’d both made important steps today. They weren’t perfect, they weren’t there yet, but each of them was closer to where they’d like to be. Or where they needed to be. Of course, Nao only knew from today that there were things that Ray held in his heart that he wasn’t ready to talk about. That much seemed clear by now, and Nao was willing to wait until the right time had come. Nao felt like he’d spoken a lot today about himself, though. Actually, he felt like maybe he’d spoken too much somehow, about things that most wouldn’t see as a big deal.

At least, that how he felt, and that was the reason why he always tried to handle it himself, and why he never complained despite the fact that words - hateful words of children who ‘didn’t know any better’ - still hurt these many years later. Despite the fact that his ‘confidence builder’ didn’t actually make them stop. Those words were why Nao was so afraid of being more open about who he was. It was hard to be honest about himself, specifically about his preferences, when he was made fun of for it before anyone even knew it was true. As if there was something wrong with him preferring boys to girls, or that there was something wrong with him being visually effeminate. Or asian. Or quiet. Or a little slow on the uptake. Or poor with direction. Or any other number of things that kids could find to poke and prod at because they had nothing better to do. When he tried to stand up to them, all they would do was laugh. When laughter is the only response, words die even more. At that point, there was only one thing left to do. Fight. Though even then….

It wasn’t something Naozumi wanted to dwell on, and he was thankful that he didn’t have to anymore. Not when he had Ray in front of him. Ray, who seemed in a far better mood than he was earlier on the roof. He did wonder about the cast though, but, like everything else, Nao wasn’t going to pry. The important thing was that they were here, reconciled, and that Nao still had a friend he could worry and fuss over in the future should something else happen(because, no doubt, something else would happen). Naozumi shook his head at Ray’s statement. “No, being good in school is just being good in school. But…thanks for saying so.” He didn’t like that Ray thought of himself as being bad in school…though he knew it was true, and Nao wasn’t sure if agreeing would be appropriate or not. “I think…you have other things you’re good at that more than make up for it.” Like being a wonderful person, he thought silently.

Nao was elated in a very specific way wrapped up in Ray’s arms and under his caressing hands, all while engaged in a very passionate series of kisses with his best friend. He wasn’t thinking of much anything else other than he just didn’t want to come out of this haze just yet. He moved with Ray, repositioning themselves more securely onto the bed. Things were moving fast from here, weren’t they? he thought vaguely. Only vaguely though. Nao didn’t want to think right now. He just wanted to… He…he didn’t know what he wanted, but there was hardly any hesitation until Ray spoke his name and stopped before Nao could dip in for another round. His breathing had become slightly heavier as he worked to catch his breath in that pause. But then….Nao blinked at the question, looking up at Ray and into those eyes that clearly reflected Ray’s wants.

Was this what he wanted? He….what…? Nao stared at him, confusion in his eyes. Not because he didn’t know where this was clearly going…but because he didn’t know how to answer. Yes, he did…no, he wasn’t sure he was ready. But he did….which made it hard to think of what to do. Why couldn’t they just….keep going…and not question it? he thought. Nao continued to stare, his lower lip hanging down slightly as he struggled to find words. But then Ray’s next words… Nao’s eyes widened and he grew stiff in Ray’s arms. He knew? Knew what?? That Nao was gay? That he had…those kind of feelings for him? That Nao was just using kissing as an excuse to be that close with Ray? What was it? A spark of fear passed through Nao’s eyes and the boy curled down to hide his panicked face, his hands sliding from Ray’s shoulder to grip tight onto his shirt once again. “I….” he started, feeling his throat tighten so much it hurt to speak. There was an extended pause before he tried again. “…..…..if it was…………is that okay……?” he asked, his voice thin and frail. He felt his face flush out to his ears and down to his neck, and his hands trembled slightly from holding Ray’s shirt too tightly. “…..I don’t really know what I’m doing,” he admitted quietly. “I’ve never…….before….” But Ray already knew that…didn’t he?

[Raylaigh Hawthorne]

Things always seemed like no big deal to the ones who lived it. The bullying might seem like no big deal to Nao, but to Ray it broke his heart to know that his friend had been treated so poorly. It also gave him a chance to think. It saddened him to know that if he had been there and not been Nao’s friend, he was too cowardly to have done something. Silently he resolved to not be that person anymore. He was beyond glad and proud of Nao for opening up like that. It seemed that Nao was the more mature of the two of them and Ray could only hope that he could be as courageous as Nao one day. He bit his lip, what would Nao think if he knew how much Ray looked up to him, despite the fact that he was older?

Even if Raylaigh wasn’t able to share the same amount, just having Nao’s support meant the world to him. He wasn’t ready for the world to know about him and Jack. Hell, his own siblings didn’t even know. Much less his parents, but he hadn’t come out to them yet so that would open a whole different can of worms. Maybe that would be the first step. After all, it was Jack who had terrified him out of telling his parents. There was the lingering very real fear that they would reject him. After all his dad did leave because his mom was a meta human, who was to say he wouldn’t throw Ray away because he was gay? And his mom, he feared how she would react most of all. She had always been there to help Ray get up, maybe this would be the final disappointment.

Ray shook his head. “No, it’s not. You’re really smart Nao, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” He was proud of his friend, he wished he had the dedication that his friend had. Nao was so filled with talent that it blew Raylaigh away that Nao thought so little about the work that he put in. Maybe Nao didn’t get things easily but he had the dedication that Ray didn’t to get better. It didn’t matter if it languages or the martial arts. He was surprised by Nao’s follow up. He smiled sheepishly and looked down at their hands, toying absently with Nao’s fingers. “Uh… actually… I-I’ve decided to go to art school. I know my parents won’t be super excited but I am.” He looked back up at Nao a determined smile on his face and gave a shrug. His conversation with Mr. Wentsworth had given him a lot to think about, but it had also given him the confidence to make this decision. Granted he still had a year at Hammel, but he needed to start working on his portfolio. That reminded him, he had a sketch of Nao to finish.

Eagerness flowed through Ray and all but turned off his brain. It was a wonder he had the thought to stop and not only that but that he acted on it. Somehow he knew that if he didn’t ask Nao, he would regret it after. Looking up at Nao, and seeing the desire there, it was hard not to jump back in and just ignore the nagging in his head. It had been so long… He knew what to do, he could teach Nao. No. He wouldn’t do that to Nao. Not unless he was ready and was sure that this was what he wanted. He looked into Nao’s eyes and felt he had his answer but the confusion that followed stopped him. Raylaigh wasn’t sure what was happening and he wrapped his arms around Nao as he felt him stiffen. “Oh god, you didn’t know did you?” He blurted, he’d thought by now that Nao would have figured it out. That he was gay. Or maybe he had and that was what was scaring him? It appeared that miscommunication was strong in their relationship. “I…” he started at the same time that Nao did and closed his mouth to let Nao continue. Now confusion crossed Ray’s face. Ray was so alarmed by Nao’s reaction that he tried to sit up. Nao laying on him dampened that effect and he ended up propped up on his elbows. “Nao, what on earth are you talking about?” He said then shook his head and put his good hand on the top of Nao’s head. “Okay, take a breath.” He ran his hands through Nao’s hair, trying to sooth him.

“I have to come clean about something,” he said softly. He looked up at the ceiling, mostly because Nao was making it hard to think and admitting this to the ceiling rather than Nao’s face seemed a little easier. “I’m gay Nao. And I… I talked you into kissing me… ‘cause I really wanted to kiss you.” He shyly looked at Nao, looking very much like a guilty puppy. “And ‘cause you’re really cute.” He was blushing now maybe just as brightly as Nao and he looked down at Nao now and the desire was still there. He knew what he wanted and now it all depended on Nao. He awkwardly leaned on his casted arm and he smoothed his hand through Nao’s hair and gently cupped Nao’s face in his hand and tried to coax Nao to look at him.

[Deleted]

Naozumi, unlike Ray, had no real reason to be afraid of divulging his sexuality to his family. Or to anyone really. Possible rejection, of course, was there for everyone else, but he had no reason to think that his family would do that to him. They’d always been supportive in everything he did, let him do what he wanted so long as he took care of the things he needed to. They were too busy to afford all those sorts of worries on things that they probably didn’t view as a big deal. They’d probably take his being gay the same way. They’d turn it into a joke, and move on. Even though to Naozumi, it was. He struggled against other people who thought it was something worth mocking, and struggled against telling his friends, including Ray, because he feared they may do the same. He had no reason to think that Ray would respond in that manner outside of the fact that people had in the past through simple ‘guessing’. That his family wouldn’t see he had his struggles with it…maybe that’s why he held it back from them?

It was a different kind of fear than Ray’s. But it was there just the same. Nao blushed at the ongoing compliment that Ray insisted on bestowing on the younger boy. They could do this all day, with Ray offering that praise and Nao denying its existence until they were both blue in the face. The extreme humility was also something that Nao needed to get over. How hard was it to simply say, ‘thank you’ to a compliment? Very, apparently. “Okay…” he said quietly, biting his tongue to stop the exchange before he felt he needed to come up with another reason for why Ray was just exaggerating. At the news of art school, Nao’s eyes brightened and he smiled. “Really? That’s great!” Nao had always thought that Ray was brilliant in his artwork, so that he decided to invest in cultivating that skill had Nao feeling very proud of him. “I’m sure your parents will come around.” He didn’t know that for sure, but he hoped so, at least. Nao thought it was much better for Ray to dedicate himself to something he loved than to struggle into something he had no interest in. He definitely wouldn’t be happy that way.

Naozumi’s head was spinning, both from the high he was trying to come down from as fast as possible so he could think straight, and from being face with the questions he needed to be capable of thinking straight in order to answer, because right now he was reacting based on emotion and desire, both of which were telling him to either say ‘fuck it’ and dive back into what they were doing without another word, or run away as fast as he could. He didn’t want to do the second one, especially considering how fervently he’d chased after Ray just a short while ago. Instead of either, Nao stayed in that position, where he was half on top of Ray and half sliding off, his head curled down with his eyes closed, and face flaming up hotter than an oven. Nao shook his head slowly. “No….I knew,” he replied, trying to sound a lot calmer than his quivering body indicated. He felt Ray trying to sit up and only moved slightly from that position, relaxing his grip on Ray’s shirt slightly. When Ray spoke again…Nao snapped up and gave Ray an incredulous look. “You know what I’m talking about!” he said sharply, then shirked back with guilt for having raised his voice. “Sorry…..” Nao tried to take that breath Ray suggested, drawing some comfort from the hand on his head.

Nao pulled back again and propped himself up, his arms awkwardly resting across Ray’s torso and eyes looking between Ray’s face and anywhere else. As Ray spoke, his gaze gradually shifted with Ray’s guiding hand to fixate on the older boy, his eyes widening slightly with surprise. Well…it wasn’t like he hadn’t considered that Ray was gay, so he certainly was prepared to hear that news. But the rest. Nao blushed and continued to stare down at Ray, waiting for his brain to reboot and respond. When it finally did… a smile appeared on Nao’s lips. And he quivered again. This time, not in distress, but from stifling a laugh that threatened to explode as a stream of endless giggles. Nao collapsed into Ray, burying his face into the boy’s shirt and laying his free arm up and over Ray’s shoulder. He continued with this affliction of giggles for a few good long seconds before raising his head to meet with Ray’s eyes once again. “I thought….I was the one taking advantage of you,” he admitted softly, a timid smile on his lips.

The smile vanished quickly, however, as Nao slowly went into a confession of his own. “I’m not sure…if I’m ready for this yet,” he said looking somewhat guilty. “I do want to, though. If that makes any sense….” Nao didn’t want to have gotten this far only to put on the brakes on it. Nao didn’t want to leave Ray disappointed either.

[Raylaigh Hawthorne]

Fear was not something to be gauged by more or less. Different fears were just as well debilitating as others. If Ray had guessed that Nao was struggling with his sexuality he would have been more open about his. He had been terrified about coming out to his friends, even before Jack got hold of him. They had accepted him with open arms and it had been the most important thing that had ever happened. Raylaigh smiled, knowing how hard it was for Nao to take the compliment and taking his lack of protest as a win in his book. Ray smiled and felt the urge to hug his friend again. Nao was growing so much as a person, he was so much stronger than Ray had never given him credit for and Ray was glad to have Nao here. He could sulk about having almost lost his best friend because of his own stupidity later. Now, he beamed and nodded. “Yeah! Mr. Wentsworth thinks I’ve got a shot so I’m gonna go for it.” He nodded, he hoped that his parents came around. They weren’t super excited about the idea but Ray hoped if he could make a good case it would all work out.

His mind was still considering just going for it but he held himself at bay. It was hard! Nao was so beautiful. Raylaigh hoped that Nao appreciated the will power this was taking! The way Nao was curling against him and blushing it was making it all the harder. His desire burned and the pressure building in him longed to just take Nao and teach him more than just kissing. “You knew?” Ray asked bewildered. Ray ducked his head at Nao’s sharp expression and flinched. “What? I…I’m confused!” He declared but Nao apologized and left Ray feeling all the more confused and unsettled. He really wished his friend would get to the point, but maybe he should go first. Nao was acting very skittish and Ray smoothed his hair. “It’s okay. I… I really don’t know what you’re talking about though…” He felt the need to add. He was hurt at being accused even if there seemed to be a vast chasm between what Ray knew and what Nao thought he knew.

Ray felt comfortable with Nao, maybe that was what made it so easy to talk about things that were difficult. Like this. It wasn’t like there wasn’t still a small sliver of fear in his heart. After all, he had been using Nao for kisses. For a while all there was was silence and Raylaigh was afraid to look at Nao. To his surprise the Asian was smiling! Smiling! What? It took Ray a moment to catch up and he realized with bemusement that Nao was laughing! “What?!” Ray demanded. The flyer emitted a sigh of mock annoyance and rolled his eyes at his friend. He smiled, feeling off of Nao’s humor. The shock faded away and he asked again, “What?” wish laughter coloring his voice. When Nao finally was able to speak Ray’s mouth dropped open. He stared at Nao in shock for a moment before breaking into laughter himself. He wrapped his arms around Nao and squeezed him tightly. He kissed Nao’s cheek before he let him go and gave Nao a cocky look. “Please, Nao,” he ran a hand through his hair and winked at the speedster, “You couldn’t dream.” He teased.

Nodding, Ray knew exactly what Nao was going through. But Ray has desires as well. “Okay, that’s okay, Nao,” Ray said gently brushing his good hand over Nao’s cheek. “You’re always in control, Nao. Remember, you never have to do anything you don’t want to,” Ray said his fingers drifting to Nao’s lips and feeling the soft skin. His eyes followed his fingers and flickered up to Nao’s eyes. He wanted to give that to Nao because the option had never been given to him. He’d done plenty of things he hadn’t wanted to. “It doesn’t matter what I want, okay?” He drifted closer and took Nao’s lips and now that he knew Nao was comfortable with this he felt emboldened. He kissed a line over Nao’s cheek to his ear and whispered, “But if you’ll let me, I can teach you.” He pulled back giving Nao a wicked smile. Now that it was out on the table they were both taking advantage of each other, Ray was just teasing. But there was a serious offer in that. He just hoped Nao would take him up on it.

[Deleted]

Nao didn’t agree as much as Ray did on the subject of him growing. Again, with the humility. Naozumi thought he still had a long way to go before he could be the person that he himself could be proud of. Right now he was just….Nao. He was moving, and he knew he’d get where he wanted to be eventually, but that place still just seemed to far away. Ray, on the other hand….he was going places. To art school! Nao was proud of him for that! That he decided to pursue that talent of his. “You’re going to do great, Ray!” But then something else occurred to him. “Have you decided which school you’re going to yet?” he asked with a curious tilt of his head. That’s right, Nao thought. Ray was a year older. He was graduating first. When he did…did that mean they wouldn’t be able to see each other anymore? Naozumi didn’t want to think about that possibility too hard. It was such a long ways away, anyhow. It wasn’t something he had to worry about yet…right?

Naozumi was ignorant of his actions, that they were just encouraging Ray even more to want to do…those kinds of things with Nao. And again, it wasn’t that Naozumi didn’t want to, he just…it required a lot of….confidence that he didn’t think he had in order to move forward with it. Primarily with revealing his sexuality…..and possibly hinting at his feelings for Ray. “Mmmhmm,” he said with a nod. Yeah, he knew. At least, he thought he knew. If Ray was talking about what he thought he was talking about. But…what if he was talking about something else? This is why communication was so important! Unfortunately, Nao and Ray had a lot of problems in that area… How could he be confused?? Wasn’t Ray the one who asked?? And Naozumi answered! And now Ray didn’t know what they were talking about?? What in the world was he paying attention to anyway? Naozumi blushed a deep, deep red, and turned his gaze up slightly to look at Ray, his expression meek and uncertain. “Y-you’re….asking me,” he started hesitantly. “I-if sex is okay….right?” There, he said it, plain and simple and blunt. “I-I asked….if it was okay…then, is that okay?” Because that made much more sense, responding to a vague question with an even vaguer question.

Maybe things were getting easier to talk about, but Nao suspected that that was because they were already so immersed in the uncomfortable of this particular subject, that it was just…silly to keep being so shy about it. There were still a lot of other things that Nao found difficult to say, however, but he was trying not to dwell on those things. Instead, he was letting himself be amused by the situation surrounding their ‘kissing practice’. So…Ray proposed the idea because he wanted an excuse to kiss Nao, and Nao accepted because he wanted an excuse to kiss Ray. It was….ridiculous! How had they not realized after a whole year? A lack of confidence in their own perceptions was the most likely culprit, because it wasn’t like Naozumi hadn’t considered the possibility that there was a mutual enjoyment in the act…but he was just so afraid of being wrong that he didn’t say anything, and just let things be as they were. The relief from realizing the truth was…there was so much of it, Naozumi couldn’t help but laugh. He returned Ray’s teasing with a sly smile of his own and leaned in slowly to wrap his lips tenderly in with Ray’s. “I do dream,” he said softly, a look of mischief in his eye at the admission. He wondered what Ray would think of that? Would he even believe it?

But just because he dreamed it, didn’t mean Nao didn’t have his apprehensions towards it. Being the one to make the decision made him feel put on the spot. It was a lot easier when they just did, rather than decide that it was okay to do. Naozumi gazed at the person beneath him, the one who stirred up his desire, feeling a haze float over his mind as Ray’s finger traced across his cheek and to his lips, those same lips simply hanging open in his stupor. Nao closed his eyes and took in a quivering breath from the subtle kiss on his cheek and Ray’s words whispered into is ear. Naozumi stayed like that for several seconds, debating internally with his will, before finally moving. The skinny boy shifted himself so that he was more securely situated on top of Ray, one leg on either side and himself sitting lightly on Ray’s lower belly. He kept his eyes on Ray’s and, after several more seconds of hesitation, Naozumi tugged on the lower hem of his shirt with timid fingers and pulled it over his head, revealing his slender, gently toned torso, dropping his shirt off the edge of the bed. “I…I want to try,” he said, a serious glint in his eye that quickly reflected a slight amount of guilt. “…I might ask to stop,” he warned, dropping his eyes. “If I…think I can’t….” There were other things they could do if that happened, though, right?