Rewind [Rue]

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Yes.... of course Rue knew what he was talking about. Gryph sighed and dipped his head, which dipped even further at the mention of his dad, before he shook it and stood up straighter, holding up a hand, "I don't need to think about it." He said, defensively, "I am fine, I will be fine, my dad's just..." Let's not delve into that... "My dad is just selfish and mean but that's his problem, not mine. He's the one who needs therapy." Gryphon knew it was useful, and could help, and it didn't mean he was insane if he had any (Rue clearly wasn't insane, right?) but... but he didn't need help!

Gryph rolled his eyes at the comment, "Yeah yeah yeah, it's not all that." Probably nicer than Rue's place was, obviously, but Gryph didn't think his place was the crème-de-la-crème either. Probably because it was all covered in tape to keep Fang from accidentally commuting suicide. Gryphon chuckled slightly as they stepped into the elevator, "I know the feeling." Clumsy was Gryph's middle name. Along with Bastien. His leg was beginning to ache as they reached the right place, but he was fairly distracted by Rue's funny confusion, "No, no. If he's awake, he might binkey a little though. He's probably lonely." He unlocked the door and stepped inside, and gentle thumping could be heard. Gryph, with his tiredness, didn't tell Rue to rush inside to keep Fang from leaving, but the bunny was distracted enough as it was. "Hey, bunbun." He said softly, as the bunny dashed off again, shocked by the new person. Gryphon glanced at Rue and stepped further inside. "You're scary, apparently." He said with a yawn, shuffling towards the living room, where Fang was likely hiding. Despite anything Rue may have said, he slid onto the carpet and lay on his back, and would do so until Fang came back and jumped on him. He just wanted to make sure the little guy was okay, even though... the floor was oddly comfortable today...

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Rue held in a sigh, realizing that arguing his point more would be useless. It was impossible to help someone that wasn’t willing to admit that they had issues, or wouldn’t help themselves. “If you say so,” he said wearily, but without judgment. He knew it was difficult to accept that one needed or would at least benefit from therapy. “But if you ever change your mind, just let me know, and I’ll make sure to find someone that you click with.” Because a therapist was only helpful if there was a good connection between them and their patient.

He chuckled at Gryph’s retort, but didn’t reply. Of course it was nicer, but Rue wasn’t jealous about it. Too much. He really didn’t have a lot of things that he needed in his apartment, and it was only him and his cats, so his little place was enough. “Oh, good,” he replied, ‘relieved’ that the bunny wouldn’t attack him. “…. What does binkey mean?” Rue was sure the animal was wondering why one of its ‘parents’ suddenly wasn’t around anymore, and he felt sorry for it. At least Gryph obviously cared a lot about him. Rue followed the younger man inside the place, looking around curiously. Yep… definitely more spacious than his. Fortunately, he closed the door behind him before the bunny could try to escape, but it seemed like Fang was occupied anyway. “… Oops,” he mumbled awkwardly with a quiet laugh. “I guess I can be kind of intimidating.” Because of his size, nothing else. Rue was one of the most calm, pleasant people that he knew. “Hopefully he’ll realize I’m harmless soon enough.” The aura reader trailed after Gryph deeper into the apartment, frowning as he lay down on the floor. “… Will he come to you down there?” he asked curiously, setting the bag and himself down on a couch nearby. “Maybe if I lay down too, he’ll be less frightened,” he suggested. So Rue lay back and waited to see if he was correct. Mm… This couch was awfully comfortable too….

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon sighed, feeling like... maybe he was being childish. There was a lot in his life that hadn't gone 'perfectly', really... but he was in no position to complain. Like, yeah, his Dad was a jerk, and yeah, he wished he had his mom around, and wished that he was smarter, in all aspects of the word, and... but he was privileged enough as it was! He was stinking rich, there were kids in third world countries starving everyday and he was sat there pouted about his so called 'issues'. He didn't need help; at the continued offer, he just nodded in acknowledgement.

Gryph blinked, remembering vaguely that... oh yeah, not everyone in the universe owned a bunny, not everyone would know the term. "Oh, uh... it's like a dance. Throws himself about a bit. It's cute." He ended that last bit with a yawn, smacking his lips together. Hopefully Fang wasn't too desperate for attention.

Gryphon smiled as Rue laughed, shrugging as they moved inside, "It's probably just because you're new, and... big." The birdman winced a little to himself, "I meant that in a nice way, really..." The sooner he got to sleep, the better, at this rate. "Probably. As long as... you don't grab him or anythin'..." He responded vaguely. Whilst lead on the floor, Gryph closed his eyes. "Mhmm..." He hummed softly, content, somewhat and in agreement. Being laid down was less threatening after all. He felt the weight get heavier on his chest and glanced down momentarily, stroking the bunny on his chest and muttering small, dumb things about how Rue was just a big softie and how he was sorry for leaving without much notice and 'maybe you need to cut back on the carrots, Fangy". Soon, though, his hand went to his side heavily, and the mutters gently trailed off, as the exhausted man fell asleep. Fang would get off him eventually. Probably.

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Rue rose an eyebrow, trying to imagine a bunny ‘dancing’. He knew a girl at Hammel named Bunny, but she was about the only one he could imagine doing such things. “Yeah? I’d like to see that, it sounds entertaining,” he chuckled. “All my cats do is stare at me and meow when they want food.” Needy things. They acted like they were independent, but they would be lost without him.

He pretended to be insulted by the ‘big’ comment. “Are you calling me fat?” he teased with a small smile. Rue patted his ample stomach; he certainly wasn’t thin, by any means. “It’s okay, I know what you meant,” he replied with a chuckle and a wave of his hand. He was comfortable with himself. “I won’t grab him. I’m used to getting clawed at home if I try to do that anyway.” By Sinbad, at least. Rue laid on his side and kept an eye on the winged man with the bunny on his chest, until Gryphon fell asleep. The older man let out a worried sigh, but gradually laid back himself and closed his eyes. He wasn’t particularly tired, but he could probably doze if he laid here in the quiet long enough.

He wondered what to do about Gryph. He didn’t like imagining the younger man alone here all the time (besides the bunny), but he had to be relieved that Kodi wasn’t around anymore too. Rue had never liked him, and had been worried about how the angry boy had affected Gryphon’s aura. Surely this was an improvement, at least, no matter how small.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon was happy in his warm bliss of sleep. He welcomed it with tired, open arms. At least he had a companion this time, in a weird way. After a while, and after sniffing him over to check that he was still alive, Fang got off and hid under a coffee table for a while. At some point he probably regarded Rue as well, sniffing in his direction in search of food before hopping away to find his food bowl. Gryph remained asleep for a good while, about an hour, before the blissful dream world he was in decided to take a turn for the worst. He couldn't quite recall what he'd been seeing when he suddenly woke up with a start. He just remembered hearing things, seeing things... things he knew he didn't want to observe, ever. Right now, as he sat in the middle of his very real living room, he couldn't collect back up actual words or images, but he was left very shaken. He didn't make much noise, other than shaky breaths. He regarded Rue for a moment, whether he was dozing or not, before quietly going about his business as if nothing had happened, despite feeling very fragile. If Rue was talking to him, he wasn't registering it.

He went away and boiled the kettle, topped up Fang's food and water, made some tea, leaving one mug on a table for Rue and sipping at the other mug himself as he sat on the floor again, looking outside. Today just wasn't a good day. His eyes remained glossy, with fatigue and stress.

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Rue did doze off eventually, and somehow managed to stay asleep even while Gryphon started awake and began wandering around. He was a pretty deep sleeper, and even though he wanted to keep an eye on the younger man and make sure she didn’t do anything self-harming, he hadn’t realized how tired he was. Rue was still dealing with the remnants of his own recent depressive episode, so his sleep was a little off-kilter anyway. So it wasn’t that big of a surprise that it took a while for him to stir, although he would be disappointed in himself for letting his own needs take away from his helping Gryphon feel less alone.

When he did wake up, it was to find the winged man sitting on his floor with a mug in his hands, staring outside blankly. Rue’s heart immediately began to ache, and he quietly stood and walked over to sit behind Gryphon. Without a word, he gently slid his arms around the dancer’s waist and pulled him back into a big, warm, hopefully comforting hug. “You need to sleep some more,” he murmured. “And not on the floor. Finish your tea and then try to get some more rest, alright? Not enough sleep always makes everything seem worse.” Rue wished he had some chamomile tea with him, because that’s what he would have suggested Gryphon to drink to help him fall asleep. “I can be nearby if that would help. How does that sound?”

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon sighed. Why was it that the world was always at it's calmest when he felt at his worst? Why couldn't there be a thunderstorm, or torrential rain, or something heavy and loud that he could focus on, instead of just this dumb, gentle breeze he could see. Couldn't the universe be sympathetic for two seconds?

He sipped his tea again, and tried to think about something other than his own sadness. Rue came to mind first. Gryph felt bad for him. The older man didn't need to look after him, he would be fine, right? Right. He probably would have been in this position anyway, if Rue hadn't turned up. Or he would have still been on that hill... catching his death through hypothermia... he would have been fine! He sipped his tea again and shivered, hearing movement behind him, feeling warm arms around him. He didn't struggle, but he did flinch at first, before relaxing again. He looked at Rue for a second before looking outside again, and then down at the carpet, "....I don't wanna go back to sleep." He said, softly, "I... I appreciate it, but I really can't." He tapped the side of his mug with the tips of his nails, making delicate, quiet sounds.

Gryphon realised his mug was almost empty and purposefully didn't finish it yet. He relaxed more again the solid wall of a man and sighed, and yawned. Of course he still felt tired, but... he didn't want another nightmare... "I would prefer to feel exhausted over feeling crazy." He looked into his mug of almost finished tea and swirled it a little, "...how do you cope with having a nightmare?" He asked, quietly, "I... I always helped Kodi but I'm not sure if I was helping or just forcing him to go back to sleep, I don't know..."

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Instinctively, Rue’s hands found Gryphon’s own, and traced gentle, comforting circles on the backs of them. He supposed he should have asked for consent to hold the younger man like this, but he didn’t think Gryph would have said yes despite how obviously he needed to be comforted. As long as he didn’t look too uncomfortable, Rue wasn’t going to pull away. “I know how that feels,” he admitted quietly. He’d had a hard time sleeping during his own episode, after all. “But as hard as it is, being rested is really important, especially in times of stress. It helps you think more clearly and more able to lift yourself out of the fog that you feel trapped in.” Once Rue had started sleeping better, he’d actually felt quite a bit better, too. And he knew Gryph might be the same; it was just a matter of making him feel comfortable and content enough to feel like sleeping, which would be a challenge.

He was glad to feel Gryphon relax a little more, at least, and tightened his arms slightly. Rue rested his chin lightly on the winged man’s shoulder and looked outside. “If you stop sleeping, you will start feeling crazy, trust me,” he replied, smiling without humor. The comment about nightmares made Rue more aware of what it was that Gryph was trying to avoid, and he let out a soft ‘ah’ of realization. “Well, I think doing something calm, like drinking tea, before you sleep is always a good idea,” he started. “Especially chamomile. Something else you can do is try yoga, or meditation. Anything to help control your thoughts and make them more manageable.” Nightmares seemed to feed on stress and anxiety. His eyes softened at the mention of Kodi. “… Having someone in bed with you can be helpful too,” he murmured quietly. “Making you feel more secure, and everything.” Rue didn’t want to invite himself into Gryphon’s bed, but if the younger man wanted him to be there to keep away nightmares, he would gladly do it.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Why did it feel odd to be sympathised with? Gryphon was confused. Of course, he had spent a lot of time with Kodi comforting him and getting comfort back and sympathy... but for some reason this felt more genuine. It wasn't a nice thought to have, but it was a curious one. Maybe it was because Rue was obviously a calm, friendly person and you would expect such behavior with him... or maybe it was because Kodi and Gryph's relationship with him were both rather eccentric, and it was getting to the point where he wasn't sure if it had all actually happened. Of course, it had, but... maybe that relationship hadn't been all that he'd made it out to be. Maybe... "I know," Gryphon replied softly, after a few short moments of quiet as he thought. Maybe he wanted that heavy fog so his emotions didn't feel invalid, or something. Gryph wasn't sure what he was supposed to be feeling at this point, though.

It also felt weird to be getting comfort like this from someone else so soon, but... there was no harm in it, right? It was only friendly, and Gryphon really appreciated it. He rested his head a little against Rue's on his shoulder and continued to look outside as well as he spoke. I already feel crazy... he thought to himself. Which was why he preferred to be exhausted. What Rue said definitely made sense, but his own logic was that maybe if he was way too tired, he wouldn't have the energy to feel crazy. He sighed. "I have camomile tea, but I just finished my tea." He said softly, swirling around the remnants of his mixed berry drink. He wasn't complaining, just stating fact. He would happily have another cup of tea - if he could do so from where he was sat. And he didn't want Rue to go anywhere either, so maybe he was stuck. "And I've never meditated before." And then talk moved more onto the subject of Kodi for Gryph. "I suppose that what helped him. He always felt better when he was here, and not..." And not alone. At Hammel. Like he most likely was now. Gryphon sighed again, "I wonder if I'm having nightmares out of the fear that he still is too." The winged man looked a little at Rue before looking at the carpet, and then at their hands. "....I wish I could teleport." He stated, in an attempt to be light-hearted, but he still didn't move.

Instead, he pecked his companion on the cheek. "....thank you. For looking after me whilst I'm a useless lump. I'd probably be a lot more depressed if... if it weren't for you." He gave a weak smile and looked outside again. He really needed to go to bed, to sleep, and he knew it, but... he found himself enjoying this moment, and he wanted to dwell in this soft, warm calmness for as long as he could manage.